Christmas Cheer!

[arana]

With the holidays less then a couple of weeks away I know a lot of you will be busier then ever trying to get last minute preparations taken care of. It's the season of lines, lines and more lines every where you go, stress and not so cheery people. Many of you may not be around much, if at all so I wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and safe holiday season.
Does anyone have any special plans, traditions, funnies or special memories they'd like to share?


Enjoy
My dear friends and family,

Somewhat embarrassing to admit, I'm not getting an annual
bonus and Christmas is tight this year. I will be making
bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know
your sizes. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid
idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the
instructions below:

How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads: You need four
maxi pads to make a pair. Two of them get laid out flat,
for the foot part. The other two wrap around the toe area
to form the top. Tape or glue each side of the top pieces
to the bottom of the foot part. Decorate the tops with
whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic

* Non-slip grip strips on the soles

* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh

* No more bending over to mop up spills

* Disposable and biodegradable

* Environmentally safe

* Three convenient sizes: Regular, Light and Get out the Sand Bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you
can see the nifty slippers for yourself.... Awaiting your
response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each for each one of you.

[arana]

A Christmas Story


'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.

He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year, Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?

The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.

The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.

And just when I thought that things would get better

Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,

They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny

Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits

They want the impossible--Those mean little shits

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds

Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,

They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment

I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,

I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

[littlerayofsunshine]

I about pmsl at all that you wrote. :tong: And I already have a pair of those slippers, not so comfortable but very absorbant. My kids also made me a wonderful cross and a wreath, I forgot to lock the cabinate :bigrin:


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Arana and all :) :santa:

and thanks for the laughs ((((hugs)))

[codybear3]

Thanks for the laffs...Those were funny...Those slippers will come in handy on those days that I cut my toe-nails to close to the skin...
The best solution to avoid the X-mas hassle is this...On Dec. 22, dis-own your whole family and friends and lock your front door...Then plead temporary insanity on the 26th and all should be forgiven... :bigrin:

For those of you that are too broke to buy gifts, make a X-mas card usin your PC and write the following....

Money is tight,
Times are hard,
Heres your fucking Christmas card...

:paw: :paw:

[chook]

LMFAO Arana, I thought your slippers were a pair of sanitary pads done up to say "Hey mate have yourself a Merry Christmas cause there aint no Christmas cheer coming from here" LOL..............Luvs ya sweetheart :kiss:


Ho Ho Fucking Ho!!!!!!!!!!!!! Merry Christmas from Downunder :santa: :santa: :santa:


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[yoyo4u]

Hey Guys!

This is a challenge from the girlz!
We need to come up with some gift item on our own, like.....balooon animals made of condom, or something!

Lets show them our inventive side :tongue:

love
yoyo

PS. Arana! You are hilarious!

[arana]

This isn't funny but very cool so I hope you'll enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com:80/watch?v=jgrQdxzFAtM

[meteast chick]

I've seen that before Arana, and yes, very cool.
I have a good pair of slippers so save urself the work hun.

Thought you'd get a kick outta this if you haven't seen it already, no matter how many times I do I still lmao! Luv ya girl!

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
everyone felt shitty
even the mouse

mom at the whorehouse
and dad smoking grass
I'd just settled down
for a nice piece of ass

when out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece
to see what's the matter

then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
it must be Saint Nick

He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment
the fat fucker fell

he filled all our stockings
with Playboys and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer

he rose up the chimney
with a thuderous fart
the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart

he swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight
piss on you all
and have one helluva night

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for those of you with a truly good un p.c. sense of humor, check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uexTqnlMbXg

luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxo
meteast

[Michael623]

Merry Christmas, Arana! You bring me great joy.

[arana]

Merry Christmas, Arana! You bring me great joy.Almond joy? lol :love87: I know, I'm a brat.


Christmas with Louise


As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace

Before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What

They say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every

Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor

Pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and

Went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at

Walmart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse

Yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?

You're kidding me! Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the

Inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute

As a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different

Models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do

Things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry.

I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale.

To call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to
Life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning

Hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose

With Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank

What remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled

For a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house

And left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog

Confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of

The family could admire her when they came over for the traditional
Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.

"What the hell is that?" she asked.

My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."

"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.

I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.

"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.

"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into the
Dining room.

But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one

Wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang
On!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me

And said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"

I told him she was Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not

Just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this

Might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who

Was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like

My father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty

Hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.

The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran

Across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth

Resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide

The cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from

A hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to
Perfect health!

[Michael623]

Ok, I take it back. I don't like Almond Joy, just pass mine around.

[arana]

Merry Christmas, Arana! You bring me great joy.
I hope you know how much you bring me too Sweetheart! :love87:

[ready4change0307]

I LOVE the Louise doll story!! Shoulda been a movie!!


Merry Christmas Everybody!!!!!

[arana]

I LOVE the Louise doll story!! Shoulda been a movie!!
Merry Christmas Everybody!!!!!
Ah yes, with the all star cast from bisex.com lol Now that would be funny!


Happy Holidays!!!
8 Shopping days left!

[bigregory]

Merry Christmas to all.HO HO HO:bipride: :bibounce:
Arana rocks..

[trip1]

Merry Christmas to everyone...Take care and be safe...

[Long Duck Dong]

* grins * i love christmas.....it comes once a year... messes up my life and and leaves.... no wait thats my ex.....ok... yeah christmas does that too

what i love about christmas is singing the christmas songs....

songs like tis the season...

tis the season to go bankrupt.
fa la la la la, la la la la
watch the bank manager go fuckin nuts
fa la la la la. la la la la
got sent a fax, saying our credits been axed
fa la la, la la la, la la la
its time to sell off the kids
fa la la la la. la la la la....

or how about jingle bells.....

jingle bells, what the hell
a orgy in the lounge
i am so happy,
its the best present i have found ..HEY...


we can't forget the sled song

fuckin in the snow,
enjoying all the foreplay
taking it hard up my ass
cos santa is a OUT gay

or how about white christmas

I'm fantasying about a white christmas
gonna make all the white stuff spray
i'll groan real loudly
and cum real proudly
as with my balls, i will play

but my favourite christmas thing is * twas the night before christmas *

Twas the night before christmas...
and peaceful in our home
til my wife nibbled on my ear
and gave a horny moan

oh baby, please fuck me,
and I don't care how...
up the ass, in my pussy
even in my mouth

quiet as a mice,
we snuck to the kitchen
looked in the fridge,
my cock was a twitching

now wifey get ready darling
I have a 12 inch erection,
my tongue is ready
and ya pussy needs inspecting

spread out on the kitchen table,
sucking my cock deeply
a 8 inch dildo in her hand
hows ya ass sweety ???

upon the roof we heard a loud sound.,
a voice that called out loudly
whoa there, rudolph,
fuck santa is rowdy

down the chimney
with a sack full of sex toys
are these what you need ??
please take your choice

quick as a flash
my wife grabbed a strap on
as santa yelled HO, HO HO,
his pants were suddenly gone

she rammed it up santa's ass
as I yelled GO girl GO
then she grabbed old nicks sack
and he started to blow

all over my face
right down my chest
the cum in my mouth
tasted the best

santa grabbed my wife
n sat her upon my face,
then straddled my hard cock,
and rode at a fast pace

that pussy was heaven...
that ass was so fine
my face got so fuckin wet
n my cock blew santas mind

we changed positions
for one final hard core shag
santa hard up her pussy
and i licked his ball bag

all 3 of us cum at once
my wife nearly drowned
santa smiled smiled widely
what fuckers i've found

santa left us with a smile
and his sack full of toys
as he waved goodbye
going to visit the gay boys

twas the best merry xmas
in our happy house
twas the best fuckin,
either of us had known

til we heard santas voice once
as he raced thru the air
I'm sorry my dear friends
but I have gonahorerra

[arana]

Long Duck Dong, I think you may be the man to head up our entertainment for the Christmas party!!! :tong:

[Long Duck Dong]

roflmao......

oh the dangers of a twisted mind lol

i am already in trouble....i had two plastic reindeer screwing ...and a plastic santa with a blow up rubber doll in his lap, on the front lawn... and a big sign that said merry FUCKING xmas ......and the local council ordered me to take it down.. sobs.....

they stated it was offensive and not suitable for display.... so i told them to have no santa parade or carol signing, cos it was offensive.... and they told me to go to hell.....lol....sighs ....lol

[arana]

2 More Days!
Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!
For those that don't celebrate have a great day!



Santa Stats
U.S. has 78 people registered under S. Claus and one under Kriss Kringle
December is the most popular month for nose jobs.
Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons.
Number of reindeers required to pull a 333,333-ton sleigh: 214,206 plus Rudolph.
Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour. With real beard: $20.
To deliver all his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second (at 3,000 times the speed of sound).
At that speed, Santa and his reindeers would instantaneously burst into flames in Earth's atmosphere just like meteors.

[arana]

Merry Christmas Everyone!