Why is it so Hard to meet other Bi Cpls?

[ncbeachgoers]

We have had an extremely difficult time finding and meeting other Bi Cpls. Does anyone else have the same problem??
We are not bad looking, overzealous, or mean, pushy or cold, we are just avg kinky Bi People, who have no problem hooking up occasionaly with single people, just cpls......

Any Suggestions?? It seems cpls initially start up conversation, then vanish...
Rob and Charity

[arana]

Since I'm not a part of a couple or looking for one, but have seen this question a lot, it does make me curious also. In theory you'd think it would be an easy task since there are so many who are looking for each other with the same thing in mind. I wonder if it in part has anything to do with the fact that there are so many personalities involved and thus more conflicts? It's hard enough for people to find each other on a one to one basis that like each others personalities and are physically attracted to each other; Then you bring in a third and/or fourth (or more for some of you) where not everyone has the same ideas and agendas. Also you have a couple that are familiar with each other, knows the others likes and dislikes so the people coming into the relationship (especially if new to the experience) feel a bit awkward, neglected or get scared and change their minds once they start to talk. I would think you really have to find people that mesh well for it to work pleasurably all around. That can't be easy.
Sorry I'm no help, only a curious bi-stander.

[ScifiBiJen]

I have a question in response to yours: Are really that many bi couples looking for another bi couple?

It can be hard to enough to find yourself a bi partner. Some bi couples go looking for another individual to add to the mix, some don't. Some bi couples are happy just to stay monogamous not only, as Arana said, to avoid the headache and difficulties with multiplying the number of people with whom you need to maintain working intimate relations, but some bi couples are monogamous because they WANT to be monogamous.

Speaking from no personal experience or knowledge whatsoever (besides being in a monogamous bi couple myself), I can't imagine there's a great deal of people who are 1. in a bi couple. 2. who want to add another person(s) to the couple 3. who want to add another couple (who is also bi).

[kittylovers]

My guess would be that there are more bi-curious than actually bisexual. Probably when it comes to actually "doing" it, they chicken out.
It could also be that you have a couple where both partners are looking for two matches. So instead of finding one match when it comes to meeting a lover/mate, we now have four altogether (2 each way).

[her hubby]

Maybe you should consider that not all couples or people for that matter are interested in hook ups solely for sex. As part of a bi couple we do "share our bodies" with others, but others that are close friends. If we aren't ALL comfortable with each other, be it 3 or 4 some, it just isn't going to happen.

Best advice it to arrange meetings on a neutral ground such as a club of coffee shop, and see if you have anything in common. Nothing worse than the last man (half of a couple whose wife couldn't make it) and 5 minutes into conversation he wanted to know if we could go to our house or a motel. It doesn't work that way for most people, or at least us. If we are not good enough to socialize with outside the bedroom than you can bet there will be no bedroom socializing. The couple we see now we have known for several years before it stepped up to a level where sex was added to our friendship.

Finding another partner or couple isn't the easiest task to undertake, you can expect to meet many before finding just one.

Just my :2cents:

Bob

[DiamondDog]

My guess would be that there are more bi-curious than actually bisexual. Probably when it comes to actually "doing" it, they chicken out.
It could also be that you have a couple where both partners are looking for two matches. So instead of finding one match when it comes to meeting a lover/mate, we now have four altogether (2 each way).
Interesting theory.

I've never had to deal with a m/f couple but I have dealt with m/m couples and we're open to tons of communication.

We'll communicate A LOT about what we're both into/aren't into, or we'll agree upon things like when we're having sex how if one person does something that the other person doesn't like or suggests doing something there's no pressure involved in making the other person feel bad if they don't want to do it or if we're doing it and I/they don't enjoy it and want it to stop, how it will stop.

If someone's at least bi-curious, and knows about it, why didn't they try having same gender sex just once before getting married?

[ambi53mm]

If someone's at least bi-curious, and knows about it, why didn't they try having same gender sex just once before getting married?

There are probably a lot of people who have the desire to "test the waters" when it comes to exploring their bisexuality but can't get past the fear of what they might discover, or where it may lead. For some people I think marraige offers not only a base from which they can explore while maintaining a front of conventionality to the rest of the world, but also a nest of security about how they view themselves.
This past year of comming to the site I've learned how fluid bisexuality can be on so many levels. I have through these posts both in posting my own questions and responses, learned a lot about bisexuality in general and
been able to come away with a better understanding of myself in the process.
It's much more complex in it's depth and scope that I could have ever imagined. I can only look back and measure my own growth over the period of a year and realize how much I thought I understood then and compare it to how much more I understand now.

Ambi :)

[metasexual]

The disappearing act is because you were probably talking to one member of the couple, and when it came time to move further the other partner vetoed it. We are an open minded married bi-m/f and we have done some looking around in our area (Southern UK), but I can speak from experience that it is very hard to make the chemistry happen between 4 people. I (the male) have been actively bisexual at different times in my life, while my wife has not been with a woman physically, has no doubt she is bisexual.

It makes it even more difficult that we really would prefer to be at least good friends with anyone we would do anything physical with. So for us, the personalities have to click as well as there being physical attraction between all 4 people. In practice, this turns out to be a pretty tall order.

In terms of just physical relationships, it is fairly easy to find a single person (extremely easy to find single males :tongue: ) who just want to get their rocks off, but its harder when you get couples who are emotionally bonded involved. For deeper connections... I love the fantasy of being in love with more than one person at a time, but the reality is very difficult.

[ambi53mm]

We have had an extremely difficult time finding and meeting other Bi Cpls. Does anyone else have the same problem??

Any Suggestions?? It seems cpls initially start up conversation, then vanish...
Rob and Charity

I think to some extent its a numbers game. Over the last three years we've met maybe five couples that defined themselves as being a "bicouple."
The first couple we met after our third time together socially, finally admitted that for her it was a first time desire and that for him, there was no same sex interest. He figured that only a “bimale” would be interested in performing a double penetration on his wife (his fantasy) because of the close proximity required between two males.
The next couple we met had no real interest other than him wanting to watch his wife with another woman so he could masturbate.
The other three couples were and are bi but other factors came into play. One of the couples husband died and the other two found couples that they felt more compatible with and, didn’t have the time and distance conflicts to overcome.
It is difficult to find a couple that you can truly reach that level of comfort with where so many of the factors that go into making any relationship worthwhile will be found. True bisexual couples are rare enough to find. Throw in all the other variables like time, distance, attractiveness, personality, common interests, compatibility, and it becomes clear that you may have to meet quite a few couples just to find that “one”. Throw sex into the equation and you now complicate the difficulty tenfold.
We never loose hope and believe that when and if it’s meant to happen it will…until then, we have one another and that’s more than many have.

Ambi :)

[littlerayofsunshine]

It all depends on what is formula is. Many bi couples, are not necessarily looking for other bi couples. Mainly because there is much more in the mix to sort out. Personalities of both pairs must be "compatable" As if its all that easy. For example: My hubby and I are total opposites, personalities and the way we interact with people are different. Desires are not the same, needs are not the same, whom we prefer as a partner is not the same. Most couples are similar minded and share same tastes and understanding. So I might like the female of the couple and hubby not be attracted to the male. Sex is just sex, but attraction makes the difference between a golf clap and thunderous applause at the end of the experience.

Some couples, especially those new to playing the field, are trying to "grind it till they find it" meaning learning the ropes to the dynamics. Some couples bi and not, just want group or to swing, and if female-female or male-male play happens, all the better. I am the the female of a bi couple. And I am hesitant to enter a couple-couple relationship. Hubby and I are still figuring out all the different ways bisexuality can be incorporated into our marriage and that marriage still thrive. In my experience in getting to know other bi couples I have come to the conclusion that they were more into me than into my hubby and I just don't find that fair to him. I wouldn't dare ever to run the risk of hubby feeling left out or like he wasn't wanted there by the other people and him the same for me. My marriage is much more important that any sexual desires that maybe present. So those couples that may withdraw, may do so in protection of their marriage.

[ncbeachgoers]

Thank you all for all the wonderful insights. Many different thought patterns, many of which we have pondered over and dealt with.
Yes, the 4 personalities issue is a BIG player, and finding True Bi people is really tough, especially both Bi in a commited relationship. Again, thanks for the insight, and hopefully can find what we are looking for, and others find what they desire also....Good luck, and Happy upcoming Haolidays to all!!

[notebook]

tell me about it, im just looking for a couple to do erotic things with, i'v joined sites and that, nothing, a few emails and thats it, nout, hohum, i'll keep going.

[CUMM2LBV]

Great subject but there is something missing here and that is; there are many many people out there on this site and others like this that hold themselves out in great detail about what their interests are. when you make contact they can't manage the courtesy of a simple no thank you. One or two of them have responded to you.

As a single, I know how difficult it is to meet someone. That said, recreational sex no matter what floats your boat is great, no an awesome experience. Several years ago I had a relationship with a bisexual woman and we engaged in threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes in endless combinations. It was great but guess what, we kissed a lot of frogs....

Hang in.....

[BothBi420]

We find ourselves asking the same question. As a Bi-Cpl we have found other bi-cpls online and through a swinger publication, but it seems that real bi-cpls are just hard to come by. You just got to keep yourself out there and keep trying.