How to get over the hump?

[Darlo]

I recently turned 40 and the desire to suck cock has just become ridiculous. I've been bi-curious my whole life but I have never acted on it.

With women, I love everything about them. Their face, their smell, their pussy, their ass, their breasts, emotionally, romantically, kissing, the full Monte. I check out their gorgeous bodies while in public like any other straight/bi-sexual guy. I love eating pussy.

With men, it's cock only. The sight of a beautiful cock and balls drives me insane. I think anal sex is quite gross (even with women), I have no emotional or romantic attraction to men. I certainly don't want to kiss them, I don't check them out in public, I don't want to date them.

In my research, since my #1 desire with a woman is to eat pussy and my #1 desire with a man is to suck dick, I think I may have an oral fetish. I think this oral fetish is even stronger with men. Eating pussy is nice, but you have limited equipment to work with. With men, a cock and balls is obviously more to work with. With men, it is also 100% known when they orgasm.

So I've been masturbating to the thought of sucking dick for my whole life. Even when I am in a relationship with a woman. I like having sex with women, but when it is not occurring, fantasizing about cock is what I masturbate to more often. It's almost like it uses a different part of my brain for arousal. With women, it's this sensual "natural" passion type sex. Thinking about sucking cock, it's this primal; almost "unnatural - dirty boy" overwhelming arousal. It's been getting stronger as I've gotten older (I read it does).

I am not seeing anyone at the moment and I can still easily masturbate to thinking about women. But my go-to now is images/videos of cock. Thinking about cock gets me harder faster and the orgasms may even be better. I think my brains dopamine/oxytocin hit is slightly higher when thinking about cock.

So who has been through something similar? How did you get over the hump and just do it? Did anyone have any regrets?

I think a few thinks inhibiting me are:

1. I've tasted my own cum before and don't care for the taste. I've had no complaints from women on the front as I am pretty healthy. I know tasting/swallowing another mans load is probably different when I am still 100% aroused instead of forcing myself right after cumming. I'm just wondering if I would end up hating/regretting the experience and finding out I'm not really bi-sexual and it's been a sham this whole time.

2. Worried about STD's of course. I know the chances of getting HIV are extremely small, but it's still above zero. I know some people use condoms for oral sex, but to me that defeats the purpose. The huge amount of arousal comes from wanting to taste the dick/balls, pre-cum and cum.

3. The fear of "what if I like it too much". I love it so much my desire for women decreases and all I crave is cock. And different cock. And frequent cock, which all raises risk.

4. I'm not one of those "all cock is beautiful" kinda guys. I'm quite picky (not to toot my own horn, but I have a decent looking/sized cock). For me to suck a guys cock, I basically have to see it first. I am not interested in sucking small dicks or overweight men etc. This really limits the availability/opportunity and increases the amount of work to find a suitable cock. I'm not trying to sound elitist or anything, just the way it is. What if I get propositioned in person or do the propositioning and I pull down his pants/underwear and I'm not attracted to what I see? That would be EXTREMELY awkward.

5. After I masturbate and cum, the desire largely vanishes until the next time. Although lately, if I masturbate thinking about a nice cock its been lasting more and more on my thoughts after I've cum. I'll go do something and for the next half hour thinking about that dick in my mouth keeps distracting me. Thoughts like: worshiping a guys bulge, pulling down his underwear revealing that cock in my face for the first time, inhaling his crotch scent as I suck on his balls and he starts to get hard, transitioning to his cock and feeling it get hard in my mouth, tasting his shaft move back and forth as his cock head rubs up against the back of my throat, tasting his pre-cum, holding on to his ass cheeks and balls as I move my head back and forth stroking his cock, feeling his pulse/bounce of his cock in my mouth, noticing his cock stiffen and slightly enlarge in my mouth as his balls start to release his cum, the contraction and pulsating of his dick as his cum shoots out and hits the back of my throat, swallowing to keep up with the flow as I feel him twitch, keeping enough in my mouth to savor, pulling him closer to ensure he doesn't pull out of my mouth as his cock starts to soften, sucking every drop of cum out of that beautiful dick as it goes flaccid, leaving none behind besides a gorgeous clean soft dick. Ok I just got hard writing that.

