Pretty confused!

[robinuk]

Hi, I've just found this site and I hope I can get some advice here...

Better give a bit of background info, this could get confusing so be warned!
I was born female but I know and I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a transgender guy. This has taken me years to figure out but I'm content with my gender identy now (I'm pre-op by the way).

I always thought that I was only attracted to women, and I think I am still mostly. But for a long time I've been having thoughts about guys, I dismissed it as nothing though. Then I began to think that if I'd been born male then I'd be bisexual. I can't get fantasies about sex with men out of my head though (damn it feels weird to be typing that!). I've never been romantically attracted to a guy, I don't think I could be in a relationship with one. I've only ever fallen for women. But I'd love to have a mmf threesome and other such things. I doubt I ever will, it's hard enough finding a woman who'll see me as a man let alone finding another man who will as well!

So basically I'm wondering if I'm bisexual or do I just have an interesting fantasy that will never become reality?

Sorry if I've said the wrong thing or anything, I'm just really really confused!
Thanks
Rob

[Tynary]

no i think wat u said is cool. wow u should so brave. i think transgendered is very cool and kinda sexy. Being bisexual for me means liking and loving people who r beautiful and sexy regarless of gender. so a pre-op grl to guy sounds very sexy and beautiful. r u gonna stay pre-op or going the whole way or wat?
i think it a possibility u r bi or just having the odd attraction. remeber bisexuality has many forms. u dnt have to be resticted. u cud me mostly attracted to females and only fall in love with women but still like to occasionally have sex with men or just be mildly attracted to them or just a one off fantasy. there is no reason to constrict ur sexuality.

[Herbwoman39]

Sexuality is very fluid. I know now I've been Bi for a very long time, if not my whole life. But I go through phases where I really want to be with a woman and other times when I really want to be with a man. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just the way things are and you can make the choice of accepting or ignoring it.

Repression isn't really the best way to deal with things though. I repressed my bisexuality for years and it played havoc with my life. Now that I know who I am, I'm much happier.

Take the time to really examine what you feel. We can help guide you, but only YOU know what you really feel.

[robinuk]

Thanks :)

Tynary - thanku for saying that, yep transgendered is very cool. I'm happy with it anyway! And no I'm not staying as pre-op, not sure how far I'm gonna go but definitly hormones and chest surgery. 'Bottom' surgery isn't very successful unfortunately, but it's getting better slowly.

Yeah I do need to take some time to think about things. So fed up with constantly being confused about my sexuality or gender though. Seems like whenever I get one sorted the other pops up with something new and exciting to figure out!

The thing is I've always believed the thing of sexuality is defined by who you fall in love with. I've fallen in love with plenty of women, but never a guy. And it's not that I've repressed that feeling or anything, guys just don't do that for me. However, I could definitly have sex with one! So by my own standards I'm just a bit of a perve and not "really" bisexual. I'd be happy with that definition if it fitted, but it doesn't seem to feel right to me. :(

[softfruit]

I don't know if you've been there, but the real-world bi community (as well as the one here) is much more sorted about trans than most of the rest of the world... So you might want to dip your toes into it a little, as you're less likely to find that someone you fancy turns you down for being trans or has issues accepting you as a guy. Most bi community stuff is open to bi & bifriendly rather than being bi-only, especially the events like bicon and bifest, so don't let the "am I bi enough?" conundrum put you off.

While I don't know where in the south of the UK you are so you may be a fair way away from the bi community, you may want to keep an eye on www.bifest.org for the next Brighton bi festival which is due in mid-February.

[robinuk]

I don't know if you've been there, but the real-world bi community (as well as the one here) is much more sorted about trans than most of the rest of the world... So you might want to dip your toes into it a little, as you're less likely to find that someone you fancy turns you down for being trans or has issues accepting you as a guy. Most bi community stuff is open to bi & bifriendly rather than being bi-only, especially the events like bicon and bifest, so don't let the "am I bi enough?" conundrum put you off.

While I don't know where in the south of the UK you are so you may be a fair way away from the bi community, you may want to keep an eye on www.bifest.org for the next Brighton bi festival which is due in mid-February.

Cool, thanks! That's good to know :) Where I live there's no bi community to speak of really, but I'll be moving soon, nearer to Brighton actually. So I might take a look at bifest.

Cheers!

[julie]

hey, good luck on your journey Robin :bigrin:

... i was going to pm you and point you in the direction of softfruit as she is a bit like the wikipedia of the bi-world ;) but she's already found you :rolleyes:

....although i've been below radar for a while and didnt get to the last bi-fest... i know softfruit through the Manchester bi groups and rather imagine you will find the Brighton bi-fest to be the social equivilent of a long cool drink on a very hot day...

Enjoy, sweet boy!

Julie :female: xxx :flag3:

[DeafF2M]

I'm not in your neck of the woods, but if you ever need to talk to another bisexual FTM, I'm here for ya.

Alex

[Tynary]

yeah its a shame 'bottom' surgery isn't that gd for women-men yet. nt fair really. do u think u will have taht operation or nt?

I dunno i think of my sexuality on wat I'm sexually attracted to nt the love thing because lv is a tricky little thing that defies logical reasoning. I have had gfs in the past wen i was v young. it didn't go well. I think i may have been too immature. I find women very attractive and i find men attractive. I prefer male friends and I'm now in a relationship with one. I think I could be in love with a woman but I dnt know. I kno i can lv a man cas I'm doing it.

but I dunno if thats to do with gender. I just lv him. I cnt lv anyone else at the moment so its hard to imagine really.

so i dunno i think of myself as bisexual but i guess it depends how u chose to define urself. nice to have u around tho bisexual or nt.

[DeafF2M]

yeah its a shame 'bottom' surgery isn't that gd for women-men yet. nt fair really. do u think u will have taht operation or nt?



"women-men"?? There's no such term, FYI.. and can be considered offensive. Robin, if I'm reading him right identifies as a male, hence.. he's a guy.

Alex -- another FTM (female to male)