Anybody else have this problem?

[Huey1N]

So, while I am certainly bi, I definitely like and think about women more often than guys.

But I definitely go through periods of wanting to be a total bottom. I am not "attracted" to guys, and not romantically interested. But it turns me on so much to think about giving a guy head or getting bred. I have had some experiences with other guys when I was younger, but it never went past mutual masturbation. I want to try more.

Problem is, when I think of this and watch porn of guys getting bottomed, after I jerk off and cum, I completely lose interest. I don't want to say I feel "ashamed," but I think, "Eh, I don't really actually wanna do that, what was I thinking?" But just a few minutes ago, I couldn't have wanted it more.

I think this has hindered me in meeting up with guys. I have ghosted a few after making arrangements, only to be so turned on and jerking off... and then just completely not caring. That, and I am worried that, if and when I do meet a guy, after the deed is done, there will be some "awkwardness."

Has any one else gone through this? And how have you overcome it? I figure the least I can do is maybe not jerk off after making plans with a guy, and definitely not cumming while getting fucked, etc (that's actually a big turn on, just being used). But that plan has not met with reality yet, and I don't know if it will hold up. Any advice is welcome. Thanks in advance!

[Jozyxt]

I go through it all the time. I very much want to be with a guy but after I cum, I have ambiguous feelings for a while. After an anonymous hookup with a man, there is no opportunity to do the emotional bonding.

When I'm with a woman, I curl up with her and tell her how good it was and how I feel about her. But the ambiguous feelings with aman are much like the times I have taken a woman home just because I was horny and been sorry I did. I think, my friends saw me leave with this slut and I have to be seen at breakfast tomorrow.

What you describe is the reason many guys are bottom only. They don't want to cum because they have not outlet for the post O blues. So try to arrange just sucking some guys to get into it.

[Huey1N]

I go through it all the time. I very much want to be with a guy but after I cum, I have ambiguous feelings for a while. After an anonymous hookup with a man, there is no opportunity to do the emotional bonding.

When I'm with a woman, I curl up with her and tell her how good it was and how I feel about her. But the ambiguous feelings with aman are much like the times I have taken a woman home just because I was horny and been sorry I did. I think, my friends saw me leave with this slut and I have to be seen at breakfast tomorrow.

What you describe is the reason many guys are bottom only. They don't want to cum because they have not outlet for the post O blues. So try to arrange just sucking some guys to get into it.

Yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the input.

[KDaddy23]

You're watching a guy getting nailed by a really nice dick; you think that, yeah, that's what I need real bad; you stroke your rock hard dick as the guy on the screen is getting well and truly fucked and you cum and... you'd rather go take your car's engine apart with a screwdriver and a pair of pliers than to thing about being fucked by a guy. That's the refractionary period of sex for us and as we all learn, it's a nasty, ugly, feeling. The answer to this particular problem is... don't jerk off to porn if you're planning on bottoming. I know, kinda doesn't make sense since the porn you were watching was so hot but if you do, you're just gonna have to teach yourself to stay the course; jerk off and cum, fuck a woman and cum and keep it set in your mind that you're going to bottom for a guy... and it's not all that easy to do.

I've had guys suck me off then fuck me and, yuck, I'd rather clean out a cesspool but this is what I wanted and needed and I learned to work through it; I've been caught in that "bad moment" where I've jerked off and now my woman wantes to get laid and I'd rather find some pigs and slop them... but it's showtime and all about how quickly my body is going to recover. Your mind is saying, "More sex!" and your body is saying, "Yeah, maybe next year..." and it takes a great effort of will to either go have sex "for real" after jerking off or to keep having sex after you've cum.

And if you get with a guy and you make him cum before you do, the same thing is gonna happen to him - it's what's behind the dreaded and much-hated blow and go.

[MatthewX]

Your not alone. I feel the say way.

[KDaddy23]

It's something that we can't do a damned thing about; it's how our bodies are designed to work. Our "job" is to sow our seed and the moment we do that, the job is done and the last thing we feel like doing is having sex or continuing to. What makes this worse is that it's not... consistent but that depends on some stuff that would bore the shit out of most people - but I know about it because even in my beginnings, I wanted to know why I didn't want to have sex after I shot my jizz. I found out why. You don't... get used to it. The mind is willing but the flesh is weak and literally so. Again, it takes an effort of will to cum and still want to have sex. It just is what it's always been with us and, yes, women go through this as well.

All you can do is be aware of this and... do your best to find a way to work through it. You jerk off and, yuck, you don't want anything to do with bottoming for a guy, but you know you want to and if you've arranged to bottom, um, no jerking off before the fact. If you worry about this, you're just gonna make yourself crazy...

[Jazminedress]

like everything else in life, you gotta do you and everyone else does them

[joseluis]

It happens to me too, I like women, lesbian porn turns me on, but if I've masturbated to bisexual porn, I've even inserted my finger or a dildo into my anus, but after that I've also felt guilty, sometimes Sometimes I have that fantasy of being penetrated or sucking a dick, but it has never happened, I thought I was one of the few that this happened to

[Jazminedress]

It happens to me too, I like women, lesbian porn turns me on, but if I've masturbated to bisexual porn, I've even inserted my finger or a dildo into my anus, but after that I've also felt guilty, sometimes Sometimes I have that fantasy of being penetrated or sucking a dick, but it has never happened, I thought I was one of the few that this happened to

feeling guilty after is a very common thing. Actually, its one of my worst nightmare safety issues that concern me, someone having feelings of guilt after a trist. The problem is, you never know how they will react, a friend of mine with a similar proclivity was attacked by a guy , afterwards had the "What have I done" reaction. During the heat of the moment they are okay.

At the end, all of us can tell people there is nothing to feel guilty about, but, we all have our own thoughts and demons............everyone just has to decide whats right for them. Some guys prefer someone like me as it makes them feel less gay and they can justify it, others cant stand someone like me and want a manly man, different flavors

[Long Duck Dong]

I am slightly different.... in the past there was times when my body craved sex but the mind was not interested, the body won but it was not enjoyable sex.......other times it was a case of sex is done, I just want to be the hell away from here.......

Years later I ended up in a closed group with my intersex female partner, another guy and two females and do not experience the issues any more....tho there are times when I will say not interested in sex tonight

Something I noticed over the years was that people would tend to argue that a guy was always in the mood for sex, so talking about times when we were not, generally got me laughed at or they would talk about other guys they knew that always wanted sex.......and in the closed group, when we talked about how some people were not in the mood at times, the ladies mentioned how society thinks its always the * woman with a headache * and something they said, I did find interesting.

There were times that they just craved sex, a natural aspect of their womans cycle could sometimes make them so horny and it was often easier to get themselves off, then they would have no interest in sex,, and as they would say, the fantasy of having sex was often better than the reality.......unless they were mentally and emotionally in the mood for sex, then it was all on.....

I quess in our own ways we have phases like that where we get aroused over the idea and fantasy of how sex would be and once we cum, not interested or even try to avoid it.

So what is the difference for us now, compared to our pasts, the others in the group share the same thinking as me, its the other people that make it different, and better........and because sex is not always about penetration for us, we can also use masturbation, oral and even just watching as alternative options or even just cuddling and kissing.......and it can be as easy as a text or a * wanna fuck * where as others may have to go through the hassle of arranging a hook up and a quick wank while watching porn is easier...

[bihorseman71]

I was in my fifties before I gave into and acted on my desires for men. I used to have the same problem of feeling guilty, ashamed and disinterested after I cum. Then, I sucked my first cock. After sucking him hard and taking his massive load of cum, I felt fantastic in a very nasty way. There I was kneeling on the floor of my office wearing nothing but a pick lace thong and a smile from ear to ear. I had cum in my panties and never touched my cock. Since that day, it doesn't matter if I cum from sucking, getting fucked or masterbating, the only thing I feel is the insatiable desire for more cock.

[ExploringTampa]

I can somewhat relate to this. When I’m in the mood, I get really turned on by the fantasy of sucking cock. I truly want to experience the thrill of feeling and tasting it when he cums in my mouth. And I cum really hard when I stroke myself to those thoughts. But then when I’m done and I’m looking at the cum, I don’t necessarily want to lap it up. I do sometimes, but I’ve cum in my own mouth before (when I was younger and more flexible), and I know it’s not the same. And then yeah, I get some of the feelings of “ok, I really want to do this, but what if it turns out to not be that great of an experience?” What if I don’t really enjoy it as much as I think I will. I also grew up really conservative, and I feel like I’ve moved past the feelings of guilt or whatever that came with that. But I have to imagine that at least subconsciously plays a role.

