How come we don't "Munch"?

[skiflydive]

The BDSM community frequently engages in "Munches." (I have never been to one myself). A munch is a social get together, usually at a restaurant, where like minded people just get together to mingle and socialize. Since they are held in typically "vanilla" venues, the wearing of "scene garb" ie collars, domme outfits etc is strictly discouraged and discretion is vitally important lest the group alarm the other patrons. Contact information might be exchanged etc but nothing overt takes place. There also seem to be very strict community rules about maintaining the secrecy and discretion of those one might meet there. It's a good way for curious people and novices to find out a little more and meet people in the BDSM community

My question is...Why doesn't the Bi community engage in this practice? Maybe we do and I've never heard of it. Some, if not most of us, wouldn't be caught dead going into a gay bar, which besides bath houses and adult book stores seem to be the gay hookup places of choice. It seems like a nice meal among friends and those looking to be would be an innocuous non-threatening way to meet other like minded folks, which seems to be a common plea amongst these threads.

[DiamondDog]

Potluck dinners are a version of "munches".

No, sex isn't the main objective here as it's not an orgy or a sex party but it's a way to meet people besides from going to the bar/the bar scene, as even gay people can feel uncomfortable in gay bars.

[meta23]

The bi community in the Boston area meets for regular social gatherings. It doesn't happen as much here in Austin, I'm not sure why.

[pasco_lol_cpl]

I think the key would be to have a primarly bi focused group in any geogrpahic area to begin with. From there you can then organize munchies for social gratherings.

[chook]

I thought the munchies is something you get after smoking weed??????


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[Star Gazer]

I would enjoy meeting other bi people for lunch or social fun, a movie, etc.

Friendship is more important than sex.

[mannysg]

It would be great to meet like that. Being able to mingle with no expectations of physical contact would be cool. It would also be a neat way to explore friendships and/or attractions prior to any type of physical relationship developing (if one did develope).

[LoveLion]

There seem to be similar things like that on most big cities. BUt once again only in the big cities. That leaves alot of us out of luck.

[Lorcan]

I've been waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
Just tell me if someone in the Colorado Springs area wants to do this.

[suegeorge]

I've thought about this a bit myself, as in the UK now there are plenty of BDSM munches, but very few bi groups that meet (there used to be more, and they used to be more active).
I think it's because BDSM people have to meet other BDSM people in order to play with/have relationships with/ them. They can't just rely on meeting people in bars or at general social events. From what I can gather - I've never been to one myself - munches are sociable places to meet friends and potential friends but for many people there's also another side to it - they want to meet possible partners. Of course, it's nice, very nice, for bi people to meet each other but we can and usually do have relationships with people who aren't bi. That takes away some of the need to meet people in bi-specific situations. Sadly, in my opinion.
Sue

Bisexuality and beyond (http://suegeorgewrites.blogspot.com)

[bitony14]

I have to agree with you Sue, I think that people now who have bi-thoughts and feelings just don't FEEL the need to have, or gravitate towards a social circle, consisting entirely of folk who know about their sexuality and who are positive about it. If they did then there would be many more busy social groups/gatherings of bisexuals in the UK at least.
When it comes to meeting a partner bisexuals don't, it appears to me, seem to make the same assumptions or have the same orientation expectations about their potential partner that str8s or gays. So, a str8 woman who gets into a relationship with a man might assume and to some extent expect him to be str8 unless he tells her otherwise. The same would apply to two men (or women) where one of them self-identified as gay. Both the str8 woman and the gay guy see nothing wrong in applying an "orientation standard" to their intimate relationships. Bisexuals don't appear to do this, they don't say to themselves "I only want another bi person as a partner or to make friends with." Consequently, in general the drive to go out, socialise and even eventually mate with another bi-person just is not there. Its as though being bi is not a stable or positive life condition for many who want to experience and enjoy bisexual sex. It’s more like pool or oasis which one can dip into occasionally to cool off when the sexual heat gets to one. In short its convenient and we don‘t put much money into it.
I can’t tell you how many bisexual/bi-curious men have approached me and my partner in one way or another for a threesome but have an unknowing female partner tucked up at home either because:-

he just can't tell her that he likes the feel of a mans cock in his mouth (just like she does)
he has tried to discuss it but got a frosty reception.
he just wants to fuck my wife but will suck my cock if he has to!