5. The mental/natural aspect. Why would a man who loves sex and relationships with women, who is in a macho male profession, want to get down on his knees and swallow the cum of another man? Is there something unnatural about it? Is it a mental issue? Is sucking dick being unnatural/risky part of the appeal? Is it since I have a place of leadership in a male job; it's a chance for me to be submissive? Is the exchange of bodily fluids with another man extremely intimate? To me tasting and swallowing another mans cum is the most intimate sexual act two people can do. More-so than eating pussy, fucking pussy, anal sex. One man is literally ingesting the semen stored in another mans balls, which in essence becomes part of the guy doing the sucking. And that has crazy appeal for me, being the most intimate/primal sexual act.

7. I think about things logically WAY too much. I think maybe that has come out in this post. :bigrin:

So how would you guys proceed to get over that hump? I'm to the point where the desire is unrelenting. The logical side of me says it's too risky, there are too many negatives. The emotional side of me says "you only live once", am I really going to live with this insane desire and only masturbate to men and only have sex with women for the rest of my life?

Should I start off by giving a guy a hand-job? Should I tell him I am not interested in anal sex? What venue would you guys recommend to find another bi-sexual man to experiment with? I've been on Adam4Adam and squirt.org many times (you can usually see a guys dick before hand), set up encounters but have always backed out. Those sites mainly have full gay men and I have a mental aversion to sucking a guys cock that could have possibly been used to bare-back another man. I'll probably try Grinder next but once again mainly full gays and you can't see a guys dick before chatting.

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated!

[KDaddy23]

1. When they say its an acquired taste, it's not a joke and there's a big science lesson about taste and consistency that I won't bore you with but some guys do learn that swallowing ain't for them - so they don't swallow, they spit it out or just don't take it in their mouth at all.

2. Everyone worries about this which is why you do all the due diligence you can about a guy to find out his health status and where his dick has been. My method, that has allowed me to avoid such things, is that when in doubt, don't do it.

3. It's a common fear, believe it or not; if you like it too much, exert some discipline so that you don't get too carried away with wanting to do it - and for some guys, it's not easy; the first time you suck a cock, find it's everything you thought it would be and more, you just wanna suck cock at every turn - also kinda normal, I'd say. The good part is if that happens, you'll get over it eventually and settle down with it.

4. Most men have a preference in this so you're in good company - don't worry about it but some guys with specific preference sometimes discover that a dick is a dick and any dick can be sucked.

5. Also a common "ailment" of most men - it's call the refractory period of sex where once you ejaculate, it's usually game over until it passes, which could be as short as a few minutes or as long as days and depending on the guy. It happens and doesn't mean anything other than your body is working as it's supposed to.

6. Why would a man who loves sex with women suck cock? Um, because it's pretty damned exciting and normal despite what you've been told about it. Obviously it's pretty normal since so many guys love to suck cock but, yeah, it might feel abnormal until you do it.

7. A lot of guys overthink this - once again, pretty normal but what it usually tends to do is make guys not do it at all since overthinking tends to make one think of every imaginable - and unimaginable - thing that could go wrong or creating scenarios in their minds that can't be made real, so overthinking winds up working against the guy who is very eager to suck cock for the first time.

I've been sucking cock since I was nine so I actually don't have any experience getting over the hump - but I've sucked a lot of guys so they can experience so I do know something about it and getting over the hump is a matter of not being afraid of the things you mentioned. It's not as easy as "You just do it!" because it sounds like fun... until there's a dick in your face... and then it gets very real - but some guys really do say, "Fuck it!" and just go for it. The "bad" part is you won't know until it's your turn and moment.

Starting out. Some guys take "baby steps" and ease into this via hand jobs then "graduate" to sucking and some guys bypass this and get right to sucking. You're allowed to want what you want and nothing more than that so if all you want to do is suck cock and avoid anal, fine, and any guy who doesn't like it just won't like it and, of course, one should never allow themselves to be pressured into doing anything they don't want to do. Finding the "right guy" to start your journey? That depends on a lot of factors including any preferences you've already set up in your mind that will disqualify guys so the harder you make it for yourself, the harder it will be finding someone. Bi guys are literally everywhere and there are a lot of gay men who don't care that we're bi. Sure, with any guy, you should be concerned about where his dick has been but I gotta tell you something that some guys might not agree with: If a guy has had his cock in someone's ass and you think that's an issue, so is every guy who had has his cock in pussy - but that's another science lesson I'm not gonna bore you with. When in doubt, don't do it or use condoms, something many of us ain't fans of but it's the next safest option behind not doing it at all. Trust, but verify.

