Bisexual Self-discovery: Events that shape us

[ambi53mm]

I have always been fascinated and preoccupied with the pleasures of sexual stimulation as far back as I can remember. During the course of some serious soul searching during my midlife I came to terms with that part of myself. My sexual energy fuels much of my day to day needs for energy. I have discovered that by redirecting that energy into work or whatever other projects that happen to fall onto my ever-expanding “Things to Do” list, I am able to accomplish much. I am a highly driven sexual being and harnessing this renewable source of energy has been beneficial in creating a lifestyle that is fulfilling to me on many levels.

The above statements are a truth I own. My sexual orientation as a bisexual I own as well….finally…. after much denial….confusion….frustration…anger…compr ehension…..surrender….and finally acceptance.
Some would argue that perhaps “Where you are now” is all that really matters. In the big scheme of things I would agree…but it doesn’t ease my curiosity of how I got here. I can speculate on those events….those turning points of my own journey and compile a list of people and events that have shaped my sexual orientation. Nature vs Nurture…I tend to believe that I am bisexual by my spiritual nature…but I also believe certain events in my life have served as catalysts that nurtured perhaps a predictable, maybe even predestined path for this particular sexual expression that extends beyond mere attraction.

The question is this: Do you believe there were events or particular situations in your life that helped shape your sexual orientation?

Ambi :)

[littlerayofsunshine]

Yes I believe that some events in my past have helped to shape my orientation. Even though I exibited an attraction to the same sex when I was as young as age 8, which leaves be to believe being bi is my nature.

[miamiuu]

I didnt start feeling an attraction to other guys until i was about 14. The whole thing that made me think it was weird for awhile is i started feeling the geatest attraction to people that used to tease me and were aholes to me. I dont know if it was like some sort of control issue or me wnting to have some sexual revenge on them or me fantasizing about them doing me.

[Herbwoman39]

Psychologists have been debating "Nature vs Nurture" for decades. I believe that it is a combination of both. When I was around 7 or 8 I started looking at my mother's National Geographic mags. In the 70's there wasn't a great deal of censorship as far as nudity goes so I was exposed to beautiful African women who were topless. That was when I first felt an attraction to the same gender. I was *fascinated* by those women because (gasp) they were walking around in public NAKED! They were SO beautiful and so uninhbited.

Unfortunately somewhere around the age of 9 or 10 I got the message either from home, society or both that liking women "that way" was unacceptable. So I translated my appreciation of the female form into theidea that a woman's body is art. I could appreciate art safely. So I did. And then I supressed it further over time. Until 2 years ago.

As far as the "nature"aspect of nature vs nurture, there is no one in my family that I know of other than myself that is gay, lesbian, bi or trans. So I'm wondering how much impact genetic predispostion, etc, really has in my case.

In all honesty, it doesn't really matter to me. To quote Popeye, "I yam what I yam." :flag1:

[Lorcan]

The question is this: Do you believe there were events or particular situations in your life that helped shape your sexual orientation?

Ambi :)

Not unless they happen before the age of 4, and i don't remember them, cuz i always knew i was bi.

However, there was something that happen that changed the way i expressed it. Until this time i rarely thought about a guy doing a guy. But then i met this gay friend in college. I was attracted to him, and i realized that i was a "girlfag".

[open2both]

I think our "orientation" is preset. It's just the "event" that kicks us into action. :bipride:

[twosides]

My tipping point was probably right after I moved out on my own. Another state entirely from where I grew up. I hadn't had much success dating or screwing or anything and here I was, 20, 21 years old. I needed to know that sexual side of me. I was hit on by the manager of the building where I was getting my first apartment. I didn't know how to respond. And I didn't. But it got me thinking. If the guys find me attractive in some way, then maybe that's where I'll find some loving. It took me another year at least, before I had my first experience, and then nothing else for a long, long time. But I believe that did opent he door to the possibilities. I was also in gymnastics in high school, and I think that I really developed an appreciation for guys fine bodies when I saw them working out.

[nick3635]

I have not thought about another guy sexually in at leas@Hnt 20 years. When I was in my teens and shit happened I was the only one who put my hands and my mouth on another guy. I was blackballed for a long time cuz of that. Everyone was messing around and b'/s ... I was the only one who did what everyone wanted. 20 years later ... I would like to explore more after supressing it for this long and hopefully will. I hope eveyrone one on this site does also.

[nick3635]

Open2 is right .. I have allways wanted to experience it .. but if it was not for a couple that I knew well and ended up in bed with I would have never experienced what I wanted to .. and at the time it was just sucking on another guy ... so yes allways thought about it but could never talk about it ... loved wathcing guys cum in moviest fir but love the fact that I was able to experience first hand and will NOT deny who I am or what I like. Right in the middle of being on top of her ad his cocks im her mouth h she asked me to go down on him. I was and put off at first but did and have not regretted it since (cept for the fact I cannot find another couple :-) )

[12voltman59]

IYou can agree with this or not, but I what I believe is a possible explanation for the origin of bisexuality---

-------REINCARNATION---------

I have come to have little faith in, trust of and like of traditional religions, but I do have a strong belief that there exists, for lack of a better term: "GOD"

I don't think God is anything at all like what the fundy Christians or the radical, extremist Islamists say "HE" is--for one thing--God is far beyond anyting that we can conceive of in terms of physicality.

To identify God in terms of male/female in the physical sense is--welll-senseless--for "God" is something far beyond anything physical and when the Bible says that "we are made in the image of God".

Hope ya''l don't think I am totally bonkers--I am just sharing my view of things with you and if you don't like it--that' fine---I am not trying to make anyone else agree with me--simply trying to share my insigts and offer some nuggets for thought---



I do believe that this passage is true, but not in the way that it is traditionally interpreted--the tradition interpretation is that this passage refers to our physical bodies--I don't believe that is the case.

The passage refers to our essential essence--"our soul" and that has no gender. Our soul, like God, is a balance of what we consider to be the masculine and feminine energies---the YING/YANG as it often callled in many tradtions.

I believe that our soul--has either inhabited many bodies--male and female "over time" or those experiences may actually be taking place at the same "time."

I don't think it is possible for us to truly comprehend the true nature of existence--we get glimpses of the whole picture from time to time in our dreams and in other ways. Seeing too much of those things without preparation can cause madness--hence many who went crazy after doing some intense hallucinagenic drugs back in the day did so because the drugs freed their minds to go to places and see things that our minds are not designed to handle--

In so called "primitive" societies with Shamans and medicine men and women--they would make use of plants and other naturally occuring substances found in their environments that would "open their minds" to other worldly experiences--but they only did so after much training generally and intensive preperation for specific times.

How does all this relate to bisexuality or any other sexual preference?

Our desires for others of the same or other genders comes from having had sexual relations in our different bodies in all permuations possible--and more important than the merely physical aspects of sexuality--what we really seek is closeness to another being and seeking to have an orgasm with another human being--for the orgasm itself is a glimpse of the love and beauty of "God" and by having an orgasm in union with another human being we share and magnify the enegies. This brings us closer to the place that our essential selves were created---closer to "GOD"

Allright--sounds crazy as shit right????

Well----does it really sound any worse than what regular religion tells us?? and it sure as hell describes things far better than science is able to provide, in my humble opinion with its limted perspective.

That is not to say I am against science--science does a pretty good job of describing the phyical part of the universe that we inhabit--but science is incapable of describing the nature of things beyond the boundaries of the various realms of the physical universe-but it does continue to expand our understanding of those realms each and every day.

[12voltman59]

IYou can agree with this or not, but I what I believe is a possible explanation for the origin of bisexuality---

-------REINCARNATION---------

I have come to have little faith in, trust of and like of traditional religions, but I do have a strong belief that there exists, for lack of a better term: "GOD"

I don't think God is anything at all like what the fundy Christians or the radical, extremist Islamists say "HE" is--for one thing--God is far beyond anyting that we can conceive of in terms of physicality.

To identify God in terms of male/female in the physical sense is--welll-senseless--for "God" is something far beyond anything physical and when the Bible says that "we are made in the image of God".

Hope ya''l don't think I am totally bonkers--I am just sharing my view of things with you and if you don't like it--that' fine---I am not trying to make anyone else agree with me--simply trying to share my insigts and offer some nuggets for thought---



I do believe that this passage is true, but not in the way that it is traditionally interpreted--the tradition interpretation is that this passage refers to our physical bodies--I don't believe that is the case.

The passage refers to our essential essence--"our soul" and that has no gender. Our soul, like God, is a balance of what we consider to be the masculine and feminine energies---the YING/YANG as it often callled in many tradtions.

I believe that our soul--has either inhabited many bodies--male and female "over time" or those experiences may actually be taking place at the same "time."

I don't think it is possible for us to truly comprehend the true nature of existence--we get glimpses of the whole picture from time to time in our dreams and in other ways. Seeing too much of those things without preparation can cause madness--hence many who went crazy after doing some intense hallucinagenic drugs back in the day did so because the drugs freed their minds to go to places and see things that our minds are not designed to handle--

In so called "primitive" societies with Shamans and medicine men and women--they would make use of plants and other naturally occuring substances found in their environments that would "open their minds" to other worldly experiences--but they only did so after much training generally and intensive preperation for specific times.

How does all this relate to bisexuality or any other sexual preference?

Our desires for others of the same or other genders comes from having had sexual relations in our different bodies in all permuations possible--and more important than the merely physical aspects of sexuality--what we really seek is closeness to another being and seeking to have an orgasm with another human being--for the orgasm itself is a glimpse of the love and beauty of "God" and by having an orgasm in union with another human being we share and magnify the enegies. This brings us closer to the place that our essential selves were created---closer to "GOD"

Allright--sounds crazy as shit right????

Well----does it really sound any worse than what regular religion tells us?? and it sure as hell describes things far better than science is able to provide, in my humble opinion with its limted perspective.

That is not to say I am against science--science does a pretty good job of describing the phyical part of the universe that we inhabit--but science is incapable of describing the nature of things beyond the boundaries of the various realms of the physical universe-but it does continue to expand our understanding of those realms each and every day.

Well--hope y'all don't think old volty is totally bonkers--I only wish to share with you my views and insights on the matter--you can believe it or not and take it or leave it--ain't no skin off my back--I am not tying to evangelize anyone to my point of view--just offering some nuggets for thoughts-----

[ghytifrdnr]

a possible explanation for the origin of bisexuality---

-------REINCARNATION---------

Damn! I love it! This is going to be my operational thesis from here on.

[meteast chick]

I'm a firm believer of nature.
I never had an 'event' that was a catalyst.

I am an artist, and a freethinker. I do find that everyone I know who is bi or gay is artful in some way, that could be a link. I just remember always appreciating other women's bodies, and one day in high school, i turned to my best friend(and cousin) and said, 'Have you ever thought about kissing another woman?' To my surprise, she said yes. We both agreed that we could easily be lesbian. I have always had appreciation for both sexes, but definately preferred more effeminate men, beautiful features, more slight frames, that sort of thing. When a man would turn to look at a beautiful woman, he never noticed that I was doing the same thing. Funny thing is, my bf has kissed other women, but considers herself 100% straight. When I came out to her earlier this year, she said 'About time'. She knew way before I did. She was just waiting for me to come to the acceptance of it. I still have yet to have that relationship. When my woman finally comes over to America, I will have my dream come to life.

Nurture? Hell, no. I grew up traditionally, small town, anti-progressive anything. I rebelled against it all. If I had adhered to that, I'd still be married, pregnant, and barefoot. Well I am separated, with kids, and at the moment barefoot, but that's by choice. I can't wait for the day when I can roll over in the morning and wake up next to my own beautiful woman. Thank God I know exactly who she is, for she is no longer that faceless woman that I dreamt of for so long.

Well, that's my :2cents:
luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxo
meteast

[ambi53mm]

Nurture? Hell, no. I grew up traditionally, small town, anti-progressive anything. I rebelled against it all. If I had adhered to that, I'd still be married, pregnant, and barefoot. Well I am separated, with kids, and at the moment barefoot, but that's by choice.
Well, that's my :2cents:
luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxo
meteast

LOL...Well hell Meteast one out of three ain't bad. :bigrin: Do you think that growing up in that small, traditional, anti-progressive town, nutured the need for your freethinking spirit to rebel?

[ambi53mm]

I think our "orientation" is preset. It's just the "event" that kicks us into action. :bipride:

Open2both, very interesting response! In what way do you see orientation as being preset?

[ambi53mm]

Allright--sounds crazy as shit right????


Your in good company 12volt :) The hallucinagenic drugs did open a few doors but nothing in comparison to shamanism in it's most revealing journeys. I tend to agree with much of what you wrote...and it hasn't been from reading of others experiences. What we see on this level is but a tip of the iceberg...What we see on the other levels is another view of the same tip....and it's a big friggin tip.

Ambi :)

[ambi53mm]

Not unless they happen before the age of 4, and i don't remember them, cuz i always knew i was bi.


Some say personality is formed by the age of 3 Lorcan...and I believe that orientation is entertwined with personality in many respects. By 3 my entire world as limited as it was at 3 had been turned upside down and inside out. That it had effects on my personhood I have no doubt. Sure would be interesting to go back and view those early years now and see what really happened with our own eyes instead of the second-hand, watered-down versions that we're told later on in life. LOL.. might explain a lot of things.

Ambi :)

[ambi53mm]

As far as the "nature"aspect of nature vs nurture, there is no one in my family that I know of other than myself that is gay, lesbian, bi or trans. So I'm wondering how much impact genetic predispostion, etc, really has in my case.


I would tend to agree with you Herbwoman. I'm not sure I buy into the whole genetic approach either. I realize it's still in it's infancy but if you think in terms of genetic predisposition in regard to orientation...How far back do we go? It's almost impossible to say with any certainty one way or another whether my great, great, great, great, grandfather was a bisexual. DNA testing will supposedly allow you to determine your racial makeup or maybe a predisposition towards cancer, heart diease, mental illness etc. I'm speaking way beyond my comphrehension of genetics...but intutitively I feel it doesn't seem to fit.. LOL I'll leave it to some extent anyway to the scientists.
By the way my wife really enjoyed your response.

Ambi :)

[ambi53mm]

I didnt start feeling an attraction to other guys until i was about 14. The whole thing that made me think it was weird for awhile is i started feeling the geatest attraction to people that used to tease me and were aholes to me. I dont know if it was like some sort of control issue or me wnting to have some sexual revenge on them or me fantasizing about them doing me.

Miamiuu.....I don't know whether this makes any sense or not...but along the way..for whatever reason..I stumbled across my occasional pull towards humiliation. it tends to go against my grain on a personal level...but there are times in fantasy (which I do control) where I'll tread those waters....Just a thought.

Ambi :)

[ambi53mm]

Thanks to all that responded...it's opened up a whole realm of questioning and hopefully does the same for others as well. There wasn't one post that didn't contain bits and pieces of my own discoveries as well..and I hope other will respond. One thing I've come to appreciate about this site is the feeling of being surrounded by kindred spirits..Again Thanks :)

Ambi :)

[meteast chick]

LOL...Well hell Meteast one out of three ain't bad. :bigrin: Do you think that growing up in that small, traditional, anti-progressive town, nutured the need for your freethinking spirit to rebel?

Ambi, quite possibly, but I don't consider that a catalyst. I never grew up thinking that homosexuality was bad, but just knowing it was unacceptable. I just remember this guy who was gay from our little town who had AIDS, and everyone made this big deal out of it being because he was gay. I remember thinking, being gay gave him AIDS? It didn't make sense to me. Then in high school I met a girl who was bi, but she was nasty, and I wouldn't have touched her with a 10 foot pole. I had girl crushes, but never acted on them. I never exactly thought it was wrong, just couldn't really put my finger on it(no pun intended) :tongue: I told people I was bi without having any experience(still really haven't, none physical at least). It's just something I didn't question. I'm starting to come out as gay to new ppl I meet, but not something I'm questioning either. It's like a progression with the comfort and braveness in my heart. Who could have possibly nurtured my questioning my sexuality? No one but me. Maybe I nurtured it by being myself. I am the only artist, the only freethinker, the only Liberal Democrat I grew up with. I'm finally comfortable being me, and if that's not nature, I don't know what is.

luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxo
meteast

[DiamondDog]

I've pretty much always been sexually and romantically attracted to both genders. I grew up thinking and hearing from my parents that all guys did sexual play with other guys and even before I remember hearing this, I was doing it with other guys.

As for the sexual play I did most of it was stuff like getting naked and comparing erections, being naked together, watching each other masturbate but not touching, kissing by "accident", grabbing someone's penis through their clothing, watching someone finger themself, getting fingered by someone besides myself, putting a toy inside someone (it was a plastic toy thermometer), or watching someone piss. I didn't know about oral sex then but looking back I would have done that had I known about it.

As a teenager I got my het male friends to masturbate in the same room as me when we played truth or dare but they wouldn't let me touch them or in some cases even watch. I did get one friend to eat his own semen when we played truth or dare but he made me leave the room.

ALL of the guys I did this sort of stuff with turned out to be het later in life, and the one guy is really handsome but he doesn't know how I'm bi and I cruise him whenever I see him at XMas parties his family has. I used to be really infatuated with him as a kid and I even remember holding his hand a lot and my mom telling me how it was ok to do that in private if we wanted to but how if we did that in public people would stare at us and think that we're gay.

My mom probably knew long before I did that I'm not heterosexual as she'd tell me how lots of people didn't know what they were or how I shouldn't let society pressure me into adopting a label that didn't fit me. Or I basically grew up thinking that all people were somehow into sex with the same gender and did this sort of thing as adults but just didn't talk about it. I didn't even really know what the word gay meant until I was in 7th grade and about 12 years old.

All the events that helped spark my bisexuality were based on having sex/relationships/affection towards men, wanting these with women (ok, I did have sex with one woman but we didn't connect nearly as well as I did with some of the men I've been with, even the men that were just tricks) and questioning things constantly and viewing things "outside the box". I knew that I was something other than heterosexual when I was 12 but I didn't define myself as bisexual until I was 16, and for sure at 22 when I finally had sex with a men as an adult and realized that it wasn't a phase or something to get over, or that it wasn't just something I'd think about in fantasy but end up not liking in reality.

I don't really think of my sexuality in terms of religion/spirituality as I've abandoned almost all religious dogma and I'm agnostic in the sense that I'm big into questioning things and I don't let religious dogma/monotheism or Judeo-Christian teachings to cloud my viewpoints in my life, and I think that anything can be possible for spirituality. I say I'm agnostic with the metaphysics of buddhism because I'm not sure if there is a 'god' or what it/they are like and I put the word in quotes since I don't view 'god' as the type seen in Christianity. I see buddhism more as a philosophy than a religion. I do believe in chaos however, as it seems like things happen randomly but they happen for a reason and are a learning/life changing experience and I've seen it in action to myself and others. I don't view chaos as disorder but more as how the ancient greeks viewed it as being the primal emptiness, space.

Because of chaos I've used it to my advantage to sharpen my bi-dar and I can tell if someone else is bisexual and I've been able to do this while drunk in crowded bars or sometimes even in heterosexual environments and it seems random but there's no way that it is since it's happened tons of times and it's even happened to me by other bisexuals.

I do know that in reguards to my sexuality I am on the right track with it since there was a time to be closeted, there was a time to be questioning, there was a time to be depressed, a time to be celibate, and there's a time to be out and happy.

I've had times where I thought I was het and where I thought I was gay but I know that I'm neither.

[Nara_lovely]

I am thinking that 'nature' has the imprints.
'Nurture' is the controlling path...until you chose your own.

