told my girlfriend...and other confusions

[james1715]

I told my girlfriend of 6 months that i was confused about my sexuality and that i have thoughts about males sometimes. This was getting me down a lot and so i wanted to get it out. We talked for a few hours on the phone and she actually told me that she had similar concerns about girls sometimes, but to me it seems to be affecting me in a more profound manner. Im being treated for depression and possibly anxiety or bipolar disorder, so dealing with this is difficult.

Telling her was both amazing to get it off my chest and disappointing as well because it seemed to have killed the relationship some, which at this point in time (currently this happened like 2 or 3 weeks ago) it feels like the passion in the relationship is beginning to fade.

I cant tell if i genuinely dont care for per sexually anymore or if its something else just basic to a heterosexual relationship such as: she being too clingy/comitted, me feeling closed in, me feeling like i want a hotter girl. The confusing thing about it is that it seems like i feel attracted mostly to girls and less to guys, but not as a constant amount 7 days a week (like 70% girls 30% guys). Its like within a day it will change, or it will be neither, or both.

My girlfriend is good to me, she loves me, and i care about her a lot. When i have sex with her now it seems like i can not have a clear mind to be there, 100 percent, with her. My head is somewhere else. I dont know if this has to do with depression or something else. Im talking to a pyschologist but i am seeking help here, she knows about all of this btw. Its rather confusing, does anyone have insight into this?

[ScifiBiJen]

How do you mean "not have a clear mind"? Are you pretending it's someone else there or is your mind just wandering?

[open2joy]

Think perhaps your first step should be to read your medication warnings if you are being treated as you describe. There are several medications used for this type of problem that can have a very negative impact on sexual performance/being in the moment.

Other than that, you might consider adding your girlfriend to your fantasy mix. Just make sure you include her in the fantasy as an active participant.

Doesn't sound hard, does it? You, her and ....... :rolleyes:

[james1715]

No i dont think i pretend it is someone else, unless sometimes it is a hotter girl im thinking about. Its more of a lack of interest, boredom/tired of the same mundane events with her. Things used to be different but it feels like we are moving apart. I started taking meds only just recently, so basically none of what ive said would affect that...except for this week i guess.

Im just incredibly confused about my feelings in general and i think deep down im afraid to love or be loved. So not trusting and understanding my real feelings gets transcribed into not knowing who i am or what im doing.

[csrakate]

If you are going through a depression, many things will appear to be mundane and boring to you right now...even sex. Give things some time...allow your meds to take effect...seek counseling and talk over your feelings with a therapist...but don't jump to conclusions that you may be in a relationship rut...it could very well be a side effect of your depression.

Good luck to you.

Hugs,
Kate