This is my story - any advice?

[dowmass]

So I am a closeted Bi bottom.... and I live in Dallas TX. the good and great is that work is great, and there is nothing to complain about,
On the sexual front, Things have been very hard for me.. Funny as it might sound, I have bottomed only twice.the last time in March of 2018. Previous to that in the days of Craigslist, I could find people to jerk off..... but now things seem to have literally dried up. I haven't had dick in 3 years and it looks bleak...

The last two times sex was so enjoyable that I wanted to bottom.....So I posted on Double list and I would get 3 or 4 replies but now even that has changed.... There are no replies at all.

I have been healthy, STD free and HIV free and want to stay that way. However I really feel like feeling doing something to get my stress out. Funny thing is I can't even find a cock to suck in Dallas TX, leave aside getting topped.

Any ideas what I should do? Thanks in advance for your replies.

[void()]

This suggestion may seem obvious. Look for a lady. You are bisexual after all, ergo you can enjoy sex with either gender. Might be a lady you find may enjoy pegging, being dominate/top.

You also might consider a butterfly, transforming person. Life is there to live. Try not to let the details bog you down.

[Jazminedress]

No gay /bi friendly bars open ?

[dowmass]

No gay /bi friendly bars open ?
there are gay bars in Dallas.. just don?t know what I?d do or how I?d approach a potential top.

[csreef]

there are gay bars in Dallas.. just don?t know what I?d do or how I?d approach a potential top.

Eye contact and a nice smile always works. :rolleyes:

[void()]

Eye contact and a nice smile always works. :rolleyes:

"Hi, csreef. Mind a drink on me?" *passes bar tender a small wad of cash* "Saw a cutie from the other side of the bar. Thought you might like a drink, maybe we talk and nature takes it course?"

---


My example shows how one being a gentleman approaches. Offer an open compliment, nothing too specific. Let them have a bit of control. "Well he thinks I'm a cutie eh?" Always also leave questions open for them. "maybe we talk and nature takes its course," lets them have room to say no, or explain "oh, I was waiting on a bf/gf."

You're presenting yourself as open for them yet you're not being intrusive or creepy. The same approach for man/woman ... people. Always "offer" but don't encroach. I mean one could follow up to "oh I'm waiting on a bf/gf" with "well you found them" but you need to read the situation and person.

It's best to not do that as doing it appears as you boxing them in. That isn't good. You've lost any further interest they might have had. Again, keep things open.

As to knowing their name on approach, you might have "asked about them/you and some mutual friends told me your name". You're in a public space that happens.

"Hey, who is that?"

"Oh, that's .. they do ...".

And in a bar or public setting nearly everyone is open to having a drink, especially if they don't need to buy. What are you out to buy a drink? Acting cordial?

It's akin to hunting, flirting is. Take your time and let your instinct guide you unless it starts it to feel really base. You'll know base too if it starts to arise. Baseness and primal urges won't "feel good", unless you've already got past introductions & even then still might not. Don't follow those kind of instincts.

If you do, we got no bail money.

As far as approaching any [LABEL] always remember a simple rule. People are people. This means they dress the same way you do. Not meant literally but you ought to get that. They like you want some respect, dignity, empathy. Respect is lovely currency, you get it by giving it away away freely to everyone.

To whit, not that I might not make a pass at csreef. I might, I don't know. In this case though I'm sure they read what I was doing as presenting an illustration in words. I was not making a pass this time. Again, no offense intent in what I did. I was offering an example.

And I can also tell you, don't listen to me. I'm just some dumb hillbilly on the InterWeb what never really "dated". What I've done though is a lot of observing life, read up on psychology, studied living and life more via experiencing it. To me there was never "dates", sure I met folks and "got together" but there wasn't any real "protocol" or tradition followed.

Go out and own it for yourself. You will because that's nature doing its bit. Trust life & nature and usually you won't go wrong or too far so, you only go wrong if you, .... force it. So don't force.

[Jazminedress]

there are gay bars in Dallas.. just don?t know what I?d do or how I?d approach a potential top.

Guy alone in a gay bar, not so sure you need to be overly concerned on that, someone will approach you. Can't believe I am gonna say this, but as someone who has ordered from the back page of a menu, you are not obligated just because someone bought you a drink, and practice getting comfortable before going on rejecting someone.

TYhat was one of the hardest things for me to learn, because reality, I am not attracted to everyone

[dowmass]

Guy alone in a gay bar, not so sure you need to be overly concerned on that, someone will approach you. Can't believe I am gonna say this, but as someone who has ordered from the back page of a menu, you are not obligated just because someone bought you a drink, and practice getting comfortable before going on rejecting someone.

That was one of the hardest things for me to learn, because reality, I am not attracted to everyone

What do you mean by "back page of the menu"?

I have never been to a gay bar before, but am open to that. Just curious - There are no guarantees in life, but How do I ensure the person they met at the bar is not a weirdo, and is bug free - just in case I get invited to his place? I know this sounds like a stupid question, but I'd rather ask than be sorry later.

[Rest85]

I know exactly what you mean about getting no replies on Doublelist. I have posted there many times and also posted in the past few weeks with no replies. I renew my post when I can. Not one reply! I advertise for married guys who want their cock sucked, no recip. I think Covid has made a lot of married guys rethink finding guys like me to get them off. Before covid I could usually find a dick to pleasure. I had to sort through the replies to get what I was looking for but never had a dry spell like the past year and a half.
I used to find cocks with little effort on Craigslist but I'm not too sure they wouldn't have also dried up a good bit under these trying times.

I should have established a regular when times were good. Woe is me!

[void()]

There are no guarantees in life, but How do I ensure the person they met at the bar is not a weirdo, and is bug free - just in case I get invited to his place? I know this sounds like a stupid question, but I'd rather ask than be sorry later.

You answer yourself.

There's no being sure. All you can do is ask, try getting to know someone, again trust your instincts. Yes you can practice safe sex. Pointed out, no guarantees exist. You can step out of plane, or not.

[KDaddy23]

If all other means have failed, then I'd say it's time to get out and into places where you can see and be seen. There's no guarantee of anything which is why you ask all the questions you need to ask and trust yourself to make the right decisions. I've gone to gay bars... and never got hit on and I've gone and have had to circle my wagons because of all the flirting and offers of sex; you never know what's going to happen until you're there... and it happens. If you've gotten someone's attention and they come over to talk, don't panic or otherwise get freaked out: Everything starts with a conversation and if a proposition is made, listen to what they're offering and if it's in line with what you wanna do, decision time; if not, it's okay to say so... and you never know if they'd be agreeable to what you want.

Otherwise, you enjoy a night out and it shouldn't be the last one; if you were to go to a particular bar "often," you might stand a better chance at getting what you want and need... but if you don't go, you'll be stuck with nothing or relying on those sources you mentioned that may have dried up and probably due to COVID.

[dowmass]

If all other means have failed, then I'd say it's time to get out and into places where you can see and be seen. There's no guarantee of anything which is why you ask all the questions you need to ask and trust yourself to make the right decisions. I've gone to gay bars... and never got hit on and I've gone and have had to circle my wagons because of all the flirting and offers of sex; you never know what's going to happen until you're there... and it happens. If you've gotten someone's attention and they come over to talk, don't panic or otherwise get freaked out: Everything starts with a conversation and if a proposition is made, listen to what they're offering and if it's in line with what you wanna do, decision time; if not, it's okay to say so... and you never know if they'd be agreeable to what you want.

Otherwise, you enjoy a night out and it shouldn't be the last one; if you were to go to a particular bar "often," you might stand a better chance at getting what you want and need... but if you don't go, you'll be stuck with nothing or relying on those sources you mentioned that may have dried up and probably due to COVID.

Thanks for the practical, wise advice. Till I take the first baby steps and go to a gay bar, I wouldn't know if I end up sleeping with someone.I'd probably have to go with the hope that there is a clean top who is looking for a nice bottom llke me, that we'll meet and end u in bed. The downside is I invest time and money and nothing happens. All said and done. it is about "taking a stab" and seeing if something happens.

[dowmass]

I know exactly what you mean about getting no replies on Doublelist. I have posted there many times and also posted in the past few weeks with no replies. I renew my post when I can. Not one reply! I advertise for married guys who want their cock sucked, no recip. I think Covid has made a lot of married guys rethink finding guys like me to get them off. Before covid I could usually find a dick to pleasure. I had to sort through the replies to get what I was looking for but never had a dry spell like the past year and a half.
I used to find cocks with little effort on Craigslist but I'm not too sure they wouldn't have also dried up a good bit under these trying times.
I should have established a regular when times were good. Woe is me!


I think with Covid, people have become scared for their lives - so much so that they don't want to get even their dicks sucked. I'd think folks are scared to go near a stranger for fear of contracting COVID. In the end, I guess they just jerk off, thinking that they are getting their dicks sucked or they are topping someone.
Fear is not based on logic.. So let me think logically . .... When one says he is vaccinated, and if the other party is vaccinated as well, there is no reason why they shouldn't have sex - be it a man or a woman.

[Jazminedress]

What do you mean by "back page of the menu"?

I have never been to a gay bar before, but am open to that. Just curious - There are no guarantees in life, but How do I ensure the person they met at the bar is not a weirdo, and is bug free - just in case I get invited to his place? I know this sounds like a stupid question, but I'd rather ask than be sorry later.

Subtle joke that I have been the one aproaching a girl as a guy, a guy as a guy, and being approached by a girl as a girl and a guy as a girl...............so I have ordered off the front page, middle , and back page.

The hard part honestly, is being nice and declining an invitation. When dressed as a guy, it's easier, when dressed en femme, a touch harder, because, yeah, there is a reality that many guys cant take a hint.....lol

Truth, you never can tell. Hate to say this, but, lots of people thought Dalhmer was normal. If your gut says something is wrong, something is wrong. As for bug free, I set the rules down before we leave if we are going somewhere, a simple " Nothing personal, but safe and sane, everything gets wrapped up for Christmas before it gets put in a stocking okay ? " so it comes across light hearted

Not knowing you personally, I am a little smaller, and the way I dress I have had to take many precautions. One of the things I have done, take a picture of a license plate or address. I am very upfront, hey, we just met, this is a one night stand,I dont really know you, so, this uploaded to the cloud and texted to my friend is a safety device for me, is that okay ?

If it isnt, well, nice to meet you, have a great night, If we go to a hotel, I accompany them to the front desk, why, well, most have cameras and I am now video taped being with them.

if something happens, it doesnt change the outcome, but, if I ever run into a weirdo, it might make them think twice

[void()]

Not knowing you personally, I am a little smaller, and the way I dress I have had to take many precautions. One of the things I have done, take a picture of a license plate or address. I am very upfront, hey, we just met, this is a one night stand,I dont really know you, so, this uploaded to the cloud and texted to my friend is a safety device for me, is that okay ?

Wow, gorgeous & has a brain. Go girl. --- Sorry that ought to be go lady, go!

I do not drive myself. Simply never have, at least not an automobile legally on the road. Can operate various craft/s, vehicles, equipment but do not drive to drive. I have tried being taught several times. Wind up sixty two shades of white, paralyzed in terror gripping a steering wheel. So yeah, best I don't drive, I think.

That aside I'd gladly let you photo an ID card. Will tell you up front I am an axe murder. I mean that in a way you may not think. I mean it as in I murder axes, more specifically, axe handles. It happens. *sighs* Get to splitting firewood good, snap there goes a handle. *shm* I also was a cereal killer but I've quit eating cereal for now. Now, I eat dates. Dates as in the fruit dates.

Pardon my humor, I'm a puny guy sometimes.

[Jazminedress]

Will tell you up front I am an axe murder. .

