Dumped?

[Herbwoman39]

I met a nice lady on BiCupid and we started emailing. Then today we chatted on Yahoo for about an hour. She suggested we talk on the phone tonight, so at 9pm I called her and we talked about inconsequential things. After about 10-12 minutes she asked if she could call me back in 10 minutes. I said sure. We hung up. She didn't call back and it's now 11:30. There was no email, either.

Have I been dumped?

It's been so long since I've dated I'm just not sure. I don't want to call or email because I don't want to overstep my boundaries.

Any ideas? (Other that sit on my thumbs and wait, that is)

[Chaia]

I think you shouldn't decide that you have been dumped just yet. Perhaps she had something else going on tonight and just couldn't call you back. My advice is to wait until tomorrow evening--if she hasn't emailed or called by then, you can send her an email and just check to make sure she is okay.
Chaia

[Emma7669]

I feel for you sweetie, I do. I'd send her an e-mail since she probably won't be calling anymore tonight. If it were me, I'd say something like, "sorry there was a problem connecting tonight, maybe we can do it again?" and see what kind of response you get. Give her a chance in case there was a problem you aren't/weren't aware of. If she doesn't respond, then you'll have your answer.

Good luck, hon.

Marie

[animalat54]

I feel for you sweetie, I do. I'd send her an e-mail since she probably won't be calling anymore tonight. If it were me, I'd say something like, "sorry there was a problem connecting tonight, maybe we can do it again?" and see what kind of response you get. Give her a chance in case there was a problem you aren't/weren't aware of. If she doesn't respond, then you'll have your answer.

Good luck, hon.

Marie
I think that I would just get over it and move on.Il Love you to sweetie.

[anne27]

I agree with Chaia, wait a while then email. Ya never know what could be happening on the other end. Perhaps an emergency came up.

Whatever the reason, I hope it works out for ya, hon!

[Herbwoman39]

She fell asleep! She told me she was tired (and sounded sleepy) when we talked. But the poor thing fell asleep and woke back up at 11:30.

But she said I sounded nice and wanted to talk again some time. :)

[anne27]

I'm glad for ya, hon!

Dating women is a difficult thing. We, as women, don't really know how to 'court' other women. Someone needs to put put a woman dating women how-to book ;).

[IanBorthwick]

One thing I have learned from relationships is this...it's hard not to assume the worst but we are taught to do just that. Our minds become musclebound with suspicion, and only excercised when we jump to conclusions. No rancor here, Herbwoman, just making a point, ok? We get taught this way from an early age by TV, media, friends gossiping...etc. Best to use Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's methods and wait to see what unfolds. And in the absence of data don't let the worst be the only thing that bubbles to the surface.

:bibounce:

[johnnie2]

Herbwoman39, I was chatting with a local guy for a few months and all of a sudden he stopped writing. He wanted to meet, But I wanted to get to know him a little more. He was like me, Bi and married and he said I was all he was looking for. It's been just over a month and nothing now.. Kinda feeling like you did.. Did I get dumped? We were just about ready to meet.. DAMN!! :(
I sent one email, But like you, Don't want to overstep my boundaries. Haven't heard back.. So here I sit and wait and hope :(

[Herbwoman39]

One thing I have learned from relationships is this...it's hard not to assume the worst but we are taught to do just that. Our minds become musclebound with suspicion, and only excercised when we jump to conclusions. No rancor here, Herbwoman, just making a point, ok? We get taught this way from an early age by TV, media, friends gossiping...etc. Best to use Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's methods and wait to see what unfolds. And in the absence of data don't let the worst be the only thing that bubbles to the surface.

:bibounce:

Ian;

I appreciate any input and know that no negativity was intended on your part sweetie. You're right. We're trained to expect the worse but hope for the best. It's unfair and breeds insecurity.

I'm not familiar with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's method. Would you care to educate me?

Thanks for the support from everyone. I appreciate it from all of you. Anne27 is correct: we need a woman-dating-woman handbook.

[IanBorthwick]

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote the Sherlock Holmes stories and his method was thus;

1) One cannot form a hypothesis in a vaccuum. As Holmes once told Watson,"Data, data, DATA, Watson! YOu do not expect a potter to ply his craft without clay. I cannot very well form an answer without data!"

2) Discard no information until you have truly ruled it is of no consequence to the question at hand, and even then hold it in reserve should new information come to light.

3) "I never engage in wild speculation, Watson." This one is related to the first, but not directly so. It was his response when he had no information and was asked to give advice.

4) Once you eliminate all possibilities, whatever is left, however unlikely or impossible it may seem, must be the truth.

5) And something that I can add that isn't part of the Canon of Sir Arthur's work: Why is not a question one should ask until all the facts are known and able to be regarded in their turn. Seeking motive before understanding what has occurred is a never ending spiral of erroneous conclusion and wild speculation. The reasons something CAN occur are infinite, therefore it is like couting the grains of sand on a beach...not productive. The most important questions to understanding start with the word "What".

"What do I see before me?" was the usual, though unprinted, question Holmes seemed to ask first. Motive and reason to the entire affair was never brought to light or asked for until all the facts were known and the suspect apprehended.

In the case of your love interest your first question should have been,"What could occur to make her not call me back?" Until that was answered no logical progression to the next question could truly occur. The next should have been,"What do I know about her life and the day?" then the rest requires imagination, placing yourself in the shoes of the other person. Holmes did it often and berated the police for their lack of imagination, for he showed that it allowed him to track the next step ALMOST everytime.

Hope that helps. But I think that a bit of good reading will do us all a world of good.

221b Baker Street (http://221bakerstreet.org)

Thanks for letting me rant. ;)

[suegeorge]

Dating women is a difficult thing. We, as women, don't really know how to 'court' other women. Someone needs to put put a woman dating women how-to book ;).


It's called "The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks" (http://www.amazon.com/Straight-Girls-Guide-Sleeping-Chicks/dp/0743258533/sr=8-1/qid=1163184857/ref=sr_1_1/103-9536843-1569454?ie=UTF8&s=books)

I thought I would hate it (cos of the title) but actually it does help. It does assume your interest in women is peripheral to your interest in men, though.

Bisexuality and beyond (http://suegeorgewrites.blogspot.com)

[Herbwoman39]

Oh but my dear Ian you are presupposing that I actually engage my logical, thinking mind when dealing with relationships. I am a tad insecure in new situations and thus and a wee bit neurotic which adds up to a great deal of wild speculation on my part that usually includes phrases like "Did I say something wrong?" or "Did I babble too much?" (I do this when nervous) ;)

I read a few Sherlock Holmes novels when I was in my early teens and going through my mystery phase. I had forgotten the method. Thank you for the refresher course my dear :)

[IanBorthwick]

Truly I was supposing nothing. I surmised you weren't doing what I knew you should, there is where the calamitous sense of dread and worry began. From what I could tell you began with fears and nameless dreads...then progressed to everything you MIGHT have done wrong. From there comes the nailbiting and the pacing, ideas you should try and distract yourself from worry...which brought you here at last. Not much of a distraction at all, for it was an outlet which only bred more worry.

When I saw this post I immediately thought to interject some ideas that would truly distract, or at least begin introspection as to what was happening. Almost like slapping someone that is hysterical, or a more apt analogy would be posing a riddle to someone when they cannot stop the mind from whirling feverishly through other troubles. ;)

Glad you are feeling better.