Quick question

[*foxy_roxy*]

After there being so many poll threads, I thought I would add to them.

Have you ever got over the first person you fell in love with, or that one person that you just can't have?

I ask after being bugged by my ex recently and how, though I have no feelings for him, I always get a twinge. Also the first woman I ever fell for I recently just can't get out of my mind.

Did you guys manage to sort all this out, or am I just screwed from now on?

Roxy
x x x x x

[Tynary]

I have not yet gotten fully over the first person I was ever in love with. I still have feelings for them but I have excepted that they do not want me back (idiot) She we were best m8ts and hung out together in school and after 2 yrs I figured out that I loved him soooo much as 1)a friend and 2) as something else....... See he didn't want me and brkoe my heart but I recvered cas wel I had to cas we're still in same class and I still wanted us to be best m8ts but as much as I denie it I still have more than friends feelings still floating around and I'd still be jelous of im being with another but I'll be ok. I'll manage. but no not fully over it. Its cas we're m8ts. I can live with not 'being ' with im tho. I hope we stay m8ts after skool

[Mrs.F]

I don't think I will ever get over this guy I had a huge crush on in elementary school. I did everything I could think of to get this guy to like me the way I liked him....it never worked. He ended up using me because he knew that I would do anything he wanted. This went on through high school and me having other boyfriends....it's not that I even want the guy now...I think it was just that he didn't like me the way I wanted him to when I soooooooooooo liked him. He doesn't live that far from me now, he's married and has a little boy about the same age as my son. And I do still have dreams about him. Just annoys the piss out of me too! :banghead:

[smokey]

Once a person has been part of your life, they always will be, whether you ever see (or speak to, or love) them again.

[ambi53mm]

I've had many infatuations and attractions over the years. Countless relationships and even married twice and not once would any of those come close to what I now comphrehend as love. With that comprehension also comes the awarness of my own mortality and that one of us unless we're lucky enough to go together, may be walking this planet alone for a short while. What's in the past, remains in the past because my focus is in the here and now.What's here and now is all that I could have ever hoped for.
I now know Love.

Ambi :)

[rupertbare]

Interesting question, as ever!!!!

I still remember the first lover I ever had, but am well over THAT one!!!

But for me it is a weird one, although I am awaiting divorce and although the marriage is dead, I am still "in love" with her!!! If I happen to see her in the street i go weak at the knees and spend hours thinking about her and the GOOD times we DID have together.

And NO, it is not about the "familiar" or being "in love" with the memory of being "in love". As i think I have said before, this was a real "love job"..the BIG one!!! And so how does one ever really "get over" that!!

Mind you and don't get me wrong, I still find heaps of people attractive, and have always been one for "instant" crushes.

Anyway just my :2cents:

Rupe :)

[12voltman59]

Well Foxy--I think we always will harbor a love for the first person we ever felt something about--most likely until the day we pass on from this mortal coil...

The thing is to not obsess about old loves, you do have to move on...but its fine to hold a place in your heart for them....

Just my :2cents: on your question dear......

[happyjoe68]

... Good riddance to bad rubbish ...

[Tynary]

I've had two relationships (both with girls) when I was very young. I thought I really liked em at the time but I must not have because I was over it completely not caring in a second and I've had huge crushes on both men and women but gotten over it completely so there is no feeling left but I guess the thing with my best m8t was different. I had so many feeling. It felt like he was a best friend, family and I wanted to be his lover. I know its childish and I scoff at my self now but it really felt like he was my everything and I never really recovered. but I can deal with not being with him. (I just wanna make him jelous mwahahahahaha)

[TashaSW]

I wonder now :-)

The three guys I ever dated (married one) When I dumped them, I didn't care, had no feelings for them anymore except the NEED to rid of everything that belonged or reminded me of him.

Ive had crushs on girls and fell in love with one I knew I couldn't have and I think about that all the time including the crush on my childhood best friend.

Sometimes I wonder, when I think back, was I just dating guys to please certain people when it was girls I was falling in love with and having crushs on?? I have, afterall, only recently discovered I was more lesbian than a bisexual.
This site has helped me a lot in a lot of areas.......

Tasha

[Gothmom]

That's a good question.