[Homersfield]

I know what you mean.
I'm sitting here in a pencil skirt and knickers, watching porn (men and women) but as soon as i've had a wank, i'll get dressed in to normal clothes. The interest has been lost.

[jjourneyman]

I think the first time is always a nervous experience. The hard part (no pun intended) is finding someone you feel comfortable and safe enough with to let you suck or fuck you - particularly since the pandemic. I've been on too many hook-up / dating sites to mention, only to be stood up.

[tommyswing]

I think your reaction is fairly common like others have said. I think not knowing the person at all tends to make that more likely that you'll have that reaction. When I am having sex with a guy and sucking his cock I'm really really into it and loving it. Sometimes afterwards I can't believe I liked it as much as I did, and that can create an anxiety of types. I've also had lovers were we had sex together made love slept together and I didn't have any desire to get away from them. I think it helps to have some attraction. I also find with men and women sometimes it just doesn't feel right to have sex with them, many times I don't even know why but I heed that advice coming from my gut

[PickleRick]

You're certainly not alone.

I have had a few encounters, but it took me a while to get the courage for the first one. The first one was through craigslist, it was very brief, I sucked him for probably 30 seconds then I bailed haha. Met up with him a few times after that for mutual oral though.

I'm also not "attracted" to guys, the thought of kissing a guy on the lips is repulsive to me.... I know what a handsome man looks like but I can't say I've ever looked at a guy and thought "yea, he's hot". Women on the other hand... can't keep my eyes off of them. That said, I do enjoy a hard dick in my mouth lol.

If I cum first, I'm less interested in finishing them, at that point it feels more like an obligation.... I try to get them off first.
Afterwards, I'm outta there, no interest in chatting or hanging out, just gone. I think I may have actually insulted the owner of the last dick I sucked. Sorry dude, only wanted your body.... But I lay down with a woman, talk, don't talk, doesn't matter.... might be a little insulted if she just split....hmmmm... I'm actually having a bit of a moment of enlightenment right now as I type lol.
I just don't have interest or desire in becoming emotionally with a guy, heck, I really don't even have any guy friends. God I must seem like a bummer lol

Only advice I can give, If you really want to do this and do set up an encounter, Don't jerk off thinking about it!! lol i

[stephmtl]

I have had the same issue. Once I have cum it I lose interest in any m2m play - and it is hard if the guy has made me cum first to continue. I have done it sometimes and there is a certain excitement from pleasuring a guy once you are less aroused also. Just ... different.

[Jozyxt]

I have had the same issue. Once I have cum it I lose interest in any m2m play - and it is hard if the guy has made me cum first to continue. I have done it sometimes and there is a certain excitement from pleasuring a guy once you are less aroused also. Just ... different.

I really want to work on this post O problem by having a man encourage, urge or even demand me to do things after I have cum. As you say, there is a certain excitement to it when I can reach it. It is a very slutty feeling.

[KDaddy23]

As mentioned, getting past this moment takes a strong effort of will. Some guys learn to work past it when they've cum but their partner hasn't and it's on you to get them off but you'd rather eat shit and die than to keep having sex but you soldier on even though you may or may not "get back into it."

It's just not an easy thing for some guys to do. I've known guys who have cum and the refraction moment doesn't seem to bother them because they'll keep at me until I cum and, yeah, I've had guys get me off before I could get them off and... making myself continue until they cum.

[tenni]

Huey Thanks for re introducing several issues. As I read some guy's thoughts they seem so focused on m2m sex play and women are not even mentioned. Yet, each bisexual person male or female usually has to come up with how we deal with same sex and cross sex relationships with emotion or blocking our emotional reactions. I read several posts where a man discloses denying any "romantic" attraction to another man. Guys can have sex with other men and hide emotion interaction with another man. That issue of dealing with your feelings and sex /romance is often supressed. The role of shame is rarely discussed on this site.

On a site like this it is respected and silent when it comes to m2m sex and how to relate to each other. The kewl option supresses an in control of your emotions. How much you think about men compared to women and what significance that makes you bi. Bi people vary in their attractions.