27 yrs old and some new feelings...

[Camden77]

Hey guys.

I'm 27 and recently have started thinking I want to sleep with a woman... I'm not sure what this means.

I came out as gay at school when I was younger and got beaten up for it - but stuck with it. I came out to my parents too. Soon I was seen as this great 'example' of what being gay is about - coming out early - saying 'fuck you' to the world.

Since then I have slept with hundreds of men. But no women.

Recently I've been seeing this bi-guy. Well, he identfies as a 'gay man who sleeps with women'. Which is totally his business. But it got me questioning my own gayness. Now...

I don't believe that I could possibly be straight. I do fancy blokes loads and loads. But recently there is just something nagging inside me that suggests I want to try it with a girl, and when I think about it - and there are some girls I can imagine sleeping with.

It's just all so confusing - because people see me as so damn gay!

I told a friend of mine and she suggested a MMF threesome with the boyf. But I think that I would feel intimidated what with it actually being my first time with a girl and all that. In fact- I don't have any plans to sleep with anyone outside of the relationship irrespective of gender.

I'm just curious to hear from other people who may have had a similar experience to me - come out as gay/lesbian, and then tried out the other possibility...

How did it feel?

The weirdest bit about it is that I definately check out boys 99% of the time, and VERY occasionally see a girl that 'I could sleep with'. Now that sounds pretty gay - except that before last year my answer wouldn't have been 99% boys - it would have been 100%.

Really confused about all this- and just kinda looking for some info. I mean maybe I am gay, I've just never questioned it before and at 27 it all seems a bit weird having been SOOOO gay all my life thus far.

Also weird being 27 and seeing girls as quite alien and untouchable - not having 'had' one (pardon the vulgarity) whereas boys are common turf so to speak.

Does any of this make sense or am I the only person in the world who has ever felt like this?

I also feel silly - like I should just 'accept I'm gay and get on with it.'

[bm_jim]

Camden,
I think I know how you feel, even though I have pretty much always known I was bi. My first time was with a guy and my second time was with a girl, but I settled in with a woman and we married and had a child. I found the "'gay man who sleeps with women" statement amussing because I have been refer to by a gay freind as a "straight guy who sleeps with men" and my ex refers to me with the same statement as your freind (LOL). During the marrage I began wanting to be with men again. I was called a Perv and was told I needed to see a shrink, even though she was aware of my feelings and desires prior to our marrage. All I really wanted was to be open to what makes me feel right. You don't have to just "accept" anything, you "understand" your desire to be with a guy, but want to think of being with a woman as strange, and the straight community "understands" the desire to be with the opposite sex but considers being with the same sex partner as strange. I never was able to "accept" the label as straight or gay, I have always felt that by trying to lock myself into one or the other isn't fair to myself. It sounds to me like you are finally starting to understand both sides of the coin have advantages and by being willing to open up and try new experiences we grow and mature as human beings. Good luck on sorting your feelings and I hope you figure it out.

[TrimBeardHairyBod]

Hi Camden77

What you're saying makes perfect sense. Why do I say that? It's because I find myself in much the same position. Have a look at my profile and you'll see what I mean.

First of all, I would avoid getting too hung up on definitions. I don't think any of us are 100% gay or straight. There are thousands of shades of grey in between. Your prime orientation is gay because you're attracted to men both physically and emotionally. As for your bi-side, it seems only to be asserting itself physically. So be it.

As for this female friend suggesting a MMF threesome, I take it she was offering herself and that the other male would be your boyfriend. Provided you sounded out your boyfriend first and were satisfied that he wanted to do it, I'd jump at the chance.

1) It's not as if you'd doing anything behind your boyfriend's back and were cheating on him. He'd be there.

2) As an introduction to straight sex, the threesome would be much less intimidating than you going it alone with a woman. Your boyfriend would serve as a role-model, so to speak. It could well be that he'd get a thrill out of assisting you and this might deepen the bond between the two of you.

3) The presence of another man would almost guarantee that you'd be sexually aroused. I say that because there's always the possibility you wouldn't fancy the woman after all, once she'd stripped off and opened her legs.

Here's hoping you'll find my comments useful. Do keep us posted as to how things pan out.


John

[OzBiBoy25]

I can identify quite well with what you say.

As a teen I was always quite mixed up about my sexuality, liking girls, but being strangely attracted to men at the same time. This tended to make me nervous as I was living in a somewhat red-neck area of australia at the time. However, I got to know a guy who eventually told me he was gay, one thing led to another and I had my first sexual expeience with him. From there I started thinking of myself as gay until I started to come under suspicion which kinda led me to going somewhat asexual for some time.

Over time my confusion continued until I was approached by other guys at uni. At this point I thought I needed to explore this whole guy thing and felt like an amazing weight had been lifted that allowed me to free up about my sexuality. From there I slipped into the gay community and somewhat assumed that title without really naming it officially.

To cut to the chase from there, I continued to feel attracted to women which I then had to reconcile leading me to finally self-identify as bi, however, prior to that I had gone by that long identity of 'gay-guy-whole-still-likes-women' esque title.

For me sexuality is a complex and multilevelled aspect of life that is really not explained so well by the traditional labels as it is by the grey areas in-between.

I hope all that made sense and did not prove to self-indulgent!

[Lisa (va)]

Gay, straight or bi? Does it really matter?
Should we base our feelings for a person based on their gender?
There was a time ago (not very long ago) i was just about convinced i was a lesbian. Now i am happily married to a wonder person that just happens to be a man. So i guess one should follow their heart, let the rest just fall in place.
Lisa

[BiShadoman]

Camden, You have to be true to YOU, no one else's opinion should matter. So what, everyone has thought you were gay for the majority of your life, if you feel the need to explore then do so. Who knows you might find that that you can have alot of fun with women as well as men. There was a time that I lived in the gay community (for a long time) and women were verboten but now I much prefer the sensual body of a woman with the very occaisional taste of a man thrown in. I've learned that I can go on alot longer without a man than I can without a woman.
Everyone is different, but don't let anyone pet you in a box and keep you there. We humans are a very complex being, constantly changing and evolving. Times and environment change us as well as our own age. Change is a good thing in moderation, take some time, think things thru, talk to some understanding-nonjudgemental friends and go from there. Take your time and just enjoy life.
Out of the Shados

[BiShadoman]

Sorry about the spelling and typo errors, thats what I get for being in a hurry
Out of the Shados

[twosides]

My :2cents:

Don't worry about being 27 and finding that you have these feelings. I have a good number of years on you, and just over the past five, six years have I been dealing with the same feelings, only from the str8 side, to accepting the desires I have, to be with men.

My suggestion is to find the woman that you are open to being with, who will have no judgement about where you are and where you are going. It might be better if it's not someone you see on a regular basis, even monthly. But it helps if they are someone you know, and are attracted to. Tell her honestly what you are going through, and that you need her help to understand yourself better. Then make a nice evening of it, don't go overboard and have romance and all that, just a nice, comfortable, relaxing evening where you two talk and touch, and only do what you feel good about doing. My first several times with a guy, I didn't kiss or put my face any where near his, I didn't go down on him, or play with his butt, but it all worked out.

I hope that you can give yourself permission to fully experience a woman. It's a good thing. Let your mind go, it may take a while, but just know that if you can feel the good feelings, you will enjoy those good feelings. And you may even want to try it again.