That choice can be the strength to make your own decisions, or to follow the general society concepts, or to find the place that makes you feel yourself.

My immediate family that I grew up with, although involved with religious activities...have all shown support for my bi nature (not nurture...lol) and have seen just how much more I am content with myself. Even better, they accept my beautiful girlfriend too.
My Mum's words were "I always thought you needed a wife more than you needed a husband". (that still makes me smile)

Maybe this is part of the concept of reincarnation suggested within this post. To know what you need to do in a life, yet be brought up in a way that goes against it. That would be incredibly frustrating yet what an empowering life task to take on! How many people post how 'free' they felt when they accepted their bisexuality?

I've seen people struggle against a difficult situation for a long time, finally able to resolve it. It frees up so much energy to concentrate on something else...some will then focus on themselves and grow into whom they can be, or were meant to be. So is it the event to shape bisexuality, or the availability and courage to find the 'self'?

:yinyang: <-- another interesting concept to add to the mix. To be able to call on the energy of masculine or feminine, dependant on the circumstances at the time. Life in flux, changing energies, yet still being the same person.

(fascinating! Will think about this forum idea some more...)

[ambi53mm]

Who could have possibly nurtured my questioning my sexuality? No one but me. Maybe I nurtured it by being myself. I am the only artist, the only freethinker, the only Liberal Democrat I grew up with. I'm finally comfortable being me, and if that's not nature, I don't know what is.


Meteast...You make a real good point! I believe that we do nuture our natures in several ways...maybe in ways we're not even conscious of at times.I grew up in a similar small town with a very similar spirit. I was able to nurture my understanding not by those immediately aound me but through reading, thinking reasoning and a lot of meditation. Also influential were those of similar spirit outside of my small town that life caused me to either seek out, or through sychronicity came within my circle.Sometimes we have to take matters into our own hands (no pun here either :tongue: ) to nurture that spirit within. LOL I've had a lot of help from my invisable friends along the way ( If I don't give them some credit they get real noisy LOL) So I guess you could say it's our "nature" to "nuture" our "nature". LOL As both an artist and a liberal something or other I can appreciate your natural nurturing nature LOL

Ambi

[James000]

WOW !
What an awsome thread.There are a lot of interesting view points here that I never pondered on.It certainly brings a new light on things for me.There sure are some highly educated people on here .Well done and thank you

james

[ambi53mm]

I've pretty much always been sexually and romantically attracted to both genders. I grew up thinking and hearing from my parents that all guys did sexual play with other guys and even before I remember hearing this, I was doing it with other guys.


DiamondDog I hope I've been the kind of parent that you were obviously blessed with. I'm figuring they must be close to my age and probably share a few of the philosophies and perspectives of my generation. One of the greatest compliments my son ever paid me was telling me that "I wasn't like other Dads". For better or worse he's right LOL. I've always encouraged free thinking and for them to seek out their own paths as their spirits beckons them to do. My oldest just graduated with her Masters from U.of Penn and the other four are in various stages of discovery, always with our full support and encouragement.
I've always been impressed with your incredible range of thought and ease in which you express. I sincerly apprecate your contributions to this question and see the similarity in our spirit in seeking out truths. There are many belief systems out there and part of my journey has been to replace as many "beliefs" with "knowns" as possible. I may need a few more lifetimes to acomplish this LOL! Awesome post!

Ambi :)

[ambi53mm]

I've seen people struggle against a difficult situation for a long time, finally able to resolve it. It frees up so much energy to concentrate on something else...some will then focus on themselves and grow into whom they can be, or were meant to be. So is it the event to shape bisexuality, or the availability and courage to find the 'self'?
:yinyang: <-- another interesting concept to add to the mix. To be able to call on the energy of masculine or feminine, dependant on the circumstances at the time. Life in flux, changing energies, yet still being the same person.
(fascinating! Will think about this forum idea some more...)

Nara,
Great food for thought! My selves both in their feminine and masculine manifestations are always in a state of struggle it seems for dominance of the "representative self". This becomes very apparent in the dream=state as well as astral realms. Finding that delicate balance was a need long before it ever became a want and I believe that synchronicity of events plays an important part in creating situations that sometimes leave us no choice but to work towards integration of those energies.
Your last comment is facinating and thought provoking!! Would love to hear more of your thoughts when they've been collected :)

Fluxing discretely ;)
Ambi :)

[12voltman59]

Soprry for the double post of a long and rambling post--I have no idea how that happened--I guess the posting wanted to be reincarnated-- :tongue:

[darkeyes]

Me cant say a specific event helped shape me sexuality but 1 did wich helped me wile me wos findin out wot it was.

Wen me wos really wee me dad sed "Be who you are fran, not who the world thinks you should be".

[ambi53mm]

Soprry for the double post of a long and rambling post--I have no idea how that happened--I guess the posting wanted to be reincarnated-- :tongue:

Some things are worth repeating....lol over and over again.
Ambi:)

[RockGardener]

Some of you have heard me say this before, but for those that haven't....

I've always been bi. In fact, as a young teen and young adult, I liked looking at girls more than guys. I grew up knowing that homosexuality was acceptable, but not getting the message that it was ok for ME. From high school on, I always hung out in the "gay group". I didn't even know it at the time. It was like we all had gaydar to find each other, but nobody was out. I'm never surprised when one of my friends comes out to me, because it seems I'm drawn to gays and bi's. The weird thing is... my gaydar never picked up my own bisexuality. I first realized it about 12 years ago when my best friend propositioned my husb and I for a 3sum. I turned her down because I didn't want him involved. I wanted her for myself. But I didn't let her know that because she would know that I liked her. Stupid me, she liked me that way too. But having to make the decision to play or not made me think about my wants and needs. The need became more and more over the years until I started actually looking for a girl last summer. I finally came out to myself and decided to do something about it. The ironic thing is I never actually got together w/ a lady until I got together with my boyfriend. Another ironic thing is my boyfriend is bi, too.

[diB4u]

Hmm is it nature vs. nurture or a comb of both?

Is there a hidden DNA that scientists haven’t found- or more morally correct? Wont find that gives the world if not the individual the long awaited answers as to a person’s sexuality.

Sad to admit, but hey ho, that is life, like most of my experience it has been of the erotic nature. I cannot remember if I posted this here or not, so forgive me. Well my first sexual fondness of women came at an early age, for me it was accidentally looking at women’s boobs in a national newspaper albeit by accident and thinking wow… For anyone who does not know it but in England its common place to have a naked woman on page 3. I stand correct, a topless woman. (This then makes a mockery of the pornography and minors. Anyone can buy the Sun newspaper. Sorry I digressed)

It is funny I think that after all the years of restraining my sexual preference, its only now at the age of 32 that I am beginning to feel comfortable in that area. However, the story is not complete. I first became sexually aware of Gay men when I was five I think, growing up watching Kenny Everett on the BBC, sneaking a peak of him dressed up as that woman on his comedy show. That is where my fascination of cross-dressing started. A few years later from that watching the infamous Freddy Mercury cross dressing for a music video.

Nevertheless, that is for another time, I blame them both… (Both men was my idles if only secretly growing up) If you do not know who these men were, I suggest goggling them.

Darkeyes in her post said something that is so vitally true for everyone… Sorry I don’t remember word for word- but it went something like, be who you are, and not what society, expects you to be….

For me, gender and sexuality is a bit blurred. But that’s ok surely? I know I’m messed up, but then at least I’m aware of it, and acknowledging a problem or issues, is half way there to finding answers.

Sorry for the long post.

So i guess for me its nuture?

Be happy… Dibbsy.

[ambi53mm]

For me, gender and sexuality is a bit blurred. But that’s ok surely? I know I’m messed up, but then at least I’m aware of it, and acknowledging a problem or issues, is half way there to finding answers.
Be happy… Dibbsy.

Dibbsy,

..Since you're only half way there I won't rob you of the joys that come with finally arriving at fully there...however...I did discover along the way that I'm not messed up...but that the rest of the world has a lot of catching up to do lol

Ambi:)

[ambi53mm]

The ironic thing is I never actually got together w/ a lady until I got together with my boyfriend. Another ironic thing is my boyfriend is bi, too.

LOL..We find it ironic that someone of such brains and beauty could live so close and that we were totaly unaware of it!:love1:..Great post RG!!

Ambi:)

[diB4u]

Dibbsy,

..Since you're only half way there I won't rob you of the joys that come with finally arriving at fully there...however...I did discover along the way that I'm not messed up...but that the rest of the world has a lot of catching up to do lol

Ambi:)



Aww thanks Ambi, but the other bits hmm are mixed up there as well, sighs... I mean if you want to read my profile it does indicate who or what i am... Because of who I am- it is hard to know who i want to be with... But regardless of that, love is the most important thing.

[alaskacouple]

Great Thread! (and before I forget - 12voltman59, I really liked your "double post")

My own homosexual contact occurred as a young teen, so it's a bit hard for me to separate "nature or nurture". Once I had experienced sex with another male there was no question that I enjoyed it. However, after a couple of years we both became more aware that what we were doing was not acceptable in our peer group or in society in general - so we weaned ourself away from our sexual relationship. I do think that the early exposure to homosexuality played a large part in my sexuality today. Since I can't go back and "un-ring the bell", it is impossible for me to know IF I would have eventually become bisexual had this never occurred. Nor can I speculate on how I would have viewed male/male sex had my own experiences been unpleasant.

That said, I adhere to the theory that human sexuality can be better described like a "scale of attraction" - on the one end are the 100% straight, and on the other extreme are the 100% gay, while the vast majority actually lie somewhere in between the two extremes. Unfortunately, our society has "nurtured" us in a way that teaches that homosexuality is wrong - thus, many are "nurtured" away from their true sexuality.

To illustrate that point; I've often thought about what two people of the same sex (presumably "straight") would do if they found themselves stranded on a deserted island with no hope of being rescued. My own feeling is that most people in that situation would eventually come together in mutual love and comfort. (but, I of course am biased since I know that is what I would do -:male:)

Now that I am older I have come to terms with my sexuality. It has made me a happier and I think a kinder and better person. My wife of 30+ years has always known of my early homosexual contact. But now that I am more open about the fact that "it didn't go away", she too is finding that part of my sexuality a great turn-on. She has also commented on how much she enjoys the "softer" side of my male personality.

So, I guess I can't really answer the question either - are we pre-wired or are we molded? Probably the answer lies somewhere in the middle.

[atrus]

IYou can agree with this or not, but I what I believe is a possible explanation for the origin of bisexuality---

-------REINCARNATION---------

I have come to have little faith in, trust of and like of traditional religions, but I do have a strong belief that there exists, for lack of a better term: "GOD"


This is seriously an incredible post. I can't believe how well this tied up my ideas into a nice little package. Incredible. Thanks for sharing this.

[lonelygirlintx]

IYou can agree with this or not, but I what I believe is a possible explanation for the origin of bisexuality---

-------REINCARNATION---------

I have come to have little faith in, trust of and like of traditional religions, but I do have a strong belief that there exists, for lack of a better term: "GOD"

I don't think God is anything at all like what the fundy Christians or the radical, extremist Islamists say "HE" is--for one thing--God is far beyond anyting that we can conceive of in terms of physicality.

To identify God in terms of male/female in the physical sense is--welll-senseless--for "God" is something far beyond anything physical and when the Bible says that "we are made in the image of God".

Hope ya''l don't think I am totally bonkers--I am just sharing my view of things with you and if you don't like it--that' fine---I am not trying to make anyone else agree with me--simply trying to share my insigts and offer some nuggets for thought---



I do believe that this passage is true, but not in the way that it is traditionally interpreted--the tradition interpretation is that this passage refers to our physical bodies--I don't believe that is the case.

The passage refers to our essential essence--"our soul" and that has no gender. Our soul, like God, is a balance of what we consider to be the masculine and feminine energies---the YING/YANG as it often callled in many tradtions.

I believe that our soul--has either inhabited many bodies--male and female "over time" or those experiences may actually be taking place at the same "time."

I don't think it is possible for us to truly comprehend the true nature of existence--we get glimpses of the whole picture from time to time in our dreams and in other ways. Seeing too much of those things without preparation can cause madness--hence many who went crazy after doing some intense hallucinagenic drugs back in the day did so because the drugs freed their minds to go to places and see things that our minds are not designed to handle--

In so called "primitive" societies with Shamans and medicine men and women--they would make use of plants and other naturally occuring substances found in their environments that would "open their minds" to other worldly experiences--but they only did so after much training generally and intensive preperation for specific times.

How does all this relate to bisexuality or any other sexual preference?

Our desires for others of the same or other genders comes from having had sexual relations in our different bodies in all permuations possible--and more important than the merely physical aspects of sexuality--what we really seek is closeness to another being and seeking to have an orgasm with another human being--for the orgasm itself is a glimpse of the love and beauty of "God" and by having an orgasm in union with another human being we share and magnify the enegies. This brings us closer to the place that our essential selves were created---closer to "GOD"

Allright--sounds crazy as shit right????

Well----does it really sound any worse than what regular religion tells us?? and it sure as hell describes things far better than science is able to provide, in my humble opinion with its limted perspective.

That is not to say I am against science--science does a pretty good job of describing the phyical part of the universe that we inhabit--but science is incapable of describing the nature of things beyond the boundaries of the various realms of the physical universe-but it does continue to expand our understanding of those realms each and every day.

Well, I certainly agree with everything that was said. Of course, the orgasm thing, I would've put that into a little less detail, but that's ok, that's what I believe to be true too. :)

[ambi53mm]

I recently began a brief membership to a website I had discovered a while back called Classmates.com. How it relates to this particular thread is in a letter I received from someone I hadn’t communicated with since being 15 in the 9th grade. !5 was a coming out year for me…not sexually per se but coming out from a shell of shyness, low self esteem, and most importantly at the time, my attractiveness to the opposite sex. I went from a lurking shadow to being in the limelight over the course of a summer. It was an overall great year of life in which my identity of who I would become….began.
Love notes…I had a collection that filled three shoeboxes from a string of girlfriends that I had acquired over the course of a very few months that year… My hair had become very long during a time when most guys were still wearing the Elvis look and I began playing Rock and Roll in a garage band…Anyway…I’m writing a letter to Pat while sitting in a science class and the teacher grabs this letter off my desk and begins to read it to herself…the next thing I know I’m being hauled off to the principals office and then to the Disciplinarian’s office for about an hour or so chat. I being asked questions such as: When you look at your fingernails…do you hold them this way or that way? How long do you spend brushing your hair in the morning? Do you enjoy looking like a woman? There were more along this line that time has erased but eventually the pieces of the puzzle began to emerge…You see there was a guy in my class named Pat…and the letter I had been writing was telling Pat how strong my mutual attraction was in the words of our puppy love…they had concluded that I must be gay based on the contents of this letter. When it finally dawned on me what was going on…I found myself having to fight to defend and reestablish my sexual identity….I recently received a letter from Pat…first one after almost 42 years…She now has 6 children and 13 grandchildren and is happily married to her husband of almost 30 years…back then she was a short and very cute little blond who had fallen head over heels in love with a long haired guitar player….but she also reminded me of the way things once were… and. an event that helped shaped my perceptions as well as my misconceptions.