Its more the rule than the exception. She just expects him to be str8 and not lie about it, (forgive the pun). He, however does not see her sexuality as good enough reason to end the relationship.

When I’ve been to an advertised bi-social events the place is almost always deserted, 10 -15 people max, mostly male and this in a city of over 6 million people. Two other observations lead me to my final conclusion as to why we don’t munch.
I’ve heard it said and read it on many occasions that a single bi women are rare. So much so they have gained the label of unicorn, a beautiful yet mythical creature. This appears to be true since many bi women appear to be in relationships with str8 men or looking for one another.
Just take a look on www.gaydargirls.co.uk. One look at any swingers listings and many if not the majority of couples I would guess are str8 male, bi fem if the descriptors are to be believed. Now how does that happen? These women don’t appear to see it as necessary to choose a man where the presence of bisexuality in his makeup is of enough importance to sway her attractions his way.
I’m not saying that seeking a long term partner is everyone’s primary goal but the energy that the sexual drive creates is not something the bi-community has been able to harness in its favour and so carve out places where bi’ s can safely socialise. For instance, it would be a brave person who would financially risk opening a bi bar as opposed to a gay bar as the thrust of their marketing strategy.
All in all I think the reason we don’t munch is lack of trust. Bisexuals just don’t trust each other enough. The women don’t trust the men and so go in search of what they need elsewhere and the men don’t trust or befriend one another maybe for not wanting to ‘end up being gay.’
Maybe things are different in the US. It’s never that simple of course and there’s so much more to say on this but I felt I wanted to contribute.
(Jeez, I know you lot a gonna rough me up now but I truly love bi people really wish we could get/stand together more).

:bipride:

[wanderingrichard]

was involved in another online "community" sevral years back, while living in olympia, and some of the local members [ i'm talking people traveling as much as 30 miles one way ] started meeting every wed. night at a sports bar... nothing overtly sexual, just a night with friends, drinks, bistro style food ,and the opportunity to meet new faces and put names on them and have a roaring good time..[ making sense??]

we've covered this here in other fora, but always on a wishful, macro scale.. it would be great to have a convention or conference style get together some place central to all of us, but lets face facts...not everyone will ever be able to afford the time or the money or whatever to get to toronto, alberta, chicago, las vegas, miami, tenerife, sao paulo, etc.

so, why dont we organize into regional or smaller chapters and groups that can meet locallly??? how many would drive say 50 miles to attend ?? how many of you drive that now just to "hook up" ??
and no, i am definitely not advocating that we split from our online home here, far from it.. what i am advocating is possible social interaction that we can all participate in...

so, calling all western washington residents: where are you, where would you like to meet, and when?

contact me via offboard email using my hotmail /msn account.. my yahoo is toast right now
Rich

[Lorcan]

I can’t tell you how many bisexual/bi-curious men have approached me and my partner in one way or another for a threesome but have an unknowing female partner tucked up at home

You're are depressing me with your true words.

The fact is most bis are content to live half their lives out in the open and the other half kept in the closet. And why? Because they can.

I mean, if your completely gay you have to decide whether your WHOLE life will be in the open or be in the closet. That's a more compelling reason to come out.

[LoveLion]

So, why dont we organize into regional or smaller chapters and groups that can meet locallly

I think that would be a great Idea. I would love to meet other Bi people just to talk and such. Id really like to see something in the Toronto area. Unfortunately for me it would be near impossible to go seeing as I am working and in high school and living at home. "By mom, just driving into Toronto for a few days! no reason why!" wouldn't really fly. Soon Ill be moving out and most likely to the city after I get back form Scotland.

[bearisbare]

I think that would be a great Idea. I would love to meet other Bi people just to talk and such. Id really like to see something in the Toronto area.

Indeed, there is a Toronto monthly bisexual brunch on the second Sunday of every month at noon. Details are in the Events area.

[wanderingrichard]

well???

[jedinudist]

The BDSM community frequently engages in "Munches." (I have never been to one myself). A munch is a social get together, usually at a restaurant, where like minded people just get together to mingle and socialize. Since they are held in typically "vanilla" venues, the wearing of "scene garb" ie collars, domme outfits etc is strictly discouraged and discretion is vitally important lest the group alarm the other patrons. Contact information might be exchanged etc but nothing overt takes place. There also seem to be very strict community rules about maintaining the secrecy and discretion of those one might meet there. It's a good way for curious people and novices to find out a little more and meet people in the BDSM community

My question is...Why doesn't the Bi community engage in this practice? Maybe we do and I've never heard of it. Some, if not most of us, wouldn't be caught dead going into a gay bar, which besides bath houses and adult book stores seem to be the gay hookup places of choice. It seems like a nice meal among friends and those looking to be would be an innocuous non-threatening way to meet other like minded folks, which seems to be a common plea amongst these threads.

For me the answer would have to be because I don't need to. I'm not bisexual "for the sex", I'm just bisexual. I live my life day to day, work, etc., just like most of the the other people I know. My sexuality doesn't define my life, thus it (unless I'm feeling rather "randy") doesn't take the forefront in my life. I have signed up to volunteer at our local GLBT community center (if I ever get a spare evening to do so!) but that's about it.

My orientation does not define who i want to hang out with or be friends with. Pesonalities, beliefs, and behavior do that for me.

[softfruit]

I've thought about this a bit myself, as in the UK now there are plenty of BDSM munches, but very few bi groups that meet (there used to be more, and they used to be more active).

I'm still not entirely convinced about that -- that is, there being fewer. On paper, when you look at the listings in Bi Community News and compare them to what there was in Bi Monthly or BiFrost it looks a lot more active. But how many of those groups were actually going at any one time, and how many were out-of-date listings where no-one reported that the group had folded? When Leeds group went on hiatus last summer we knew about it at BCN immediately, whereas back in the day we would probably have never heard.

The only place I can be sure on is Manchester, where I live. There were at the peak of things here (1998 or so) five different bi groups meeting on a regular basis - mostly monthly. Now, there are just two. But those five groups tended to have overwhelmingly the same people in them - and while then you met up with one another on a more formalised calendar, now email lists and LiveJournal and such have made things much more free-form. I'd say the level of people-involvement is as good as it's ever been.

And for those of you who want bi munches in your neck of the woods, the net has made it so much easier to make it happen. Ten years ago you'd be putting up posters and sticking leaflets in libraries and bars around town... these days instead you get to stay in the warm and dry getting yourself onto google!

(for anyone in the UK wanting to know where the nearest bi group to them is, see
the Bi Community News website (http://www.bicommunitynews.co.uk/)).

[TorontoGuy2007]

i assume lots of the big cities have groups and organizations that do this.. i know it happens here in Toronto for sure.

[animated_Alan]

One of the things that really appeals to Kara and I would be finding another couple o group that we can socialize with without having to avoid the subject of sexuality. We don't want to make anyone uncomfortable talking about it, so we just avoid the subject. If the subject ever came up, I am totally honest about it. But to have a group or another couple that we can be completely honest with in discussing our lives would be great. Especially for Kara. To have a couple or person that she can speak with about HER side of the equation would go a long way to giving her an outlet that up til now she hasn't had.

[nonsequitur]

When I lived in Melbourne (Australia) there was a bi group who used to meet once a month at a local bar.
A room was rented and people turned up around 4pm and people sat around chated, drank, played pool and if late enough we went out to restaurants for meals.
It was very casual more a space for those just out or nervous about bi lifestyle to realise we were just "normal" people.

[ghytifrdnr]

For WanderingRichard,
The Port Townsend GLBT bunch holds an "Out to Lunch" at a restaurant every Wednesday at 1pm. Being very warm and comfy here in my closet, I've never attended.