[Camden77]

Thanks so much for all the advice guys. It's really appreciated because this has been a really weird time for me. My partner is bi and always has been. I've had bi partners before but not these feelings. However - when I told him how I'd been feeling he suggested that being with him had influenced my feelings, and he said he reckoned I was gay. I think I am gay.
But what really has changed is that I'm curious about experiencing sex with a woman. My feelings for men are and always have been overpoweringly strong. I just felt kind of funny talking to my partner because compared with his sexuality mine doesn't seem very bi at all and that's it.
I think the concept of giving myself 'permission' to do that is important. I think that was a hurdle for me - because I felt I shouldn't... now I know that I can. I have no intention of cheating on my partner with anyone. But I guess that at some point I will want to engineer a sexual encounter with a woman and see where it goes from there... still in two minds about the MMF idea...

how would someone got about organising an MMF anyway (bearing in mind that I rarely if ever go to str8 pulling places)

[EvilDoctor]

Your situation Camden kind of reminds me of my situation. Like you I came out gay first and was very active within the gay community. But as the years went on I realized I was looking at women and feeling sexual attraction, and yet I was trying to hide those feelings from myself in an effort to try to be perfectly gay. Eventually an opportunity to have sex with a woman and I jumped at the chance, and absolutely loved the experience. Later on I ended up marrying a woman who is into gay and bi men, and we've been swinging ever since as a couple with both men and women. The one funny thing with all this is that now when we go to Gay Pride day in Toronto and meet people that knew me as being gay and then introduce my wife, it seems like they suddenly remember they left the gas in their apartment on...

[kenny]

I am a straight male who has (since a young age) enjoyed oral sex with another guy. I have never been attracted to men, never kissed a man and never will. I do, however happen to like giving head to guys. I dont think of it as confusing, just something I like. Don't feel that you have to be a "perfect gay guy" or try to fit anyones perception of who you should be. If you want to sleep with a girl you will. If not, who cares. Dont let anyone put you in a position you're not comfortable with. Do what your heart tells you too and move on.

[Camden77]

Thanks for the input. I really feel like I'm a bit freer now for having opened this question to you guys.

I really have been able to understand a bit more about the no-holds-barred approach to sexuality. I'll deffo give str8 sex a try one day - and maybe I'll like it and maybe I won't. I guess what I've come to terms with is it doesn't really affect anybody else so...

It's cool.

Thanks.

[righteousbabe]

hi camden,

i totally relate! i came out as lesbian when i was 19. and now i'm 27 and going "gee, i like guys too!". so i totally understand. i think it's a cool thing, and i'm totally enjoying wehre i am right now!

so you're a camden guy. i visited friends last year in the uk, and absolutely loved camden. it's a cool place!

hope this helps, and feel free to ask anymore questions anytime!

righteousbabe. :female:

[rayosytruenos]

Hi!

Not sure if you are still here, as it seems that your only 3 posts have been in this thread.

If you are here, I would like to say to you not to worry that much about labels, do what you feel it's right and don't bother about what others can think about it.

You have been very brave, being quite open with your sexuality since a very early age, and stick with your feelings even after being battered.

If now you have the doubts and feelings to have sex with a woman, just try it, nobody is going to take away your gay pass for it, and if you do it and you like it, welcome to the bisexual club, but if not, keep doing things the way you used to... Nothing wrong with that either, any sexual orientation is fine if you don't hurt anyone and the people concerned agree and are consenting adults.

About how to find the right people for a MMF, you just answered yourself, your friend offered you that... What's better than doing it in a friendly atmosphere where they are going to care for you and not to push you?

All the best,

ray

[Eddie altamonte]

[FONT=Tahoma][ know what you mean exactly except that i became aware of my bisexuality when I was 28 and didn't fully come to accept it til very recently My first encounter was with a 17 y/o boy when I was 14 y/o since then I felt guilty about it...Later on in in life I came to realize that i enjoyed it...To this day I still am aroused thinking about that experience and i am 44 y/o now. I was a player who tried to bed all the women possible. :bigrin: however i was denying my secret desires until I had a 3-some with a guy who was Bi and his girlfriend...Damn Did I NoT Find The Promiseland. Eventhough my preference heavily leans towards woman I am equally comfortable with guys one on one now...in fact I have quite an appetite for the male genitalia...Yummy. I consider myself fortunate now that I don't deny myself of all the enjoyment life provides. Many will never understand, and forever i maybe a perv but at least I am happy. I hope you will always be as well[/FON[/SIZE]T][/SIZE]