Questions 101

[dowmass]

The question (s) I pose might have been discussed before - but perspectives can change, right?
In the days of Craigslist, and more recently Doublelist, I have come across a few TOPS say that they prefer masculine bottoms. Some explicitly say "No Fems please".

It is my opinion and that probably comes out of what I expect out of a TOP. I like my top to be the "alpha man" type, that is bold, not shy, someone that is able to ask what he wants - nicely or assertively where needed.

I don't have a lot of experience, but would probably be on the "sub" side....I have also had an urge to cross dress and "serve" my top. Quick questions based on these:

1) Do these make me a "FEM" type of person?
2. If the top is the giver, and the bottom a receiver ("Fucker Vs Fucked") would that not make the bottom a "Fem"..... why is that? Well the bottom takes the place of a "female" in a heterosexual relationship...... does that not make the bottom a "Fem"?


Assuming I am wrong, what in your opinion is a "fem" bottom? I would gather that you can't have a "Fem" top.

[tenni]

Good question

My opinion is that a bottom is not necessarily a Fem. The bottom may not be effeminate. My opinion is that a fem type includes those who are effeminate in appearance as far as clothing, voice, mannerisms and possibly make up. They may or may not be a penetrating top but are often seen as passive bottoms. Bottoms may be referred to "aggressive bottom" as well. They want to be penetrated but are active during the sex act. The bottom may grab the top's dick and insert the top's dick into their butt.

I think that being a sub is kind of its own category and I've read where subs may be S&M but not necessarily.

It can be confusing..lol This is kind of out of my understanding and my post may be wrong.

[Jazminedress]

I agree with Tenni. I think what the advertisements are saying is, they are attracted to a more masculine type person, just as some like hairy (bears). So when saying fem, they could be talking about multiple things.

It could be a male that acts and behaves in a more feminine manner
or, it could be that they prefer someone who doesnt look, say more petitie pretty boyish

but, to each their own, who you are is what you decide to be. you could be a more masculine bottom, or you could be more like me, or something in between

[babyrmd]

Being a well trained "service" bottom, it is NOT a matter of being masculine or fem. It is the matter of pleasing the man or men that you are there for, in order to please them any way they want. I have been made to take small and large groups of men, both totally naked for them to do MANY "things" to me over and above oral and anal sex. I have also been made to dress for groups of men in "outfits" just to add a little more excitement for some of them. I have also been made to wear an apron and serve drinks to men to get parties started, then serve them in other ways. So in all, as a bottom, it is good to serve them as a good submissive, any way they want to take you...but as I always am, I just be "me" and that is a good little submissive to men

[void()]

Sub is short for submissive. One can be masculine in appearance, mannerism yet still submit to another. One can be effeminate in appearance and mannerisms and still dominate another.

Appearances and mannerisms often have little bearing on submission and dominance, and vise versa. Some prefer being submissive, some dominate. Then, you have people like me. :)

I'm a natural "switch". This means I prefer being rather simple. I like to please and like being pleased. I can enjoy being dominate or submissive, top or bottom. I though do appear and act as a big old masculine bear, teddy most of the time. ;)

[KDaddy23]

I often see a lot of profiles that has guys looking for bottoms... but fem bottoms are advised to not even bother to respond to them. I'm not sure if the guys who insist upon this are confusing "fem" with "sub" or not but I don't think it's feminine to be a guy and wanting another guy to take him with masculine, alpha male intent. I don't know if such guys know about the classically defined roles in sex - male/dominant, female/submissive - but that really means what you said - the fucker and the fuckee and not necessarily in a D/s context although the more ancient way we looked at sex implied that the female should always submit to sex and all that rot. So I don't think that replacing male with female in the submissive role of sex implies any femininity in the male... unless he's already effeminate and there's always been a lot of angst toward the really effeminate gay men; one such guy, in his profile, specifically mentioned effeminate gay men need not respond.

To each his own and all that... but I don't think that because you're a "dedicated bottom," it in any way makes you feminine. To the question of would a true fem bottom ever be a top? We assume the answer would be no but I've been with a few fem gay men... and got topped by them so, at least in my experiences, that's not as true as it seems to be. I just don't think it's "fem" to be a guy who wants to be the one giving the pleasure and he's not all that interested in reciprocation - it's just the way he finds pleasure and all that.

[SilkyHoseLover]

I'll throw in a somewhat different perspective here, based upon what I see as a distinction between feminine and effeminate, at least as-applied to my own personal situation.

