So am I bisexual? Or not? Is he?

[jim95]

I am wondering I have sex with women date women and I usually look at women not men. But I have had I guess encounters with this one guy. The thing is we haven't touched each other's penises. We watched porn and were jerking off and I cum on him sometimes. He doesn't touch my dick though. I orgasm from watching porn and jerking then I cum usually on his genitals. Well first time I came basically on his dick the other time I did not touch him at all well I was jerking again and then when I was about to cum he stretch his foreskin out and I finished in his foreskin. An in that case I was the only one that came he didn't cum and I don't really want to help with cum either. I never really do tbh. I don't actually find him attractive but I don't mind finishing on him or in his foreskin I don't make contact with him when I'm trying to get off. I've never touched his penis and he's never touched mine. Neither of us are actually into anal or oral sex either. He does seem to enjoy me cumming on him or in his foreskin. Yet he says he's straight. Idk outside of this I considered myself straight too. And if anyone asked I would say that I'm straight. I guess because though I don't physically touch him. If I were receiving fluids and what not I would. So what am I?

[Neonaught]

Sounds to me like neither of you were either relaxed enough nor ready to actually play bi. If it's self-discovery you are looking for I would suggest finding a more experienced, less inhibited partner. Once you have been with a guy who enjoys bi play you will have a better idea if you are bi or not. Bisexuality is just not for everyone.

[jim95]

that's the thing I'm not actually curious about having sex with a guy. I just literally wanted to cum somewhere. I was relaxed I wasn't doing this for an experience though. Just for a place to get off.

[tenni]

I would say that you are engaged in some form of m/m action but are uncomfortable about any dick action outside of you touching your own dick. He is a bit more relaxed about things and is developing a play list(shooting in his foreskin). You say that you want to cum somewhere. You can cum on your chest etc. but you are agreeing to pulling out both of your dicks and stroking together. You seem to like watching in person m2m stroking and cover it up by watching a video (maybe m/f sex?).

Try to relax about any sexual action that you may want to explore with another man without bothering to label it for now. Ya, I'd say that you are bisexual and coming to terms of your sexuality cautiously. Generally, I prefer guys to come to your sexuality at your own pace....but you asked.

[jim95]

I would say that you are engaged in some form of m/m action but are uncomfortable about any dick action outside of you touching your own dick. He is a bit more relaxed about things and is developing a play list(shooting in his foreskin). You say that you want to cum somewhere. You can cum on your chest etc. but you are agreeing to pulling out both of your dicks and stroking together. You seem to like watching in person m2m sex and cover it up by watching a video (maybe m/f sex?).

Try to relax about any sexual action that you may want to explore with another man without bothering to label it for now. Ya, I'd say that you are bisexual and emerging cautiously.
I watch lesbians my interest is in women when I watch porn I like boobs pussy ass on the visual level. I could cum in my hand or sheet but this way I didn't have to deal with mess afterwards. I didn't have any contact getting to the point we were actually watching lesbian porn in both cases so that's what I was getting off of and then I did that. Idk maybe cumming on a guy is bi. Idc I don't want to do anything more though.

[KDaddy23]

I agree with Tenni; just relax and whatever plays out, that's what plays out. A lot of guys won't identify as bi and, as such, it's not that big of a deal. Then there are the things that bi guys are "supposed to do" but the truth is not all guys do them and sometimes, when they do, they take baby steps like what you've described. Is cumming on a guy bi? I dunno - maybe, maybe not but at the very least, it's a sign that neither of you seem to mind how this is happening. "But I like women!" is something a lot of guys say - nothing unusual about that either since bi guys like women, too. If neither of you want to take things beyond what is already happening, you don't have to. Don't let the label dictate how you may or may not behave in this and, besides: Most guys only do that which they are comfortable with and nothing more than that.

[tenni]

Cum ming with another guy with a hard on and dick and balls hanging out is probably same sex play. Again, don't keep trying to put a bisexual label on you and him. Watching lesbian video and stroking with another guy until you cum is guy sex leaning towards same sex but open to other labels.

You may be perfectly happy to keep to jerking off and seeing another guy cum or shoot on his foreskin for twenty years or relax and explore other m/m sex play. If you are uncomfortable with same sex play you may resist the label... ie...I'm not really into men because I did not touch the guy's dick and so I can not be in to men etc.

btw cumming on another guy is same sex play. You may be more comfortable thinking in a different form .."same sex" play. Some might call it gay but if you enjoy sex with women too then not gay but bisexual...

Just enjoy!

[jim95]

Cum ming with another guy with a hard on and dick and balls hanging out is probably same sex play. Again, don't keep trying to put a bisexual label on you and him. Watching lesbian video and stroking with another guy until you cum is guy sex leaning towards same sex but open to other labels.

You may be perfectly happy to keep to jerking off and seeing another guy cum or shoot on his foreskin for twenty years or relax and explore other m/m sex play. If you are uncomfortable with same sex play you may resist the label... ie...I'm not really into men because I did not touch the guy's dick and so I can not be in to men etc.

btw cumming on another guy is same sex play. You may be more comfortable thinking in a different form .."same sex" play. Some might call it gay but if you enjoy sex with women too then not gay but bisexual...

Just enjoy!



that's the thing I don't like seeing him cum that weirds me. I do like to release but I like to release on anything. With his foreskin it was better because he didn't cum. It was literally him stretching his foreskin out and open and me drizzling it in I didn't put my head in his foreskin only thing in his foreskin was my cum. If he would have cum I would not have cum I know because the first time he came and I was grossed out. But yea I wouldn't likely do it again he let me do this to him while he was off with his girlfriend and I am seeing 2 women. Not exclusive rn. So likely not to repeat

[KDaddy23]

that's the thing I don't like seeing him cum that weirds me. I do like to release but I like to release on anything. With his foreskin it was better because he didn't cum. It was literally him stretching his foreskin out and open and me drizzling it in I didn't put my head in his foreskin only thing in his foreskin was my cum. If he would have cum I would not have cum I know because the first time he came and I was grossed out. But yea I wouldn't likely do it again he let me do this to him while he was off with his girlfriend and I am seeing 2 women. Not exclusive rn. So likely not to repeat

Okay... but I'm the guy who has the nerve to ask you that if this is the way you feel about it, why are you bugging about it? Maybe you don't understand that sometimes guys do shit like this... because it does gross them out? Sounds kinda fucked up but I'm also the guy who knows it can be like that, too. People are just... weird about such things. You don't seem to have a problem busting nuts on him and, for whatever reason, he doesn't have a problem with you doing that. Whether he cums or not really isn't at issue other than you feeling some kind of way if he did and, um, truthfully? If this bothers you as much as you say it does, why are you doing it? And what does women have to do with any of this?

To me, this isn't a sexuality issue - this is something else that you can't seem to get your head around, like getting weirded out to see him cum and/or him spreading his foreskin so you could cum there... and probably because he liked that for some reason. Common sense kinda says that if that fucks with you so much, um, don't do it again. Ever. I ain't busting your ass but I am wondering what's the real story behind this and, yep, I got the nerve to ask about it.

[GayGuy04]

First off welcome to the site! It sounds like you and your buddy just jerk off on and that's it? Do you ever watch gay porn and get turn on? It's however you feel comfortable about yourself and what your sexuality is good luck too you

[jim95]

Okay... but I'm the guy who has the nerve to ask you that if this is the way you feel about it, why are you bugging about it? Maybe you don't understand that sometimes guys do shit like this... because it does gross them out? Sounds kinda fucked up but I'm also the guy who knows it can be like that, too. People are just... weird about such things. You don't seem to have a problem busting nuts on him and, for whatever reason, he doesn't have a problem with you doing that. Whether he cums or not really isn't at issue other than you feeling some kind of way if he did and, um, truthfully? If this bothers you as much as you say it does, why are you doing it? And what does women have to do with any of this?

To me, this isn't a sexuality issue - this is something else that you can't seem to get your head around, like getting weirded out to see him cum and/or him spreading his foreskin so you could cum there... and probably because he liked that for some reason. Common sense kinda says that if that fucks with you so much, um, don't do it again. Ever. I ain't busting your ass but I am wondering what's the real story behind this and, yep, I got the nerve to ask about it.
well I did it as long as he didn't come. If he had cum before I did well I wouldn't have even cum

[playful808]

So right now, you have a tiny little comfort zone (for playing with guys).

Give it time, give yourself a chance to experience it and think about it and feel it.
Realize that you were brave and had a good time and nothing bad happened.

It might be a lot like a fear of heights.
You can progressively desensitize yourself to heights, until one day you don't notice them anymore.

[GeorgiaGuy49]

Honestly, it's just your kink. Nothing to do with sexuality, just a particular kink you enjoy.

[Jazminedress]

DO you enjoy it ?

If yes, then don't worry about it. We label way too much. It honestly sounds, and I mean no disrespect, that you are trying to either convince yourself you are entirely straight, or hoping someone will convince you that you are Bi

I am not sure which

Just relax and go with it or you will drive yourself nuts. If this is the level you want , just do this, if you ever wanna try more, ask your buddy, maybe jerk each other off. Watch some tranny porn, kind of a mix of both worlds.

either way, I wish you luck

[tenni]

DO you enjoy it ?

If yes, then don't worry about it. We label way too much. It honestly sounds, and I mean no disrespect, that you are trying to either convince yourself you are entirely straight, or hoping someone will convince you that you are Bi

I am not sure which

Just relax and go with it or you will drive yourself nuts. If this is the level you want , just do this, if you ever wanna try more, ask your buddy, maybe jerk each other off. Watch some tranny porn, kind of a mix of both worlds.

either way, I wish you luck

With all due respect to Jazminedress, I don't think that Jim's thoughts indicate that Jim presently is attracted to transsexuals. If he gets hard watching or thinking about trans, then explore it.

He seem to get hard stroking himself with another guy present and both of them stroke themselves. There is something about m2m getting hard and cumin first that he likes. Seeing another guy's cum turns him off. Jim writes that if he cums first, that is better than the other guy cumin first. OK. That might be a bit selfish but that is where Jim is at. If that is where he is at sexually, explore that and your interests may expand on m2m.

[Jazminedress]

With all due respect to Jazminedress, I don't think that Jim's thoughts indicate that Jim presently is attracted to transsexuals. If he gets hard watching or thinking about trans, then explore it.

He seem to get hard stroking himself with another guy present and both of them stroke themselves. There is something about m2m getting hard and cumin first that he likes. Seeing another guy's cum turns him off. Jim writes that if he cums first, that is better than the other guy cumin first. OK. That might be a bit selfish but that is where Jim is at. If that is where he is at sexually, explore that and your interests may expand on m2m.

My apology, I was thinking it more as a suggestion to try something new to see if it does anything for him, my wording was probably bad

[chiefconsultant63]

Right now I consider you just a confused straight guy so just do what you like. Both of you jerking together and even cumming on each other is just a fun time together.

[tenni]

My apology, I was thinking it more as a suggestion to try something new to see if it does anything for him, my wording was probably bad

I think that it is important to keep attraction to trans people as separate from Bisexuality and it is more a trait of Pans sexuality. Not all people who see themselves as Bisexual are attracted to trans people. Trans people can be Bisexual though. That is they are attracted to both genders (m and f) (CIS or other...but it get complex.

As far as chief consultant63, it may be trying to deny yourself. If you circle jerk with another man more than once, you are not straight. Some guys hide their true self by saying that they are straight. If we are dealing with labelling, straight guys do not circle jerk as a regular part of their sexual behaviour. If you don't concern yourself with labelling, sure jerk with a bud and enjoy.

[KDaddy23]

Again, I find myself agreeing with Tenni. A lot of guys get weirded out about this and so much that, yeah - they do stuff with guys and insist that they're still very much straight and other forms of denial like, "It's not something I'd do all of the time!" Over all the time I've been bisexual, I have heard so many guys make themselves insane over this out of a fear that if they do something and like it, well, they just gotta be gay... and they probably aren't. I've seen guys go down on each other and have fun doing it... but when it's time to cum, everything stops because they make themselves believe that as long as no one cums, it's not gay and, nope, they didn't do anything "wrong." Likewise, I have seen guys fuck each other and lustily so and stop short of cumming - and for the same "it's not gay if you don't cum" reason.

Once you get this kind of thinking in your head, well, yeah - it's gonna fuck with you. You can jerk with a buddy. You can cum on him if that's what you like and he doesn't mind. You gotta learn not to get freaked out if he cums and, to be honest? Most guys would be more concerned that the other guy didn't cum! But you can't do a damned thing about him busting a nut or not and, if you can, get it into your head that if he does cum, that's a good thing because it kinda says he enjoyed himself just like you enjoyed yourself. Tenni is right: Don't concern yourself with what you think it is - just enjoy yourself.

[zbi73]

Are you sexually aroused by the thought of the act, attracted to him or attracted to cock? You just might well be. Whatever you choose to identify as is your business. Plenty of men who claim to be straight have had or have some same sex experiences. It's just a label.

[jim95]

First off welcome to the site! It sounds like you and your buddy just jerk off on and that's it? Do you ever watch gay porn and get turn on? It's however you feel comfortable about yourself and what your sexuality is good luck too you
no I generally watch porn involving women

[jim95]

So right now, you have a tiny little comfort zone (for playing with guys).

Give it time, give yourself a chance to experience it and think about it and feel it.
Realize that you were brave and had a good time and nothing bad happened.

It might be a lot like a fear of heights.
You can progressively desensitize yourself to heights, until one day you don't notice them anymore.
not scared of being gay my parents are gay

[jim95]

Honestly, it's just your kink. Nothing to do with sexuality, just a particular kink you enjoy.
Maybe I am good with my current sex life

[jim95]

DO you enjoy it ?

If yes, then don't worry about it. We label way too much. It honestly sounds, and I mean no disrespect, that you are trying to either convince yourself you are entirely straight, or hoping someone will convince you that you are Bi

I am not sure which

Just relax and go with it or you will drive yourself nuts. If this is the level you want , just do this, if you ever wanna try more, ask your buddy, maybe jerk each other off. Watch some tranny porn, kind of a mix of both worlds.

either way, I wish you luck
not really trying to force anything just like not sure if I identify as bi because I came on a guy once I don't want it to be made out to be a joke. Being gay I thought was about physical and sexual attraction

[jim95]

With all due respect to Jazminedress, I don't think that Jim's thoughts indicate that Jim presently is attracted to transsexuals. If he gets hard watching or thinking about trans, then explore it.

He seem to get hard stroking himself with another guy present and both of them stroke themselves. There is something about m2m getting hard and cumin first that he likes. Seeing another guy's cum turns him off. Jim writes that if he cums first, that is better than the other guy cumin first. OK. That might be a bit selfish but that is where Jim is at. If that is where he is at sexually, explore that and your interests may expand on m2m.
It's not really that I'm trying to mean or anything. I just don't like it it looks gross seeing him cum. Plus girls don't cum like he does so it's just unsettling. It's just the way my sexuality is

[Jazminedress]

It's not really that I'm trying to mean or anything. I just don't like it it looks gross seeing him cum. Plus girls don't cum like he does so it's just unsettling. It's just the way my sexuality is

And that is perfectly great.........one thing about this site, I have never seen people be disrespectful to each other. Many personality, many different views............its what makes life great.

[zbi73]

At the end of the day, it's your decision, no one can make it for you :)

[Mmpmm]

I think there are a lot of guys here who had similar experiences and confusion when we were younger. I can say I wish I had been brave enough to accept myself and explore my sexuality. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or may think. You are at least curious otherwise you wouldn't be here asking. Don't worry! Relax, and enjoy! See where it goes. Don't look back with regret either way!

[RisingBi]

I agree with a lot of what has been said here, Jim. Wonderful advice and thoughts! The main thing I would add, from my own experience, is that things also have to do with chemistry. I started way different from you, having desirous thoughts and fantasies of sex with other guys after my first girlfriend broke up with me 28 years ago, and jerking off to gay porn magazines. My desires finally drove me out looking for cock & ass, always anonymously in different gay sex venues. But every time I got naked with another guy, my gay desires vanished. I wasn't attracted to him, and didn't feel any chemistry with him. But I still engaged in oral sex with him, but only out of kindness. But back at home, all the gay desires and fantasies, and jacking off to gay porn, came back, until it finally drove me out again with the hope and desire to enjoy having oral and anal sex with a man. But every time I was disappointed, losing all passion when I was actually with a guy, or even multiple guys (in group scenes in bathhouse saunas or gay orgies).

But there were a few exceptions where I did feel an attraction and connection at the chemical level when I was naked with a real guy, and then I went absolutely passionate crazy on his cock. But I still never felt anything anal with anyone, though my fantasies and desires at home included everything gay. That went on for 20 years, with only a total of 5 guys out of 100+ turning me on in real life.

Then all of a sudden one day in 2013, I felt super attracted to this guy's ass in a bathhouse while on vacation, and felt the greatest desire I've ever felt for anyone, and I passionately tongue fucked his asshole for over an hour before finally succumbing to his screaming pleas to fuck him. When I finally inserted my cock into his hole, into another man's ass, something clicked inside me; something deep inside me woke up, and the gay side of me that had been repressed for 20 years sprung free. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed fucking this man's ass. I felt so connected to him. And you know what? That was the end of all my anonymous search for M2M sex. From then on I hooked up with guys from gay dating sites to have sex in each other's homes. And I had a passionate hunger for many of them, cock and ass.

So you see, for me anyway, it all had to do with 3 things. First, chemistry. It seemed I wasn't very high on the Kinsey scale at all, not at the in-person chemical level anyway, though I was much more bisexual in my fantasies. But, second, it also had to do with some kind of, I don't know, homophobia deep inside me maybe, repressing my true real-life desires or something. And the third thing had--and still has--to do with the fact that everything went incrementally for me. I think this is the same for a lot of bisexual guys. The older we get and the more experience we have, the stronger our same-sex desires become, and the more accepting we become of ourself and our same-sex desires, which just increases our same-sex desires.

So I'll have to see how it goes in the future for myself. I've just gotten out of a 3-year relationship with a woman, even though my gay fantasies never stopped throughout that relationship. So when this lockdown and social distancing ends, I will see what happens. Maybe I'll be back to having only little chemistry with guys. Maybe I'll have lots of chemistry with lots of different guys, and enjoy passionate sex with them. Maybe I'll meet one guy and have really strong chemistry and attraction to him, and it's mutual, and we become monogamous FWB, or even boyfriends, and we make love with each other many times a week. Who knows! (Actually, to tell you the truth (shhh, don't tell anybody), I kind of very strongly hope for that monogamous thing, since in my head at least I really want to breed and share semen with another man in the most intimate way.)

So the whole reason for this--what is now turned into (I'm sorry)--very long post is for you to not rule out perhaps getting together with another guy, besides your friend, to see whether perhaps you have a chemistry with someone else that you don't have with your friend. It's just something to consider.

[willj]

I wouldn't worry about labeling what you have done. It's just something that happened in the heat of the moment. I feel like labels hold us back from trying new things sexually. If you enjoyed it good for you . If it didn't feel good or natural to you then it was just something you tried. I am very opened to the fact we all are capable of being sexual with all sexes it's just a matter of being in the moment and doing what feels right. Never do something that will make you feel uncomfortable with who you are after the fact.

[KDaddy23]

Inherently, being uncomfortable after the fact tends to happen, not because of labels but, really, because one's mind is trying to figure out what the hell just happened and why they're feeling the way they are when they weren't feeling this way before or during the fact. It's actually rather normal to feel some kind of way about it and we all don't feel like that the exact same way or for the exact same reason... but what, I think, really matters is how one can manage to process things after the fact and, yeah, worrying about the labels probably won't make you feel better about what went down.