Wow.................what were the chances there are two of us on this board ?.......lol

[void()]

Wow.................what were the chances there are two of us on this board ?.......lol

LOL "Axe Murders Unite! We shall run the timber market out of handles, or kill all the trees trying!" LOL

[dowmass]

Subtle joke that I have been the one aproaching a girl as a guy, a guy as a guy, and being approached by a girl as a girl and a guy as a girl...............so I have ordered off the front page, middle , and back page.

The hard part honestly, is being nice and declining an invitation. When dressed as a guy, it's easier, when dressed en femme, a touch harder, because, yeah, there is a reality that many guys cant take a hint.....lol

Truth, you never can tell. Hate to say this, but, lots of people thought Dalhmer was normal. If your gut says something is wrong, something is wrong. As for bug free, I set the rules down before we leave if we are going somewhere, a simple " Nothing personal, but safe and sane, everything gets wrapped up for Christmas before it gets put in a stocking okay ? " so it comes across light hearted

Not knowing you personally, I am a little smaller, and the way I dress I have had to take many precautions. One of the things I have done, take a picture of a license plate or address. I am very upfront, hey, we just met, this is a one night stand,I dont really know you, so, this uploaded to the cloud and texted to my friend is a safety device for me, is that okay ?

If it isnt, well, nice to meet you, have a great night, If we go to a hotel, I accompany them to the front desk, why, well, most have cameras and I am now video taped being with them.

if something happens, it doesnt change the outcome, but, if I ever run into a weirdo, it might make them think twice


Very thoughtful and detailed reply.
Have you had someone back out because you got his address or a picture of his license plate?

By the way I wanted to share a response I got yesterday for my post on Double list.
So this good looking virile top replied and it was pretty detailed. He said he was a dom in the bedroom and was looking for a sub.

Nice. I thought till I got his second reply. On this, he said that he would only bareback because he didn?t ?get the feeling of skin to skin? when he wore a condom. He also said that he?s not used to bebg disobeyed. Nw that set me thinking that if there was nothing off limits except gross stuff, and pain, it wasn?t for me.

I politely declined, and he got upset.. essentially he asked why I wouldn?t trust him since he was healthy and on PreP. I thought he should know that how would a rational person trust a stranger when it comes to sex. I didn?t tell him this though. As always, I was polite but firm that it wasn?t going to work for me.

I wonder who else here has had a similar experience?

[void()]

So this good looking virile top replied and it was pretty detailed. He said he was a dom in the bedroom and was looking for a sub.

Nice. I thought till I got his second reply. On this, he said that he would only bareback because he didn?t ?get the feeling of skin to skin? when he wore a condom. He also said that he?s not used to bebg disobeyed. Nw that set me thinking that if there was nothing off limits except gross stuff, and pain, it wasn?t for me.

Good of you to insist on safe sex. If he doesn't want to comply, not for you.

[Jazminedress]

Very thoughtful and detailed reply.
Have you had someone back out because you got his address or a picture of his license plate?

By the way I wanted to share a response I got yesterday for my post on Double list.
So this good looking virile top replied and it was pretty detailed. He said he was a dom in the bedroom and was looking for a sub.

Nice. I thought till I got his second reply. On this, he said that he would only bareback because he didn?t ?get the feeling of skin to skin? when he wore a condom. He also said that he?s not used to bebg disobeyed. Nw that set me thinking that if there was nothing off limits except gross stuff, and pain, it wasn?t for me.

I politely declined, and he got upset.. essentially he asked why I wouldn?t trust him since he was healthy and on PreP. I thought he should know that how would a rational person trust a stranger when it comes to sex. I didn?t tell him this though. As always, I was polite but firm that it wasn?t going to work for me.

I wonder who else here has had a similar experience?

Oh yeah, because I make sure they see me, if requested I delete it and thank you have a good night. Sorry, but, I am going to make sure I go home at the end of the night

[void()]

Sorry, but, I am going to make sure I go home at the end of the night

Oh come on now, can not tell me if you found someone that spun you 'round, you wouldn't be out all night with them. ;) :) Yes, I understand what you mean. Still got to give you a little flack, hon. If I didn't you might think there was something wrong with me. Oh, wait, never mind, ... *chuckles*