I've been over the first person I ever fell in love with for a long time now. I think about her, but I can't say I miss her. In fact, if she were to appear in front of me, it would be good to have a stake handy so that I couldn't miss her. ;)

There are other people who I've been in love with that I do miss. People that I sometimes regret breaking up with. But definitely not her.

[Avocado]

I got over it, but maybe only completely when I deffo knew I was in love with someone else.

[darkeyes]

Have you ever got over the first person you fell in love with, or that one person that you just can't have?



Yes and no

[shameless agitator]

I'm still very much in love with the first woman I was ever involved with. Of course the fact that we still see a lot of each other probably has a lot to do with that. She & I keep trying to get back together & breaking each other's hearts all over again. I've had other relationships since & always got over them pretty quickly, but I don't think I'll ever be "over" my first love.

[snipped]

Yes, I have gotten over her. I would have liked to have gotten over her with a truck at the time :eek: , but I guess in the long run, just getting over her is the best. ;)

[Sparkles]

Have you ever got over the first person you fell in love with, or that one person that you just can't have?


I love this question!

For me I got over the first person I fell in love with after a very nasty breakup period. We dragged it out over two years! But that allowed me quite a bit of time to realize just 'why' we didn't work together. I phoned him recently in response to a VM he left me. It was all really out of the blue. When I called him his new gf answered the phone.... and I didn't feel anything. I still love him - but I'm not 'in love' with him anymore (And I'm the really jealous type). I bless the day that I realized that even though we really did/and still do love each other... 'we' didn't work for some very good reasons.

I also think that the reason it's hard to get over 'the one you never got' is because those reasons were never found. It's a no closure issue. Sometimes you just need to let it go and just say that if it's meant to be it'll happen... in the meantime, you can't miss your life.
:)

[shameless agitator]

Snipped, I love your signature. A friend of mine used to point out that the early worm gets eaten by the bird.

[CT Nudist Guy]

The first girl I really loved was many years ago - close to 30 now. I had dated several before - but Paula was to be the ONE.

She was seperated from an obusive husband when we met, with 2 great little kids. The divorce took well over 1 1/2 year and we both fell deeply in love. We were even "unoffically" engaged - didn't announce it to her parents or our friends since she was still going through the messy divorce.

Paula had to have a "simple" operation. There was a complication - basically the doctor screwed-up & left a small open cut in her intestine. She got very sick from the infection & died two days after the "simple" operation.

Paula's Mom & Dad took over the upbringing of the kids. I never saw them again after the funeral.

So, my answer is no, I never have gotten over it. I loved her and the kids, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them. I still get teary eyed when I look at some of the pictures I've kept.

I was so very depressed for a long time after Paula's death. Suicide was an option I considered, but never successfully committed. I drank very heavily & lost my friends, job etc....

Since then, I have been married & divorced myself. We were married for several years, but I had a drinking problem-- I was a drunk. Probably was crawling into the beer can to fog over my memories.

Today, after being sober for almost 6 years - I am again in a relationship with my "ex". In many ways it's a happier, better & healthier relationship now than while we were offically married -- I know "WIERD". She is the best friend I have ever had.

Wow - did that end up being more than I intended.... sorry to unload & rant like that. But damn it did feel good. I'll go back to my corner now & be quiet.

[meteast chick]

First off, CT Nudist Guy, that was beautiful and incredibly sad. Don't consider it unloading, consider it sharing with a group of very supportive people. To admit those things and trying to lift the weight off your shoulders is something that you need, and I hope we can help.

Well, to this day, 13 years after we dated, I'm still in love with my first love. I cried when I heard he got married, I looked him up in the phonebook and know where he lives, even though I'd never get the courage to do anything about it. What's sad is that I know he doesn't feel the same way, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about it. 2 kids and an almost ex husband later, admitting I'm bisexual (or more), and I never have gotten past it. He goes out of my mind often, but never out of my heart.

P.S. So far there isn't anyone I have wanted that I couldn't have, except maybe the one at the moment, and I'm definately not over her yet. We both want each other, but our moment will come.

luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxo
meteast

[AnotherVoice]

I guess my answer would be no. The person I fell hard for still pops into my email box now and again. He's always done that - either he'll call or something. Just when I think he'll never contact me again .. he does. (sigh) He'll always be in my heart and he never deserved to be there.

As for the woman, there was one I never met (being as I'm new at this) who's on my mind periodically. I must of scared her away.. but she would of been ideal for me.

[teddyboy]

I am not sure I have ever completely felt love. I constantly battle my own self, I often have the opinion that I am afraid to allow myself to be loved. With that said I have had many crushes. I think about them often, always wondering what if. I don't know if you are screwed for now on foxy, I think I am though :rolleyes:

[anne27]

The first guy I fell in love with I'm still married to. After all these years, he still sets my heart to pounding.

The first girl I ever loved.. well, we broke up a year and a half ago and haven't even spoken in a year. Yesterday was a rough day because she was on my mind the entire day. The pain may go away, but the memories are still going to be there *sighs*.

[matterinhand]

Whats love got to do with it?
Whats love but a second hand emotion?

I fell in love with a girl in my glass when I was 7.
I fell in love with the first girl I kissed and cuddled at 16.
I fell in love with the first girl I put my hand between the legs of at 20.
I fell in love with a girl I had no sexual contact with for 15 yrs when I was 24.
I fell in love with the first girl I had sex with at 29, and lived together for 10 yrs.
I fell in love with my wife over the Internet about 6 yrs ago.

I still think about the first 3 sometimes despite not seeing any of them for over 25 yrs.
I still have contact with numbers 4 and 5, in fact I would rate number 4 as my second best friend after my wife.

At the risk of sounding hypocritical if I'm claiming I'm bi, I've never fallen in love with a man.

[Avocado]

Whats love got to do with it?
Whats love but a second hand emotion?

I fell in love with a girl in my glass when I was 7.
I fell in love with the first girl I kissed and cuddled at 16.
I fell in love with the first girl I put my hand between the legs of at 20.
I fell in love with a girl I had no sexual contact with for 15 yrs when I was 24.
I fell in love with the first girl I had sex with at 29, and lived together for 10 yrs.
I fell in love with my wife over the Internet about 6 yrs ago.

I still think about the first 3 sometimes despite not seeing any of them for over 25 yrs.
I still have contact with numbers 4 and 5, in fact I would rate number 4 as my second best friend after my wife.

At the risk of sounding hypocritical if I'm claiming I'm bi, I've never fallen in love with a man.

Me neither. As an adult there was only one lad I fancied when I was single who I knew quite well. He's in my sig and is an arsehole, so I was never going to fall in love with him.

[darren2458]

love is pavlovian (now that THAT'S out of the way) lol.

recent research has been able to identify certain pathways that in the brain that "light up" when one is falling in love... the response is actually similar to what you can see in the brain when someone does cocaine.

the feeling of love is generally broken down into three catagories: lust, attraction and attachment.

here's the thing: if love is a set of chemical responses that originate in the brain, then when we "fall in love" what we are experiencing would really be more like a "trigger" response. then, when our mind tries to apply logic to that feeling (by naming a "cause" for it), we end up associating that response with the person we are "in love" with. which will then cause that person to "trigger" the same response in our brain each time we see them... like a phobia, or as i said before, it's pavlovian.

therefor you could argue that, with time and perhaps a little cognitave behavioral therapy to "re-train" our brains to disassociate that person as a "trigger" for that feeling... you could get over the person you were once, "in love" with.

wee! :P

[*foxy_roxy*]

Wow this really was a big can of worms to open.
I don't think, even with cognitive behavioural therapy I would be able to remove some people from my heart, they have been there long enough, and meant enough to me to be burned into my heart forever.
I love my partner now so much, he means everything to me and is forged on my heart forever too, but i know that it is different to what i felt for my first love and the one i could not have. Both of those people are very special to me still, and always will be, but cannot be in my life due to the circustances with both.
My ex partner does not deserve my heart, and as stated earlier, i love him but im not in love with him anymore, yet still he makes my life harder than it could be.
We all love to be loved, and those who escape unscathed from a wholly loving relationship are very rare. I count my scars of love as proof i know how to love and be loved in return.