Exhausted

[gentlepen9]

Okay, I am completely attracted to women (as well as men). I find them beautiful, alluring and sometimes simply mesmerizing. Yet I'm totally terrified of being more than friends with a woman despite my desire for more. I'm married but if I were single I'm not sure if I would pursue a romantic relationship with another woman because, well, I find women to be emotionally exhausting. I've always had good relationships with men and get along with them rather well. Women on the other hand have always been difficult to figure out even though I'm one myself. Guys are just more simple to deal with in my opinion. As much as I love the ladies I often feel rather drained and needing time alone to recuporate. I don't know if it's just the type of women that I meet, that women just like drama in their lives or what. All I know is that after spending any considerable amount of time with a woman (on just a friendship basis) I want to go home, close the blinds and take a very loooong nap.
Has anyone else experienced such feelings in regards to members of their own sex?

[Lorcan]

I'm simple. ('cept when my hormones act up and i get all nervous)
Are you simple?

Yeah, i find women hard to figure out myself. And i was born XX.

Bi the way, I like the pictures you have up in your profile! mmmm brunnettes! Kristin Kreuk is my fav.

[shameless agitator]

I'm not sure that it's a same sex thing. I also find women much more emotionally exhausting to deal with than men. I think it's because of the way we socialize the different genders in this society. Men tend to be less emotionally expressive than women & take a less emotional approach to life in general. I know I'm generalizing here. Hell I ended my first attempt at a relationship with a man because he was too big a drama queen for me, but I think as a general rule this holds true.

[sammie19]

I too have always found being friends with women totally exhausting, and consquently have rather tended to shy away from really close friendships with them. There is my gf of course but I think that is an altogether different emotional experience, if exhausting in its own right.

I am close friends with a cousin and since I was little she has been the closest thing I can call such, but at times the relationship is fraught and emotional, difficult and is at once joyous and very tense. However, her relationship with her best friends from her schooldays is without doubt a closed world that no one, not even I, or the person she has since become best friends of all with, have ever able quite to break into. She recently tragically lost one of those friends, and the sense of emotion felt by the remaining three, the sense of loss and yet the feeling of sheer amazement felt by them and gratitude for the short life of their friend made me appreciate that I have missed out here. I have known love. The love of parents, the love of her and her wonderful mum for me, my gf's emotional and physical commitment, and yet nothing prepared me for the astonishing and emotionally uplifting if extremely draining way these 3 friends said farewell to one of their number. For the first time I think, I observed the simple unquestioning love of friends for one another in a way which left me so envious of just what really good friends mean to one another, and just how emotionally scarring such friendships can be, while at the same time being a wonderfully closed and secret world of love, trust, support and commitment.

[ambi53mm]

Has anyone else experienced such feelings in regards to members of their own sex?

Yes. I'd elaborate on this and probably will once I've recooperated. There are people of both sex that are either givers of energy or takers of energy. Those that are takers are usually attracted to those that are givers and sometimes vise versa. I've learned over time to shield myself (energywise) from the takers so that I can give more freely to those that are in greater need. If I'm controling the output I don't allow myself to become depleted to the point of exhaustion.
I'm in a totaly awesome marriage. My wife and I have a very healthy balance of energy flow between us. If I need energy I turn to her and vice versa. We are described as a very laid back couple by those that know us. Often we both find ourselves as being the people, that other people in distress will turn to both individually and collectively.
Same sex or not we all have our limitations......and on that note....Its time to take a looooong nap :bigrin:

Ambi :)

[innaminka]

Of course we're harder to deal with.
We're complicated thinkers prepared to verbalise and comfort.
Men are just simple souls and are very black and white.

Oh and most of us are drama queens too......... :bigrin:

[BiBiologist]

Well, I have to go the totally opposite way on this one!! Women may be more emotional (in general), but I am sooo much more relaxed and sooo much more comfortable around women. I have found men that I am involved with to be completely exhausting because of their lack (in general) of ability to communicate not only their emotions, but also day-to-day communications, inability to admit failures or mistakes (in general), and I have always felt intimidated by them, especially the macho good looking ones. They leave me feeling inadequate and frustrated. There are women like that too, but I steer clear of them and slide comfortably into friendships with the intelligent, confident, drama-free types. I go to women for my recuperation from men! GOD, I love women!!!

[SweetBlackAngel]

I've never had trouble with women as friends. But dating them has been....well, challenging. :cool: Not at all what I expected. I tend to be something of an introvert (in the Myers-Briggs sense), so people, in general, can be a heavy pull on my energy. I do find it easier to flirt with the guys. ;) They're just so tasty that way. :tong:

[gentlepen9]

I guess I'm a simple woman. I'm laid back, light-hearted and drama free. I have my moments where my moods swing but I always let people know up front, like my husband, rather than letting them walk right into it. But give me 30-60 minutes and I'm back to my quiet but playful self. I like being happy and content but I don't meet very many women who are like that themselves. I hear a lot of women talk about wanting to be happy but fail to realize that the first step to being happy is learning to be happy with yourself. This is where I feel a lot of the drama comes in at. The few women that I have met who are content with themselves don't spend their time being down on themselves or others. They're full of life, ideas, adventure and dreams and I just wish that I could meet more women like this. I think those "energy zappin'" women like to gravitate towards me and that's why I tend to feel exhausted after being around them. I think I'll be a bit more selective now when it comes to the ladies.

