DL post and one more question.

[dowmass]

I know that posting on Doublelist calls for patience and sometimes it?s a matter of luck. I also realize that there are many factors that determine if someone responds or not.

That said, here?s a question for those who have used Doublelist or similar sites. What is the key to success in getting replies on these platforms? Is there a certain way to present info on the post? Is there a set of ?Do?s and Don?t?s? that you follow?

Next question. The next best alternative to sites like DL are paid sites. I know there?s no guarantee of success. However, are there bi/ gay dating sites that?ll accept prepaid credit cards? Bring closeted, I cannot use my regular card, and hence this question.

Finslly, which site have you had most success with?

[jjourneyman]

No doubt, dating and hook-up sites can be risky and tricky. Safety is most important, both from a physical standpoint (as in being careful to not get robbed, assaulted, and presumably in your case as a closeted bi, blackmailed or extorted), not to mention the need to avoid STDs or other health risks.

A good rule of thumb for posting ads is to be honest about your physical appearance and health status (height, weight, cock size, clean, no STDs etc.). After all, assuming you will actually meet at some point, it will be obvious to your partner if you've lied about your appearance or package size. From my perspective, if someone lies about their appearance, that's a big red flag that they may be lying about other things.

It's also common knowledge that postings with pics get looked at first. One or two decent body pics, and maybe a cock pic will be sufficient. Some sites, such as Doublelist, won't allow cock pics, but other adult dating sites like Grndr will.

Also clearly state your sexual and personal preferences. From my personal experience, there seem to be way more oral and anal bottoms posting these days. That doesn't mean that tops aren't reading and responding to ads though. But I've found that if I post as a top, I get ten times more responses than if I post as a bottom or switch. To avoid having to sort through tens or sometimes hundreds of responses, I will read through and only respond to the bottom postings that I find interesting. Once I've made contact and there seems to be a mutual interest, I like to exchange emails for a while and try to find out more about the person.

The next step is to at least voice verify that the person you've been chatting with is real (not a bot) and that they really are who they say they are. It's also a good opportunity to confirm your preferences and discuss meeting arrangements. I like to arrange a video chat (even if it's only for a few minutes) before meeting in person, but some people aren't comfortable with that, especially if they are closeted, married or in a relationship where their significant other might be able to trace their computer or phone activity.

That brings us to the actual meeting. It's always best to meet in a public place first. It could be a hotel lounge, restaurant, bar, coffee shop or any place where there are others around. If you are both comfortable after the initial meeting, the only thing left is to proceed with your desires.

I know that sounds like a long process... and it is. And even after having taken all of those precautions, there is still going to be a degree of risk involved. But the idea is to minimize it as much as possible. Again, from my personal experience, most of the guys I've hooked up with (whether for a one-off encounter or an ongoing FWBs situation) have been pretty cool. Then again, I've also had my share of close calls and a few bad experiences. But, as the old saying goes... nothing ventured, nothing gained. Good luck and be safe!

[Jazminedress]

Okay, I have used Grindr and DL..............the secret, short skirt.......just kidding, but it works for me.

Grindr- I find more flakes and somewhat more aggressive people (aggressive in lets have sex now, quick and done). As a more gay oriented app, you deal with more of that section of interest than what many of us look for like married bi guys. As stated, I also see more flakes. Another thing I notice, they dont read everything and you get more quick dick pics. By read, I mean, I dont do the I service you, you are happy and walk away, I want something back. The guys on grindr many times seem to think that doesnt matter, they will get what they want anyways and can be pushy. They also seem to be very picture oriented, so have some pics on there, they all seem to like to want to share pics

I have met a few decent guys on there, but, if you only have one night, chat with 3 or 4 at a time.

Double list- this one, I find the people have to put more effort into it, yeah, grindr app you have to set it up, but this one requires more reading, and since you dont just see the picture first, you have to click on it to see any pictures. And you have to respond email. I found less flakes on DL, its more a matter of timing. I also found that people on DL seem to actually read a little more so there is no mis-communication. I prefer DL as many times we chat a few times before getting together. And it gives time to be specific.

As for paid sites vs like DLI dont find much of a difference, silverdaddies is not a bad one, but more talkers than leave the house in my experience, and I think less people interested in someone like me

Do's and Dont's - Keep in mind, I have not only the standard safety issues, but someone like me, there are bad guys out there, so I have developed a few rules as I believe avoiding a problem is 50%

1) Do -If my radar goes off, I don't ignore it, I cut it off immediately
2) Dont- if someone is overly aggressive get together this minute, nope, I have to assume they will be like that in person, and that is concerning for a violent encounter
3) Do - I want to see a picture, and if meeting, we text. While I know burner phones exist, many people are too lazy for that, so if something were to happen, there is contact they can trace on my phone.
4) Dont- never at my home, I dont want people knowing where I live
5) Dont- no cheap motels, I want a semi decent one where I know they have cameras in the parking lots, elevators, hallways. I will also make a offhand comment, your car is safe here, this places has cameras everywhere ( I do it as a make them feel at ease if they have a pricey car not too worry) A bad guy will realize they are on candid camera
6) Do- have them text me when they arrive, this way I know they have a cell phone, and in todays world, again, anything happens, it is pinging towers and helps
7) Do- I make them start on me first, why, to avoid the people who are get what they want and think I only serve them, its a two way street.
8) Do- always look through the peep hole first make sure if you can see how many people
9) Dont- anyone apears sick, sores anything, done
10) Do- always be prepared to say no
11) Do- if anything changes, such as, my wife now can no longer join us, we stop and done
12) watch for changes, if their add says one thing, then they change their tone, it means they are just using words for what they want, look for consistency

Lastly, do take precautions to protect yourself. As I usually meet at a hotel, I will flat out state, I have one gun at the head of the bed hidden, and another somewhere else. I can take care of myself, but, I make sure I have options. Now, most guys are just horny and not a problem, but there are people who can flip out after a homo erotic encounter and there are just A-holes out there. I usually have pepper spray hidden on me until I feel somewhat secure.

What makes a good listing - I dont know, I place a few pictures, realistic ones so it gives them a real view of me. I also state deal killers and what I am looking for. You must be willing to reciprocate, this is both of us, you must smell and be clean, these are the sexual things I am into, this is when I am looking. Basically, spell it out and communicate. When I read an add, I want some kind of picture.

I try to avoid the, if you dont do this, you will be deleted , kind of thing. I instead try to keep it positive this si what I am looking for, but open minded a touch. Like, I am not into BDSM or anything like that

Bad listings - I personally cant stand the "Let me be your cock slut daddy" type of things, drive me nuts. Hey, we are two guys who want sex, lets treat it like what it is (Although I get some people have the sissy fantasy stuff, just not me). I cant stand the ones with "I will let you suck my big cock, I come over, you worship me I leave"

Yeah, sorry, your dick is not so special I think I should be honored by it. If it sounds a little jerky, I just pass.

Remember, it is trial and error, but safety, be specific, and be willing to say no, it is easy to get into the moment and brush things off. For me, too many thing I am there jsut for them, no, there are things I want too, if it is not mutual, there is no point in it for me.

Maybe I am a little weird because well, even though I 100% cannot pass, in a darker room, I can be okay. But it takes me 2.5 hours to get ready, and I get I am a little bit of a niche bucket list type of thing, I am okay with that, but with the prep I have to do, I expect a little effort on the other side

Cant think of anything else right now.............basically you gotta do you

[Jazminedress]

No doubt, dating and hook-up sites can be risky and tricky. Safety is most important, both from a physical standpoint (as in being careful to not get robbed, assaulted, and presumably in your case as a closeted bi, blackmailed or extorted), not to mention the need to avoid STDs or other health risks.

A good rule of thumb for posting ads is to be honest about your physical appearance and health status (height, weight, cock size, clean, no STDs etc.). After all, assuming you will actually meet at some point, it will be obvious to your partner if you've lied about your appearance or package size. From my perspective, if someone lies about their appearance, that's a big red flag that they may be lying about other things.

It's also common knowledge that postings with pics get looked at first. One or two decent body pics, and maybe a cock pic will be sufficient. Some sites, such as Doublelist, won't allow cock pics, but other adult dating sites like Grndr will.

Also clearly state your sexual and personal preferences. From my personal experience, there seem to be way more oral and anal bottoms posting these days. That doesn't mean that tops aren't reading and responding to ads though. But I've found that if I post as a top, I get ten times more responses than if I post as a bottom or switch. To avoid having to sort through tens or sometimes hundreds of responses, I will read through and only respond to the bottom postings that I find interesting. Once I've made contact and there seems to be a mutual interest, I like to exchange emails for a while and try to find out more about the person.

The next step is to at least voice verify that the person you've been chatting with is real (not a bot) and that they really are who they say they are. It's also a good opportunity to confirm your preferences and discuss meeting arrangements. I like to arrange a video chat (even if it's only for a few minutes) before meeting in person, but some people aren't comfortable with that, especially if they are closeted, married or in a relationship where their significant other might be able to trace their computer or phone activity.

That brings us to the actual meeting. It's always best to meet in a public place first. It could be a hotel lounge, restaurant, bar, coffee shop or any place where there are others around. If you are both comfortable after the initial meeting, the only thing left is to proceed with your desires.

I know that sounds like a long process... and it is. And even after having taken all of those precautions, there is still going to be a degree of risk involved. But the idea is to minimize it as much as possible. Again, from my personal experience, most of the guys I've hooked up with (whether for a one-off encounter or an ongoing FWBs situation) have been pretty cool. Then again, I've also had my share of close calls and a few bad experiences. But, as the old saying goes... nothing ventured, nothing gained. Good luck and be safe!

Interesting, we hit many of the same things from a slightly different perspective. While I dont want to panic the OP, as 99.9% of the time, encounters are easy, safe, and fun............you brought up some things I didnt think to hit on and we should have in the back of our minds

[KDaddy23]

The only site I've ever used is Adam4Adam and I've had a lot of success there even thought it's still a pain in the ass weeding out the assholes... but I am patient if nothing else.

[luv2suckuLA]

These are very good suggestions. We must all rem,ember not to let the little head bypass the big head. We can all get carried away and throw safety to the side when desire takes over. Better to be safe than sorry. Thank you Jazminedress.

[querty]

The only site I've ever used is Adam4Adam and I've had a lot of success there even thought it's still a pain in the ass weeding out the assholes... but I am patient if nothing else.

Hmmm. I'll have to give A4A another shot. I gave up on it more than a few years ago because I just could not find anyone genuine.

I have a single guy profile on SLS, and while lots of guys on there, still not much success. Maybe I'm too picky?

[KDaddy23]

Hmmm. I'll have to give A4A another shot. I gave up on it more than a few years ago because I just could not find anyone genuine.

I have a single guy profile on SLS, and while lots of guys on there, still not much success. Maybe I'm too picky?

Can't say if you're too picky but I've run into genuine guys on A4A who make women easy to fuck - they are seriously picky and, at least for me, that's a deal-breaker. I've felt that the "assholes" on there have scared away a lot of the truly genuine guys but there are still genuine guys there looking for other genuine guys and now it's time to play "Let's Make A Deal." I had an SLS profile and met a couple of guys there but methinks there are a lot of men who are afraid to openly get with other guys so the pickings will probably be very slim there.