RisingBi
May 19, 2022, 2:01 AM
I have been fantasizing about and praying for for years to meet a guy who I finally have romantic feelings for. But it's just never happened. There was only cocksucking in my life for my first 21 years of gay sex, even though I also fantasized about fucking and even falling in love with a guy. But usually I felt zero chemistry with a guy, even at a physical/sexual level, though I still had oral sex with him. Just 6 times out of over 200 guys did I feel strong sexual passion for a guy. But I certainly never felt any romantic/emotional feelings with any real guys. It was only just in my fantasies.
But after I finally lost my gay virginity, as a top, inserting my cock deep inside another man's ass for the first time, experiencing that kind of intimacy with a guy, did I finally connect in a stronger way with the gay part of myself deeply buried and repressed, despite all the oral sex with guys. I was so happy, and from then on only sought more intimate get togethers with guys in each other's homes, for mutual cocksucking and anal play. And in almost every case I felt strong sexual attraction for the guy I was with. But I still never had any romantic feelings for a guy, whether it was with the guy I was naked with, or certainly never with any guy in the regular, clothed, straight world.
But I got to spend time with a married guy, volunteering together over the last few days at a spiritual convention, spending a lot of time talking with him about everything while we worked, and really enjoying each other's company and conversational topics. But he was married and as far as I know straight, and for spiritual reasons I only play with single guys these days. But yesterday, the last day of the convention, we spent many hours chatting and getting to know each other more. It turns out that he's actually divorced--about a year ago!! He recently moved to a city about an hour from me that happens to be the spiritual centre that I go to, and that he will be going to as well. And we really began developing a friendship yesterday.
We went for supper, which he paid for, and only finally left the restaurant after hours of talking and only until we were both dropdead exhausted from the day and the 5-day convention. As I said, as far as I know he's straight, but I'm also not 100% sure. There seemed to be a vibe between us, some chemistry, at least intellectual, but maybe more. I tell you, when he said that he was divorced, I felt overjoyed deep in my heart. Damn-it, I was attracted to him, physically, and I believe romantically. It was just like a dinner I went on with a platonic female friend back in 2016, a woman who eventually became my girlfriend. The same feelings played inside me during both those events.
And as we parted, he asked whether I was into hanging out more, going on hikes, etc., because he so enjoyed talking with me. I don't know if it's just my own wishful thinking, and my growing feelings for him, but it seemed to me that he was interested in me as more than a platonic friend. Oh my God, do I ever wish that was so. I would so LOVE for this to happen. At the very least I would love to have a FWB. But I just don't know, could gay love finally fall upon me?
I just don't know how to proceed. I guess the same questions come up for me in this potentially romantic/sexual situation as it does for a bi or gay guy feeling sexually attracted to a friend who is straight or seemingly straight. You don't want to risk a friendship by making a move on a guy that is totally straight. And to make matters worse, if it's a guy that you socialize or work with in the regular straight world, the risk is even greater. And in my situation, I also do not want to jeopardize our spiritual relationship, the most important of all. I suppose I can just play it by ear and see how things proceed on our friendship get-togethers, hiking, grabbing a bite to eat, or whatever. But I have zero experience with reading the subtle cues a guy might be giving when he's feeling the exact same fear that you are.
What experiences have guys had with this kind of situation, whether it was sexual only, or romantic? Please share your stories if you have any. I would certainly appreciate any advice that anyone could give. Yes, I'm scared, but part of me is so excited that maybe this is the guy! After breaking up with that aforementioned girlfriend after a very rocky three-year relationship, just before the pandemic hit, all I've been interested in is exploring my gay side in a far deeper way than ever before. But the pandemic curtailed things. I have been suspecting during this pandemic that I might just be more gay than I ever thought. Or maybe that's just my fantasies, especially after such a rough time with a woman (again).
But after I finally lost my gay virginity, as a top, inserting my cock deep inside another man's ass for the first time, experiencing that kind of intimacy with a guy, did I finally connect in a stronger way with the gay part of myself deeply buried and repressed, despite all the oral sex with guys. I was so happy, and from then on only sought more intimate get togethers with guys in each other's homes, for mutual cocksucking and anal play. And in almost every case I felt strong sexual attraction for the guy I was with. But I still never had any romantic feelings for a guy, whether it was with the guy I was naked with, or certainly never with any guy in the regular, clothed, straight world.
But I got to spend time with a married guy, volunteering together over the last few days at a spiritual convention, spending a lot of time talking with him about everything while we worked, and really enjoying each other's company and conversational topics. But he was married and as far as I know straight, and for spiritual reasons I only play with single guys these days. But yesterday, the last day of the convention, we spent many hours chatting and getting to know each other more. It turns out that he's actually divorced--about a year ago!! He recently moved to a city about an hour from me that happens to be the spiritual centre that I go to, and that he will be going to as well. And we really began developing a friendship yesterday.
We went for supper, which he paid for, and only finally left the restaurant after hours of talking and only until we were both dropdead exhausted from the day and the 5-day convention. As I said, as far as I know he's straight, but I'm also not 100% sure. There seemed to be a vibe between us, some chemistry, at least intellectual, but maybe more. I tell you, when he said that he was divorced, I felt overjoyed deep in my heart. Damn-it, I was attracted to him, physically, and I believe romantically. It was just like a dinner I went on with a platonic female friend back in 2016, a woman who eventually became my girlfriend. The same feelings played inside me during both those events.
And as we parted, he asked whether I was into hanging out more, going on hikes, etc., because he so enjoyed talking with me. I don't know if it's just my own wishful thinking, and my growing feelings for him, but it seemed to me that he was interested in me as more than a platonic friend. Oh my God, do I ever wish that was so. I would so LOVE for this to happen. At the very least I would love to have a FWB. But I just don't know, could gay love finally fall upon me?
I just don't know how to proceed. I guess the same questions come up for me in this potentially romantic/sexual situation as it does for a bi or gay guy feeling sexually attracted to a friend who is straight or seemingly straight. You don't want to risk a friendship by making a move on a guy that is totally straight. And to make matters worse, if it's a guy that you socialize or work with in the regular straight world, the risk is even greater. And in my situation, I also do not want to jeopardize our spiritual relationship, the most important of all. I suppose I can just play it by ear and see how things proceed on our friendship get-togethers, hiking, grabbing a bite to eat, or whatever. But I have zero experience with reading the subtle cues a guy might be giving when he's feeling the exact same fear that you are.
What experiences have guys had with this kind of situation, whether it was sexual only, or romantic? Please share your stories if you have any. I would certainly appreciate any advice that anyone could give. Yes, I'm scared, but part of me is so excited that maybe this is the guy! After breaking up with that aforementioned girlfriend after a very rocky three-year relationship, just before the pandemic hit, all I've been interested in is exploring my gay side in a far deeper way than ever before. But the pandemic curtailed things. I have been suspecting during this pandemic that I might just be more gay than I ever thought. Or maybe that's just my fantasies, especially after such a rough time with a woman (again).