If Your Loved One(s) Told You To Give Up Being Bisexual Would You? [Archive]

AngelOfTheMystic

Jan 4, 2007, 2:53 PM

Here's a question for everyone. If yout loved one(s) asked or told you to give up being bisexual or gay or they would leave you...would you do it? I know that most people understand, but I know that there are a few out there that don't, and I would like to know how you guys would deal with that. I know that I wouldn't give it up! I mean I would hate to loose that person, but if they can not accept who I am then I should rethink being with that person anyway. Just let me know what you all have to think on this!

Nora

bigirl_inwv

Jan 4, 2007, 2:57 PM

First of all, I would want to know why they had a problem with it. Maybe I was doing something to make them think that I wanted someone else of the other sex instead of them.

Now, if it wasnt because of something that I was doing to make them uncomfortabe, then I would definately leave. As you said, you can't be with someone who doesnt love you....ALL of you.

crazyone469

Jan 4, 2007, 3:14 PM

TorontoGuy2007

Jan 4, 2007, 3:43 PM

Mrs.F

Jan 4, 2007, 4:29 PM

I would probably leave. If a person really loves you they would try and understand.....not give you an ultimatum. Several members have stated in their bios that their other half is bi and they joined to find out why and have learned a lot chatting with us.

I am a member on here due to finding out my husband is bisexual. Although I was shocked and hurt...I got passed that and really looked at the situation, really looked at him, looked at our marriage and what I saw was still the same man I married. I just wish he had not feared telling me like he did. I did join here to help ME understand HIM but what I found was so much more than that. I have found many, many friends and have found that it should never matter what a person's sexual preference is....we are all humans and we all have feelings. NO ultimatums should be made unless the person is cheating.. but that's a whole nother ball game!!!!

SweetBlackAngel

Jan 4, 2007, 5:14 PM

Egad, I couldn't even imagine anyone asking me that. :eek:

So, of course, my answer would be: Nope. :bigrin:

welickit

Jan 4, 2007, 5:15 PM

What a loaded question. Most of the bisexuals on this site are cheating husbands. What they have to offer are lies and cheating. For the minority, if you said "I Do" then you should be able to be open and honest with your partner. Enter the chat and the first message that pops up is are you M or F? If you are bisexual it doesn't matter. We look back over the years and laugh at most of the people (fakes and wannabees) posting here. Those who are real stand out without needing to gain support from a forum. :2cents:

SoBayM43

Jan 4, 2007, 5:26 PM

After my divorce many years ago i came to a very happy place with my emotional, romantic, and sexual desires for men. With that in place....as i dated women again....i only sought out those very comfortable with the fact that i enjoy male intimacy. While i respected those who were not open to the variety of my sexuality....i realized we would not be a match.

With that approach i now live with a very open-minded, cool, sexual, and accepting woman who sees me...knows me...and accepts me as the very bisexual human being that i am.

I have never hidden this from her....nor would i want to.
Therefore....if she should decide she could not handle the fact i am bi I would nicely end our relationship. I am bi.....i can't imagine not having men in my life....and i hide nothing from her in this regard.

I would miss her terribly, but if we cant accept our partners for all of what they are....why be together. We should want to enhance each others lives....not limit and restric them.

FlaSmoothie

Jan 4, 2007, 5:33 PM

Absolutely not! Giving up my bisexualism would be like giving up the color of my eyes. They are brown. I like them brown. And wishing they were blue will not make them blue.
;)
P.S. I'm glad they are brown. And I'm glad I'm bi!

Long Duck Dong

Jan 4, 2007, 5:56 PM

lol....I can just see it now

mother " be hetero or I walk out of your life "
me " bye "

father " being bisexual is wrong, stop it or I will leave "
me " being a alcoholic is not the best either, but you managed...theres the door"

step father " poofers and faggots need to be shot "
me " i thought vietnam taught people about murder... guess not...bye "

older sister " get a life, grow up and stop playing around, or we will not talk again "
me " we hardly talk anyway.... bye "

yeah, my family are a lovely bunch.... and i do love them cos they are my only family.... but I ain't about to change something that doesn't affect them

tommyswing

Jan 4, 2007, 6:03 PM

This is a question only the individual can answer. I made my other half fully aware of this aspect of myself when we first met. One of the reasons I was upfront, at the time I was hitting my late thirtys and was no longer willing to supress my sexuality. Bringing this up early in the relationship gave her the opprotunity to decide if this was someting she could live with, turned out it was not a big deal to her. If I was to get involved with a women that would be a different story. I am different than a lot of people that post. My need for both sexes are equally strong. I think the level of attraction to the same sex will determine how well your able to supress it, over time it tends to get more difficult not easier.