Sex is risky business and always has been and in this, if you're unwilling to accept the risks, then do nothing. Like I said, I've been sucking dick since I was nine and today I'm 64... and I have never caught anything nasty. Having said that, your results will depend on how careful you are when selecting a dick to suck but, honestly, nothing about sex is risk-free except, again, not ever having it. Just my forty-five cents worth and I'm sure other guys will have their own thoughts for you to consider.

[Darlo]

KDaddy23, thanks for the thorough and insightful reply. You seem to be a pro on this subject! Open for anyone:

1. Have many bi men not liked the taste of their own semen but then enjoyed the cum of another man? I'd imagine the state of the sucker (who hasn't came yet and is fully aroused) would greatly affect this. The thought of tasting ANOTHER mans cum is what gets me the most aroused. IE:Have many bi men started off disliking other men's cum and then learned to like it?

2. Very good advice. I think one large part of comfort would be to experiment with another bi guy. Not implying that all gay men have a disease or anything, but I do believe the risk is higher with a pure gay man. Bare-backing being by far the greatest risk factor.

3. Ya I think you are right. Maybe I could find a clean "Friend with benefits" to lower the risk.

4. Good to know. The last thing I'd want is to hurt someone feelings. Have you or anyone else gotten into a situation where you weren't attracted to a particulars guys cock and backed out? How did you do it?

5. With this "ailment", it seems to be much more prevalent after cumming thinking about cock versus thinking about pussy. I don't know if it's just a mental thing or what.

6. Ya I know it's normal and I have to keep telling myself that. Having read many studies, I believe there are a LOT more bi-sexual or bi-curious "straight" men. I'd put money on the vast majority of men having thought about what it would be like to suck another mans cock. I didn't choose to find cocks arousing, it chose me! Plus it's not a bad thing to have 100% of the population as a possible sexual interest versus half. I think it is really simple; I see another guys nice bulge in the locker room and I get an erection automatically. Pretty straight forward.

7. You are so right. I think I have to stop analyzing things and just do it. Then decide on how to proceed. I keep telling myself that women and men suck dick all over the world millions of times per day, what's the big deal? Why can't I join in?

As for the hand-job baby step, I don't know if that would work very well for myself. I've fantasized and have orgasm'd to the thought of sucking cock thousands of times for decades. I'm like 99% sure if I had a nice cock in my face I'd suck it. Maybe not swallow the first time... I've thought about the first time so many times I get nervous just thinking about it. I think my heart would be racing when it finally came time to actually go through with it.

I know bi-guys are everywhere, it's just that finding one to have sex with you is the problem. You can't really just ask random men if you could suck their dick unless you want constant black eyes. And almost everything online when it comes to dick sucking is full gay sites. I guess I am looking for a "bi-hookup" site. I'll probably just end up sucking a gay guys dick as it's so much easier to facilitate. It is true that having a dick in a lot of pussy can lead to a lot of STD's. But I'd definitely say a dick that goes in pussy or just gets sucked is still a lot less risky that sucking a dick that bare-backs other guys frequently.

Have any bi guys had success on Adam4Adam or Squirt.org? In the past I've had some encounters scheduled but usually would get so aroused in anticipation I'd masturbate and lose the will to go through with it. From what I've seen online, a lot of gay guys would love the chance to "pop the cherry" on a straight/bi guy with a decent body.

[zbi73]

I went through something similar in a manor of speaking. I had been bicurious for much of my life too and as I aged the desire got stronger to the point that I had to face facts, I was bisexual, I always have been. I'm not saying this is the case for you though. I got to stage where thinking, denying, rationalising and suppressing it was taking more effort and time than I was prepared to give it.


1. I think a few men experience this. When I'm horny, swallowing seems the obvious thing to do, but once I ejaculate the desire is gone. If it were in the act then it would probably go straight down but I'm not that flexible (I've tried) but I believe this would be the case for other men too, if I'm still horny then.... The thing is I don't actually mind the taste of my semen (forced myself) but it's the loss of desire that's hard to get past. I like the taste of my precum and that goes down more often than not.


3. I believe if you like it you'll find a balance between the two, you'll just have the best of both worlds.


4. You're not alone, many have preferences and like you, I'm a fussy bugger but I don't just stop with the cock and balls with my fusiness :P


5. Common as salt I would say but the desire always returns doesn't it? As long as you don't feel ashamed/guilt once you cum I don't see an issue, it's normal.


6. Sexuality is a complex subject. I believe far many more people have same sex tendencies than let on due to the social stigma surrounding it. I believe it's as natural as sex with women, it's simply pleasuring someone, does the gender matter?


Unfortunately I can't tell you how to get over the hump, it's an individual thing and I've still not taken the plunge but I no longer have doubts or are afraid of enjoying it, I know I will when it happens.

[KDaddy23]

1. A lot of guys find it damned near impossible to taste their own stuff - that refraction thing I mentioned. Some have and they liked the way their stuff tastes (I know I love the way mine does) and some are like, yuck, ew - my shit tastes horrible... but another guy's cum tastes like ambrosia. Like I said, there's a science lesson in this and you can PM me if you really wanna know.

2. Risk assessment is iffy at best and we do tend to go with the thought that gay men present the greatest risk factors... but are they really? Depends on who's providing the information and more so when it's currently being contended that bi guys are the biggest risk.

4. For the longest time, I would not suck an uncut dick for any reason and, without any offense to uncut guys, they were just visually unappetizing and scary-looking. But then I "screwed up" and wound up sucking an uncut dick... and realized that I was letting my sense of aesthetics get in the way of the pleasure of sucking dick. Do I still think they're fugly? Yeah, I do... but I don't let that bother me and I'm not of a mind to turn a guy down because I don't like the way his dick looks - unless it looks like there's something wrong with it. You'd have to know what it feels like to get dissed because the other person didn't like something about your dick to really understand why you shouldn't diss someone for those reasons and, again, admittedly, it's a lesson I learned the hard way so, yeah, I'd rather that new guys not learn that lesson.

5. The refraction period, while being a physical thing, is also one of those things that we don't pay much attention to when we're getting pussy although some guys are kinda aware that they have great desire to wreck shop on girlfriend's coochie "all night long," bust a nut and, eh, okay, that's fine if we don't go again... but it is that thing that while our minds are saying, "Let's hit it again!" our bodies are ready for a nap... or anything that has nothing to do with having sex. A lot of guys do feel it more when they masturbate and while it doesn't affect all men in the exact same way, sometimes it doesn't affect the same guy in the same way and no matter how he got his nuts busted so, yeah, there's a mental aspect to this that really can't be explained all that well just like it's not easily explained why there are guys who are less affected by this and guys who are devastated to hell and back by it.

Again, another science lesson in how the male body works.

Baby steps. Well, guys take them, plan to take them and some guys stick to just hand jobs... and most guys find that it's nice to have another guy's dick in hand... but they just gotta suck it and many say they're compelled to suck it even when that's not the plan they had in mind. Having said that, cock sucking is some scary shit - but not for the reason you might think. It always sounds like a great idea... until, as I mentioned, there's a cock right there waiting for you to suck it. I call it "the moment of truth" because this is the moment you will find out if you can do that shit you were thinking about... and some guys find that they can't; all of a sudden, it doesn't sound like that great of an idea but not to worry - it happens and it's my belief there's no shame in not being able to do it (although some might disagree). I know I've given guys their first time and they've made it clear that swallowing cum isn't what they're gonna do. I've accepted this and I know to warn them and I've warned them... and they've kept right on going until I've cum. They've either spit it out - which is allowed - or they've swallowed it and now it's about acquiring the taste as well as the consistency, too.

Some like it right off the bat, some don't... but later get to liking it. The "bad" part, again, is that you won't know how you're gonna react to it until a guy cums in your mouth and if you're gonna allow it at all.

