Needing instruction

[Here4Her]

undefinedundefinedI joined this community at the request of my wife. She is bisexual, but I am not. She feels that being in touch with other spouses of bisexuals would be good for me, and help me to understand where she is coming from. So all of you who are married to bisexuals; send me your words of wisdom.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol dude, I am not married, but i am a bisexual male and I have had straight partners so my advice is from a bisexuals point of view and also from the point of view of having had relations with bisexual people

ok, being bisexual is NOT just about having sex with same sex partners lol......its got a lot to do with sexual desires.....now the important thing to remember is that you are the main and most important person to her!!!!!!!
being bisexual doesn't mean threesomes every night...lol... its about satisfying a desire that mainly takes a same sex partner to furfill, but asking you to understand that its a sexual desire... not a life partner desire... we already have the life we desire.... its just stratching the on itch that we are having to deal with

its a bit like having a urge for mcdonalds..... you satisfy the urge....but you dont go there every day to eat.....you go there as the urge takes you lol....and you are like the meat and vegs of the main diet.....you are the main course....the main meal.... the most important part of the whole munching thing lol

desiring sex with same sex partners is a big issue for us bisexuals.... and we know that in relationships, we are in a way, saying * hey, is it ok if I sleep around on you ?? * ...thats a lot to lay on any person.... it takes trust, love, understanding and a lot of self control .... and thats in the first 5 seconds after you hear ya partner is bisexual

in any persons shoes, hearing that their partner is bisexual is hard... cos in most cases, you are hearing that your partner wants to sleep around....and of course, the self doubt sets in that you are not enough for them and they may leave you..... if you are understanding enuf, the relationship stands a good chance of surviving

the important thing is reassurance..... you need to know that your partner is not gonna up and leave you.... that they are gonna practise safe sex...... that they will be beside you as your partner, lover, friend and support and that thats we want you to be

now bisexuality..... sure we sleep with same and opposite sex partners..... but for the most part, we are not swingers that play musical partners......we perfer the few trusted and loyal partners that treat us, our partners and our homes, with respect....lol.... we like people that we can sleep with and then talk with, dine out with, laugh with, joke with, cry with....we love the real people.. and not just fuck buddies....

we don't go out of our ways to hurt our partners with our desires.... but its like trying to satisfy a craving for mcdonalds, by eating KFC....it just doesn't taste the same.....and that is not the non bisexuals fault... its something beyond their control..... but nor does it mean that us bisexuals wanna shut you outta the local mcdonalds.....so we can compromise....you bring the kfc, we bring the mcdonalds and we all eat at home and try to understand each others tastes lol

[mistymockingbird]

Know that just becuase your wife is bisexual it doesn't necessarily mean that she wants to have sexual partners in addition to you. There are many bi folks who are married and happily monogamous. For some it is enough to have a supportive spouse that is aware of the same sex desires. Sometimes the freedom to talk about fantasies openly without fear of rejection is all that is needed.

Talk, talk, talk to your wife as well as folks at this site. You can learn allot from both straight spouses and from the bi folks here. Don't let the fear of the unknown get in the way.

[steve10557]

Honesty with yourself and your partner and real communication are the most liberating things you can do, in any relationship, be supportive of each other.

__________
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
(Mae West)

[shameless agitator]

being bisexual doesn't mean threesomes every night...It's not?? :eek: Shit I don't think I wanna be bi anymore now : (

Seriously, your wife being bi may or may not mean she wants sex outside of the marriage. Just talk to her & keep the lines of communication open. Also you'll need to ask yourself if you would be okay with opening the relationship and if so under what circumstances.

[DiamondDog]

now bisexuality..... sure we sleep with same and opposite sex partners..... but for the most part, we are not swingers that play musical partners......we perfer the few trusted and loyal partners that treat us, our partners and our homes, with respect....lol.... we like people that we can sleep with and then talk with, dine out with, laugh with, joke with, cry with....we love the real people.. and not just fuck buddies....

Agreed. :)

Just see your wife as still being herself and just see her sexuality as a very small aspect of what makes her herself.

[taz67156]

my wife is bisexual and it has caused plenty of fights over the years and I have even tried getting her to forget that side of her even though she never will it took me joining this site and talking to understand why she is the way she is, the worset thing you can do is think your not doing something right so don't blame yourself for it.
I find myself now joking with the wife about being bi and knowing who she likes and sometimes tease her about it their are many ways that you can learn to deal with all the things it just takes alot of time, for me it was going into the chatroom and talking with everyone about it to see what they had to say about it.

[Mrs.F]

Well, my situation is the same as yours...but reversed. I am straight and my husband is bisexual. I found out a yr. ago. He was also a member of this site at the time I found out and felt that my joining and talking to others would help me to deal with the fears and help me understand. So, I did just that..I joined as myself and found tons and tons of support. And I did learn that what I thought and what I was afraid of..I didn't need to be. I have met many wonderful friends on here and a select few that have become a part of my life. Without this place I don't know that I would be where I am today. I know that my fear of the ''unknown" was a horrible feeling and my trust level had dropped dramatically but I know now through lots of talking with my husband and being "Here" that nothing has changed :) ...so he likes guys, so he is interested in sex with the same sex...I don't find that a bad thing....He can now talk freely about it and not have to feel like he's hiding some big horrible secret from me...that alone has taken alot of tension out of our relationship. We are closer and more intimate now. He's still my husband, the man I married 11 yrs. ago.

Good luck to you and your wife.
***hugs*** :)

[Herbwoman39]

As the bisexual woman in my bi/straight marriage I'd like to throw in my :2cents: if you don't mind.

I'll start by echoing what the others have said. Just because your wife is Bi doesn't mean that she's going to go out and have sex with women. Many of us are not just capable but WILLING to be monogamous. Like I explained to my best friend today, just because we have the urges doesn't mean we MUST act on them. I am perfectly capable of controlling myself. Now frequently that materializes into me knocking my husband over and molesting the hell out of him :bigrin: Sure he doesn't have the same acoutremants (sp?) as a female partner but he's happy to help me out.

I'm not saying that I don't have days when I'm sorely tempted to look for a female partner. But I know that if I look outside the marriage before hubby is ready to share me, that not only am I betraying him but I'm intentionally hurting the one human being on the planet who really understands me.

I'm not willing to put the two of us through that.

One day when he is ready to share me and I am able to be with the partner of my choosing, then and only then will I allow myself to have my first full bisexual experience. Until then, it simply isn't worth losing everything I have over.

[canuckotter]

The most important thing to remember is that bisexuals are people -- in other words, sharing all the same wonderful and maddening variety as straight or gay people. :) No two are quite the same. What it means to be bisexual is very different for practically everyone on here.

Basically -- your wife isn't a different person because she's bisexual. She's exactly the same person she was before, with the same likes, dislikes, views, opinions, food preferences, etc as before. She doesn't love or respect you any less than she did before you knew she was bi.

If you have any specific concerns or questions, please post 'em up so we can provide more specific help. :)