Thought you were gay... later realised you were infact bisexual?

[booboo87]

Hello. :)
I'm just wondering if it is at all common (particularly among men) to believe yourself to be gay or primarily attracted to members of the same sex, but then later develop sexual and/or emotional desires for female partners also? I had been told that among men it is more common to identify as straight and become bisexual later. I have a 'gay' male friend who is currently questioning his sexuality and he and i were just curious if there were many others like him?

Thanks in advance for any info or light anyone may be able to shed on the subject. ;)

[BERNJACK]

I feel what you are going thru.
I consider myself a gay man who has alway thought of women as beautiful but the older I get the more I find things attractive about women. It started when I started liking straight porn more than gay porn, then when I discovered bisexual porn it led me to seeking out a bisexual 3some but I found that most gay men are bottoms and have no desire to share dick with a female. I have no answers like you I seek to find them wich is why I joined this site.

[JohnnyV]

Boo,

I am one such case. I came out as gay and then came out as bi later. My "Kinsey" score shot up to about 5 or so, when I was in my early 20s, and then it began a gradual downward slope. Right now I would put myself at around 1.2; I have a lot of trouble feeling attracted to men at all. My wife knows about my sexuality and is fine with it, but I haven't felt much desire to act on the feelings for men for the last few years. Feel free to message me if your friend wants another case to compare himself to.

J

[matterinhand]

I think personally that there are a lot of men who believe themselves to be a sexuality they may not be because of their first sexual experiences, both positive and negative.

As an example, a man who's first experience is being 'molested' by an older man when he's pre-teen may either think "Thats terrible, I hate gay men" or "That was interesting, I'd like to do that again." The mind set may become Straight or Gay depending on their attitude.

I think that everyone is bi, its just the end of the spectrum you find most comfortable for yourself that varies.
And when you realise that, the balance may swing one way or the other.

[gymbod]

I tend to agree with you regarding the idea that we are all bi-sexual, to a degree but I would add that in my own experience it is often a thought and fantasy concerning men that stimulates rather than the actual physical contact. I do not find men particularly physically attractive but love fantasising about performing oral sex. Maybe I just need to get out and stop dreaming!

[Enoll]

I've always had the solid thought in my mind that I'm bi.
I can see how it'd comfuse people when figuring out thier sexualities
though, new feelings all the time.

[Tynary]

I thought I was a lesbian for two years before I thought I was bi.

[Enoll]

I thought I was a lesbian for two years before I thought I was bi.

I don't mean to offend anyone who had a bumpy time figuring out
what thier prefferance was but I don't understand people who
are or were ever uncertain about tiher sexuality.
I guess I was just gifted on that I always knew what I liked and
accepted it.

[Manda5]

Actually I was the opposite...I thought I was straight and then later realized I was bi. I guess that's not that uncommon, I think, but women are always saying "she's hot" or "she's so sexy", and litle did I know they didn't feel the same way that I did when they were saying that. So, I always thought that the way that I felt, was the way every woman felt and that I was straight. But, needless to say I am bi.

:flag4:

[booboo87]

Thanks all for replying! Its really enlightening to hear other peoples real experiences especially when the impression given (to me at least) by those around me is that once you have sexual feelings and experiences with someone of the same sex you must be 100% gay and can't or probably won't deviate from that position. My pal is only 19 (as am I) so we've hopefully got a long interestin journey infront of us...

[SLIMES]

I know that this is a bit late but has anyone else noticed that people will refer to a 'black guy' even if he's half white? i.e. if he's 50% black and 50% white he's 'one of them'.

I remember that when I was studying English GCSE we did a big thing on people of mixed heritage. I can see quite a few parallels.

So I can see waht you mean when you say that people assume someone's 100% gay when they've had same-sex encounters.

[Daviecurious]

My journey parallels Manda5's. I always considered myself straight, and truely enjoy contact w/women; they are marvelous creatures. About 8 years ago, I noticed (or became aware of) a different interest or attitude toward men. I don't have the emotional attachment w/a man that I do with women (I don't see myself "falling in love" with a man, for example) but the contact and sex are very satisfying. :flag4:

[darkeyes]

Wen me wos 16 me really thot me wos lezzie. Then me met guy called Jagga. Jagga showed me mo ta sex than jus a kwik hump up a close an messy knickers!

[ezervet]

Well, throughout high school, i ASSUMED i was gay because i was attracted to men, which scared me to death, so i refused to even think about it. Once i was capable of thinking about it rationally though, i realized that i was bi, which is pretty awesome as far as i'm concerned. :tongue: :flag3:

[Tynary]

its good to see there are others who thought they were gay then bi like me. It had previously seemed that with women they always straight then bi but with me it was other way round. I'm glad there is another grl who was same. It was same for me. thought I was a les then started falling for my best m8t and realised I was bisexual.
yeah ur right aboutthe black thing. Its odd isn't it. I guess its case you can't tell if they half or not just like you can't tell if someone is gay straight or bi if they are bi cas u judge by who they r with at time and if they not with anyone everyone thinks em straight (which is dumb). I really like half casts. they have great skin. I dunno y but when I was young I used to wish I was black. no clue y. course I also went through a stage of wishing I was a boy haha.

[smokey]

If we weren't so invested in the idea of duality...i.e. gay/straight, in this case and people didn't feel the pressure to be one or the other, I think you would find fewer self-professed gays, and far more bisexuals.

[shaver6]

I pretty much consider myself gay, throughout my life, until I turned 40, when I began to get "curious" about females...and had my first experience with one. I found it very interesting...at that time...just a little "kinky" to be doing that. Since then I have taken more of an interest in sex with females, but usually in a bi-sexual situation...with another male present. Although sex with women is interesting for me...if I had to choose only one sex to be with the rest of my life...it still would be males....just seems like there is more to do with a guy, then with a giril... :2cents:

[DiamondDog]

If we weren't so invested in the idea of duality...i.e. gay/straight, in this case and people didn't feel the pressure to be one or the other, I think you would find fewer self-professed gays, and far more bisexuals.
very true.

I meet lots of guys in gay bars that will say "I'm gay but...every so often I enjoy sex with a woman" or "OK, so I'm technically bisexual but don't tell my 100% gay friends that".

[Tynary]

thats so depressing. there are more gays than bis but logically you'd think it wud be the other way around and it cas peeps feel pressured thats so tru. only reason I tried to be les was out of pressure. I cnt stick to one or the other its too hard.