Confused on how bi I am!

[m.doggg]

I am new to being bi, 23, still no expierences, but I fantasies a lot about it. What I'm wondering though is that I'm not attracted to men, well I can appreciate a good body and large extremidies, but I never see men and get arroused the way I do with women. However my most arrousing fantasy is recieving anal. When my wife(who doesn't know) uses toys on me I absolutly love it and usually imagine it's a guy, but without a face just his cock. I'm very confused and would appreciate any like feelings from anyone!

[LouiseBrookslover]

Hey there. As much as I want to tell myself intellectually that it is ok and that there is nothing wrong with it, I just can't find any romantic feelings inside me for men. I've done everything with men to try to transcend the merely physical....I've kissed, I've cuddled, I've opened myself up, seeing if deeper feelings would develop. They haven't. When I make out with a guy, I admit I have the same feelings as I do when I suck him off. I'm thrilled at how naughty and forbidden it is and I do enjoy his body but there is no mental connection.

In a weird way, I approach sex as an artistic project rather than an opportunity for intimacy. I seek out the dangerous, the thrilling image and situation. I bend gender. I take advantage of my anal eroticism to role play, to allow myself a view into what women feel, to leap into another soul for a while. I've come to realize that I have an artistic vision that is very bisexual but the other part of me (if it exists) is pretty straight. That part of me never wants to think or create or be interesting but just live and die without a thought in my female soulmate's arms, a type of Freudian thanatos to offset my bisexual eros.

Am I bisexual? Who cares? You shouldn't, either.

[Tynary]

I see both beautiful males and females as incredable being. true beauty in either gender stuns my soul. I prefer male friends deeply and I pften feel more loving feelings for the men I know. but I have deep sexual feelings for women and I imagine romance between me and them and it feels right I just regard friends with tremendous importance and love and prefer male friends. I'm a complete fifty fifty bisexual but there are many levels. don't worry you are what you are so what you feel.

[DiamondDog]

I can’t really box my sexuality into a number, percent, or ratio; but I just know what I like and what I don’t like. I don't really see myself in ratios/percents in the whole gay/het dichotomy. I just go by the fact that I've been sexually and romantically attracted to both men and women. I've met people who think of their bisexuality in the whole het/gay dichotomy (i.e.-80% het, 80% gay) but I can't do this and I have absolutely no idea how people can come up with ratios like that with something so complex as human sexuality, let alone their own sexuality.

I can't really go by the Kinsey scale, because I've been at different points on it with different people. I don't really go by the Kinsey scale because it just
measures past sexual behaviour, not desire. I have been all over it, and fallen in love with both men and women. I have found that most people rate themselves too low. For example in the original study if you were a "1" on the scale it just meant that you had sex with someone of the same gender while drunk, if someone was forced to do it, or just once out of curiosity and never again such as how lots of guys that grow up to be het are sexual with boys as a kid and masturbate together or "experiment".

I also think that the scale is out dated in today's fluid sexual society; but I see just why the study had to be researched/published in a time when all sexuality was "in the closet" so to speak.

The Klein grid makes sense to me but I don't obsess over what my number is, and last time I took it, it said that I was mostly equal but a bit more into men. I've had times where I've thought that I'm het and times where I thought I was gay but I know that I'm neither, and that I've never been het even if society tries to program us into thinking that we are that way.

I do know that it all boils down to the person. I'm attracted to people for things that don't have to do with their gender such as intelligence, humour, personality, communication, our personal chemistry, kindness or other aspects that have more to do with who they are as a person than their gender. The more I get to know a person on a personal/intellectual level the more I'm attracted to them, and turned on by them. But when gender does come into play I will admit that I'm attracted to men because they're men and women because they're women. I am also very picky I'm a lot more picky with women than men as weird as that sounds.

I've also noticed that I can be fluid in my attractions. I want men, women, both at the same time, or even people who don't identify as "man" or "woman". I'll have dreams/fantasies about men, women, and I recenly had a lucid dream that involved both a man and a woman. Or sometimes in my dreams/fantasies I am having sex with a person of one gender and the person of the other gender is there watching or actively involved.

I remember having sex with my friends and I was blindfolded and my legs were restrained with a belt and my friend was licking my body in various places and fellating me and I remember relaxing, screaming in pleasure, and thinking "my god how could ANYONE close their eyes and think that this is a woman?!" This is in reference to those guys that think that they're het who don't see reciving fellatio as a "valid" sex act between two men and I've heard that a lot of them imagine that it is a woman giving them head.

Just be yourself, be human. I personally see orientation labels as political tools that aren't really based on behaviour anymore, if they ever were; but I do see the importance of being out as a bisexual/queer man since society tries to dichotomize men's sexuality, and hides male bisexuality. Try not to think about it and over psychoanalyze yourself too much like I did while writing this post.

Just go by the fact that you like both men and women, embrace it, and don't deny yourself even in fantasy things that guys try to surpress/deny. Understand that you may get a craving and that you just have to go with whatever your attractions are at the time and don't fight them. Be open to sexual fluidity and change.

[tallballer1]

I am new to being bi, 23, still no expierences, but I fantasies a lot about it. What I'm wondering though is that I'm not attracted to men, well I can appreciate a good body and large extremidies, but I never see men and get arroused the way I do with women. However my most arrousing fantasy is recieving anal. When my wife(who doesn't know) uses toys on me I absolutly love it and usually imagine it's a guy, but without a face just his cock. I'm very confused and would appreciate any like feelings from anyone!
hey there i am a 21 year old male and i do know exactly what you are talking about and i pretty much am thinking the same way as you do,so your not alone.The only difference is i told my wife and she knows about it.

[Reprob8]

I am new to being bi, 23, still no expierences, but I fantasies a lot about it. What I'm wondering though is that I'm not attracted to men, well I can appreciate a good body and large extremidies, but I never see men and get arroused the way I do with women. However my most arrousing fantasy is recieving anal. When my wife(who doesn't know) uses toys on me I absolutly love it and usually imagine it's a guy, but without a face just his cock. I'm very confused and would appreciate any like feelings from anyone!


It seems that most of us are pretty fluid in our sexuality. Don't be surprised if you go from feeling no attraction to extreme attractions to one side or the other. The gay people I know have a hard time knowing what to expect from us and I think that is one reason they have a problem understanding bisexual people, they think we are to unstable as friends or lovers because as they see it we can't make up our minds (this is what I was told by a gay couple I know).

As far as not being able to personalize your fantasies that could just be that you are not ready to commit that far, allot of bi or gay men start out having limited sexual experiences with men and refuse to kiss believing this means they are still straight.

Just remember that whatever choices you make will impact your wife, educate yourself about the risks before you do anything and be honest with her, she deserves to know if you have relations out of the marriage for safety reasons and deserves the right to make the choices that are best for her. Or just keep it as your personnel fantasy and let her use the toys to her hearts content, women have their own fantasies while making love to us just make sure you play fair with her.

[himeros69]

I am new to being bi, 23, still no expierences, but I fantasies a lot about it. What I'm wondering though is that I'm not attracted to men, well I can appreciate a good body and large extremidies, but I never see men and get arroused the way I do with women. However my most arrousing fantasy is recieving anal. When my wife(who doesn't know) uses toys on me I absolutly love it and usually imagine it's a guy, but without a face just his cock. I'm very confused and would appreciate any like feelings from anyone!

I JUST COMPLEATED MY PROFILE TODAY. I don't know if you will be able to see it yet. When I talk about sucking cock in my profile I am usually referring to anonymous cocks with no paticular body or face, except the ones that I have actually been with (only 6 in my life and shared one with the man's wife).
I am like you I find the entire women to be very sexually attractive and when I look at her and desire all of her. When it comes to men I don't feel the same attraction to the person. The only thing I find attractive on a man is his cock and what comes out of it. I do like looking at them on the internet as much as a pussy though. Maybe when you engage in pillow talk with your wife, ask her what her fantasies are, letting her know what yours are. You might be plesently supprised at what you hear. You wrote that she uses toys on you but she does not know your thoughts. It could be that she already has some idea what you are visualizing and has not verbalized it and it does not bother her. She might supprise you and reveal some of her own. I think we all have them even if we do not act on them.

[oldcalhippie]

How bi I am
How bi I am
Know body knows
How bi I am...