married gay people

[cornholejoe]

why do married gay people men and women when talking about their partner all ways say my husband

[zbi73]

For men, I guess it's because their partner is male, therefore in the traditional sense, husband. It's husband/husband in that case rather than husband/wife I would guess. I've never heard that term being used for lesbians. I've lead a sheltered life :P

[cornholejoe]

have heard married gay women on tv talk shows say my husband

[biwmtrucker44]

have heard married gay women on tv talk shows say my husband I know a few Married Lesbians and they say Wife. Maybe what the talk show was referring to a trans man (F to M) as Husband . If nether is trans or planning to tans then it would be wife/wife

[KDaddy23]

The "rules of engagement" never allowed for this. Marriage has always been between men and women... but that changed... and there are no new words to describe a marriage between gay folks so we do our best to apply the traditional labels and it's hard to see two married gay folks and trying to figure out who's the husband and who's the wife... when, say, the happy couple are male and both look like they could benchpress a bus, right? But husband and wife are both social constructs and each defines a role - we created them and, again, no one has come up with new constructs to accurately define these roles in a homosexual marriage. So we stick with what we know... and scratch our heads a lot trying to figure out who is in what role. So the happy homosexual couple decide among themselves who is going to be the husband or the wife, not so much to really define the domestically implied roles but to conform with tradition and to serve as an identifier.

We gotta call them something...

[zbi73]

have heard married gay women on tv talk shows say my husband

That's why I probably haven't heard it. Never watch them :)

[Footstep40]

When I was engaged to a guy, I called him my future husband. Had we gotten married, he’d have been my husband.

[Annika L]

My partner and I use “partner” even though we are married. It’s just so much more descriptive than either “wife” or (gods forbid) “husband”..

I never quite get queer people using husband or wife...that is such straight ownership-based language. But whatever.

I can think of a couple reasons women might use “husband” if it doesn’t make their skin crawl. Basically, for a butch-ish, masculine woman, it could make sense; or if one truly acts as a caretaker or guide for the other, that’s a husbanding role, regardless of sex. Really, the word “husband” has no true gender attached. It’s just a caretaker.

[playful808]

I have several lesbian friends, none of which use this phrase.

Perhaps it has to do with the femme / butch dynamic - which is not representative of lesbians as a group.

[tenka]

i was married to a man for almost 5 years or so he was my husband iand i was his. i under stand the hetero socailizing the term because up until 2015 it was illegal for same sex couples to get married. imost place now it's legal and they are being acknowledged as a proper married couple. I never liked using partner because it made me feel like we were back in the dark hiding in the closet or trying to fit into societies box they put us in. but I never really heard a lesbian couple
say such