First Relationship with a Bisexual-Now Confused

[cmus06]

I have just entered into a buddy relationship with a married Bisexual male. He has asked that I don't fall for him, but guess what? I did just that. I have had all the psychology classes one would ever need, to know that I have made a grave error with my heart. I have been in both gay and straight relationships but never a Bi, and would like to know if it is truly possible for this type of relationship to work? I can handle the once or twice a week hook ups, but what I can't handle is the guilt and rejection he sometimes throws my way. Is this a normal reaction and will it ever subside on his part to where we can actually be settled and continue having fun in both a friendship and relationship stance? I do not want him to leave his wife or even contemplate changing what we already have, but I would like him to trust me and not fear that I would do anything to hurt his life or family. He is a friend first, my lover second, and my loyalties are to protect him fiercely. Can someone tell me what to expect from this type of relationship?

[Long Duck Dong]

..... for the first time in ages... i am gonna say, get the fuck out of the relationship.....i counsel people thru the after effects of relationships like that.... and its not pretty

tho to answer your question, yes, relationships can develop out of situations life what you have with ya lover.... but generally its not a very beneficial relationship in terms of emotional and mental support and stability... the demands on you as a secondary partner, restrict you to a couple of casual fucks a week... but allow him to have the full range for his life and pleasure..
and you are becoming responsible for protecting his secret life.... thats a lot of responsibility to put on anybody

[LoveLion]

As harsh as it sounds I think I must agree with Duck on this one. Your never going to get what you want/need out of this relationship. If you can go on fine with just your casual hook ups and nothing more, then great. But there is nothing worse then pinning over something you can never have. From what youve writen it appears quite obvious that this man does not want anything more from you and I dont think there is a realistic way of telling him youve fallen for him without ruining either your friendship or his relationship with his wife.

[ambi53mm]

Both Lovelion and Long Duck offer good advice. I can understand your confusion. Feelings for someone at times tend to throw us into confusion no matter what the circumstances. I am a married bi male with a relationship/friendship with another bimale who's both 12 years younger and single. I entered into the relationship both with my wife's knowledge and blessing but also, with a very deep level of honesty with both people that were sharing a very intimate part of my life.
It's a difficult balancing act and the only advantage I had was age, and experience of having maintained multiple relationship in the past. My friend's expectations and my wife's expectation sometimes became a point of conflict because neither of them were involved sexually with anyone other than me. Keeping one person satisfied can be a challenge, keeping two satisfied became a strain at times, because there would be times when both needed my attention and I had to make a choice "when your mind makes a promise that your body can't keep". A line from a song that contains a lotta truth.
Time and circumstances eventually changed our situation but it was always understood that my wife would always be my first priority. I encouraged him to find someone that could offer more in terms of a full relationship I wanted to see him happy in life and knew that with the limited amount of myself that I could offer that he would never find that totality.

We've maintained a friendship and talk a couple of times a week. His living situation makes getting together very difficult and thats fine because it throws the emphasis into an area that has more value to me. He is very protective of our friendship and of my marriage. I could ask or expect no more than that. I hope that he finds someone that can give to him what I'm unable to give because he is someone who deserves in every sense of the word "happiness".

Time cmuso6 no matter what the outcome usually will bring things back into balance. I wish you safe journey and the gifts of patience and wisdom.


Ambi :)

[glantern954]

His one rule was not to fall for him. If you can't play by the rules, don't play the game.

[PolyLoveTriad]

omg 3 great reponses then a really bad remark lol I agree with the first 3 repsonses, get out of it. You CANT give your heart rules, that would be supression of your needs wouldnt it. They are right, hes getting to have the best of both worlds, while you become a dirty little secret. Very uncool, very not healthy for you at all. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make things right for everyone, but wtf have you seen my posts? I suck lol wand is b r o k e n lol
but I do wish you the very best of luck with this, wont be easy one way or another!

[Nara_lovely]

Emotions....they sneak up on you, don't they!

All the logic in the world will not eradicate how you feel.

You found a relationship that filled a need, and now the needs have changed...either yours or his or both. If there is no way to work through this issue, then move forward on the path with no regrets. It's a part of life to experience and work out what you need and want...take the experience and leave the baggage.
...and have a long-term understanding friend to lean on for awhile.

[cmus06]

Thanks for the advice from all who took the time. I have re-evaluated my situation and have since decided to just have fun and enjoy myself for the time being. Yes I have sorted out my feelings with everyone's help. And things are going much better. This is my first time with anyone in 6 yrs after a bad relationship of 15 yrs with a guy who traded me in for a younger model. I guess it was my fear of being alone the next half of my life that spurred the emotions that I felt toward my buddy. Now all I need is the perfect female in my life and I think I would feel balanced. Hope she is just around the corner. But for now things are much clearer.