Long Duck Dong
Dec 19, 2006, 9:28 PM
many people talk about not being a victim, but being a survivor.... but how does that actually work
well... survivors are people that have come thru a experience, changed forever, they are wiser, more aware, and dealt with been very shaken up and confused.....but they have been able to find a piece inside themselves where they remain able to not give up
being a survivor is possibly the hardest thing in the world to do.... and when it comes to being a survivor of a unwanted sexual experience... it becomes even harder ....
now, there is a few tricks to being a survivor......( U.S.E= Unwanted Sexual Experiences )
the human mind and body has no defense and survival pattern for U.S.E....
a defense and survival pattern is what we call a trigger response to a experience....its a bit like kicking a table leg with ya toes.... it fuckin hurts, and you have tears in ya eyes and swearwords in ya mouth... then you kick the table leg for hitting you.... * grins *.....ever noticed that in 90% of cases...you only kick the table leg twice.....the first time was a accident, the second time was pure instinct.... and I bet you never went for a third time..... and now every time you kick a table leg by accident, you never go for the second kick... thats a defense and survival pattern lol
most defense and survival patterns are basic instincts... like dealing with the school bully.... dealing with your parents.... dealing with a partner...etc....
your mind sees the patterns, and triggers a response...and so you react accordingly.....
but with U.S.E, its a whole new experience beyond what you have had to deal with....specially if you are a young child, pre teen, teenager and even adult... and you have no defense and survival pattern for that....your mind doesn't know how to react so it hits the emergency hibernation and preservation mode... and you hit overload....as 20 different patterns try to run at once.... try doing that with ya computer and see how fast it locks up and crashs....
your mind is running things like the
responsibility pattern........was i wrong... was i right.... what did i do
personal choice pattern..... did i want this to happen...
right or wrong pattern.......similair to the responsibility pattern
sexual enjoyment pattern.... my body enjoyed part of it, but i hated it.....
emotional enjoyment pattern... same as body
mental enjoyment pattern... same as emotional and body
trust and respect pattern..... i trusted this person..i still want to
self image pattern.....i feel so wrong....what will people think of me now
talking and sharing pattern... i need to tell somebody... but i can't
so many patterns and they all conflict.... i will tell you why
lets seperate the body from the emotions and mind
the body has a limited range of understanding....its there for movement and life support, mainly....and it has programmed patterns.....in cases of U.S.E, the body will react to two ways, favourably or unfavourably....it knows no other way to react.....during love making, it embraces the feelings and responses favourly....during a U.S.E, it can automatically react favourably..as it can't tell what is ok and what is not....it only knows the sensation of sex...not the difference between sex and U.S.E
now the emotions...and the emotions are not that complex... they are as simple as the colours of the rainbow
lets look at it for a moment... the colours are a rough guide only
white.... content/ open
pink.........love
yellow......desire
orange.....attraction
green.......jealous
red .........anger
brown......hurt
black........closed off
now that doesn't explain the full range in emotions in the human body... but like colours... we mix the emotions into different shades to get different emotions
red / green / orange... anger cos we are being ignored when we want to be heard
white / pink / orange....feeling good about our feelings towards our partner..
so we now have about 8-10 different base emotions in a body that has a aye or nay range...
so we can do things like cry with happiness or sadness, pain or laughter....
the body can only cry or not cry.... but add the emotions and we can cry or not cry for 4-5 different reasons..
but we don't really get complex until we add the mind... and the mind is so simplistic...its hilarious.....but the mind has a nasty lil habit of having about 30 million possible patterns in it at any given time....and it runs about 5-10 at any given time
friendship pattern.... you are friend or foe
love pattern............you are a close friend / lover / partner
work pattern............i do my job depending on the job
social life pattern.....my needs wants and desires in order of need
self balance pattern...i will react this way to remain in control
awareness pattern.... this is going on around me
lol all base patterns
but all the patterns are conditioned responses and reactions, and they are triggered by different things....thats where it gets interesting
go kick the table leg and see if you fall down and kiss and hug the table and cry with tears of joy and laughter....
then go hug ya partner / lover and see if you can hate them and abuse them cos you love them....
not working ????? lol
ok now lets take a U.S.E and apply the body. emotion and mind patterns to it
we are gonna have a gender neutral person with a case of forced sexual violation ( rape )
the body is gonna response in two ways..... if the U.S.E falls within the bodys range of favorable contact, it will react favorably....and that is very common.... the body is hardwired for sexual contact... it can't tell that the sexual contact is the wrong type... it only knows that its sexual contact...the trouble is that some bodies see pain as a form of sexual contact...ie S & M and B & D...and normally its pain that tells the body if its favorable contact or not
the emotions are gonna split... one third are reacting to what the body is saying.. which is, yah, sex.....but the other two thirds is reacting to the minds reaction and saying, * holy shit, emergency situation *
the mind is gonna shut down most unneeded patterns... and focus on the two main ones.... the sexual response pattern, triggered by the bodies reaction and the emotions supporting the bodies reaction.... and the much strongly survival pattern, which may trigger the * fight back and kill the intruder *... the * i need help now, scream and struggle * ... or the * omg...please let me survive this and not get hurt *.... and the last... which is not a common pattern, the * its only my body they are doing this to, they can't hurt me....I am stronger than this *
its the first and last ones... that mostly report U.S.E....sadly, thats why so many people get away with sexual offending... that and the legal system will try and blame the survivor for the whole experience and the offender can get away with it and go do it again
now this is so important......its easy for people to tell you what to do.....but its a fuckin sight harder to do it....... and thats, get help asap....call a friend...a trusted person...go to the hospital... or the police....and its not so much about having the offender caught... its about kicking in your survival and healing pattern......the offender may get a few months behind bars, but you got a experience that lasts a lifetime......how it affects the rest of your life, is now down to how you deal with the experience
the focus in sexual offending cases is to catch the offender, and thats fine.... but WHAT ABOUT YOU ??.... you now have to deal with so many conflicting feelings, thoughts and reactions that its so hard to do anything and most people actually curl up in a ball and retreat inwards, or go and wash themselves repeatedly....and spend days, weeks, and months second guessing themselves and blaming themselves... and thats perfectly normal..... cos people don't understand that the feelings and reactions were normal... and the mind is trying to take fully responsibility for the reactions of the BODY, EMOTIONS AND THE MIND
ok. lets recap....
your body reacted favourably.... thats not your fault... the human body is hardwired for sexual enjoyment.... it never meant it was a enjoyable experience... don't let yourself think that you were wrong for your body enjoying it....your body knows no different....
your emotions reacted in good and bad ways....and again thats normal... like the body, they are trigger responses, they don't have the ability to work out what is good and bad.... only the mind does that
its ok to question the experience and how you reacted.... we do that with everything......its just that most of it is done subconsciously cos we already have the patterns learnt inside our mind....but with U.S.E we don't have the patterns and the mind is trying to create a new set of patterns and struggles cos its finding the old ones... and thinking it doesn't need to create new ones....the trouble is, it needs to isolate the experience to create new patterns for that experience.... and with all the other stuff going on, its too over loaded to do that
another trick to surviving U.S.E is once you settle down ( a few weeks or so )
you need to break down the experience in order to deal with it....and I will add a article I wrote called pieces of a orange, to the bottom of this post...which is about how to do that with EVERY DAY LIFE situations
the hardest thing about surviving anything, is adapting to the changes in your life.... and that is where baby steps play a big role in your life
baby steps is simply that, baby steps....how a baby learns to crawl and walk for the first time.....simple little steps, hanging on to chairs, peoples hands, mums leg etc.....
one last thing... you are a survivor of a EXPERIENCE......sadly many people address this in a different way.....
they may say things like I was sexually molested as a child.... I was raped as a teen...and i do have issues with that....cos its like saying that your only experience as a child or teen was that one experience....
I, myself have a gay rape experience, when i was a teen...it was a older male...i also have a car accidence experience as a teen and lost my partner and 6 other friends..... I have a long term experience as a hospital patient
I survived them all..... but I also had a experience, working at, then running a holistic and organic herb and vegetable farm as a teen, I have a experience of travelling most of the world as a teen......
I have many experiences good and bad when i was a teenager....and good and bad, they all shaped me into the person i am today.. and yeah.... I have good and bad habits... lol.....
the following article was written about 5-6 years ago under one of my msn names, spellweaving poet
like this full post, its free to copy and paste, share, print out, and to plaster all over the net lol
(When I wrote this, I was pulled out of bed to do it, having read it, I found it is quite cool and very enjoyable, hope you find the same, poet)
Pieces of a orange
Hugs ya , how are you, my friend.
OK, pull up a chair and have a seat and share your day with me, just let things flow, I’m all ears
hugs ya heaps, giggles, ok, wanna cuppa coffee, tea or something stronger, you can smoke if you want to as well. I will just throw a log on the fire and then I will get to sit back down again and you watch my cat invade my lap again
ahhh that’s better, right where were we, my friend,
ahhh yes you were saying about your day.
what a day you are having, makes mine look boring, *giggles*
ok, I may be able to help, let me think for a second.
right, you have 4 options that you can try at this stage
you can let it really get you down or really get at you,
you can get angry about it and wind yourself up til you explode
you can accept that it has happened and look for the positive in it
you can understand why it has happened and how it come about
yeah, I understand how you feel about it, just letting you talking about it shows me that you do have a problem there and I admit you are really thinking about it deeply.
there are 3 kinds of problems in life
the ones, you can deal with yourself
the ones that you need to work with others to fix and sort out
and the ones you can’t do anything about
ok, giggles, here is a simple trick to dealing with problems,
take the problem and visual it turning into a orange,
giggles yeah a orange, turn the problem into a lot of sections like a orange, instead of seeing it as one big problem
like a orange, problems are seen as a whole thing, and what you are doing,
is seeing the whole problem, and that creates the * orange skin* around it.
ok, peel away the things around the problem, like peeling away the skin of the orange and, hey, awesome, we can see the sections of the orange.
ok, that was easy, giggles, and now we are going to break up the orange into sections, so we can look at each of them.
ok a section is the person involved, ( use a different section for each person)
a section is the main areas involved in the problem ( use different sections )
ok gimme that orange problem * giggles *
( am going to use 3 people for the problem and I am going to use a relationship problem (cos they are so common) as the base for the orange)
the problem is my partner will not talk to me and I am getting angry
ok now, in my hand I hold 3 people sections and 4 problems sections
( why 4 problem sections?? , well, simple.)
I will call the problem sections PS for short
PROBLEM SECTIONS
PS1 my partner is not talking to me
PS2 I can’t talk to my partner about it
PS 3 it is affecting our relationship
PS4 I am letting the problem screw me up and I am hassling everybody about it and not looking at how to deal with it
PEOPLE SECTIONS
PS5 my partner who is not talking
PS6 me who is not talking about it to my partner and talking to everybody else
PS7 everybody else I am talking to about it
ok well, such a simple problem has turned really big now that I look at it fully
but hey out of 7 sections I can get rid of PS4 by accepting that there is a problem there and doing something about it instead of telling everybody else all about it and not actually talking to my partner
ok look at PS1 why is my partner not talking, ok, if I look around them, I may find an answer as to why we have the problem
my partner is not talking to me ABOUT the problem, but he is talking to me
maybe, they feels unable to talk about it at this stage, maybe they can’t handle it at this stage but are unsure about how to open up about it.
ok looking at PS1/ 2, I know my partner has a problem that they don’t talk about, ok I WILL accept that by saying to them, I am here to talk with you.
is getting on their back about it really going to help?????
also, how is your partner going to feel if you are telling people on the net and not opening a door for you both to talk about it
ok lets look at all the problem sections again
PS1 my partner is not talking to me
PS2 I can’t talk to my partner about it
PS 3 it is affecting our relationship
PS4 I am letting the problem screw me up and I am hassling everybody about it and not looking at how to deal with it
PS5 my partner who is not talking
PS6 me who is not talking about it to my partner and talking to everybody else
PS7 everybody else I am talking to about it
and lets look at how far we have come with it
PS1 my partner is not talking to me (they are trying to deal with it)
PS2 I can’t talk to my partner about it ( I am trying to make them talk about it)
PS 3 it is affecting our relationship ( how is it affecting us, or is it affecting me)
PS4 I am letting the problem screw me up and I am hassling everybody about it and not looking at how to deal with it ( why are you getting screwed up???)
PS5 my partner who is not talking (is it really that bad)
PS6 me who is not talking about it to my partner and talking to everybody else
I am part of the problem now, by making it my problem )
PS7 everybody else I am talking to about it ( I am involving everybody)
look at the orange again please, and take you out of the orange
PS1 my partner is not talking to me about something
PS5 my partner is not talking
oh hell, that is amazing
it is so easy to create a problem where that is not really a great issue
my partner is not talking about something that is not affecting the way we live and the way our relationship goes, but I feel that they have to talk about it with me. I feel that it is affecting our relationship and I am getting angry and screwed up cos I confront them about it and I expect them to talk and they don’t, so I am telling everybody about this problem that is not affecting our relationship, but I choose to see it as a problem that is screwing up the relationship, and so i then, make it affect our relationship
Want another drink?? my friend, and yes, most problems are along the same lines too, they are actually not as bad or as big as we make them out to be
try using the orange to see if you can break down your problems to find a easier way of dealing with them or solving them.
btw, there will be times when the problem is not able to be sorted out that easily
then you have two other ways of dealing with the problems
one is to spend your life complaining and feeling sorry for yourself
the other is to leave it all behind and start over again in your life
and please don’t look at me like that either, cos I have done it before in my life so I do know how hard it can be.
giggles how you ever noticed you are better at solving other peoples problems
it is because you are seeing the full picture, when in your own life, you are not looking at the full picture
sorry about the noise, my cat snores loudly, *giggles*, but I love him so much
so, does your day seem a bit better now, good to hear,
life is not bad, it is how we choose to view it.
here is a parting joke for you to enjoy and think about
surgeons have developed a new operation called a craptotomy, this operation is now available for people who have a direct connect between their eyeballs and rectum, this operation will help them to stop having a shitty view of life
hugs ya and loves ya , poet
well... survivors are people that have come thru a experience, changed forever, they are wiser, more aware, and dealt with been very shaken up and confused.....but they have been able to find a piece inside themselves where they remain able to not give up
being a survivor is possibly the hardest thing in the world to do.... and when it comes to being a survivor of a unwanted sexual experience... it becomes even harder ....
now, there is a few tricks to being a survivor......( U.S.E= Unwanted Sexual Experiences )
the human mind and body has no defense and survival pattern for U.S.E....
a defense and survival pattern is what we call a trigger response to a experience....its a bit like kicking a table leg with ya toes.... it fuckin hurts, and you have tears in ya eyes and swearwords in ya mouth... then you kick the table leg for hitting you.... * grins *.....ever noticed that in 90% of cases...you only kick the table leg twice.....the first time was a accident, the second time was pure instinct.... and I bet you never went for a third time..... and now every time you kick a table leg by accident, you never go for the second kick... thats a defense and survival pattern lol
most defense and survival patterns are basic instincts... like dealing with the school bully.... dealing with your parents.... dealing with a partner...etc....
your mind sees the patterns, and triggers a response...and so you react accordingly.....
but with U.S.E, its a whole new experience beyond what you have had to deal with....specially if you are a young child, pre teen, teenager and even adult... and you have no defense and survival pattern for that....your mind doesn't know how to react so it hits the emergency hibernation and preservation mode... and you hit overload....as 20 different patterns try to run at once.... try doing that with ya computer and see how fast it locks up and crashs....
your mind is running things like the
responsibility pattern........was i wrong... was i right.... what did i do
personal choice pattern..... did i want this to happen...
right or wrong pattern.......similair to the responsibility pattern
sexual enjoyment pattern.... my body enjoyed part of it, but i hated it.....
emotional enjoyment pattern... same as body
mental enjoyment pattern... same as emotional and body
trust and respect pattern..... i trusted this person..i still want to
self image pattern.....i feel so wrong....what will people think of me now
talking and sharing pattern... i need to tell somebody... but i can't
so many patterns and they all conflict.... i will tell you why
lets seperate the body from the emotions and mind
the body has a limited range of understanding....its there for movement and life support, mainly....and it has programmed patterns.....in cases of U.S.E, the body will react to two ways, favourably or unfavourably....it knows no other way to react.....during love making, it embraces the feelings and responses favourly....during a U.S.E, it can automatically react favourably..as it can't tell what is ok and what is not....it only knows the sensation of sex...not the difference between sex and U.S.E
now the emotions...and the emotions are not that complex... they are as simple as the colours of the rainbow
lets look at it for a moment... the colours are a rough guide only
white.... content/ open
pink.........love
yellow......desire
orange.....attraction
green.......jealous
red .........anger
brown......hurt
black........closed off
now that doesn't explain the full range in emotions in the human body... but like colours... we mix the emotions into different shades to get different emotions
red / green / orange... anger cos we are being ignored when we want to be heard
white / pink / orange....feeling good about our feelings towards our partner..
so we now have about 8-10 different base emotions in a body that has a aye or nay range...
so we can do things like cry with happiness or sadness, pain or laughter....
the body can only cry or not cry.... but add the emotions and we can cry or not cry for 4-5 different reasons..
but we don't really get complex until we add the mind... and the mind is so simplistic...its hilarious.....but the mind has a nasty lil habit of having about 30 million possible patterns in it at any given time....and it runs about 5-10 at any given time
friendship pattern.... you are friend or foe
love pattern............you are a close friend / lover / partner
work pattern............i do my job depending on the job
social life pattern.....my needs wants and desires in order of need
self balance pattern...i will react this way to remain in control
awareness pattern.... this is going on around me
lol all base patterns
but all the patterns are conditioned responses and reactions, and they are triggered by different things....thats where it gets interesting
go kick the table leg and see if you fall down and kiss and hug the table and cry with tears of joy and laughter....
then go hug ya partner / lover and see if you can hate them and abuse them cos you love them....
not working ????? lol
ok now lets take a U.S.E and apply the body. emotion and mind patterns to it
we are gonna have a gender neutral person with a case of forced sexual violation ( rape )
the body is gonna response in two ways..... if the U.S.E falls within the bodys range of favorable contact, it will react favorably....and that is very common.... the body is hardwired for sexual contact... it can't tell that the sexual contact is the wrong type... it only knows that its sexual contact...the trouble is that some bodies see pain as a form of sexual contact...ie S & M and B & D...and normally its pain that tells the body if its favorable contact or not
the emotions are gonna split... one third are reacting to what the body is saying.. which is, yah, sex.....but the other two thirds is reacting to the minds reaction and saying, * holy shit, emergency situation *
the mind is gonna shut down most unneeded patterns... and focus on the two main ones.... the sexual response pattern, triggered by the bodies reaction and the emotions supporting the bodies reaction.... and the much strongly survival pattern, which may trigger the * fight back and kill the intruder *... the * i need help now, scream and struggle * ... or the * omg...please let me survive this and not get hurt *.... and the last... which is not a common pattern, the * its only my body they are doing this to, they can't hurt me....I am stronger than this *
its the first and last ones... that mostly report U.S.E....sadly, thats why so many people get away with sexual offending... that and the legal system will try and blame the survivor for the whole experience and the offender can get away with it and go do it again
now this is so important......its easy for people to tell you what to do.....but its a fuckin sight harder to do it....... and thats, get help asap....call a friend...a trusted person...go to the hospital... or the police....and its not so much about having the offender caught... its about kicking in your survival and healing pattern......the offender may get a few months behind bars, but you got a experience that lasts a lifetime......how it affects the rest of your life, is now down to how you deal with the experience
the focus in sexual offending cases is to catch the offender, and thats fine.... but WHAT ABOUT YOU ??.... you now have to deal with so many conflicting feelings, thoughts and reactions that its so hard to do anything and most people actually curl up in a ball and retreat inwards, or go and wash themselves repeatedly....and spend days, weeks, and months second guessing themselves and blaming themselves... and thats perfectly normal..... cos people don't understand that the feelings and reactions were normal... and the mind is trying to take fully responsibility for the reactions of the BODY, EMOTIONS AND THE MIND
ok. lets recap....
your body reacted favourably.... thats not your fault... the human body is hardwired for sexual enjoyment.... it never meant it was a enjoyable experience... don't let yourself think that you were wrong for your body enjoying it....your body knows no different....
your emotions reacted in good and bad ways....and again thats normal... like the body, they are trigger responses, they don't have the ability to work out what is good and bad.... only the mind does that
its ok to question the experience and how you reacted.... we do that with everything......its just that most of it is done subconsciously cos we already have the patterns learnt inside our mind....but with U.S.E we don't have the patterns and the mind is trying to create a new set of patterns and struggles cos its finding the old ones... and thinking it doesn't need to create new ones....the trouble is, it needs to isolate the experience to create new patterns for that experience.... and with all the other stuff going on, its too over loaded to do that
another trick to surviving U.S.E is once you settle down ( a few weeks or so )
you need to break down the experience in order to deal with it....and I will add a article I wrote called pieces of a orange, to the bottom of this post...which is about how to do that with EVERY DAY LIFE situations
the hardest thing about surviving anything, is adapting to the changes in your life.... and that is where baby steps play a big role in your life
baby steps is simply that, baby steps....how a baby learns to crawl and walk for the first time.....simple little steps, hanging on to chairs, peoples hands, mums leg etc.....
one last thing... you are a survivor of a EXPERIENCE......sadly many people address this in a different way.....
they may say things like I was sexually molested as a child.... I was raped as a teen...and i do have issues with that....cos its like saying that your only experience as a child or teen was that one experience....
I, myself have a gay rape experience, when i was a teen...it was a older male...i also have a car accidence experience as a teen and lost my partner and 6 other friends..... I have a long term experience as a hospital patient
I survived them all..... but I also had a experience, working at, then running a holistic and organic herb and vegetable farm as a teen, I have a experience of travelling most of the world as a teen......
I have many experiences good and bad when i was a teenager....and good and bad, they all shaped me into the person i am today.. and yeah.... I have good and bad habits... lol.....
the following article was written about 5-6 years ago under one of my msn names, spellweaving poet
like this full post, its free to copy and paste, share, print out, and to plaster all over the net lol
(When I wrote this, I was pulled out of bed to do it, having read it, I found it is quite cool and very enjoyable, hope you find the same, poet)
Pieces of a orange
Hugs ya , how are you, my friend.
OK, pull up a chair and have a seat and share your day with me, just let things flow, I’m all ears
hugs ya heaps, giggles, ok, wanna cuppa coffee, tea or something stronger, you can smoke if you want to as well. I will just throw a log on the fire and then I will get to sit back down again and you watch my cat invade my lap again
ahhh that’s better, right where were we, my friend,
ahhh yes you were saying about your day.
what a day you are having, makes mine look boring, *giggles*
ok, I may be able to help, let me think for a second.
right, you have 4 options that you can try at this stage
you can let it really get you down or really get at you,
you can get angry about it and wind yourself up til you explode
you can accept that it has happened and look for the positive in it
you can understand why it has happened and how it come about
yeah, I understand how you feel about it, just letting you talking about it shows me that you do have a problem there and I admit you are really thinking about it deeply.
there are 3 kinds of problems in life
the ones, you can deal with yourself
the ones that you need to work with others to fix and sort out
and the ones you can’t do anything about
ok, giggles, here is a simple trick to dealing with problems,
take the problem and visual it turning into a orange,
giggles yeah a orange, turn the problem into a lot of sections like a orange, instead of seeing it as one big problem
like a orange, problems are seen as a whole thing, and what you are doing,
is seeing the whole problem, and that creates the * orange skin* around it.
ok, peel away the things around the problem, like peeling away the skin of the orange and, hey, awesome, we can see the sections of the orange.
ok, that was easy, giggles, and now we are going to break up the orange into sections, so we can look at each of them.
ok a section is the person involved, ( use a different section for each person)
a section is the main areas involved in the problem ( use different sections )
ok gimme that orange problem * giggles *
( am going to use 3 people for the problem and I am going to use a relationship problem (cos they are so common) as the base for the orange)
the problem is my partner will not talk to me and I am getting angry
ok now, in my hand I hold 3 people sections and 4 problems sections
( why 4 problem sections?? , well, simple.)
I will call the problem sections PS for short
PROBLEM SECTIONS
PS1 my partner is not talking to me
PS2 I can’t talk to my partner about it
PS 3 it is affecting our relationship
PS4 I am letting the problem screw me up and I am hassling everybody about it and not looking at how to deal with it
PEOPLE SECTIONS
PS5 my partner who is not talking
PS6 me who is not talking about it to my partner and talking to everybody else
PS7 everybody else I am talking to about it
ok well, such a simple problem has turned really big now that I look at it fully
but hey out of 7 sections I can get rid of PS4 by accepting that there is a problem there and doing something about it instead of telling everybody else all about it and not actually talking to my partner
ok look at PS1 why is my partner not talking, ok, if I look around them, I may find an answer as to why we have the problem
my partner is not talking to me ABOUT the problem, but he is talking to me
maybe, they feels unable to talk about it at this stage, maybe they can’t handle it at this stage but are unsure about how to open up about it.
ok looking at PS1/ 2, I know my partner has a problem that they don’t talk about, ok I WILL accept that by saying to them, I am here to talk with you.
is getting on their back about it really going to help?????
also, how is your partner going to feel if you are telling people on the net and not opening a door for you both to talk about it
ok lets look at all the problem sections again
PS1 my partner is not talking to me
PS2 I can’t talk to my partner about it
PS 3 it is affecting our relationship
PS4 I am letting the problem screw me up and I am hassling everybody about it and not looking at how to deal with it
PS5 my partner who is not talking
PS6 me who is not talking about it to my partner and talking to everybody else
PS7 everybody else I am talking to about it
and lets look at how far we have come with it
PS1 my partner is not talking to me (they are trying to deal with it)
PS2 I can’t talk to my partner about it ( I am trying to make them talk about it)
PS 3 it is affecting our relationship ( how is it affecting us, or is it affecting me)
PS4 I am letting the problem screw me up and I am hassling everybody about it and not looking at how to deal with it ( why are you getting screwed up???)
PS5 my partner who is not talking (is it really that bad)
PS6 me who is not talking about it to my partner and talking to everybody else
I am part of the problem now, by making it my problem )
PS7 everybody else I am talking to about it ( I am involving everybody)
look at the orange again please, and take you out of the orange
PS1 my partner is not talking to me about something
PS5 my partner is not talking
oh hell, that is amazing
it is so easy to create a problem where that is not really a great issue
my partner is not talking about something that is not affecting the way we live and the way our relationship goes, but I feel that they have to talk about it with me. I feel that it is affecting our relationship and I am getting angry and screwed up cos I confront them about it and I expect them to talk and they don’t, so I am telling everybody about this problem that is not affecting our relationship, but I choose to see it as a problem that is screwing up the relationship, and so i then, make it affect our relationship
Want another drink?? my friend, and yes, most problems are along the same lines too, they are actually not as bad or as big as we make them out to be
try using the orange to see if you can break down your problems to find a easier way of dealing with them or solving them.
btw, there will be times when the problem is not able to be sorted out that easily
then you have two other ways of dealing with the problems
one is to spend your life complaining and feeling sorry for yourself
the other is to leave it all behind and start over again in your life
and please don’t look at me like that either, cos I have done it before in my life so I do know how hard it can be.
giggles how you ever noticed you are better at solving other peoples problems
it is because you are seeing the full picture, when in your own life, you are not looking at the full picture
sorry about the noise, my cat snores loudly, *giggles*, but I love him so much
so, does your day seem a bit better now, good to hear,
life is not bad, it is how we choose to view it.
here is a parting joke for you to enjoy and think about
surgeons have developed a new operation called a craptotomy, this operation is now available for people who have a direct connect between their eyeballs and rectum, this operation will help them to stop having a shitty view of life
hugs ya and loves ya , poet