[darkeyes]

Jus take fran's word for it.. women r far mo emotionally complex an exhaustin than guys..love an friendship wiv them is harder than eva givin it 2 a guy. Ya knows zactly wer ya is wiv guys.. women r much mo unpredictable, an openly emotional outside. We lets go of things easier an that causes us lotsa probs in relationships. Throw a guy a carrot an he is urs. Simple. An we likes bitta drama 2. Most exhaustin thing bout so may guys is wen they gives ya two minutes of ther time! ( I knos guys sum o ya r actually pretty gud at givin us gud bit longer) Tho some r deeper than that an hidden emotion can b bloody strain..try an get summat out of a guy sumtimes is like tryin to raise the titanic wiv a bitta string! But gimme that ne time compared to the complexity of women!

[billy_campbell]

I've never had trouble with women as friends. But dating them has been....well, challenging. :cool: Not at all what I expected. I tend to be something of an introvert (in the Myers-Briggs sense), so people, in general, can be a heavy pull on my energy. I do find it easier to flirt with the guys. ;) They're just so tasty that way. :tong:

And you keep telling me you aren't a flirt. ;)

[Lorcan]

I once overheard two sorority sisters talking in collage: "I need to have a fight with my boyfriend. What do you think i should have a fight about?"
:eek:
EXHAUSTING!
:bigrin:

[ambi53mm]

Men are just simple souls and are very black and white.



Hey! I resemble that remark :bigrin:

Ambi :)

[darkeyes]

I once overheard two sorority sisters talking in collage: "I need to have a fight with my boyfriend. What do you think i should have a fight about?"
:eek:
EXHAUSTING!
:bigrin:

This actually rang a real bell wiv me. Once an not so long ago me wen me wos married to a nice gud lookin at the same time funny but unadventurous guy who had really ole fashioned ideas bout wot his wife shud an shudnt b, which included stayin at home an bein bored outa me skull ta raise his babies (an TF nun o them eva came along) I became a lot like the gel Lorcan is talkin bout..

Things wer fine for a wile afta we got hitched..sex wos good if not gr8, he cared he luvved me an wudnt eva do ne thin to hurt me. We had luvly home, well furnished an me neva wanted for ne thin. Neva in me life wos me so well dressed an had so many yummie shoes an sexy undies. Neva wanted for a thing. Wel almost ne thin.

Afta a wile jus doin the gud wee wifey duties, stuck in middle of nower, nuthin excitin 2 do, deprived of me mates an no 1 2 speak 2 me jus started goin crazy. Sure we went out a lot, an we went 2 lotsa fun parties an had sum laffs but me needed more than jus bein an appendage wich wos how he treated me on such occasions. Knew he luvved me an believe me me wos glad he did cos in me own way I luvved him 2. He wosnt a gr8 communicator an if he wos mayb we mita had a chance but me needs sum 1 bounce of, ta interact wiv an do more than jus the house slave an pretty wife act.

Wot me did find wos 2 get ne attention an ne decent reaction outa him it cud b dun wen summat me had dun or sed irritated him. So afta a wile thats wot me did. Began 2 think up things for him ta get annoyed by. Things wich wud get a reaction an at least get rid of sum o me frustrations an relieve the tedium.

An it worked..me did get the reactions me wos lookin for. As time went on things got worse. An soon as he went out the door fran wos sittin drinkin her coffee eatin her toast an began 2 stew..an seethe.. an think wot can me really get up his nose wiv 2 day? Jeez did we hav sum real blow outs wen he got home. Soon things wer jus bloody awful an the more me thought the more we fought the more he sulked an the more me got pished off wiv everythin.

Me's not excusin meself. Wos a rite bitch an really the sod didn deserve it all an still feel guilty bout the way me treated him. By the time we split he really thought of me as neurotic paranoid bitch, which me isnt (methinks).. jus got ta hate me life an meself for bein so damn stupid as 2 marry a guy who wos so different from me, who me had nowt in common with an who simply had no understandin that this is the 21st century an not the days wen we we jus the lil lady an Queen Vic wos on throne.

Spose me shudda realised wos gonna b like that. Shudda spotted the signs before we got hitched but didn so no excuses. Hell indeed hath no fury like a woman bored 2 tears.

[miamiuu]

I tend to be more physically attracted to guys and the sexual energy some give off. The problem I end up having since I'm also a guy is I get tired of being around them for long periods of time. I get annoyed alot by others of my gender.

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

I know exactly where you are coming from, I have several ladies friends that if they didn't have a saga in their life then they wouldn't have anything to discuss. Because they're my friends I tend to try and be a good listener, but it is exhausting because they rarely take my advice which is usually short and sweet and would nip the problem in the bud first time. I wouldn't consider myself cold hearted but after awhile I do tend to get a tad annoyed simply because I can no longer take the drama.I am a realist, most women are not. My boyfriend can be a tad mellowdramatic, and has mentioned he has never seen me cry. Why do I need to cry ? lol We had a fight , yes, Im not going to ball over it. I just don't think all women are built that way. However I do think the majority of the ladies are. Wish I could meet more women like myself :tongue:

[lastlaf44]

My opinions on this are a little odd. Most of my friends are female and I kind've prefer it that way. I don't know why exactly, but I feel more comfortable around women. I don't really find them exhausting, but I do find a lot of them rather...delicate. Now, this isn't to say *all* women. After all, I'm one and I wouldn't consider myself delicate. And most of my female friends aren't either. If they were, it'd drive me nuts. Some of my female friends *are* delicate, though, and I have to watch what I say around them. But with my guy friends I don't have to censor myself if I happen to make a sarcastic, rude, sexually explicit, macabre, or gory comment/joke. I can tell one of them to (jokingly) f*** off and they'll just laugh.

:female: