What bugs you?

[Bi-ten]

Ah the trials of being bi...

This week I had an opportunity to meet a cute guy through a mutual friend. We met for coffee, and were hitting it off very well until he asked if my kids knew I was gay. Without thinking, I told him that I was not gay, in fact, I was bi. This is when he had a mental breakdown. With a sigh he went into his speach about how he used to 'think' he was bi, how he couldn't be with someone who couldn't come to terms with his own sexuality, and how he didn't want to invest emotionally in someone who could run off with a woman (what horror)!

Well ...I was loooooosing it! inside I was suprized, angry, and a little hurt! Under the circumstances I think I did a fine job defending my bi-ness with such evidence as the kinsey report and the Klien scale etc. I also countered with a few quips about the likelihood that a gay man could just as easily run off with another guy. I believe my emotional discourse had shown him that I had come to terms...with my 'bi' sexuality!

It has been 2 days and I am still bugged by his arrogance and close-mindedness. What does it take to be accepted for who I am, to find a partner that is not totally threatened by my flexible sexuality? Heterosexual women are freaked out (just ask my x-wife), gay men are freaked out, and bi people are oh so hard to find!

What are your experiences? How have you been bugged, and how have you found acceptance?

Thank you for listening:)

[bigregory]

With both gay and lesbian friends who always say that im really gay and 1 day it will be my destiny. Yes i did get pissed at them an try to explain.
Then i got defensive,still the same answer no your gay.
Upon giving up on trying to get them to understand and at my ends wit i got some truth.They really do know im Bi and not gay seems its a bit of a game to them to make me crazy.Seems alot of them were bi before going over to the darkside and can still get turned on by the other gender. Im sure there are some guys that would not touch a girl so be it. they should like you for who you are simple as that

[CUMM2LBV]

Great topic here......

The common and constant thread that runs through the day to day is, Gays accept no other viewpoint or interest other than their own and Bisexuals accept others for who they are and not what they are.

I had not realized that we were such societal/sexual freaks until I found this site looking for a like minded connection. I merely thought that the women or men here were just not interested in hooking up with an older guy and wrote it off to "youth is wasted on the young"

Years ago I enjoyed a great relatiionship with a Bi woman. We were emotionallly invested in each other and the relationship, and engaged in recreational sex on a regular basis without recrimination of any kind. Of many, she was truly one of the great women in my life.

[DiamondDog]

I guess I'm lucky, almost all of my gay/het friends and family have been accepting of me and my sexuality, and if they're not I just cut them out of my life. :)

[holybane]

Well, I understand completely. I'm bi but I've told very few people, in fact it took me a long time just to tell my gf who I love and am completely devoted to. I have talked to people on the internet who I'm not directly associated with about this, and I've gotten the same thing, you're gay, you just don't know it yet. Even my girlfriend was afraid I'd turn gay, I was kind of afraid for a time too. But, I know myself after long periods of introspection and discussion with my gf. I'm not gay, and I'm not going to turn gay unless I want to!

It bugs the crap out of me when people presume to know me. I just accept people, whether you're gay, straight, bi, or whatever. People shouldn't be judged like that. And you're so right, it is so hard to find a bi guy who's not just a straight guy that wants to do stuff to your girlfriend! What I'd give to meet a nice guy!

[codybear3]

With both gay and lesbian friends who always say that im really gay and 1 day it will be my destiny. Yes i did get pissed at them an try to explain.
Then i got defensive,still the same answer no your gay.
Upon giving up on trying to get them to understand and at my ends wit i got some truth.They really do know im Bi and not gay seems its a bit of a game to them to make me crazy.Seems alot of them were bi before going over to the darkside and can still get turned on by the other gender. Im sure there are some guys that would not touch a girl so be it. they should like you for who you are simple as that


I don't really try to explain anything to those that are set in thier minds...In a thread a while ago I said the following:
"Society see me as a faggot and the gay community insist I'm in the closet..."...Oh well... :tong: :paw: :paw:

[LouiseBrookslover]

Well exclusively gay people can be offensive to me all they want. To be frank, I think there is something a bit odd about a man who has no interest in women whatsoever and who only wants to suck cock. I've always seen why someone would want to suck cock as well as pussy, but it must take a very warped, stunted man to write off pussy entirely....

to be honest, a part of me thinks gays are just underdeveloped personalities like their exclusively straight cousins. Such a shame to write off so many attractive partners, I dare say!

[Azrael]

I've spent most of my life on the fringe in some form or another. I have some friends who I'm out with who just don't get it. I guess they see me as a special case or something because we became reasonably good friends before they found out and when they did they were like "don't get me wrong, you're still my boy". I tend to see such people as products of their environments. Not bad people, just limited in their understanding. I still hang out with them and hope in my way I can get them to see past their stereotypes and realize that we aren't all that different. It can get maddening at times, though. I have a friend who I've known since high school. I told him one day about two things. First, I was telling him how I never really got over my ex-girlfriend cheating on me with a girl I thought was my best friend. He said, "at least it was with a girl", to which I replied "I don't really see that distinction myself". Second, I finally got a date after the fact and told him I was looking forward to it. He said, "Cool, me too. Who with?" and I said, "this guy I met before I got committed". He said, "No, I'm talking about a REAL date". These stupid little things eat away at my sanity. There are so many people I love to death but are so incredibly frustrating to know. I, being the good sport have a tendency to just suck it up and walk it off because I hate confrontation, especially with friends. Homo/bi-phobia is something I've just sort of deadened myself to from working in a trade, but it still hurts like shit sometimes. It seems like the more I get comfortable with myself the more isolated I become from people like me. *sigh*

[12voltman59]

Well exclusively gay people can be offensive to me all they want. To be frank, I think there is something a bit odd about a man who has no interest in women whatsoever and who only wants to suck cock. I've always seen why someone would want to suck cock as well as pussy, but it must take a very warped, stunted man to write off pussy entirely....

to be honest, a part of me thinks gays are just underdeveloped personalities like their exclusively straight cousins. Such a shame to write off so many attractive partners, I dare say!


I agree with you Brooks--I could never understand why anyone would want to cut themselves off from the other half of the human race.

This one very old lady I know who is very accepting of homosexuality/bisexuality, etc.--puts it this way---"you should love everyone--the plumbing of their body shouldn't make a hoot of difference!!!!"

[mistymockingbird]

Oh the things that bug me. lol The thing that bugs me most is the way people toss off bisexuality like its not real. That no one can be into both genders, not for long anyway.

I was married for 10 years to a guy. The reaction I get most often when people find out I'm bi (regardless of their orientation) is "oh, you just think you're bi cause your last relationship with a guy went sour, you'll get over that." WTF Marriage makes you straight? I don't think so.

I also get bugged by the stereotype that bisexuals are promiscuous by nature. Some "people" are promiscuous by nature. Orientation has nothing to do with it. I'm willing to concede the point that there is a higher concentration of bi folks who are open to "non-traditional" relationships and sexual habits, but the masses do not define individuals.

I also think that sexually is fluid. I know mine is. That is a concept that is so hard for the hets and the homos to understand (and even some other bi folks I've met), I've given up trying to explain. Which frustrates me. Because I want to enlighten others and open minds by being open about my lifestyle, but explaining and defending all the time gets old. So I find myself more and more just keeping quiet, letting people think what they wanna think. Not hiding anything, just not saying anything unless asked directly. That's why finding other bi folks who "get" it is so wonderful, and so rare.

[JrzGuy3]

People whose grammar has atrophied to the point where they will use "could of" in written English.

You know, we all once said "could have," which has been damn near universally contracted in spoken English to "could've." Then people who don't speak clearly start actually saying "could of" and it reaches the point I see it being typed in internet forums.

Example: I decided against buying a new TV, though I could of as I had the money.

AHHHHHHHH!

Who taught you people this?!? Stop doing it!!!!

Bob the Angry Flower needs to address this.








If you worked as an SAT tutor, this would bother you too. Then again, this is partially why I have my job.

[JrzGuy3]

I was married for 10 years to a guy. The reaction I get most often when people find out I'm bi (regardless of their orientation) is "oh, you just think you're bi cause your last relationship with a guy went sour, you'll get over that." WTF Marriage makes you straight? I don't think so.Shouldn't that make you a lesbian?

But yes. I love the logic that bad luck with the personality attached to a particular set of genitals will instill such a hatred that you'll go for the other half out of spite.

Now, I'm spiteful. But, DAMN, that's more than even I can muster. I think, anyway. I like cock anyway so I'd have trouble testing that.

It reminds me that my Sexuality textbook has a chapter on paraphilia and discusses shortly bestiality. It asserts that men who desire sex with dogs desire such because they hate women; by allowing dogs to penetrate them, they tell women that they (meaning women) are lower than animals, as they are not god enough to have sex with said man-being-mounted-by-a-dog. Really, which gender is getting the last laugh on this one?

[Herbwoman39]

Oh I had some fun today :bigrin: I got an email from a former classmate of mine and she was writing about how her daughter has been hanging out with these two women. She really hates one of them because, as she puts it, the woman acts like a bossy know-it-all type.

My friend went on to say that she thinks her daughter's friend must be a lesbian who just happens to be married.

I replied, "What makes you think she's a lesbian? Maybe she's bisexual! ;) "

I do hope this sparks a discussion because she doesn't know I'm Bi.

I *do* find it rather odd she made the lesbian comment though especially since another one of our classmates is lesbian.

[mistymockingbird]

Shouldn't that make you a lesbian?

But yes. I love the logic that bad luck with the personality attached to a particular set of genitals will instill such a hatred that you'll go for the other half out of spite.

Ah yes, but nothing is more fun to attack than some idiot's flawed logic. If you can't put together a well thought out argument, don't talk to me. lol

[DiamondDog]

Well exclusively gay people can be offensive to me all they want. To be frank, I think there is something a bit odd about a man who has no interest in women whatsoever and who only wants to suck cock. I've always seen why someone would want to suck cock as well as pussy, but it must take a very warped, stunted man to write off pussy entirely....

to be honest, a part of me thinks gays are just underdeveloped personalities like their exclusively straight cousins. Such a shame to write off so many attractive partners, I dare say!

Everyone has different tastes when it comes to their sexuality. Frankly I find your comments/viewpoints to be in rather bad taste, backwards, and homo/hetero-phobic. There's nothing wrong with being homosexual and only in the 1970s was it finally declassified as a "mental illness".

Just because someone is gay or het, and isn't bisexual it doesn't make them a bad person and just because someone is bisexual it doesn't make them "better" than monosexuals. Contrary to what many bisexuals think, not everyone is bisexual. This viewpoint is as limiting and close minded as how gay men think that all handsome men are into having sex with men or will recieve oral sex from a man because "all men like to get their dick sucked".
Or how het guys think that lesbians "haven't been with the right man yet".

I know lots of gay men who have had sex with women sometimes just to try it, because they didn't know that they're gay, or because they wanted to be het or bi and tried to force an orientation because of the way that society treats gay people. I've even known gay men who are/were sexually active in relationships with women but didn't/don't realize that they're gay. There are lots of gay men who never have had sex with women and never will, and I'm fine with both.

I've even known het people that tried sex with the same gender once or twice because they were curious or just wanted to see what it was like.

Gay men never did anything bad to me, almost all have been accepting of me for who I am, and I relate to them very well.

[LouiseBrookslover]

....being ironic, I knew one of you would take me literally.

[DiamondDog]

....being ironic, I knew one of you would take me literally.
if you were being ironic it was lost on me; but that's one of the reasons why I don't like how someone's text on the internet can be taken a billion different ways from the way the original writer intended it to be taken.

[LouiseBrookslover]

Oh, I don't blame you for taking it literally. I don't really care if anyone does or not. This whole subject of bisexuality being a safe place for the closeted pisses me off more than just about any other subject, and I do admit that I would probably use some form of that statement with quite a straight face (yes, in person) if a gay person made that slur at me first. I'm usually a very sweet person, but I tend to reach for the sharpest, nastiest weapon available if I intend to wound.

[Tynary]

I can be very sensitive. When straight people act homophobic or biphobic it deeply hurts me and when gays say I'm either a sluty desperste stright or gay and in denial I wish I could show them how much they make me cry.
One of my friends said today he doesn't approve of gays but he is ok (he supposes ) with bi people and by that he means mostly bi women whuch means mostly just me.
Hes just playing tho hes really a darling open minded guy but others r truly like that.
I hate the way most straights and alot of gays see me. I'm not just confused :confused: about it but like most bisexuals are I'm deeply hurt about it. It really upsets me, hurts my feelings and makes me cry and I'd wish they'd stop and love me. I would like a boy who loves me for me and a girl who thinks the same. I feel very alone. What can we do to change the world? and what can we do to stop people hurying our feelings so? *sigh* :three: :flag3: :flag4: :angel: :smirlove2 :bipride: