How do i experiment in college?

[tgqp34]

Hey guys,
I'm enrolled at a big university, and am becoming pretty well known and am involved in a fraternity and a few other organziations. My problem is that im bi-curious, but it MUST be discreet. The positions that i hold and organizations that im involved in would totally reject me if that fact was well known. I dont know what to do. I think there are a few bi guys on campus that would experiment with me, but i can't risk any rumors getting started. Has anyone ever done this before? any advise. I'm not ashamed of who I am, but I'm not going to sacrifice success and opportunities that come from the stuff that I'm involved in for a few romps in the bedroom. Its tough being a freshman..lol

Im also curious if there are any bi-communities in Oklahoma?

[biChris_m]

Well, you just have to keep looking. You are in college and there are other guys out there in the same situation. It helps to befriend someone who, like you, wants to be discreet. I was in grad school when I experienced my first time with an undergrad friend. We had common interests (organizations, etc.) and got really comfortable with each other to the point that it happened naturally. Of course a little bit of alcohol helps :bigrin:

[Long Duck Dong]

roflmao......its amazing how we are controlled by sex

trying to hide sexual encounters is like trying to hide the light from a light house at night time

Don't try to hide sexual encounters or be discreet.... its how you will must likely be caught out....just slowly move around and you will find others that seek the same....and thats when you need to NOT suddenly change your routine... but allow the encounters to happen in a way that would normally involve ya schedule

i do help out a P.I where i live....and he said, that 99% of people get caught out cos they try to hide something.. and the safest place for something is out in the open where everybody can see it
one case that he had, involved a bisexual male... it took us 7 months to crack the case....cos it was happening right under his wifes nose....
he was a hunter, a self employed man, belonging to social groups etc and showed no signs of cheating....BUT, the smart bastard has employed bisexual people, hunted with bisexual friends and belonged to bi friendly groups....
imagine being paid to fuck the boss during work hours....lol...or playing hunt the penis while ya friends are getting the kills out in the bush
how did we caught him.... grins... easy....he was bisexual....i am bisexual... it was easy to start moving in the same circles and nail him

[Lorcan]

oh please!
You're in college! College is where you're supposed to experiment. You sound like a 40 year old career minded man. This "succuss" isn't worth you being unhappy. Imagine turning 40 with a wife of 25 years, and realizing that you can't do it anymore cuz you didn't experiment in college and you really want a man in your life. Seize the day! Go to the Gay dances!

[SLIMES]

My situation isn't completely different. I'm in the closet and I foten use gay chat rooms such as 'chat avenue'. They can be a bit seedy but with a bit of patience you can find someone in your area who is in a similar position.

I was on there once talking to a guy at my uni who wanted to experiment. We talked for a bit and excahnged info about each other. After about 15 mins he said: "Sorry but you seem to match the description of someone I've heard of. I don't think we've actually met but I thinkwe may have a mutual friend". I think i know who it is and we have met (as if you'd recognise a friend of a friend from a basic description) :rolleyes: He then got cold feet and left.

The point I'm trying to make is that there are plenty of online sources where closet cases want to meet up. Mutually assured destruction is a powerful tool so you might want to try finding someone with the same fears as you. (Shame we're so far apart ;) ).

Going to gay clubs will start rumours but won't get you anyone who wants to 'experiment'.

[LoveLion]

You just got into uni man. This is a brand new opportunity to start a new life where you dont have to hide who you are. Your high school days are over and your not at home anymore, all the lying can be gone with it. Take this new opportunity to start an honest life. If you think you are going to get rejected form certain groups, then do you really wanna be a part of them? And I think you'll find Uni is a much more open and accepting environment.

[DiamondDog]

Going to gay clubs will start rumours but won't get you anyone who wants to 'experiment'.

I disagree.
I've made some of my best friends and had some of the best sex ever from friends I met in gay bars/clubs.

Anyway, go to gay bars/clubs, social groups, or you can probably find lots of closeted guys in your fraternity.

[Avocado]

Mate I'm not being funny but what are you doing in organisations that would reject you if they knew you're bi? In my opinion uni is for having fun, getting drunk maybe stoned, and possibly finding someone and/or getting pulled - and of course getting that degree at the end of it as well. I don't regret a thing because I might not be with my fiancee had I done things differently. But if I was in that situation again (and it had no bearing on how things have turned out now) I would have 1) been stronger and freer, and 2) been less afraid of people up here finding out I'm bi. Obviously you might not want it to get back to your family. I don't see how it would though.

[izzfan]

I'm in university at the moment and I have had a lot of fun experimenting (haven't been with any women yet though lol). But then again, they don't tend to have fraternities in UK universities so peer groups aren't really a problem for me (at least half of my friends are LGBT). If u have acess to the interenet in an area where ur mates are unlikely to see it, maybe consider joining a gay meeting/chat site such as 'Gaydar' (there are Bi ppl on it too...its not all gays). As for having to "sacrifice sucess and opportunities", you're probably better off without the homophobes/biphobes who will deny you this purely on the basis of who u have slept with.... If u stayed with them then you would have the awful paranoia of being even deeper in the closet (the closet is a dark, lonely place to be in....try and stay out of it as much as possible if circumstances permit).
I completely agree with Lovelion's point about Univeristy. I started in September and I had promised myself in August that I would join the university's LGBT society. The fact is that I pretty much came out compeletely within the first few days and it was GREAT....Sersiously, use university to the full, I mean no-one knows you there and if u come out at the start then no-one is really going to care (because they haven't seen the closeted 'pre-university' side of you).

Good Luck

Izzfan

[skiflydive]

36 years ago I had a golden opportunity to "experiment" with a guy in college. I was really tempted and we were definitely attracted to each other. I didn't do it because of "what might happen if people find out" I regret it to this day. I really hate the "if onlys"

[bigirl_inwv]

I was in a sorority at my University and when they found out that I was bisexual and that my fiance and I were swingers I was called to standards to have my membership reviewed. They asked me if I was going to stop being open about it and I flat out told them no. They were stunned. Then I told them that I didn't have to pay for a group of people who didn't support me, that I could get that anywhere. And I quit. I realized that if that is the way things were going to be then I didn't need it anyway. Those girls who I was close to, I still consider my sisters, even if I can no longer wear the letters across my chest.

I started a petition against the sorority and now they have a national rule that they cannot descriminate based on sexual orientation of any kind. It sucks that Im not in it anymore, but I guess all changes have to start with someone.

My advice is, if you are really worried about them finding out, don't do it. Things that you do will always come out, no matter how hard you try to keep it a secret. The only sure way for no one to find out is for it not to happen.

[leizy]

I just wish that I HAD experimented in college. I dealt with the same fears you do, and let them frighten me out of explorations that I now desperately regret missing. The story goes, that old folks interviewed in retirement homes say "I wish I had taken more chances, not played it so safe." That's their one regret, don't let it be yours...

d

[leizy]

And by the way - You're a really cute guy - I doubt you'll have any problems finding someone to experiment with. Wear a lab coat, get out the speculum and the test tubes, and get to work!

[darkeyes]

roflmao......its amazing how we are controlled by sex

trying to hide sexual encounters is like trying to hide the light from a light house at night time

Don't try to hide sexual encounters or be discreet.... its how you will must likely be caught out....just slowly move around and you will find others that seek the same....and thats when you need to NOT suddenly change your routine... but allow the encounters to happen in a way that would normally involve ya schedule

i do help out a P.I where i live....and he said, that 99% of people get caught out cos they try to hide something.. and the safest place for something is out in the open where everybody can see it
one case that he had, involved a bisexual male... it took us 7 months to crack the case....cos it was happening right under his wifes nose....
he was a hunter, a self employed man, belonging to social groups etc and showed no signs of cheating....BUT, the smart bastard has employed bisexual people, hunted with bisexual friends and belonged to bi friendly groups....
imagine being paid to fuck the boss during work hours....lol...or playing hunt the penis while ya friends are getting the kills out in the bush
how did we caught him.... grins... easy....he was bisexual....i am bisexual... it was easy to start moving in the same circles and nail him

Not absolutely sure me agrees wiv this entirely tho think it at least as gud as sneakin round hidin things... therein lies inevitable fall. Also shows wot kinda life peeps gonna lead wen they go in2 big wild world.

Wen me went 2 uni, also huge uni, old bit staid an hugely diverse, met a wee girl who is 2 day is me best mate. Day we met wos day 1 of our 1st year an hit it off like house on fire.

Now 2 cut long story short.. me wos out at the time, so wos she, an cos we wer such gr8 m8s most reckoned we wer at it. Nuthin cud b further from truth.. 2 bi girls ud expect us 2 b wudnt ya? But we neva hav been luvvers, neva hav not even once had sex. She is a yummie warm hearted funny an sexy girl, an we hav always wondered wy we neva got it togetha. Me knows her partner jus dusnt believe us, an neitha duz lotsa otha peeps, but its a fact. Every 1 at uni thought we wer sleepin 2 getha, which is in part true cos we did an even 2 day do share a bed, but such is the chattin an gigglin goes on wot time we hav for sex? We best friends an always will b, but neva b luvvers, cos our freindship jus means 2 much 2 both of us.

So woteva ya do at uni, or in the big bad world, peeps will c wot they wont 2..or conversely blind themselves 2 wot they don wanna c. Human relationships r hugely complex, an howeva we decide 2 conduct ourselves, nuthin is more certain than ther unpredicatability an the unpredictability of the human observor.

[tgqp34]

LOL. i know i sound like a whiney old man, but its true. like 4 months ago, i wouldve knocked someone's teeth out if they said i'd ever want to be with a man. And now i do, and its hard to accept it when i've grown up BEING the homophob. I run around with a bunch of bar fightin' playboys, and i've only realized that i want to EXPERIMENT in the last few months. I'm still very straight in that i want relationships with girls, but hookups with guys occasionally. The transition is hard. these guys ARENT right in the way they look at this community,i know that, but they're my life long brothers. most of these people HAVE known me my whole life. i grew up an hour away from the campus. But thanks alot for the input and support. thats why i joined this site. My only question is HOW did you meet people in college to hook up with discreetly? Did you just KNOW or was it like a drunken night thing? I havent really tried gay bars or anything. im sure i WILL meet someone thats up for what i want, but im just getting impatient..lol. Oh and thanks Leizy for the compliment...

[leizy]

I understand how hard your struggle is. You might need to spend some time, figuring things out. Don't rush into stuff. Look at some various questions:

1. Are you going to stay in this area your whole life?
2. Are any of your lifelong friends able to accept this? In you, or others?
3. What, exactly, are you looking for or fantasizing about, in men? Just sex, intimacy, kissing, etc?
4. I know that I felt similarly, that my bisexuality or at least bisexual feelings/thoughts just sort of "sprang up" in mid-early college years, but upon introspection, I was able to identify places and issues where I could say, yeah, it really was there all along. Looking at that may help you to find ways to accept that this is part of you.

Overall, I encourage you to spend time examining what bisexuality means to you. I know there's the urge to "experiment," get out there and satisfy these urges, but there may be more to this. For many bisexuals, their bisexuality goes deeper than just occasionally wanting to have sexual contact with the same sex. I know I earlier said "get out there and experiment," but I think a more thoughtful, sensitive answer is to take this opportunity, to find out what this issue really means to you. If you find out that it's just an itch, fine, go on a vacation to another city, and "safely" scratch that itch. If it's more, or less than that, you have a better idea of what you're looking for, and what impact these needs may really have upon your life...

[bboy121]

Besides Craigslist, I just stumbled upon a good site that might fit your needs.http://www.dlgaze.com is a good site for discreet and closeted guys in the US and abroad. You might want to check it out.

[lokione]

How many times have you said or heard this? "I wish I had it to do all over again".

I took a huge step this year and decided that my sexuality is mine. I own it. I'm not prancing about yelling I'm bi, but if asked I tell people that I consider myself omni sexual. If they freak out it's on them.

That said I understand the pressures of trying to fit in, especially in college. But I also understand the price you pay for not being who you really are.

So take a ski trip to Colorado, you can stay with us and experiment all you like;)

[Realist]

College was a magnificent time for me. I had two relationships with a couple of the most brilliant and sensuous people of my life. In fact, being with them were events that never happened before, or since.

1. I had a classmate who was a male bisexual. He was one of the prettiest guys I ever knew. My GF talked him into allowing her to dress him and do his makeup. He was absolutely stunning, but steadfastly refused to leave the apartment dressed that way. We both were positive that no one could tell he was a male!

2. I had the most unusual and sensual relationship with a bi-curious black girl, who's early life was influenced by the same racial prejudices and conservative values as mine was. We both, however, were not influenced by our parents, in that vein. Neither of us could see a reason to hate anyone, just because of their ethnicity.

Regrets? Maybe the fact that we three never did have a 3-some. Although we often discussed it and I was intimate with them both, we never were together, all at once.

[AidanS57]

Wow, major bumpage of a really old thread.

I did my share in college and continued throughout my life, but just since meeting my lady have I had an experience I never thought I would. That opened my eyes a bit, it's never the when it's just the who.

[fredtyg]

I'll have to say I'm a bit surprised to read this. I was under the impression that universities were a place where people could be whoever they wanted to be (as long as you're not conservative).

I'm not sure I understand the concern. You don't have to make a speech in front of the entire student body declaring yourself bisexual. Just live your sex life as you want to and be discreet.

There can be downsides to people finding out about you, depending on what social circles you hang with, but I've found the biggest problem with people finding out results from guys who try to hide it. If you're open about it, most folks just shrug it off.

You don't need to shout your sex preferences from the rooftops. Keep it to yourself but, if someone asks, tell them the truth.

[Annika L]

Besides Craigslist, I just stumbled upon a good site that might fit your needs.http://www.dlgaze.com is a good site for discreet and closeted guys in the US and abroad. You might want to check it out.

LOL, um...I'm afraid that in all likelihood he would have graduated last year. :tong:

(Hopefully your link can help others currently in that situation.)

[darkeyes]

I'll have to say I'm a bit surprised to read this. I was under the impression that universities were a place where people could be whoever they wanted to be (as long as you're not conservative).

I'm not sure I understand the concern. You don't have to make a speech in front of the entire student body declaring yourself bisexual. Just live your sex life as you want to and be discreet.

There can be downsides to people finding out about you, depending on what social circles you hang with, but I've found the biggest problem with people finding out results from guys who try to hide it. If you're open about it, most folks just shrug it off.

You don't need to shout your sex preferences from the rooftops. Keep it to yourself but, if someone asks, tell them the truth.

Actually, certainly over here its not quite true what you say.. unis are freer and easier and more relaxed about homosexuality than society as a whole, especially in non religious, and left of centre circles,.. they have vibrant lgbt societies which are usually fun. No one really gives a bugger, except the bigots of which there remain many and also the foriegn intake most notably from eastern Europe and Islamic ountries, but a goodly number of them seem to be quite happy to secretly involve themseves in same sex fucking, so deep down as far as they are concerned the public image is all (in genral I do excuse the foriegn intake from this hypocrisy but it exists there too) but word tends to get round about them, and most gay and bi people either give them a wide berth, fuck and expose them (of which I do NOT approve even allowing for their hypocrisy), fuck them and try and keep it secret out of embarrassment cos of the ridicule they will get from much of the student body.

If you are worried about ur public image, I suggest you dont bother because the chances of it becoming widely known are quite high, as more than a few "heterosexual" public figures in this country have found to their cost in days gone by. It is best just to be open about it, but many, no matter their political, cultural and religious leanings do not feel able to do this for reasons of their own.. and that is their right.. but they should be aware that universities are like small towns.. word invariably gets out who is screwing who. While there is more tolerance and acceptance in our universities, there is also a great deal of gossip, and back stabbing just like in small towns.. the chances of keeping ur sex affairs secret, str8 bi or gay from the student body or for that matter the uni academics and staff is less than in general society..

So think on it.. you pay your money and you make your choice!

[bynpm]

I only wish that I was back in college to have the opportunity again. I am bicurious and have not done much yet, went to a bathhouse once, and have been to several nude beaches. Looking back I SHOULD have explored bisexuality in college, just go for it.

[dafydd]

Hey guys,
I'm enrolled at a big university, and am becoming pretty well known and am involved in a fraternity and a few other organziations. My problem is that im bi-curious, but it MUST be discreet. The positions that i hold and organizations that im involved in would totally reject me if that fact was well known. I dont know what to do. I think there are a few bi guys on campus that would experiment with me, but i can't risk any rumors getting started. Has anyone ever done this before? any advise. I'm not ashamed of who I am, but I'm not going to sacrifice success and opportunities that come from the stuff that I'm involved in for a few romps in the bedroom. Its tough being a freshman..lol

Im also curious if there are any bi-communities in Oklahoma?

how great is ur need for cock?
if your status is too important in your organisations of illustrious straight prestige, then don't go within a football field length of cock.
there is no such thing as discreet at college. someone will catch you, when u least expect it.

come out and you'll be a lot happier. nobody who 'experiments' at colllege, does it saying 'im experimenting'.... that just sends signals that ur a closet gay.

just be cool about it. tell them to go fuck themselves if they think its a problem. the whole point of sleeping with men is that they want balls. which is what this situation requires.

sorry i gotta be honest....but mate there's nothing wrong with being bi....what other answer do u expect...this is bisexual.com...we WANT more out bi people. Anybody to advise less should be ashamed of themselves.

[bidirectional]

Dafydd & bynpm- I think he graduated already. This thread is 5+ years old. His last post was in 2007. I think he's probably Bi-curious in his career by now, IF he found a job in this economy.