Sexual Assault Suvivors

[Celtiff2106]

This was kind of inspired by a couple of things that have come up lately, but especially a previouse thread (thank you for that longduckdong!) But I digress...
As a psych student I discoverd a decent amount of evidence that there is a coorelation between being a sexual abuse survivor and being LGBT. I myself am a survivor of some horrific events including a long term sexual abuse at the hands of my biological father.
I was wondering, if you would be willing to share, how many on this particular site are survivors of sexual abuse/ assault of some kind. And know that I DO understand if you are uncomfortable sharing. And to all feel free to message me privately if you just need an ear. I will always listen.

[mistymockingbird]

For the sake of research.... ;)

I was sexually abused for 10 years by my ex husband. We were together 11 years total. He was verbally abusive as well. I'll spare you the details, if you want to know you can ask privately. I don't mind talking about it, but I don't feel the need to broadcast all the dirt unsolicited. It's in the past.

I was not fully aware of my sexuality until after we were married, but I feel I have been bi all of my life, just didn't always have a name or a label for it. He was not supportive of my sexuality (or just about anything concerning me, but that discussion could go on for days). I'm grateful everyday that I found the courage to walk out of that situation before it was too late.

[CountryLover]

I was emotionally/verbally abused for over 15 years in my first marriage. Thank God for my guys, my bi married guys who saw the abuse, nagged and browbeat and coaxed me until I got into counseling, and then supported me after I got rid of the jerk. I was suicidal when I met my guys and they pulled me back from the brink.

If the jerk had ever hit me, I would have known what to do - I would have killed him and ended it. I had no defenses against the subtle poison he dripped on me daily for so many years.

Thank God for my new bi husband who is helping me heal even more, helping clear the old scars away.

[Long Duck Dong]

* blushes * , thank you celtiff...* blushes *

my story....I was gay raped as a young teenager... and i can't say honestly that it pushed me towards my bisexuality, but made me more aware of the fact that i was bisexual
i was not hurt or traumatized by the experience, but it did make me aware that i had a interest in older men....my father and stepfather were not the best parental fiqures in my life, and true, there was no true showing of love and support.... only beatings that were very regular and very severe

so it have been argued that i am trying to use gay sex as a substitute for not having a father fiqure..but i get no pleasure from younger lovers....., i am more attracted to a dominant, quiet type man

i forgave the guy, and spoke to him many times afterwards, and his actions were not one of intended rape... but a inability to talk about his gayness... and a desire to get intimate, but without knowing how to make contact with the gay community ( 20 years ago it hardly existed in the smaller towns in nz )

I credit that person, with helping me set out on the path i took as a LGBT, sexuality, rape and abuse, alcohol, drugs etc counselor..i believe that the whole experience shaped my future, more possibly than negatively

his misguided desire, and my desire to understand the hows and whys are what i have carried with me from the experience....and it is also why i write so much..... i am simply keen to understand... and pass on what i have learnt to help others understand...

[bigirl_inwv]

I was also sexually abused by my uncle as a child. I have often wondered if it had any association with my sexual orientation. But even if it did, I wouldnt change a thing. I love being bisexual and I wouldnt want it any other way.

[Lorcan]

As a psych student I discoverd a decent amount of evidence that there is a coorelation between being a sexual abuse survivor and being LGBT. ....I was wondering, if you would be willing to share, how many on this particular site are survivors of sexual abuse/ assault of some kind.
I would like to see some of that evidence.

I once had a dream: i was very very young and i was being abused. I do not know if it really happened or not. And i'm not very hypnotizable, so i don't think i'll ever know.

That's another question that would be good for an informal poll here, but i don't think they'll have a poll with bisexually associated with negative things here.

You can't determine anything from this forum, because this thread will attract more people who've suffered from abuse than not.

[Long Duck Dong]

lorcan, the stuff does exist.... i have various bits and pieces in counseling manuals

tho it pays to be very careful what is quoted..... i had a person as a seminar use a site as a reference dealing with sexuality and environmental influences...only trouble is the site was focusing on the theory that males with older brothers were more likely to be gay....lmao

this is a site that has references to the articles that can be found online.... however as for the reliability and accuracy of the articles, I am not sure

sexual abuse and sexuality (http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2372/is_4_36/ai_58459540)

[Celtiff2106]

I just wanted to truely thank everyone who has shared. Sharing experiences like these can be very difficult, so I just wanted to thank you all for your bravery.
I do also want to say that from what I can glean from what I have read, the coorelation does not nessicarily mean causation. My theory, for those who are interested, is that sexual assault/ abuse may cause a person to deal with there sexuality in a way that a non-survivor will never have to do. This is especially true for those of us who were abused at a young age. I am not exactly sure what it would have to do with it, but I do strongly beleive that it has something to do with that examination of self.
That is just my :2cents:

((Hugs to all survivors))

[Lorcan]

lorcan, the stuff does exist....

