Hubby wants me to do a 3some...

[Fyrstar]

I don't really want to, but can't help being curious.

I don't want another guy, unless I'm single, and I prefer only one guy. I guess I could try it once, but I'm extremely reluctant.

I just paid $60 to get my dog out of the SPCA, and I lost my job due to a theiving manager, so I said I would do it (in other words, I volunteered). How desperate was I to get my dog back? LOL! I said I would do it, even though I don't know if I really want to. I guess part of me does, but the other part of me says hell no.

So should I listen to the part that does?

[Herbwoman39]

Don't let him badger you into doing something you don't want to do. It can only lead to regret and repressed anger. No means no. When you take away someone's right to refuse you take away their ability to choose for themselves.

This is your body. If you don't want someone else fiddling with it, you have EVERY right to refuse to participate.

[Clp-in-Florida]

I agree with Herbwoman39...don't let anyone badger you into doing anything you don't want to do. No one has power over making you do anything but you. Part of freedom is free will and you have the freedom and free will to choose not to participate...

[Fyrstar]

Well, like I said, I am curious. I just don't know how I would react if I was to actually be confronted with such a situation.

I can't say it will happen, and I can't say it won't. I just know I'm absolutely terrified of the idea, for some strange reason. I'm not against change, and I'm not anti-gay or bi, but I'm curious how I would be with two men, though I don't want to do it. Fantasy, I guess. The way I see it, if I actually do it, it's no longer a fantasy, so what do I have to fantasize about? I don't mind so much him with another woman, since she would be pleasing him, but I'm not sure I like that idea, either. I just know I don't do the things with him he wants me to and I can't satisfy him because of that. It's become a major barrier between us, and I want to try to fix the problem. I figure maybe if I do it once, he won't like it as much as he says, and won't want to do it again. Then again, I may like it and want to do it again, but I just don't know, and I'm very confused about it all.

[Azrael]

Only you know what's right for you. That said, you don't sound particularly enthusiastic about it. Apprehensive, I daresay. Don't let yourself be dragged into something like that just so your man can get his rocks off. It'll make you feel like shit about yourself.

[Clp-in-Florida]

Well, like I said, I am curious. I just don't know how I would react if I was to actually be confronted with such a situation.

I can't say it will happen, and I can't say it won't. I just know I'm absolutely terrified of the idea, for some strange reason. I'm not against change, and I'm not anti-gay or bi, but I'm curious how I would be with two men, though I don't want to do it. Fantasy, I guess. The way I see it, if I actually do it, it's no longer a fantasy, so what do I have to fantasize about? I don't mind so much him with another woman, since she would be pleasing him, but I'm not sure I like that idea, either. I just know I don't do the things with him he wants me to and I can't satisfy him because of that. It's become a major barrier between us, and I want to try to fix the problem. I figure maybe if I do it once, he won't like it as much as he says, and won't want to do it again. Then again, I may like it and want to do it again, but I just don't know, and I'm very confused about it all.
Well I would say that you guys need to work first on your sexual relationship before bringing in a third party. You are hoping he won't like it if you do it but what if he ends up really liking it and you end up really hating it. The thing about most(not all) fantasies is that somewhere inside you want them to come to life...make sense...I hope I did.

Debbie

[anne27]

I am of the opinion that you should NEVER do something that can affect your body, mind, and well being just for someone else.

When you are sure YOU want it, do it. 'Til then, it's a terrific fantasy ;).

Best of luck, however you decide!

[TashaSW]

My problem with threesomes is, you NEVER know what will happen durning the "play time"... if you don't want to but are curious.... how do you know you might not get jealous durning the moment?
Unexpected feelings can arise and cause serious problems. This is something you REALLY must think about and talk about before doing anything.

Say what if you pause for a minute and just happen to look at your husband with the other guy or girl..... you may not be a jealous person BUT you could easily not like what you see and become bothered then you'll get miserable.

Threesomes might be fun for some people but its not for everyone especially if you don't want to.... you might be curious which is fine.... everyone gets curious about something but in a case like this ONLY DO IT IF YOU WANT TO... not cause your husband wants to or someone else.

I also think some things are best to be left as a fantasy :-)

Tasha

[Mrs.F]

Most times fantasy is better then the real thing. And when your fantasy becomes real and it was not what you thought and you then regret it.... :rolleyes: Not to say that people don't enjoy it but if you really don't want to or don't feel ready to, then wait till you are more comfortable with it. Don't let anyone push you into it. I've thought about it alot myself but I know that deep down, even though I am open to the idea someday..I'm not ready now!

[CountryLover]

Rule number one of threesome play - Your primary relationship has to be VERY strong, VERY healthy.

Rule number two of threesome play - No means NO!

From what you're saying here, you're not in good shape with either rule. Your primary relationship needs work FIRST, and he needs to respect your limits, as you grow to understand them.

When and if you ever meet those two criteria, then you can start considering moresome play. Til then, I strongly recommend you don't do something that will irreparably tear the fabric of your relationship and cause you emotional trauma besides.

Personally, I LOVE, ADORE threesomes, particularly of the two men/one woman variety. But....until you're ready for them, don't DO them - you can't undo it.

[jazzer]

We had our first MMF threesome when we were 59 years old. Until then we had 32 years of very happy married life and brought up three children. We were very commited to each other and we never strayed outside our marriage. On my instigation, I talked my wife into looking for a couple to have a foursome with and swap partners. We went on the internet and couldn't find a couple we liked but was contacted by a nice guy who was desperate to try a threesome with us. He told us his wife had given up on sex and was not only keen to be with a woman, but was bicurious and would love to try oral sex with a guy, but with a woman present. We decided to give it a go and loved it. My wife discovered that she was really turned on seeing men playing with and sucking each other and loved the extra pleasure she derived from having another man present.
We still enjoy an occasional MMF threesome but mainly have couples as social as well as sexual friends now.
Basically what I am saying here is our sexual adventures began because both of us wanted to try them and they only occurred after many years of a loving relationship that my wife and I had together. Just be careful because sex with other people with your partner's knowledge or presence can unlock deep emotions in people. Sharing your partner is not like sharing an apple. Please give your sexual plans some thoughtful consideration and discuss them fully with your partner, before you embark on an adventure that may end in disaster.
If you do decide to move to a MMF threesome I hope you have as much fun with them as we have had.
:) :2cents:

[Fyrstar]

Well, we talked it over, and I'm willing to do it, so long as I can call it off if I'm not comfortable with it. As long as that rule is in place, then I'm willing to try it. It may not happen anytime soon, and it may happen in the next couple months. No telling. As long as I get to call the shots, then I'll be willing to try it once.

[bithonglover]

I agree with most of the other respondents. Only do this if you wholeheartedly want to do it. If you are less than 100% sure about it don't do it. Communication is key and if you are to do it then discuss limits beforehand...
Good luck ;)

[csrakate]

I just paid $60 to get my dog out of the SPCA, and I lost my job due to a theiving manager, so I said I would do it (in other words, I volunteered). How desperate was I to get my dog back? LOL! I said I would do it, even though I don't know if I really want to. I guess part of me does, but the other part of me says hell no.

So should I listen to the part that does?

I have no issues with married couples who desire to have threesomes...as long as both of them desire such an arrangement....that is their business. But I'm sorry...for your husband to take advantage of his wife's desperate plea to get $60 to save her dog's life sends up a red flag for me. As I said in another post, playing games within a marriage only leads to trouble...and this is one hell of a game with a very one-sided payoff! It is certainly quite possible that you may enjoy expanding this side of your marriage by exploring such possibilities, so the pay off may be mutually satisfying...but you sound so hesitant that I honestly don't believe that you are ready to take this step and certainly not under these circumstances. It should be something that the two of you decide together...with no strings attached and certainly not in exchange for favors.

I certainly hope you give this a little more thought before you move ahead with these plans. And frankly, I am a bit dismayed that your husband would accept your offer to perform this act for money...you are his wife...not his prostitute. And believe me, your self esteem and well-being are worth far more than $60!!!



Hugs,
Kate

[Spicy]

My advice to you is that if you do not want to do something say NO and that's that, because if you do it, it could make you very angry and bitter inside which will lead to disaster sometime with all that anger and bitterness inside of you. Stand up for yourself.
I wish you well and goodluck.

Spicy

[Fyrstar]

Well, I have been reading some of the replies, and I have to say that the majority are blaming this on my husband, which is not the case.

He brought up this fantasy of his awhile ago, then dropped it when I told him that I didn't want to do it.

I suggested to him that I wanted to do it, not only because I just wanted to get this dog back, but because I thought about it and decided that I was at least 3/4 interested in it. Before, I was only 1/1000th curious.

I suppose that my OP was flawed after re-reading it: I said that Hubby wanted me to do it, but after thinking about it, I should've labelled the post I asked hubby to do it.

One person suggested that my hubby was using me as his prostitute... I might agree with them if my husband had said, "You can get your dog back if you do a threesome." He didn't. He didn't even suggest it. I did AFTER I got the dog back.

After all, the reason he didnt want the dog back was because it pooped/peed all over the house for 5 months with no inclination shown to be potty trained. He had gotten used to not stepping in dog poo or a wet spot on the carpet after the dog had been gone for a week, and did not want the dog back again.

I decided to get the dog back, against his express wishes, with the intention of keeping it outside fulltime.

So please, stop judging my husband badly. I made the suggestion. I've read some awful flames about him in this post, from him using me as a prostitute to myself being dragged into this so he can get his rocks off.

For a clarification, I suppose I should reiterate the question of that rambling first post of mine:

Should I listen to the part that wants to? Tell me stories of what it was like for you=D I'm sorry for the misleading post. This is my first time posting, and I'm nervous.

[csrakate]

I am sorry if I came off sounding as if I was attacking your husband but your post DID make it sound as though it was a result of your wanting to get your dog back. That is why I said he was treating you like a prostitute. I was only worried about the effect that this might have on you. Now that you have cleared up the confusion, I take it all back and my apologies to your hubby. I will add, however, that the fact that you did say say something to him about having a threesome after spending money to get the dog back still sounds as if you are trying to repay a favor...that you feel as if you owe him something because you spent the money. Call me wrong if you wish but if that has nothing to do with anything...why did you mention it? You have to admit that it would have been less confusing if you had left the part about the dog out. LOL! And really...all I am trying to tell you is to make sure YOU want to do this because it interests you. Never do anything to "repay a debt" and never do it because you are trying to "fix things"...that's all! Do it because you want to share this experience with your hubby and because you think it will enhance an already stable and healthy relationship.

Please don't be offended by anyone's remarks...they were made because you sounded as if you were being forced to do something you did want to do and because we care enough to support you if you decided this was NOT something that you wanted. No harm meant and certainly never meant to insult you.

I would encourage you to continue to discuss this with your hubby, to be open and honest about your fears and hesitations and very clear about your limitations.

Hugs,
Kate

[Herbwoman39]

Should I listen to the part that wants to? Tell me stories of what it was like for you=D I'm sorry for the misleading post. This is my first time posting, and I'm nervous.

You should listen to the part of you that wants to ONLY IF you set ground rules ahead of time. Make sure all parties involved are aware of the ground rules. The three of you should probably go out for dinner and talk it all through before you go through with the actual act.

Remember that YOU are in control and if at any point you feel uncomfortable you can either change the rules or call it off completely.