Bad reaction from ex

[robinuk]

Bloody hell I feel like shit right now. This is a huge rant, sorry!

Yesterday I wrote in my livejournal that I'm bi and put down all my feelings about it and felt pretty good after doing that. Then my ex (who I'm still completely in love with) reads it and sends me a really bitchy text message. Something along the lines of "are there any more little revelations you'd like to get off your chest". I appologised for not telling her in person but she just blanked me and wouldn't listen. I tried to talk to her about my bi feelings a couple of days ago but she said she didn't wanna know. I know she still has feelings for me, or she wouldn't have reacted like this. I just wish she'd listen to me when I tell her I didn't keep anything from her when we were together. I didn't know I had these feelings before, I wouldn't even admit it to myself. And anyway, why is she so pissed off that I'm trying to move on and get a new life while she's out having sex with pretty much every bloke available and insisting on telling me how much fun she's having and how much better they are than me. Maybe all this is to provoke a reaction from me, we split up partly because I shut myself off from her emotionally. I just don't know what she wants from me. I'm thinking about going to see her and just telling her that I love her and want to be with her and will do anything for her. But I'm scared that'll make things even worse...

[deremarc]

Hi. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.

No one can give anyone else advice on what to do...only the people in the situation know. But, I do think there are a few things you need to think about.

1) You are bi and she doesn't want to hear about it. This can be a big hurdle even for a solid relationship. If she can't accept you being bi, you're relationship could be very difficult for you.

2) She probably still does care. Depending on the length/intensity of a relationship it can be very hard to let go or move on. When she tells you about the other guys, it could be just to get a rise out of you...it seems to be typical girl advice (in mags like Cosmo): make him think you are happy and moving on, maybe he will want you back.

3) She may need time to absorb this. She knows now. Sometimes time/space aren't bad while someone is dealing with things...only you know that. Did she need space before? Or to talk things through?

4) Telling someone you love them is never a bad choice as far as I am concerned. But, I can also tell you that loving someone doesn't always guarantee success in a relationship either. :(

5) Be true to yourself. In everything. You are bi. You love her. You deserve happiness and someone who loves you back. You also deserve someone who can not only accept you for who you are, but also love you for all of those things.

I belong to a support group, and sometimes people will say that they have invested x number of years in a relationship and it feels like it was wasted time if they leave. The response I liked best said that nothing is ever wasted if you learn from it.

Take the time to learn from this relationship. And to learn about yourself.

And whether it is with her, or with someone else...I wish you lots of love and laughter in the future.

Hugs,

Dere

[pasco_lol_cpl]

Im sorry to hear that you caught hell from your ex. Keeping in mind that you still care for her deeply, I have to ask....why? Why bother getting worked up over her reaction? From your description it sounds like she uses you to make her self feel better (a la lording it over you how great her sex life is). Perhaps she feels threatened now that you have as much access to sex as she does? Either way, why not just block her from your blog and continue moving on with your life as you said you are trying. She is an ex and sounds like she has a nasty vindictive attitude to boot. Leave her in the past.

[jazzer]

Give her the flick mate, she isn't worth the drama. Go and explore your bisexual feelings with someone who is caring and loving. She sounds as though her attitude is "me, me, me" and selfishness and self indulgence have no place in any worthwhile relationship. Love is all about caring and sharing. :2cents:

[Mrs.F]

I have to agree with deremarc on this one. You pushed her away due to your emotions....now that she knows what your emotions are, she has time to now to deal with it. She will either come to the conclusion that she cares about you enough to listen to your story about how you discovered your bi side or she will just simply move on, on her own. However, as the others have said...if she continues with the drama and acting in the "me, me, me" saga and it's time for you to move on.

I do know that it took me alot of time to fully come to terms with my husbands bisexuality. Being married 10 yrs. when I found out, it was very hard. I didn't understand how, what, when or where but he gave me time to adjust and figure it out. I did....I love him and we are still together.

Good luck to you! ;)

[citrus]

I'm now divorced after a long time of denial of self, silence in fear of stirring up controversy and acquiescence toward living the status quo hetero sexualilty monogamy. Bisexual is who I am. All of the sexual/sensual sensations that come along with it, I invite. No more denial of my homosexual affairs, no more remaining mute when a topic is being bandied about where I can have a positive influence regardless of controversy or conflict, and no more heterosexual bondage or mindset to the detriment of my emotion, spirit, psyche`, intellect and whatever more. I totally respect monogamy. I lived it for all of my years and even now. I wish I could be in love with more than one person. I'm not capable of it. I am, however, capable of making love with two in total truth and honesty. Only one has my heart. The other has my sperm. We all have full honesty and truth and respect. It aint easy. It takes acceptance. And more.

[Brian]

Inspiring words Citrus.

- Drew :paw: