Is it cyber sex???

[Angel31]

Just a question that is bugging me..Myself and a close female friend (who I have feelings for) spend countless evenings telling each other intimate details about each others sex lives online.
We go into graphic detail right down to how turned we were at the time, the positions that we like, and how it was performed.
I tell her it turns me on to hear it and ask her if that makes her feel uncomfortable to let me know. She said she does not mind at all and has also admitted she finds it arousing too!

Now my question is, are we having what people might term as cyber sex?? I regard cybersex to be a activity that people use to arouse each other and or to masturbate. We both enjoy doing it or we would not do it and certainly not as often as we do! When I have asked her why she does it she just says ' For me its just the same as passing on girlie gossip' to a friend' or 'giving news'....I beg to differ!
I do not talk in such a intimate way with any of my other females friends. Also if they told me they found it stimulating I would feel slighted disgusted!

I have discussed this with a member on this board before. But wanted to hear all of your opinions too...

What do you guys regard as cybersex? How many of the ladies in here talk in such a intimate way with their close friends?.......

[anne27]

There are as many different ways to engage in 'cybersex' as there are people who did it. What you two are engaging in comes close to it in my book, but not quite. You are stimulating each other, but not to a conclusion. To me, that defines the difference.
Yes, I have engaged in conversations involving intimate sexual details with other females friends, but those were usually friends that I held a sexual interest in, soooo I am not sure that helps answer your question.

If you are both enjoying this little exchange of ideas and details, why not go with the flow and keep doing it? :2cents:

[Angel31]

There are as many different ways to engage in 'cybersex' as there are people who did it. What you two are engaging in comes close to it in my book, but not quite. You are stimulating each other, but not to a conclusion. To me, that defines the difference.
Yes, I have engaged in conversations involving intimate sexual details with other females friends, but those were usually friends that I held a sexual interest in, soooo I am not sure that helps answer your question.

If you are both enjoying this little exchange of ideas and details, why not go with the flow and keep doing it? :2cents:

Thanks for the feeback Anne!

I guess my questioning steems from the fact that she regards herself (to me) as totally hetrosexual and insists it is just a 'girlie exchange of gossip'. I have told her I do it because I find it arousing. She also knows I have feelings for her...Maybe she is thinking because we are discussing hetrosexual sex that makes the difference? But I have a slightly different opinion!

I just wonder how many hetrosexual women would partcipate in a such intimate conversations with their good friends? Let alone become stimulated by it and announce it! :rolleyes:

Also yes I will keep going with the flow. If something feels good and both parties are enjoying the activity then I don't see anything wrong with doing it!

[12voltman59]

Just my :2cents:, you were not clear if you relay your sexual experiences via the web or through face-to-face conversation.

If you are doing it via the web--I guess what you and your friend are doing could classify as a form of cyber sex--

The operative element of cyber sex is that it explicit sexual messages transmitted via the web for the intent purpose of sexual stimulation in lieu of actually having sex.

Even if you and your friend are doing this via the web--you are really simply sharing details of prior actual sexual experiences and that by doing so--you both get a bit of a turn on-well, thats a nice added bonus.

I think that if you two take your sessions to the point that you are directing your conversation to the present tense and at turning each other on directly---then you are in the realm of "cyber sex" if done over the Internet--if you are telling your stories face-to-face--well it might turn into "real sex"...:)

Enjoy whatever you all are doing--it sounds like she is too---

[Angel31]

you were not clear if you relay your sexual experiences via the web or through face-to-face conversation.

We talk via online instant messages and via texts as well. Sometimes it has been on and off throughout the whole day!! ;)


....When we do meet face to face. We do not mention what we talk about online, it's kinda like an unspoken secret. We do the things regular friends do, like go shopping and go for lunch or a drink...However she does have the worlds biggest grin on her face the entire time! :bigrin:

[anne27]

Thanks for the feeback Anne!

I guess my questioning steems from the fact that she regards herself (to me) as totally hetrosexual and insists it is just a 'girlie exchange of gossip'. I have told her I do it because I find it arousing. She also knows I have feelings for her...Maybe she is thinking because we are discussing hetrosexual sex that makes the difference? But I have a slightly different opinion!

I just wonder how many hetrosexual women would partcipate in a such intimate conversations with their good friends? Let alone become stimulated by it and announce it! :rolleyes:

Also yes I will keep going with the flow. If something feels good and both parties are enjoying the activity then I don't see anything wrong with doing it!


Hummm, not being straight that's hard for me to answer. Maybe one of the straight gals on the board can give you a better answer. But I have to say that my first female sex partner was 'straight'. She was 'straight' every time during that year we got together and had fun (that was a lot of times). And this 'straight' girl was even the one who seduced me!
"I'm not gay or bi or anything," she'd say, "I just like to be with women sometimes."
She got highly offended when I suggested she might indeed be bisexual. :rolleyes:

[warmpuppy]

IMHO, there are two forms of cyber:

1. Exchanging explicit fantasies, where two or more are describing what might happen if they were together. Creativity and imagination are recommended.

2. Exchanging real life sexual experiences.

Although I like both forms, the second one is far more sexy to me. I guess I'm more into reality programming than fiction, huh? <grin>

[jacquespratt]

Do you touch your pussy when you have these conversations? Do you come to orgasm? Do you conclude the conversation then masturbate? If any of these are true then I would say yes it is cybersex. Then I would ask you so what? :)

[Angel31]

Do you touch your pussy when you have these conversations? Do you come to orgasm? Do you conclude the conversation then masturbate? If any of these are true then I would say yes it is cybersex. Then I would ask you so what? :)

:bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

I refer to this point I made......


I guess my questioning steems from the fact that she regards herself (to me) as totally hetrosexual and insists it is just a 'girlie exchange of gossip'.

......I do not (or can not!) masturbate either during or after the conversation.My current living arrangement limits it somewhat!
I doubt she does either as she is limited by her living arrangement (ie: male partner)
.........................but, I do see your point too! ;) :bigrin:

[mistymockingbird]

IMHO, cyber sex is an exchange with an end goal in mind, namely for the involved parties to get off. That does not seem to be the case with you and your friend. So by my definition, I would say no, its not cyber sex.

When I was in high school my best friend (a girl) and I had talked in explicit detail about sex all the time. She was(is) straight, I had not admitted to myself yet that I was bi. We knew what positions we each preferred, what types of foreplay we each liked, how our partners "measured up" so to speak, we talked about fantasies. We always talked about sex openly, on the phone and face to face. Wasn't a big deal. We were fairly open with each others bodies in person as well. We were naked in front of each other all the time cause we frequently would meet at one of our houses to get ready before going out or when getting ready for bed if one of us was sleeping over. We've seen every bit of each other. We're still friends, and even with me out as bi now, none of that has changed. We still have the talks about sex, we still see each other naked when getting ready to go out. That's just how our friendship is. Comfortable with letting all the details hang out.

I have other friends, guys and girls that I'll talk with about sex in fairly graphic detail as well. Sex is just one of the topics covered in conversation with some of my friends. I don't mind sharing details, nor do they. So we do. But its not about getting each other off, or even arousing each other a little, its about sharing all the facets of our lives.

[Angel31]

Thanks for your feedback misty!

Yes, I do see your point. Infact I do have another female friend who I do share sexual conversation with. We talk openly and frankly about sex and she tells me first about any new sexual encounters she has and I do the same. I feel comfortable talking to her about sex and I never feel myself becoming aroused when we talk.

However the difference with this friend is that we talk endlessly about sex. She knows I like her and she has once told me she liked me (but backtracked and dismissed it a few days later! :rolleyes: ) Also, we have both admitted we find it arousing, although she is now poo poo'ing that comment and now calling it a 'girlie exchange' of gossip! :rolleyes: ........it's the arousal bit that makes all the difference IMO...???

[mistymockingbird]

I get your point Angel. I still hold the opinion that cyber sex is something launched into with the intent of getting off. Sounds like she may be more interested in you and/or your lifestyle than she's letting on, and this is a safe way to explore. No matter since you've both admitted that the conversations are arousing. So as long as you're both comfortable with the conversations, let them continue and call it what you will. Things are what they are, regardless of the label you know? :2cents:

[Angel31]

I get your point Angel. I still hold the opinion that cyber sex is something launched into with the intent of getting off. Sounds like she may be more interested in you and/or your lifestyle than she's letting on, and this is a safe way to explore. No matter since you've both admitted that the conversations are arousing. So as long as you're both comfortable with the conversations, let them continue and call it what you will. Things are what they are, regardless of the label you know? :2cents:

Agreed!......Although I have to admit, her non-admittance of interest is a frustration at times. But I am letting it continue. We both are happy doing it and I would be mad not too! ;)

[Angel31]

How about this for a difference....

Your same sex friend (who claims she is completely hetrosexual) tells you an erotic story (fiction) via a instant message service?

The characters of the story are yourself and a male you have said you like. The story is as x-rated as possible, using whatever sexual language is needed to describe various sex acts and intercourse in detail. The story ends with both characters reaching climax!
You admit to your same sex friend that you found the story arousing.

She then requests that you tell her a story in the same fashion but with herself and a male she likes in the starring roles. She then admits she is highly aroused during, and when you finish the story..........

Now is this an activity that a hetrosexual woman would participate in or am I getting this girl all wrong???.....Answers on a postcard please!......... :bigrin: :bigrin:

[Lyon1369]

Angle,
My personal opinion, (and remember you did ask) is that A) your friend is in the closet about her orintation, and may not even know it. I wounder how she would respond to you describing a scene between you and another woman. See if that arouses her. If so you may be on to something.

B)Does it really matter if you call what you and your friend do as cybersex or not? Personaly I think its great you can have that kind of chat with a good friend, especially one who you have the hots for.
Cyber is in the eye of the beholder. If you get something from your IMs with this woman, then bravo!
just my thoughts on it.
Bi4now :flag3: