bigirl_inwv
Dec 10, 2006, 1:29 PM
I thought you all would get a kick out of this. Its about gay people...but hey, most of us here are at least half gay...right??
Gay people are taking over America. Not only are they taking over, they're redecorating the place. Twenty years ago they were hiding so deep in the closet that they were finding Christmas presents, which was alright because they weren't hurting anyone. Now however, they've emerged with the intention in their evil rainbow colored hearts of tearing down of our fine hetero society through any means possible. They want to work where we work, get married in our churches (because I am involved in all of the churches), turn our children gay, adopt orphaned kids with AIDS that nobody else wants, paint The White House vibrant colors, and change this nation of ours from a fearful capitalistic world power into a fantastic nation of love, acceptance, and general fabulosity! The gays have either got to shape up or ship out.
My strongest argument is quite simple: it's just not right. Unless it was the biggest mass misprint in human history, THE BIBLE clearly says that God wanted Adam and Eve to frolic and multiply, not Adam and Steve. The Bible alone may legislate what is and what isnt natural and what Gods wishes are, as plainly stated in the US Constitution. I've seen Siamese twins. I've seen the pyramids. I've even seen a platypus. These are all natural things, maybe theyre not clearly in The Bible as Gods plan, but I like to read between the lines, and let me tell you, it is not a part of God's or President Bush's plan for two men to huddle under the same umbrella.
It is understandable then that my concern is nothing but a justified caution for the well-being of our country. In fact, what place is more important to the safety of our country than the front lines? G.I. Joe has enough on his mind without having to worry that the man supposed to cover his behind thinks his behind is cute. It's not just on the battleground, but in the office. It's getting so that you can't even crack a sexist joke or pinch a wandering patootey without the new guy, Kenny, getting offended. I say if you don't like it, wear a big fluorescent sign that says "I AM NOT AN AMERICAN. I AM QUEER." This country is built on the fabric of diversity, so long as you swing that way. Indeed, whats happening is that the gays are making the rest of us less American with their fancy hair, trimmed nails, and exotic accents.
Gay crime is out there. Maybe you've never been mugged by a gay person, but that doesn't mean gay muggers dont exist. My house was broken into a couple times and the presumably hetero burglars had the decency to take our jewelry and television, which was understandable, but I continue to lie in fearful wait of the day when I will have to tell my wife, "Jane, they took your curtains." The real crime is not doing anything to stop them. Do not be fooled by their charm, as they are quite dangerous. I would sooner leave my son Timmy in the care of my alcoholic, known-sex-offending neighbor, who I suspect is growing something in his basement, than leave him with my gay brother in law, Francois.
I now propose that we invest a few billion dollars of taxpayer money in perhaps the greatest scientific endeavor of the last fifty years: the CURE for gayness. Cancer and AIDS can wait, they're not destroying America, gay people are. Deep down, I think this is what gay people want, too. Until such a time arrives that we can leave our homes safely, we should modify our color coded alert system to include the threat level of a gay takeover, I'm thinking maybe a ROY G. BIV format, violet meaning Grab your duct tape, Walker Texas Ranger Season Three DVD, and head for the hills. Anything to make America a better place. While we're at it, we could also come up with a cure for blackness. A cure for Jewishness. A cure for anyone that watches Oprah. Then we could all be the same and everyone could love everyone for who they are. Right? :bigrin: :tongue: :bigrin: :bigrin:
Gay people are taking over America. Not only are they taking over, they're redecorating the place. Twenty years ago they were hiding so deep in the closet that they were finding Christmas presents, which was alright because they weren't hurting anyone. Now however, they've emerged with the intention in their evil rainbow colored hearts of tearing down of our fine hetero society through any means possible. They want to work where we work, get married in our churches (because I am involved in all of the churches), turn our children gay, adopt orphaned kids with AIDS that nobody else wants, paint The White House vibrant colors, and change this nation of ours from a fearful capitalistic world power into a fantastic nation of love, acceptance, and general fabulosity! The gays have either got to shape up or ship out.
My strongest argument is quite simple: it's just not right. Unless it was the biggest mass misprint in human history, THE BIBLE clearly says that God wanted Adam and Eve to frolic and multiply, not Adam and Steve. The Bible alone may legislate what is and what isnt natural and what Gods wishes are, as plainly stated in the US Constitution. I've seen Siamese twins. I've seen the pyramids. I've even seen a platypus. These are all natural things, maybe theyre not clearly in The Bible as Gods plan, but I like to read between the lines, and let me tell you, it is not a part of God's or President Bush's plan for two men to huddle under the same umbrella.
It is understandable then that my concern is nothing but a justified caution for the well-being of our country. In fact, what place is more important to the safety of our country than the front lines? G.I. Joe has enough on his mind without having to worry that the man supposed to cover his behind thinks his behind is cute. It's not just on the battleground, but in the office. It's getting so that you can't even crack a sexist joke or pinch a wandering patootey without the new guy, Kenny, getting offended. I say if you don't like it, wear a big fluorescent sign that says "I AM NOT AN AMERICAN. I AM QUEER." This country is built on the fabric of diversity, so long as you swing that way. Indeed, whats happening is that the gays are making the rest of us less American with their fancy hair, trimmed nails, and exotic accents.
Gay crime is out there. Maybe you've never been mugged by a gay person, but that doesn't mean gay muggers dont exist. My house was broken into a couple times and the presumably hetero burglars had the decency to take our jewelry and television, which was understandable, but I continue to lie in fearful wait of the day when I will have to tell my wife, "Jane, they took your curtains." The real crime is not doing anything to stop them. Do not be fooled by their charm, as they are quite dangerous. I would sooner leave my son Timmy in the care of my alcoholic, known-sex-offending neighbor, who I suspect is growing something in his basement, than leave him with my gay brother in law, Francois.
I now propose that we invest a few billion dollars of taxpayer money in perhaps the greatest scientific endeavor of the last fifty years: the CURE for gayness. Cancer and AIDS can wait, they're not destroying America, gay people are. Deep down, I think this is what gay people want, too. Until such a time arrives that we can leave our homes safely, we should modify our color coded alert system to include the threat level of a gay takeover, I'm thinking maybe a ROY G. BIV format, violet meaning Grab your duct tape, Walker Texas Ranger Season Three DVD, and head for the hills. Anything to make America a better place. While we're at it, we could also come up with a cure for blackness. A cure for Jewishness. A cure for anyone that watches Oprah. Then we could all be the same and everyone could love everyone for who they are. Right? :bigrin: :tongue: :bigrin: :bigrin: