Should I tell my friends?

[Enoll]

Let me just start by saying, I've always been bisexual, never confused about
my prefferance.
I never really thought it was a big deal untill I told someone in my 7th grade
that I was and they avoided me for the rest of high school. I guess I was lucky he didn't go tell anyone else, I was picked on enough as it was.
Now I'm out of high school and I only hang around those who I choose to.
Some of the guys I hang around with are like brothers to me.

I've only told three (four if you include that first guy in 7th grade) people that I actually have physical face to face contact with:
1. My girlfriend, who is accepting of everything and bi herself. Love her
to bits.
2. One of the girls I was friends with in school who I refer to as my sister. She freaked out abit at first but now only gets alittle arkward.
3. The old school bully who I became friends with after graduation.
He ended up trying to force a sexual relationship on me but backed off once I showed him just beacuse I was bi didn't mean I wouldn't break his jaw for grabbing me.

My friends now are typicaly the normal breed of people who were outcast
in school. Metal heads, nerds and one or two stoners.
None of them know I'm bi, except for the one girl who doesn't come out with us much.
Before I started seeing my girlfriend it made it very hard. I'd get hit on by
cute guys in clubs and I couldn't do anything about it. Now I've got a partner
of the opposite sex I guess they all just assume I'm straight.
I've always feel like I'm lying to them in some way when we go out.
As usual groups of young people do, they fling gay jokes and homophobia like there was no tommorow. Then tonight as we were comming home from a short night out my friend (who's basically my best friend/little brother) points out one of the small night clubs and says:
"Hey man, don't go in there, I've heard nasty things"
Expecting something like a violent history : "yeah? what's that?"
"Some guy I know said it's full of trannies and bi's".
Just then I stopped dead and just looked at him, didn't know what to say.

What do I do? do I come out to them and tell them how much
all the jokes hurt me or make me feel uncomfortable? or should
I just keep everything the way it is?

I might ask my girlfriend too...
I'm not confused about how I feel, but how others will react to
those feelings.
: (
I need advice.

[ambi53mm]

What do I do? do I come out to them and tell them how much
all the jokes hurt me or make me feel uncomfortable? or should
I just keep everything the way it is?
I might ask my girlfriend too...
I'm not confused about how I feel, but how others will react to
those feelings.
: (
I need advice.

I don't see the action of not "outing" yourself as living a lie and on this point some may differ. The battles or causes I've chosen to champion throughout life are the ones that I felt a very strong desire to pursue and weren't always based on how other people might or might not react. Civil Rights, the Women's movement, the Vietnam War, were just a few of the political movements that I became involved in and were controversial in their time. For many I believe the need and desire to stand up and be counted for their beliefs or feelings in regard to their sexual orientation is just as strongly felt. I respect those that choose this path but also respect their right to privacy should others choose not to. I'd weigh the pros and cons and act accordingly. There are those I've chosen to be open with and those that have no need to know. It's a personal decision that in the end only you can make.

Ambi :)

[suegeorge]

First off, I would discuss this with your girlfriend. Whatever you decide to do, she is a major ally here.
Then, I'd start talking with your friends about this in a roundabout kind of way. Not talking about you in particular, but about sexuality in general. So, for instance, when that guy said: "don't go in there, it's full of trannies and bis" you could ask him what is so wrong with that. You could say that both you and your girlfriend got chatting to such a person and they were really great...
This is a long-term tactic: I'd say keeping on with this for a while might be helpful in making them think and ultimately clear the way for you coming out.
Of course, you could say: "I'm bi myself, get over it". But that might be the end of your friendships and I'd guess you really don't want that.

Bisexuality and beyond (http://suegeorgewrites.blogspot.com)

[DiamondDog]

if your friends really are your friends they'll accept this small aspect of you and not think of it as a big deal.

That being said, I don't tell casual acquaitances or people who I've just met (aside from those in GLBT bars/clubs), or people who I just know wouldn't approve like crazy hardcore fundementalist christian types.

[piercedbi]

I would discussit with your gf first.Me being in that outcast crowd the metalheads and also being bi myself I would say dont tell them right away till you found out how they feel about Homosexuals.Yes a lot of metalheads are homophobes it sucks.

[SatyrGuy69]

That's really up to you Enoll.if you feel very comfortable with your friends and you know for a fact that they will love you regardless then go ahead.

[Enoll]

I've decided to talk about it with my girlfriend first.

I'm just concerned beacuse one ofmy friend who's been with me since
early high school is horribly homophobic, he can't even watch the rocky
horror picture show.

[matterinhand]

"I'm just concerned beacuse one of my friend who's been with me since
early high school is horribly homophobic, he can't even watch the rocky
horror picture show."

Is that homophobia or theatre criticism?

No, seriously, how can you say he's a friend if you can't trust him with an important piece of information like your sexuality?

Yes, we all choose who to tell things to, and when, but if the attitude of your friends is distressing you, maybe its time to either come clean or make new friends who's mind set is not still in 'early high school'.

[Ziggy Stardust]

I don't think that "coming out" to your friends is such a big thing. I'm bisexual, and my friends know, because I'm acting that way, it is my way of life. Other people, at work, family members I'm not close to, other acquaintances do not need to know. It's not like holding a press conference "Hi guys, just to let you know I love girls AND boys." Those friends that really are friends will accept you as a person, and the others are not friends.

[Avocado]

Difficult to say. Maybe a good thing to do would be to say something about their views. What you've told us about what they say aren't a few banterous jibes against some money-grabbing glory hunting cunts run by a Russian crook (ie Chelsea FC) but actual views (I'm not sure whether I should call them homophobic as I object to the term being used to not describe something specifically to do with homosexuals, or queerphobic for fear of a cyber kicking so I'm not gonna call them anything!) If that happens they may ask you if you're not straight. It sounds from your post that you're not THAT afraid of them knowing, otherwise you wouldn't be wondering so I'd say go ahead with standing your corner. What you say if it leads to them asking you is up to you. Good luck whatever you do.