Simply put, as a crossdresser who loves to wear panties, hose and lingerie, I like to see myself as feminine. In that context femininity is what I perceive to be an appearance issue. If I'm with a man, I like to assume the traditional sexual activities that a female would be performing during the act. I am ecstatic if the other person also considers me to be feminine and enjoys me sexually as if I were a woman.

That stated, I don't see myself as 'effeminate'. That, to me, is an exaggerated, almost artificial, 'behavior' mostly unrelated to appearance. Maybe it doesn't make sense to most of you reading this, maybe some can understand what I'm getting at.

In other words, you may be on top of me enjoying the touch of my smooth body and silky lingerie. or my slow and purposeful sucking of your cock, but I'm a real person, not a caricature with affected speech and mannerisms. I can only be what I was made -- a genetic male. I'm grounded in 'old school' thinking, that there are two genders, with very few quirks-of-genetics that are exceptions. Before sex and afterward, I'm your equal, and have many of the same behaviors and interests that you do, as a man. Therefore, I can appear feminine, but I can't act effeminate.

Makes sense to me. (but I'm just a silly gurl... :bigrin:)

[remington12369]

I am very masculine in appearance, dress and mannerism but I am a bottom. My partner is the same but a top. We are attracted to one another because we desire to be with a masculine man. If we desired someone femanine we would be with a female. For us turn ons are all masculine, facial hair, chest hair, firm muscles etc. Things like panties, cd's, effeminate mannerism just dont appeal to us. We dont have a problem if thats what others like, it's just not for us. When I submit to, and bottom for him its because I want to feel cared for and "taken care of" and lovingly give myself to him not because I want to be or act like a woman but because I want to please him as a man.

[Geoff Gregg]

To me it's a matter of taste, some guys like Fords while for others it has to be a Chev.

[Jozyxt]

To me it's a matter of taste, some guys like Fords while for others it has to be a Chev.

So you're saying Chevys are fem? :yikes2::):bigrin:

[Jozyxt]

Guys I think of as "fem" have some mix of these types of characteristics. Wearing stockings or womens underwear. Having affected speech or exaggerated "swishy" body gestures.

[KDaddy23]

What I've learned is that guys can let their "inner girl" out to play and that, at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter if he's more "fem" than masculine in this and given the inherent difficulties that exist trying to find a guy to have sex with. It's preference and that's understandable and I've learned some hard lessons about thinking in terms of being fem and mainly that it doesn't matter... but the fact that a confirmed bottom wants to bottom does matter; he wants to have sex and I often wonder what much more is needed than that. So what if the guy is "more girly" in his behavior and mannerisms when it's time to throw it down? All it means to me is that there's a guy who says he's a bottom and would I be interested in topping him and/or him giving me a fantastic and memorable blow job? Sure, why not? Doesn't make much sense to me to be feeling some kind of way over how he perceives or presents himself and more so when I know that I tend to feel pretty damned girly when I have a dick in my ass and it doesn't bother me that I can feel "fem" in this just as I know that when I want to bottom, there is nothing "fem" about the fact that I want that dick in my ass and if a guy thinks that I am, well, that's his perception and there's nothing I can do about that and more so when it turns into a lose/lose situation where neither of us gets to get our rocks off and over something that shouldn't matter but apparently does... and I do understand why it does matter to a lot of guys.

[SlowNEZ]

Personally, my bisexual desire is: “Do to my man what I think an ideal woman would do to/for him”.
Although I am not-at-all effiminate in manner or action, I would enjoy being his hot, horny girlfriend in the privacy of our abode for a weekend or more.
Outside the abode, we’d be 2 guys paling around. Inside: a different story ;-)
I have been a guy for 67 years, and I believe I could drive a guy crazy sexually.... even dressing the part.
In my opinion, a guy can act / play the woman’s role (whatever that en’tails’), without being outwardly effiminate.

[Riderinthestorm]

As a pansexual verse male, and I have posted a related thread on the subject, I tend to be more fem in behavior when I bottom and more masculine when I top.

Though, to be fair, I do love to bottom and have given a great deal of thought to crossdressing when I play as a bottom.

[Jazminedress]

As a pansexual verse male, and I have posted a related thread on the subject, I tend to be more fem in behavior when I bottom and more masculine when I top.

Though, to be fair, I do love to bottom and have given a great deal of thought to crossdressing when I play as a bottom.

Speaking only for myself, it elevates the experience, not sure the words, but, I guess more real , it helps me be in the best mental place for enjoyments