I didn't say it didn't. I just want to see it.

Thank you for providing me with a link. Unfortunately 19 pages is a lot to scim through, and i am not a phychology student. I couldn't find the page where it says "if you were sexually abused you'll turn gay". How do they say that in psychobabble? :rolleyes:

[Lorcan]

I do also want to say that from what I can glean from what I have read,t the coorelation does not nessicarily mean causation.

Interesting. So if they coorelate, what other causes for the correlation could there be?

My theory in my (hypothetical?) case would be...
He had power over me. He was a man.
I wanted that power. I wanted to be a man.

[Nara_lovely]

OK; I was abused by my grandfather from 2 1/2 till 12, also by an Uncle within that timeframe for a year or two.
Also knew I was interested in females as well as males from late primary school.

The way I see this for myself; sexual experiences (positive as well as abusive) is an action based on a person's character.
So with an abusive person, their character and actions correlate into the abuse, and sex becomes the tool. (To this day, I cannot understand why someone would ever want to hurt another in that way).
Just as a controlling, dominating person will diminish the other, either in a sudden way, or a consistant degrading over time. The end result of a crushed spirit is the same.
With a giving, caring, non-abusive person, sex can also be the action that portrays their feelings.

So I see sexual experiences for the result of the person and their true character. I don't see 'sex' as the main focus, I see the person.
That's the way I have coped with it over the years (with counselling too) and have a sense of humour that developed as my shield and escape.

Do I see being Bi as a part of it?
Yes I tend to be more trusting of the same sex, as the opposite sex has been where the abuse comes from.
No I don't 'hate' the opposite sex because of it.
I detest the stereotypes of expectations (it's a womans job). grrr
I applaud the honesty in all people (being sorry means it never happens again).
...all this and more is a result of a life with eyes opened and innocence shattered very young; my character and independant nature was also developed young. How interwoven it is, who knows? What experiences shaped or honed my personality, all of it? Does any one experience truly change the character within, or is it more a reaction?

I think...being a survivor has developed me into the person who can understand more of the layers within a person, and not gloss over the deeper issues. I have an internal strength that has kept the best parts of myself well protected, despite the experiences in life. I am a person who will take so much, and forgive a lot, but when that line is crossed...that's it, to have the courage to move on and know I will be fine.
I see the person for the actions, and care less of the words.

I like who I am!

[Herbwoman39]

I was a psychology major for a while and I also took a psych stat course. I can see how there MIGHT be a correlation between same-sex abuse and a higher percentage of same-sex attraction at a very young age. But I fail to see how opposite-gender imposed abuses could influence towards same-sex attraction.

That being said, I was emotionally abused by my mother and my first husband. I am a two-time rape survivor. Once by my first husband on the night before I left him and once by a man who I trusted and had called a friend.

Both of these events occurred when I was in my late 20's and still very deep in denial about my same-sex attraction. So, again, I fail to see how those events influenced my attraction to women.

[SpaZZ]

Survival is what you make of it in the long run. Depending on the catalyst and whatever instincts you have in countering it at first will determine how much work you'll have to put into recovery to keep as even a keel as possible.

Everyone has different war stories. Fortunately we're more advanced in tools to help repair some key areas in order to recover a sense of who we were before our unfortunate incidents changed us. The one thing that kept me going throughout the fog of guilt and shame was that I had a scintillance of who I was before. I hung on to it like a brass ring.

Understanding my reaction to my ordeal was instrumental in discovering who I was in the way that I had to face myself, my emotions, my conscience, my sexuality with brutal honesty. So far, I've figured out that I'm not as bad a person I thought I was and that being a highly enthusiastic sexual being isn't a bad thing to be. I'm sure there are worse things a person could become. Socially it's just that the world hasn't come around to my way of thinking. :drool: jk.

Once I reached an understanding of how I felt and how it concurs with what is considered expected sexual behaviour as human beings go, I started feeling good in my skin. I started loving myself again which is way better than the alternatives I had.

All this to say that if you are stuck and you don't know which course to take, something will come up and guide your way. Practice patience and remember our evaluation shouldn't be judged by our actions as much as our choices. Try picking up a hobby, make a goal.

That being said, I was wondering if anyone has heard of other people who have survived violent abductions?

Happy holidays!

[LouiseBrookslover]

I am a male who happened to be raped once. I got a lot of support from people on the board when I was having problems on the anniversary of the rape.

Here's the thread

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1460