MrFahrenheit

Jan 4, 2007, 6:07 PM

Only if they are willing to give up their sexuality as well. Meaning no.

innaminka

Jan 4, 2007, 6:32 PM

being bisexual is a state of mind. it's not something you can turn on and off. you can't stop being bisexual. you are who you are and your feel what you feel.

i think your question is more along the lines with sexual activity (not sexual orientation).

My position completely. How could I give up being bi? Its an inherent part of ME. I didn't change when I outed myself. It was what I had always been, just without realising it.
If I was to "give it up" it wouldn't stop me being bi, it would just be going back into that closet .. shudder!!!!!! :eek:

As far as sexual activity is concerened, and I do think that was the writer's original gist - that too would be difficult. My f/f encounters are a part of me - have been for years. It makes me a far more sexually alive person. Hell, it makes me alive, full stop! It makes me what I am. Lovemaking with another wom,an is as much a part of me as lovemaking with my husband.
I have had periods of bi-abstinence. They were not good for both me as a person and me as a partner in a marriage which works!
I became withdrawn, bitchy and morose - sort of PMS 24/7. Yeek

The only real conflict I would have is if one of my daughters made the request - that is a situation that would have no winners.

glantern954

Jan 4, 2007, 7:08 PM

I could stop acting on my bisexuality, but I could not stop being bisexual.

littlerayofsunshine

Jan 4, 2007, 7:11 PM

Depends on the relationship. One with a relative (i.e. Mother/Father/Sibling/child) would be a different bond and level of love than say a spouse or boy/girl friend.

As for my marriage, I told my hubby I wouldn't marry him if he couldn't accept me and my bisexuality. He said he could. I married him. No matter how much I love him. If he were to deny my nature, I would drop him in a heart beat. I can live without him. I couldn't live without myself.

As for relatives. Some of them know I am bi. My mother didn't take it so well. Others Gossiped. To them all.. I gave them a big F U. Reason... I can live without them. I couldn't live without me. Being authenic and "true and honest" with myself and OTHERS is most important to me when it comes to choices in life.
'Cept for my children. If they couldn't accept me. That would break my heart and most likely I would have a very difficult choice. But hopefully with the way I am raising them. It will never be an big issue.

P.s. Congratulations on your marriage :)

mannysg

Jan 4, 2007, 10:11 PM

being bisexual is a state of mind. it's not something you can turn on and off. you can't stop being bisexual. you are who you are and your feel what you feel.

i think your question is more along the lines with sexual activity (not sexual orientation).

and for me, i only date one person at a time. i have no interest in having sex with multiple people concurrently, so if a partner only wants me to be with him/her and only him/her, then that's perfect for me, cuz that's what i am looking for too.

I agree with this. I don't think I could "Stop" being bi. To me, bi is a not just having sex with the same gender, it is also desiring sex with the same gender even if you don't act on the desire, and possibly being attracted to the same gender. I can be faithful to my wife (i.e. not have sex with anyone but her) but that doesn't make me NOT bi.

I don't have a man friend to have sex with, and even if I did, I wouldn't have sex with him (as much as I may want to) because my wife would get jealous. I love her too much to lose her, so I refuse to "cheat" on her. If she ever agreed to me being sexually active with a man, I would, but until then, I'll remain bi, but won't be involved in any sexual relationships to further explore my bisexuality. But I can still think about it while taking a LONG LONG shower. ;)

So, to answer the question: No, I couldn't stop being bi, but I can refrain from being sexually exploring my bisexuality with another man. And what a person fantasizes about while masturbating doesn't have to be shared with anyone.

pasco_lol_cpl

Jan 4, 2007, 10:23 PM

I could stop acting on my bisexuality, but I could not stop being bisexual.
Thats my approach and it makes me wonder why my wife would my being bi was something I could turn on or turn off. She would have about the same amount of success if she asked me to stop breathing.

kitten

Jan 4, 2007, 10:28 PM

Wow! A great question and made me think about a lot of things. Then reading the other posts helped me with my thoughts. Thanks everyone!

I have been bi all my life. I remember loving a same-gender friend as early as second grade, just didn't know what it was I was feeling. I have put my bi behaviors on hold for many years due to many family reasons and because I didn't understand myself. Now that most of those reasons don't exist anymore, I am exploring being bi and understanding more and more how right it is for me as an innate part of me. As for being given the ultimatum, lucky me. My spouse is the kinky one and brought up the subject first. He is straight but recognized my "bi" nature. He helped me with some experiences and had always encouraged me to love myself for who I am. If I were given the ultimatum at this point in my life, I would choose me.

Tickled*Pink

Jan 4, 2007, 11:24 PM

There is no doubt in my mind that we cannot stop being who we are. Ultimately, our life experiences will help us to know ourselves in detail if we are open to discovering the many new angles that they can present to us. This includes our relationships. Each new person that we share our life with can help us to learn more about who we are, and what we want. I have had many long term relationships, and today I share one that is more profound than the ones before. Today I do not hide anything about who I am. On our first date, I told my partner that I was bisexual. He was not shocked nor afraid, which I was really happy about because he is exactly the type of person that I had longed to be in love with. We actually enjoy nudging eachother anytime that we see a pretty girl walk by :bigrin: Especially if she has BIG BOOBS :eek: :eek: :eek: We share a monogamus relationship by choice. I feel no particular desire at this point for something other than what I share with him. We are very free and open, and we are aware that sometimes partners can part ways for a myriad of reasons. We live our love freely, we each cherish and respect our individual choices. :) So my answer to your question is a resounding NO. I will never be anybody but myself :) I'm happy the way I am. Like it.......or lump it :) :) :)

NWMtnHawk

Jan 5, 2007, 12:08 AM

Nice responses!

If I was asked to "give up being bi" as opposed to "give up having bi sex" (two different things obviously), I could sacrifice the second (give up bi sex).

But as for the first, "being bi", as a mechanic I'd say, "It's not broke, doesn't need fixin'. I guess when I give up being right handed, I'll give up being bisexual. Until then, see ya later bye."

Herbwoman39

Jan 5, 2007, 12:46 AM

For years on end I suppressed my desire for women, cloaking it in the form of appreciating the female form as art. In other words, I was in a very deep denial. Then, it took me about a year to come to grips with everything that I was feeling. I was in and out of the closet so many times I was beginning to feel like I was stuck in a revolving door.

There were times when I told my husband that if he asked, I would suppress my bisexual self because *I* thought it was easier and less frightening. I was SO wrong. Even when I said the words to him I *knew* I could not do it again. And after all we've been through I know now he would not ask me. Though he may ask that I give up a lover (when I have one someday). Because he is my primary relationship, I would honor that.

As for my parents and friends, those people I could leave out of my life if they insisted that I choose.

I firmly believe that loved ones should love and accept you no matter what. If they don't or can't accept who I am, they aren't worthy to be in my life.

Oh sure, I can understand an adjustment period. That, I have no issue with. They can have as much room and time as they need for that. it took my best friend about a month and she still doesn't talk to me as often as she used to. But to offer an ultimatum leads to disaster and loss. No one wins in a situation like that.

DiamondDog

Jan 5, 2007, 1:14 AM

saellis80

Jan 5, 2007, 1:18 AM

No way could I give up being bisexual. I love my men as well as I love my females. I haven't dated a female in a long time since my divorce with my wife. But I have fallen in love with another angel in my life and she is very happy with me the way I am. I've been pushed away before by former bf's on not dating women and I got ride of them and for other reasons. As being an adult baby has made things double hard on me but I have found that my gf is accepting of me the way I am. I could sit here and tell you that my life has been great since leaving home but I would be lying. But I have moved on and became a better man and loving life to the FULLEST!!! :color:

ambi53mm

Jan 5, 2007, 2:37 AM

One comment that’s I’ve always found somewhat amusing is when someone straight whispers to me about someone they suspect of being bisexual ….

“Ya know, I think the door swings both ways with that one.”

Confronted with an ultimatum of giving up my bisexuality or them leaving, I’d have to reply:

“Ya know, I think the door swings both ways with that one”

Ambi :)

riddel

Jan 5, 2007, 2:55 AM

My my my. . what a good question. . . but no!! I wouldent. :bibounce: I cant give up who I am. . i just found myself lol.To degress in who I am HA!!! :bigrin:

smokey

Jan 5, 2007, 7:53 AM

Well you can't give up being bisexual (or straight or gay) but you can choose to have one partner or multiple ones.

findingpeace

Jan 5, 2007, 10:34 AM

Right now my wife and I are in a transition period as I come to accept my sexuality. It's good, but I am the one who is having a hard time accepting of myself and being "seen" for who I am. I guess it's more just adjusting to what I've known all along and letting go of all the reasons "why." My wife is excited about it all with a mix of fears thrown in, but she keeps pushing me to explore who I am.

I don't know what I'd do if she didn't accept me. It'd be tough because I'd understand. We were young when we met over a decade ago and have loved each other deeply ever since. But I'd only elude to the homosexual side of myself and never directly faced it. Maybe it was deceptive of me to not talk about it more or explore it futher, but I never felt the need to.

She has every right to accept or reject who I am. I have found that she respects me immensly and if she didn't I think our marriage would be in trouble. I have the utmost respect for her and am amazed with how she is with everything.

To answer your question - I couldn't give up who I am and am finding I can't deny or bury it anymore. I am thankful she knows, loves, and respects me.

AngelOfTheMystic

Jan 5, 2007, 12:44 PM

Wow! Thanks everyone for the input and great responses! Keep 'em coming!

happyjoe68

Jan 5, 2007, 4:43 PM

I could stop acting on my bisexuality, but I could not stop being bisexual.

True words.

It, of course, depends on what problems your partner has with bisexuality. Some of the fears might be the same/similar as hetero couples, eg affairs, casual sex, disease, losing that person. It depends on why your partner has these fears since some are perhaps easily addressed, whilst others are not. There must be many people (m/f) who dont act upon their urges because they would lose more than they gain, and many couples must reach a compromise. I'm sure I've read on this site that some men are penetrated by their wives - perhaps this is a compromise they've reached.

Some people might argue that these people have effectively censored their sexuality to fit in with their partners demands, but I would disagree. Bisexuality, as some have pointed out in this thread, is more about what you think and how you feel than what you do.

Mrs. Taz

Jan 6, 2007, 2:29 PM

It took me several years to find my soulmate.It was a few years after we had gotten together that i started realizing I was bi.At first he didnt like the idea so well I dont think cause we were going back and forth on it, because I had told him that yes, I would ignore that side of me if he wanted me to. About a year or so later he finally told me not to ignore it and not to pay any attention to him if he ever told me again that he wanted me to forget that side of me. We have been fine since. To answer the question though, yes I would ignore my bi feelings to keep my husband around. I love him and would never do anything on purpose to hurt him. I dont want to ever lose him, he is the most important person in my life. :)

darkeyes

Jan 7, 2007, 3:59 PM

Mayb me could give up being actively bisexual, or even str8 or lesbian, but being bi is me nature...how do ya change ya nature?? Short ansa is ya dont..ya cant!!!

krrptyc

Jan 7, 2007, 9:23 PM

What a loaded question. Most of the bisexuals on this site are cheating husbands. What they have to offer are lies and cheating. For the minority, if you said "I Do" then you should be able to be open and honest with your partner.
Enter the chat and the first message that pops up is are you M or F? If you are bisexual it doesn't matter. We look back over the years and laugh at most of the people (fakes and wannabees) posting here. Those who are real stand out without needing to gain support from a forum. :2cents:

I'm sorry but this begs the question, then what are you doing on this site?

canuckotter

Jan 7, 2007, 10:16 PM

My wife is bi, so I don't have to worry about it with her. :) The rest of my family... It's none of their business. Push came to shove, I'd nod, smile, and just avoid the topic with any of them. :)

Now, in some hypothetical alternate universe where my wife could be the kind of person who'd ask me to deny my bisexual identity... I'd tell her no. If she were the kind of person who'd ask me that, she wouldn't be the kind of person I'd want to be married to.

CountryLover

Jan 7, 2007, 10:31 PM

How do I give up something so innate to my nature?

I can refrain from bi activity. When I married last summer I told my husband (who is very monogamous, though he's bi also) that for RIGHT NOW, I will be monogamous also. We are strengthening our relationship, falling deeper in love every day.

The day may come when we are ready to open it up to outside partners, and that is why I left that door closed, but not locked.

But give up BEING who I am? Why? If someone can't love me as I am, who I am, ....then it's their problem.

Azrael

Jan 7, 2007, 11:08 PM

Absofuckinglutely not :stoned:

jedinudist

Jan 8, 2007, 5:40 AM

I am a member on here due to finding out my husband is bisexual. Although I was shocked and hurt...I got passed that and really looked at the situation, really looked at him, looked at our marriage and what I saw was still the same man I married. I just wish he had not feared telling me like he did. I did join here to help ME understand HIM but what I found was so much more than that. I have found many, many friends and have found that it should never matter what a person's sexual preference is....we are all humans and we all have feelings. NO ultimatums should be made unless the person is cheating.. but that's a whole nother ball game!!!!

Got to back Mrs.F up on this one :D

Avocado

Jan 8, 2007, 5:43 AM

It would be their choice to leave me

To_by

Jan 8, 2007, 3:36 PM

I spent a long segment of my life coming to grips with my bisexuality and being alright with it. For the longest time I thought you either had to be straight or gay. When I found out that bisexual was a thing you could be and accepted it -- it was like exhaling a deep breath I'd been holding in for a long time. Having recognized my proclivities -- accepting them was a great thing, and my sex life has greatly improved as a consequence, both in terms of experience and in terms of acceptance. I like being bi.

So no -- any partner that wanted me to renege and return to feeling confused and guilty about who I am would probably be the wrong partner for me.