Out of curiosity....

[PolyLoveTriad]

Ive noticed a lot of ads that say, 'wife doesnt know must be discreet' 'casual sex, husband doesnt know'.... Im just started wondering about ads like that. I totally understand if someone cant come out to their wife/gf/husband/bf etc, but to me, I would think that any sexual contact with another person outside of your relationship, when your spouse has no clue, would be cheating. At least I would think its cheating, say if I didnt know my husband was bi, and I found out later that he had been with other men behind my back... Well, after I killed him Id divorce him lol Cuz to me he wouldhave been cheating on me.

So Im kind of wondering how other people feel about that. And kind of wondering how people who have those type of ads or are in that type of situation feel about it. Do they think its cheating also? Just curious about it.

I in no way mean to judge anyone, or offend anyone, Im bored and this is out of 100% curiosity lol Maybe Ill get some insight on this subject :bipride:

[Lorcan]

sorry i can't answer you cuz i dont cheat. But it is cheating to me. I remember one person telling me it would be too hurtful to the partner to tell her that she is bi. Hmmm. And how hurtful would it be to find out she is cheating?

I suggested a poll to Drew: 1) are you out to your partner? 2) would you be willing to "cheat" in this manner. Guess Drew didn't like it, cuz he didnt do it. But that's one thing i often wonder... what percentange of Bi's actually do this.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol....

technically.... its cheating and being unfaithful.....

but in the defense of the people that do it.... to my knowledge, there is not LAW that says they can't or that they agreed never to do it.....its actually like a unspoken law

lol... i do counsel people that have caught their partners out and i will admit to being a lil harsh and direct when i tell them that most of the time, bisexual people will not tell their partners about their bisexuality cos the partner have made a anti gay/ anti bi stance... so the person needs to face that fact, that they unknowingly laid some of the groundwork for the lack of honesty and oh course the bisexual person will think twice about coming out

but thats still no excuse for being dishonest to the person that you say you love, plus, knowing that people have unprotected sex, they are knowingly put themselves and their partner at risk....I have serious issues with people that do that... sadly i have met children that were born with the AIDS virus, with mothers that had no ideas about their partners activities....

now bisexuals that have cheated, has told me that they fear losing their partner if they come out.... and thats fair enuf.... however....that doesn't make it ok to be dishonest....and it tells me that they will lie to their partners... so how can i trust them, as a friend ?

my advice to the bisexual person is simple....
if you can't be trusted to be faithful, then don't be surprised if you are asked if you lied about loving the person as well
if you are in a relationship... then decide... are you a honest person....and i don't care what the circumstances are..... if you are truly honest, then you would prove it by risking everything, rather than saying you are honest and then proving you are a liar

my final mumble on the subject, is by posting personal ads stating its a discreet matter, and the partner can't know....then the person is asking for help to cheat behind their partners back......

however.... sadly its a part of life, and happens regularly.... and as much as I may hate liars, and people that are dishonest and cheat in relationships.... its not my place to decide what anybody can't and can't do, cos simply, its not my relationship...and I am not perfect either.....

I cheated ONCE on my ex fiancee... and man i felt like shit.... cos I betrayed her trust in me and I went against everything i beleive in... and cos it made me a hypocrite ...

[welickit]

From our point of view, a cheat and a liar has nothing to offer except more lies and more cheating. You marry someone for better or for worse, now you can't even communicate with them? Cheating and telling lies is easy. It will come back and bite you on the ass. :2cents:

[tommyswing]

Having sex behind your spouses back is cheating. I fully understand how someone who is bi can end in that situation, but It is still cheating. I could never live with the stress that brings.That's why in my prior and current marriage I let both my partners know early in the relationship. I will say with bi women I have known, the fact they want to be with women mainly excited their husbands. Men have always had a hard time being open and honest, it goes against what our culture tells us men should be like. Shame, humiliation, and fear of loss can be overwhelming. My hope for anyone living this lie, is they are able to find a way to bring this out into the open or refrain from any sex outside of marriage, much easier said than done.

[darkeyes]

In any relationship where one partner does something with another person behind his or her back and without their knowledge it is cheating. I dont say this with a holier than thou attitude because I have been the bitch that did the dirty deed.

I have never been pure and innocent and have never gone out to hurt anyone, but whether we like it or not when embarking on an affair, that is most likely to be the end result, whether it is the partner who is crushed or the lover, it is almost inevitable. Maybe with luck it will just be the bitch or bastard who should have known better. As often as not all 3 end up deeply hurt. What makes my sin worse is the fact that it has also been done to me and I really should have known better, for I remember just what I felt, the anger, the rage and the heartbreak, the awful sense of betrayal.

I severely hurt and lost 2 people I loved and cared about. Still love. But its too late for regret. I cheated and paid the price that the cheat deserves. And will continue to pay that price till the end of my life. Without trying to excuse myself I was cornered and had no where to run, and was lost. Am still lost for there can be no going back.

There can be no excuse that I love and am in love with both people involved, and shall never feel any different, but inherent in that is the driving lust and need which I found impossible to resist. The fact that we never were physically unfaithful to my partner does not detract in any way from the guilt, the fact that I continued a deception from my partner, and another from my lover marks me out for what I am. I had reasons but they are no excuse.

When any of us embark on an affair outside of our normal relationship we embark on a journey of selfishness, greed, lust and ultimate tragedy. We never really consider its ending, nor do we consider either the partner or lover. We consider only our own flawed and selfish needs. The hurt and damage done to those we claim to love is simply never worth it.

It was never my intention ever to expose any of this to the site. Yesterday was to be a special day to me and my mind has been in complete turmoil, and when I saw this thread something clicked and felt I have something to offer here.

I live with the shame of my actions, and hope in time, that I can be forgiven by both people involved for my lying cheating dishonesty. If my experience can help prevent even 1 person in this world from being hurt then maybe it is worth while.

I do not believe I should feel shame for my feelings, and nor do I, for these are emotions which simply were unavoidable and are wonderful,beautiful things. I certainly do not regret what I feel. It is my actions where the shame lies, the awful aching guilt - my cheating. These two people gave me the most wonderful feeling of being loved and wanted and I repaid them both with lies and hurt. Shame is too easy a punishment, loss too gentle, the pain not enough.

Simply put..its hard its shitty its nasty and it makes us less than we should be. Worst of all those we love suffer and that is 2 great a price to pay. That we all have human frailty is not an excuse that any of us have the right to use in our defence, and the gaping hole which results in our hearts is much too hard to bear.

[mannysg]

I agree that having sex with someone and your spouse not knowing is cheating. I don't condone it, but I can see why some people do it. I have no desire to cheat, and don't plan on it. My wife helps fulfill my bisexuality by sharing fantasy talk in the bedroom, so I don't feel any need to explore behind her back.

Granted, some people cheat just because they can, but I feel that most people do it because there is something missing in their relationship with their spouse that makes cheating more appealing.

[curiousmommy0806]

My husband is aware. Although I haven't pursued anything. He knows I'm sexually attracted to women. We've talked about the what ifs. All in all, it really is about honesty.

[LoveLion]

Yes this is cheating. Everyone knows how their spouse would react to it if they knew, and everyone who puts these ads up knows that their spouse would not be ok with it, why else would they say "must be discreet". Considering it like an "Unspoken Law" is not only lying to your spouse, but to yourself as well. Another thing, Bisexuality is not an excise to cheat on you spouse with someone of your same sex, like some people on here seem to beleive.

Just my views on the topic.

[PolyLoveTriad]

OK at least Im not the only one who believes this is cheating. What do you all think about the people who have ads who say these things though?

[DiamondDog]

OK at least Im not the only one who believes this is cheating. What do you all think about the people who have ads who say these things though?

I just tell them "if your wife/husband says it's OK, then I'm OK with it".

But I view people who are "discrete" or furtive about their sexuality (such as hiding it from a spouse), as people who aren't honest with themselves about who and what they are.

So I don't waste my energy or time with people like that. :)

[ambi53mm]

OK at least Im not the only one who believes this is cheating. What do you all think about the people who have ads who say these things though?

I think they are people who deserve the benefit of the doubt. Judging someone's need for discretion would be presumptuous and arrogant without knowledge and/or disclosure of the facts of their particular situation. Ignorance often breeds contempt, and to judge another person’s value or worthiness based on their desire for discretion would be a clear demonstration of ignorance.
Someone may choose to be discreet with someone who has chosen to be discrete for reasons other than cheating. It’s at their own discretion that they choose to do so. There are infinite enough reasons for making this choice on both sides of the scale and I could be conducting a grave injustice to those that have chosen to engage in a discretionary path of choice without additional investigation as to the particulars.
This particular profile alludes to another profile that includes the statement:
“Discretion is a priority” It is a couples profile maintained both my wife and myself so we’re obviously not cheating on one another. Should we therefore be judged as “cheaters” based on our desire to be discrete LOL?

Ambi :)

[Lisa (va)]

I can understand wanting discretion from the general public as may would like not to tell the world of their personal life.

However I believe that you should be honest totally with your partner: granted some things may be harder to deal with, but I can't think of any reason to lie to my partner. Sharing a life with another, to me at least, is sharing all of yourself - the good and the bad.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[TorontoGuy2007]

i think cheating is wrong.. but i'm not here to judge other people.. it's not something i would do, but if other's feel comfortable with cheating, then that's their business.

personally, i would never get involved with someone who is in a relationship. i want a partner all to myself. no sharing..

[ghytifrdnr]

So,which is more hurtful to your partner; cheating and maybe or maybe not being found out, or just out of the blue slapping them with divorce papers and saying it's because you want additional partners? :rolleyes:

[Lorcan]

So,which is more hurtful to your partner; cheating and maybe or maybe not being found out, or just out of the blue slapping them with divorce papers and saying it's because you want additional partners? :rolleyes:

are you saying it's either/or? No third option? I don't understand.

[nnjbicoupleforplay]

When your partner doesn't know, it's cheating, bottom line, unless you are into a "swinger" lifestyle and each can go on their own. We never play alone, never will by our true love and agreement with each other. We don't always have to participate but we are always there for each other if needed. We've accepted and glorified in each other's bisexuality and that's why we love each other so much.

:male: :female: :bipride:

Have you hugged your bi-friend today??

[jedinudist]

If a person is married and has sex with someone other than the person he or she is married to and they do not have the blessing of the person that he or she is married to then they are cheating.

it does not matter if they are out or not. If their spouse has not condoned their extra-marital sex, then they are cheating.

[darkeyes]

Hav read the posts on this thread gain an gain...no criticism intended, but while me agrees wiv wot peeps say....cant see 2 much of peeps mayb acceptin possibility of ever cheatin...belive me...given the rite circumstances...we can all fall flat on our face there!

[twocan]

Cheating, Cheating ,Cheating, W'ell we have all done it or at least one time or another thought about it and thats how we learn! So just deal with it and live and let live. Its called being human and thats that :2cents: .

[ambi53mm]

Hav read the posts on this thread gain an gain...no criticism intended, but while me agrees wiv wot peeps say....cant see 2 much of peeps mayb acceptin possibility of ever cheatin...belive me...given the rite circumstances...we can all fall flat on our face there!

I agree. It may be safe to take a position and say "I would never cheat" but being human gives us the ability to rationalize and reason almost anything and everything. Hypothetical situations versus reality of time and space.
I love my wife with all my heart and soul but just for a minuet imagine.....
Shipwrecked on a desreted island ...little probability of being rescued...two years have already passed in which time you've come to know the only other person you're with, both inside and out. Attraction was enevitable but you've held steadfast to your promise of never cheating on your significant other. Do you spend the next 5, 10, 20 years holding onto something that might not even exist any longer except in your memories? Can you rationalize that quite possibly that maybe you've been given up for dead and for all you know she's/he's moved on? How long do you hold onto the hope as you find yourself perhaps falling in love with someone else? But hey...that'd be cheating... right?

Ambi :)

[kitten]

Relationships thrive because of communication. If the communication is lacking and a partner seeks satisfaction (be it physical or emotional) outside of the relationship without an understanding or agreement by both, there are larger problems than just cheating.
Anything that is taking away from the core relationship - alcoholism, gambling, sexual satisfactions, or whatever - is reducing the relationship to secondary status. To love, honor and cherish...means that you are willing to put the needs of your partner before your own.
It takes two to make a relationship work. If one partner doesn't know about circumstances and their options become limited and they don't even know why - then again, the relationship is based on something other than trust and communication and may falter terribly.
My opinion - it's cheating.

[ghytifrdnr]

are you saying it's either/or? No third option? I don't understand.

I'm not saying either/or. I simply listed the two most popular courses of action and asked which was most hurtful.

[mannysg]

Hav read the posts on this thread gain an gain...no criticism intended, but while me agrees wiv wot peeps say....cant see 2 much of peeps mayb acceptin possibility of ever cheatin...belive me...given the rite circumstances...we can all fall flat on our face there!

It's my opinion that when someone "cheats" it is usually because there is something lacking in their relationship (besides communication and/or honesty). Many people do it because they aren't getting as much sex as they want. Some people do it to experience something that they can't get in their relationship (i.e. a specific sex act like oral sex or BDSM that their partner won't do, or perhaps something they can't do, like sex with the same gender). Sometimes the "cheater" is seeking simple affection and go "all out" and have sex with the person giving the affection they crave/

Have I cheated? I did cheat on my ex-wife to get a BJ from a man (which made me question me being "straight" and started my journey into bisexuality). She hated to give oral sex and I was satisfying a need/desire to get a BJ. She never found out, but that doesn't make it OK.

I am NOT saying that any of the above is an acceptable excuse for cheating.

Would I cheat? I do NOT plan to, and don't want to, even if I was positive of not "getting caught". She satisfies most of my sexual desires (like group sex or man-to-man sex) through fantasy talk in the bedroom. (My wife doesn't "swallow" and that is the only temptation that would make it difficult for me to stay faithful.)

Anyone who says that they would NEVER cheat is not realistic since nobody knows what the future may bring. We are human! People change, our wants/needs change, relationships change. Most of the people who have cheated at one time or another said (and truly believed) that they would never cheat.

[deremarc]

So,which is more hurtful to your partner; cheating and maybe or maybe not being found out, or just out of the blue slapping them with divorce papers and saying it's because you want additional partners? :rolleyes:

Of course both of those things would be hurtful. There are other options. Telling your partner what you want in bed or out of bed (affection, talking, time together, respect, feeling loved, etc). Being open about your desires and working towards a compromise...fantasy, 3somes, the option to have sex with the same gender; more time together, more cuddling/affection, etc.

Cheating is a selfish and unfair thing in a loving relationship. Do we all have the potential to cheat? I think so. There are as many reasons to cheat as there are cheaters. And, while people do feel validated in cheating...I don't get enough sex, they won't do certain acts, they don't give me affection, I don't feel loved, etc....Asking for these things and having an honest open discussion, gives the partner a chance to fulfill those needs before you fill them elsewhere.

"Cheating" may be construed as cheating your partner out of affection, time or the enjoyment of your body. But, I look at the word "cheat" in a different way. You are cheating your partner out of their options. They end up having no say in what kind of relationship they are in. And, if they love you, they are cheated out of the opportunity to know what you want and attempt to give it to you.

It's a relationship. You can not have a relationship by yourself. It requires (at least) 2 people.

There are reasons for being discrete (not wanting your friends to know about your lifestyle...swinging or bisexuality). And, it may be unfair, but I view personals where they say must be discrete as meaning- I am cheating on my other. And, I don't just question what the people that post those ads are thinking, but how about the people that respond. Do they ever stop and think about the "other" person involved?

[ghytifrdnr]

Of course both of those things would be hurtful. There are other options. Telling your partner what you want in bed or out of bed (affection, talking, time together, respect, feeling loved, etc). Being open about your desires and working towards a compromise...fantasy, 3somes, the option to have sex with the same gender; more time together, more cuddling/affection, etc.

....And once that's been done, and the partner has made clear that they don't want to participate in some, or all, of the things you wish. That, in fact, they want only "plain vanilla" sex. Then what?
And before tossing off a glib answer, consider the question from the viewpoint of someone who has been married for thirty-nine years, and has been hassling this issue out for thirty-three of those years. :(

[krrptyc]

OK, here I am. I’m one of those dirty, two-timing, good-for-nothing, cheating, need to be discrete people. This is my third marriage. My first wife lied, ran up huge phone bills, wrote bad checks, slept with anyone who gave her drugs, and was more concerned about what went up her nose than the welfare of our child. My second wife mistreated my daughter and constantly accused me of cheating. She even got mad at me when she dreamed I cheated on her. As God as my witness, I never even considered cheating on her. She divorced me and six weeks later married our next door neighbor. My present wife doesn’t even drink, no-less use drugs. She is even tempered, has a wonderful sense of humor, and is generous to a fault. We are good friends and discuss money, kids, and other issues before making decisions. So why would I even think about cheating on her? I haven’t yet and up until the last year or so, I never thought I would.

To fully explain the situation I need to go back several years, I apologize for the length of this reply. Since my twenties I have had fantasies about giving another man head. Most of the time it wasn’t a strong urge and all but disappeared when I was in a satisfying sexual relationship with a woman. About 7 years ago my wife and I separated for about a year. During that year the urge became very strong and I began to visit bisexual sites and chat rooms. I remember reading a post from a married woman who was bi-curious and was agonizing over wanting to fulfill her desires and remain faithful to her husband. I thought, wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a bi- sexual spouse. To be able to share your thoughts and desires and have that person understand completely. It would be a totally honest relationship. I decided then that if my wife and I got back together or we ended up moving on I would be honest in the relationship.

My wife and I did get back together and I did tell her about my desires. I told her I wanted to get a toy for us to use in a fantasy. She agreed because it was better to her than the alternative of having another man join us. We used the toy for awhile but it was clear her heart was not into it. Over the years since then, menopause and anti-depressants have caused my wife to completely lose her libido. She said one time that she rarely even thinks about sex and avoids being affectionate with me because she doesn’t want to arouse me. I assured her that I missed the affection as much as the sex but she still never initiates physical affection. Intercourse has become painful for her even when we use copious amounts of lubricant and on the rare occasions we have made love, she is clearly not into it and never takes the initiative. During intercourse she grimaces in pain making it as unpleasant for me as it is for her. I think it’s been at least 6 months since the last time we made love.

I do have an honest relationship with my wife and don’t want to lose her but I know that she would not agree to me having a “BJ-buddy.” I have also considered getting rid of my porn, dropping my membership to this site, and trying avoiding any type sexual stimulus in hope that my desires fade away with my testosterone levels and that jerking off occasionally will be enough. At this point I wonder if what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her and would give me some satisfaction. What would you do? I would sincerely appreciate your suggestions.

[mannysg]

....And once that's been done, and the partner has made clear that they don't want to participate in some, or all, of the things you wish. That, in fact, they want only "plain vanilla" sex. Then what?
And before tossing off a glib answer, consider the question from the viewpoint of someone who has been married for thirty-nine years, and has been hassling this issue out for thirty-three of those years. :(




I do have an honest relationship with my wife and don’t want to lose her but I know that she would not agree to me having a “BJ-buddy.” I have also considered getting rid of my porn, dropping my membership to this site, and trying avoiding any type sexual stimulus in hope that my desires fade away with my testosterone levels and that jerking off occasionally will be enough. At this point I wonder if what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her and would give me some satisfaction. What would you do? I would sincerely appreciate your suggestions.


I have been in that situation. My ex-wife only wanted plain vanilla sex with me. The few times she attempted to satisfy any of my fantasies, she wasn't enthusiastic and therefore it wasn't very enjoyable for me.

There is no easy answer.

It comes down to
1: find a way for your spouse to help satisfy your desires in a way that they find enjoyable also. This is easier said then done in most cases.
2: cheat. Cheating causes guilt, and if you get caught it causes a lot of pain for your spouse and usually ends in divorce. The few times that it doesn't end in divorce, the relationship is never the same afterwards.
3: get out of the relationship. Is it really worth getting a divorce over? For some people yes it is but for most, no it isn't.
4: get your spouse to agree to let you satisfy your sexual needs with someone else. Not very likely in most cases
5: find another way to satisfy or reduce your desire for what you feel is missing in your relationship. Again, easier said then done.


My ex only wanted "plain vanilla" sex. The few times we did anything different she wasn't very enthusiastic making it not very enjoyable for me. I can understand the temptation to cheat in such a situation.

[CountryLover]

I had a hetero affair for nearly 10 years during my first marriage. I also had several bi affairs during that time.

According to societal mores, I cheated.

However, I know that I ended my marriage in honesty, long before I met my lovers. Y'all have seen me mention how abusive my first marriage was - he used denial of lovemaking as a punishment when he was annoyed with me, among other types of emotional abuse. After yet another counselor telling him he was killing me and our family, I asked him plainly to please stop the abuse - and he refused. That's when I told him our marriage was over, though I couldn't divorce him legally. (new baby, major health issues, no money and no job skills are not a good combination) He chose not to believe me.

As far as I was concerned from that moment on, he no longer had any right or say-so to my being, my actions, my thoughts.

However, until I could get my feet back on the ground - I was one of those "discreet" people. I never lied to him, but I simply didn't tell him anything.

Am I rationalizing? Probably. Would I do it again? I don't need to do it again, I'm a different, stronger person now. Do I feel any guilt or shame? Not one iota. My lover(s) saved my life and my sanity and gave me the strength to get through the tough times.

Now, I'm married to a man who loves me dearly, treats me with respect and honor. Our sex life is 100% wonderful. I tell him frequently he's my own personal treasure. We have absolute honesty between us and can talk out anything that arises. We're both bi, though we've decided on monogamy.

Love is a wonderful thing :)

[Lorcan]

Anyone who says that they would NEVER cheat is not realistic since nobody knows what the future may bring. We are human! People change, our wants/needs change, relationships change. Most of the people who have cheated at one time or another said (and truly believed) that they would never cheat.

I don't cheat. I would never cheat. I know this. I have walked thru the fire of lust and came thru it unscathed. I tell my lover everything bout my relationships as it unfolds so there is nothin hidden. You may think i'm not being realistic....you can think what you want.... i'm just telling ya... i'm a whole goddamn 40 years old, and only cheated on one boyfriend once, and i told him before i did it! :eek: :bigrin:

[mannysg]

I don't cheat. I would never cheat. I know this. I have walked thru the fire of lust and came thru it unscathed. I tell my lover everything bout my relationships as it unfolds so there is nothin hidden. You may think i'm not being realistic....you can think what you want.... i'm just telling ya... i'm a whole goddamn 40 years old, and only cheated on one boyfriend once, and i told him before i did it! :eek: :bigrin:

I should have added the disclaimer: There are exceptions to every rule. :)
And of course, those with open marriages don't "cheat" since their partner knows, and approves, of them having sex with others.

[lv69cpl69]

Well My wife tells me I need a boy and / or girl friend" I am 10 years older than her but want sex more than her rules are they have to be 30 or older. so I guess that aint cheating! We love each other and guess we just need to explore :bigrin:

[jem_is_bi]

Hav read the posts on this thread gain an gain...no criticism intended, but while me agrees wiv wot peeps say....cant see 2 much of peeps mayb acceptin possibility of ever cheatin...belive me...given the rite circumstances...we can all fall flat on our face there!

I totally agree. My partner for the last 4+ years is a male. But, both of us are still attracted to women and it is just impossible to ignore how wonderful they are. So, he has had sex with women without my prior knowledge and never told her about me because she was totally straight and anti-male-male sex. I know in the right circumstances with the right woman, I would find it impossible resists and give in to my desires even though she could never displace him from my life. So, I understand his lack of complete honesty because I am no different than him.
We really do need our sexual needs fulfilled and if our spouse/partner is unable or unwilling to provide us with what we need, then, sometimes we will be totally unable to resist temptation because that is human nature.

[Merlin]

90% of the replies to this thread are from you who do not cheat or have no reason to have sex outside your marrage or relationship. Perhaps you might want to walk a mile in the shoes of those who post those ads before you make a judgement. I am one of those people and yes I do have sex without my wife knowing. Is it cheating? Well, to be politicaly correct yes it is. However, this is the way I look at it.
My wife has spoken out that she does not agree with bi relationships or homosexuality. Strike one. She has a illness that robs her of energy and all of her sex drive. We have not had sex for several years. I still have a healthy sex drive and I am Bi. I look for sex outside my marrage because I know their isn't inside my marrage. I have, but very rarely, look for female sex partners, as it's always guys that I have sex with or couples. The sex that I look for and have is strictly a physical activity and there is no emotion attached to it. I love my wife so I'm not looking for love or romance or emotional support. Many men get together to watch the game or go golfing or play poker. I'm not a sports nut so when I get together with "the Guys" we have sex. No difference than the game or golf, just another physical activity. Ok, that's rationalisation for you but that's the way it is.
Merlin

[bityme]

The way I look at it, it is the personal business of the person who is looking for something outside the marriage or relationship. I guess that I am fortunate because the two marriages I have had have both been open, so the subject of cheating was never an issue for us.

Oddly enough, however, I have never gotten together with a married woman whose husband did not know ahead of time.

Men are another story. I have been with a large number of men whose wives did not know. Generally, it is because with a man they are getting something that they desire and that is not available at home.

You can really have some fun with someone who labels himself straight but desires various body parts stimulated that their partner is unwilling to do.

I say, "Let them have their fun." Besides, it can be very enjoyalbe helping someone to satisfy their fantasy.