Ambi:)

[Nick_bi]

Personally, I think it's a bit of both. My first awareness that I might not be straight was in high school, when an older guy turned to me and said "you're gay." It got me thinking, and soon I was fantasising about MM sex. At that stage, I really didn't have a clue what it meant, and back in the eighties, the concept of bisexuality wasn't something I was familiar with. I figure, most people won't starting have gay sex fantasies simply because someone tells them they're gay, but I do believe that comment triggered something inside me that I wasn't consciously aware of at that point. After all, I really, really liked girls (and still do).

Anyway, beyond fantasy, I didn't really explore that side of myself until I hit my early twenties, and was lucky enough to have a gay couple seduce me. My only regret is that I didn't explore my bisexuality more before I met my wife. It took me a while to become comfortable with that side of myself, and I fought against it for a long time. Now I realise how stupid that was, but when you're young, well you're not always bright.

Now of course, I'm very comfortable with that part of myself, but alas, being in a monogamous relationship means no cock for me. ;)

So basically, I believe it's part nurture, part nature, as are all aspects of our personalities.

[ambi53mm]

Oh no! God forbid somebody thinks that you're gay, queer, bisexual, or something other than "heteroflexual"!

As an adult Transwoman who was once a confused girly boy in highschool and got called a faggot daily and beat up/shunned by lots of people, I still say that monogendered people have it easier, and so do bisexuals like yourself who are het leaning as opposed to those who are homosexual leaning.

Easier?...Maybe from the standpoint of one's whose been abused in the way you've indicated that you were...and obviously those events and your experiences have shaped your perceptions of “self”...and I would think of those that abused you as well.
As to the “heteroflexual" label…..it has no other significance than that which I’ve attached to it… which is me just laughing at myself.

Ambi:)

[cuthwulf]

My first sexual experience was when I was 18 with a school friend. We were both masturbating and i asked him to get into my bed. It was great. I came from a very sexualy repressed family. Never talk about sex. Did not understand women and had difficulty finding girl friends. Got married--crazy.
Got divorced had sex with a man. Much easier than women. Stupid got married again---crazy. Mind you do like women. Last few years found got turned on by male naked bodies---Damn. Now got to handle that. But looking back that first sex experience, repressed household, trauma at 19, difficulty with women, ease of sex with man later all had an effect to make one 50/50.
But no big deal one just handles it.

[Babydoll2007]

I may be an exception to all the "rules"
I believe that nature has more to do with things then nurture. If I went by nurture in my life... I would never be with a man... and have little faith in woman. (oh yeah..Im a woman) I was severely abused by 2 men in my life during my young preteen and early teen years. and my mom was an alcoholic that didnt pay attention to us kids.

I am bi! I know I am bi! I only came into the realization in the past year. Kind of thru prodding by a guy friend who wanted me to be with him and another girl. He wanted to do certain things and teach me the ways of a woman... It never happened with him. It did get me thinking though.

I remember as a child...before the abuse...thinking about how it would feel nice to get close to that girl friend that I was sleeping next to.... How I wanted to touch her in ways that werent exceptable. I would pretend I was sleeping and put my hand on their chest or close to their grown area...hoping to touch them..hoping they would let me touch them more...

I even belonged to a "club" a bunch of friends and we called ourselves "Lez B Friends" and One older girl and I did things that could be close to the lesbian or bi activities...but not actually getting into full blown sexual acts.

But then the abuse started and I "forgot" about what I had been interested in until I was 15 years old. I almost had another experience with a close friend who lived across the street...we slept together many nights..and we would talk about sex and lay real close to each other..like lovers would...and I asked her if she had ever been with a woman, In hopes that she would do things with me. she didnt...and she moved away..

But then the abuse started again...even worse them before because I turned 16! It moved to a new level... and those thoughts went away...

At 18, I moved out... then I got married...had kids...never thinking about those things again...I Got divorsed...then Remarried..Went thru some very difficult things and met someone who opened my mind back up.

I have experimented with my bi side and have enjoyed every minute of it...

Now I am still married to my second husband..And things have been better with him. So I stay faithful... I am extremely attracted to a girl I know..and she is bi.. We have gotten really close... in many ways.

I still havent come out to him yet. He is a very old fashioned person..Im not sure how he would take it. I am looking for the "right" moment to tell him.


Nurture or Nature?

I believe it was in my nature...It was something that I always thought about and wanted.... But I love being with men also...Why? I dont know, I shouldnt be but I know all men are not sick like the ones that abused me. But I love a good man.

If it were up to purely nurture.... where would I be? Not married!