Anticipation. I would suggest, if I may, that if you're on an app or site and you get aroused enough to go for it, um, don't jerk off - the refractory period is almost guaranteed to take you right out of the game and make sucking a dick feel like the most wrong thing to want to do... when it was an amazing idea before you jerked off. Many of us - and myself included - have had to learn that if the other guy makes us cum first, don't let it take you out of the game so much and it's not an easy thing to do. You can't really ignore the very yucky feeling but you can teach yourself to remain focused to get the other guy off - and while being very aware that if, by chance, you're looking to have your dick sucked, the moment you make him cum, he's in the refractory period and may not be able to continue - the much-dreaded "blow and go" that's heard of and despised by many.

I've had good encounters on A4A and, sure, who doesn't want to be the guy who takes another guy's oral cherry? I personally find doing so to be a great honor and one I take very damned seriously because if I don't do right by him, I could cause irreparable damage to him and I've seen a lot of guys get traumatized because the other guy didn't do their best to make it a pleasurable first time. I also learned that the guy having a "decent body" doesn't mean a damned thing... but his desire to allow me to show him something like this means everything... but that's me. Does his dick work? Is it clean and healthy? Does he want me to be the first man to suck him off or be the first guy he's ever sucked, off or otherwise? End of the day, that's what's more important to me than anything else about the guy looking to take that first big step into the unknown...

And, yeah, I know a little somethin'-somethin' about it and my innate curiosity has allowed me to learn a lot of shit about sucking dick.

[julyguybill]

When I was in my mid 30s I had the very same desires as you feel like you do . The desires became more and more finally I went to a public park known for men hooking up. Then one day I met a guy and received a blow Job from him .Of course I felt guilty but in a week or so.I needed another one .After a few months of receiving oral sex I decided I needed to reciprocate with a nice guy and I did .At first I did not swallow. Before long I did swallow and it's really not bad. Actually when you are giving a guy oral sex and you like the guy it's kind of hot to swallow his cum while looking into his eyes.I found I really enjoy sucking guys and have now years later given many guys head. I about 3and half years ago I met a guy and during the last 3 years I have sucked him to completion over and over and swallowing his cum many times at least 100 times. So be careful what you do you may like it and not want to stop

[Mmpmm]

Although a bit repetitive and sometimes long winded, I can certainly identify with a lot of the thoughts in this thread.

[Grant_Norman]

4 years back I was real horny to suck and just jumped in...sucked 4 nice cocks in one week

[GTS67]

This seems to be a well thought out post and although I too have yet to explore my bi desires and thus haven't gotten over the hump, I thought I'd add my thoughts on your comments.

1. I too have tasted my own semen a few times and although it's something that I wouldn't crave, such as a chocolate eclair, I didn't mind it. Yes, once ejaculating the desire to eat my semen disappears but I wonder too if performing oral on a guy and being aroused would be a whole different experience than eating my own after ejaculating and in the refractory period.

2. Yes, STD's are a big concern for me, especially at my age and having been lucky and never had to deal with them all these years. Of course I've never been into casual sex which helps some. Anal sex doesn't interest me but I too think about oral and experiencing the complete experience of oral sex, including ejaculating in my mouth, so am concerned about the risk factor there.

3. I don't think I'd be too worried about liking it too much as I feel most of my sexual, emotional, romantic needs can only be met through women. I might like and enjoy MM sex but I don't think it would be a steady diet.

4. I guess I've never really thought about what a guys penis looks like as far as being attractive or not but I'm sure some guys do think about this. I suppose I'd only really know until I'm in that situation, but I can see your concern about feeling awkward if the guys penis is not appealing to you. The shoe on the other foot would be what if they thought your cock was unattractive? That would be awkward too.

5.1 I too masturbate fantasizing that it's a guy masturbating me but once I climax then the fantasy is over and I don't think about it anymore and for the most part when I do masturbate it is just enjoying the various stages of arousal and trying to prolong the orgasm and not fantasizing about men or women. Maybe I'm too much of a realist to fantasize about sucking a cock when there's nothing in my mouth??

5.2 This is an interesting point. I do think there is a certain amount of primal instinct for both men and women to give/receive pleasure from the same gender as well as to the opposite gender but that through the ages humans have 'refined' sex to procreation and for social, religious reasons. I think there is a great sens intimacy whether it is performing oral on a woman or a man as you are so close to the source of their sexuality. With MM sex there is also the factor of semen as integral to what makes us males and sharing this with another male is natural to a type of male bonding? One thing I don't see much of is how men would feel about a guy eating their cum and would it have any meaing other than 'boy, that felt good'? Is there meaning to ingesting another man's semen/sperm that women might not understand, or for that matter do most men if think about this themselves.

[Darlo]

This seems to be a well thought out post and although I too have yet to explore my bi desires and thus haven't gotten over the hump, I thought I'd add my thoughts on your comments.

1. I too have tasted my own semen a few times and although it's something that I wouldn't crave, such as a chocolate eclair, I didn't mind it. Yes, once ejaculating the desire to eat my semen disappears but I wonder too if performing oral on a guy and being aroused would be a whole different experience than eating my own after ejaculating and in the refractory period.

Ya this is one reason I think that has been a huge barrier to me sucking another guys dick. Why do I dislike the taste of my own semen so much? How can I simultaneously feel grossed out about tasting another mans cum yet find it one of the most desirable things in the world that I think of very often? As a very logical person, I cannot wrap my head around this. It's almost as if when I'm aroused, logic is blocked from my brain and I need to taste another mans cum so bad my heart actually races with desire. And then it feels so weird to desire something so much and then not go through with it.

2. Yes, STD's are a big concern for me, especially at my age and having been lucky and never had to deal with them all these years. Of course I've never been into casual sex which helps some. Anal sex doesn't interest me but I too think about oral and experiencing the complete experience of oral sex, including ejaculating in my mouth, so am concerned about the risk factor there.

Ya I think I am too concerned with STD risk and just need to get over it. The chance of getting HIV etc by sucking dick is so low, yet it's instantly what pops into my head as soon as I come and the refractory period hits me in the face like a ton of bricks.

3. I don't think I'd be too worried about liking it too much as I feel most of my sexual, emotional, romantic needs can only be met through women. I might like and enjoy MM sex but I don't think it would be a steady diet.

Interesting. But as a single guy, dating is so hard these days and finding an attractive single woman to date is near impossible in my area. And being extremely bi-curious, with available cock in the area, once again makes me scratch my head why I just don't do it so satisfy my constant sexual urges. Having turned 41, my sexual desires are still extremely high.

4. I guess I've never really thought about what a guys penis looks like as far as being attractive or not but I'm sure some guys do think about this. I suppose I'd only really know until I'm in that situation, but I can see your concern about feeling awkward if the guys penis is not appealing to you. The shoe on the other foot would be what if they thought your cock was unattractive? That would be awkward too.

Ya that is one of my requirements; I have to see a pic of the guys penis first as I only find some attractive. So that is one more barrier I have to work through while searching online, with only limited sites allowing "dick pics". I've never really considered trying to hookup with a random guy in public because what if I didn't like his dick. Maybe if I saw it first in locker-room or bathroom first that would be different.

5.1 I too masturbate fantasizing that it's a guy masturbating me but once I climax then the fantasy is over and I don't think about it anymore and for the most part when I do masturbate it is just enjoying the various stages of arousal and trying to prolong the orgasm and not fantasizing about men or women. Maybe I'm too much of a realist to fantasize about sucking a cock when there's nothing in my mouth??

5.2 This is an interesting point. I do think there is a certain amount of primal instinct for both men and women to give/receive pleasure from the same gender as well as to the opposite gender but that through the ages humans have 'refined' sex to procreation and for social, religious reasons. I think there is a great sens intimacy whether it is performing oral on a woman or a man as you are so close to the source of their sexuality. With MM sex there is also the factor of semen as integral to what makes us males and sharing this with another male is natural to a type of male bonding? One thing I don't see much of is how men would feel about a guy eating their cum and would it have any meaing other than 'boy, that felt good'? Is there meaning to ingesting another man's semen/sperm that women might not understand, or for that matter do most men if think about this themselves.

Ya it's weird in that, I love eating pussy but I don't get the sense like "oh now her pussy juice is inside me/part of me". But with a man it's totally different; I explicitly want to work to get his load of cum that is stored in his balls shot into my mouth. I find balls a massive turn on and constantly fantasize about a guy resting his hard cock on my face while I lick and suck on his balls. For me, there is that male bond you get, more like a physical bond, when the guy you are sucking has intense pleasure during release, knowing that you did that, and you accepted his cum, no you desired his cum, no you begged for his cum to enter your body.

As the original poster almost two years ago, it's crazy I still haven't done it. I got into the rhythm that masturbating to sucking cock fantasies was "enough", but with no girlfriend now and not much prospects of attractive females to date around here I've been thinking hard about trying again to suck a real dick. I've noticed as I've gotten older, the "disgust/refractory" period has been getting shorter when it comes to cumming to the thought of sucking dick. I can masturbate now to the fantasy of sucking cock and be thinking about cock again pretty damn soon afterwards. Looks like I will hop back on A4A and search for someone to let them be my first dick.

[KDaddy23]

"Ya it's weird in that, I love eating pussy but I don't get the sense like "oh now her pussy juice is inside me/part of me"."

Most guys don't ever think about that but lose their shit thinking about getting a mouthful of sperm. I mean, really - what's different? We go down on women and with the thought of making them cum (and if they squirt, so much the better) so to that end, working on him and enticing him to cum isn't really all that different since either way, some work has to be done to get them to do what you'd love for them to do. How you go about getting him to give up his load is up to you... but if you're fearful about it, guess what you're not going to be doing? Most guys, I've found, make this harder than it has to be and that's rather normal right up to the moment a guy starts wondering why he's not able to suck any dick and find that it's not the other guys who are the problem - it's themselves; they've made it hard for them to do and then, my goodness, toss in the risk of catching something and they're not sucking any dick... but these same guys will go down on a woman and without a single thought of what they might catch from her... and even if you know her like the back of your hand.

It seems different... and, at a high level, it isn't; the only difference are those between pussies and dicks - duh, right? You assume just as much risk eating pussy as you do sucking dick and more so when women can have some things going on with them and have no symptoms at all. So, considering this, being unafraid of eating pussy - but being very fearful of sucking dick - well, does it really make a whole lot of sense? Being careful about who you go down on makes a whole lot of sense and of the common variety. But I gotta be truthful with y'all - if you can think of more reasons why you shouldn't suck a dick than you can reasons why you should, you're not going to be sucking dick any time soon... if at all. The harder you make it on yourself, the less likely you're going to be doing anything. Preferences are all well and good but, at best, they should be guidelines more than the unchangeable things guys today have made them. Yes, they are to be respected and you do have the right to have them... but if you're not getting any dick to suck, chances are good it's not the other guy's fault that you're not because you've set the bar so high that few men can reach it.

[KDaddy23]

This seems to be a well thought out post and although I too have yet to explore my bi desires and thus haven't gotten over the hump, I thought I'd add my thoughts on your comments.

1. I too have tasted my own semen a few times and although it's something that I wouldn't crave, such as a chocolate eclair, I didn't mind it. Yes, once ejaculating the desire to eat my semen disappears but I wonder too if performing oral on a guy and being aroused would be a whole different experience than eating my own after ejaculating and in the refractory period.

2. Yes, STD's are a big concern for me, especially at my age and having been lucky and never had to deal with them all these years. Of course I've never been into casual sex which helps some. Anal sex doesn't interest me but I too think about oral and experiencing the complete experience of oral sex, including ejaculating in my mouth, so am concerned about the risk factor there.

3. I don't think I'd be too worried about liking it too much as I feel most of my sexual, emotional, romantic needs can only be met through women. I might like and enjoy MM sex but I don't think it would be a steady diet.

4. I guess I've never really thought about what a guys penis looks like as far as being attractive or not but I'm sure some guys do think about this. I suppose I'd only really know until I'm in that situation, but I can see your concern about feeling awkward if the guys penis is not appealing to you. The shoe on the other foot would be what if they thought your cock was unattractive? That would be awkward too.

5.1 I too masturbate fantasizing that it's a guy masturbating me but once I climax then the fantasy is over and I don't think about it anymore and for the most part when I do masturbate it is just enjoying the various stages of arousal and trying to prolong the orgasm and not fantasizing about men or women. Maybe I'm too much of a realist to fantasize about sucking a cock when there's nothing in my mouth??

5.2 This is an interesting point. I do think there is a certain amount of primal instinct for both men and women to give/receive pleasure from the same gender as well as to the opposite gender but that through the ages humans have 'refined' sex to procreation and for social, religious reasons. I think there is a great sens intimacy whether it is performing oral on a woman or a man as you are so close to the source of their sexuality. With MM sex there is also the factor of semen as integral to what makes us males and sharing this with another male is natural to a type of male bonding? One thing I don't see much of is how men would feel about a guy eating their cum and would it have any meaing other than 'boy, that felt good'? Is there meaning to ingesting another man's semen/sperm that women might not understand, or for that matter do most men if think about this themselves.

2. STDs are a big concern for everyone but, um, there's a lot of fear being injected into this aspect and to the point where a lot of guys just believe that if they suck a dick, they're going to get infected with something. It's possible but not as likely as they'd want us to believe. Again, I point to the fact that I've been sucking dick for decades and never caught anything nasty in my mouth other than bad tasting spunk... and I'm not the only guy who has never caught anything.

3. Never say never and, believe me, I know this from personal experience. Met a guy who met all of the same needs I thought only women were capable of... and it was fucking amazing. But just being "gay?" I have issues with that and issues that I've not been able to get past because as a bisexual, why would I want to limit myself to just men or just women... but I'd not ever discount an emotional connection with a guy, not after having experienced it.

4. Dicks being attractive is eye of the beholder stuff and if you rely on a dick being attractive, you're probably going to be very disappointed since you're paying more attention to what it looks like than you are what you can do to it. Which is why you should never let your eyes make decisions for you in this but that's what a lot of guys do. I think uncut dicks are the ugliest things I've ever seen... but I'll suck one because what I can do to it is more important than what it looks like (unless it looks unhealthy).

5.2. You're reading too much into this, which is normal. We have a primal instinct to have sex and social conditioning defines - not refines - who we can have sex and who we'd better not have sex with which, as it turns out, doesn't mean shit; having sex with a guy can be just as intimate and pleasurable as having sex with a woman if you're thinking what more than who where just having sex is concerned. Who we have it with does mean something; we'd not be of a mind to have sex with someone we didn't like, as an example. Among men, cock sucking is a type of male bonding and always has been. How do I feel about another guy swallowing my cum? Well, yeah, it feels damned good to pump it into his mouth but if he's of a mind to spit it out, okay - it is still an acquired taste and not all spunk tastes the same even with the same guy. Is there a deeper meaning to ingesting another man's sperm? There are cultures who imply that there is. Is it something that women might not understand? I actually don't think so but I understand why they often don't wanna be bothered with it and just do some sucking and stop short of taking his cum... while other women get a great deal of pleasure from swallowing sperm - and you'd have to ask them about that.

The real-deal bottom line is that it's sex - and we love having sex and, as it's been proven, it makes no real difference whether you have it with a man or a woman; anything else is overthinking things and not seeing sex for what it is but trying to make it fit into the way it's supposed to be more than the way it can be.

1. That damned refractionary period is a motherfucker.

[Darlo]

Some good points KDaddy. I think on the STD front; it's the thought process that men who have unprotected anal sex have a way higher chance of transmitting HIV than hetero intercourse.

But the logic train is: You'd have to meet a guy that not only has HIV, he lies about not having it to you, and also able to transmit it through his semen into your mouth and get it absorbed by the receiver. And in my research, if the receiver has no mouth sores and hasn't brushed or flossed recently, it's exceedingly rare possibility to get HIV from said person. All of those things have to line up. But yes, just randomly hooking up with a woman in a bar and the chances of getting HIV are probably the same or not higher than sucking dick and swallowing. It's funny, if the woman is really attractive, I have little reservation to have sex with her without a condom, but sucking dick has huge red flags. Maybe it's a societal/taboo thing?

I think I am to the point where the pro's definitely outweigh the cons:

Con's
1. Very small risk of getting an STD.
2. Meeting up with some guy and it's some sort of trap/theft etc.
3. Being new; possibly not having enough mouth stamina for completion. And/or the guy thinks I'm wasting his time because I don't know what I'm doing since I'm inexperienced.

Pro's
1. The excitement.
2. Getting to finally do something you've dreamt about for a long time.
3. The incredible intimacy.
4. Getting to see cock/balls up close for the first time.
5. Getting to touch cock/balls for the first time.
6. Getting to smell a mans crotch/underwear for the first time.
7. Getting to feel/taste what a real hard dick in your mouth feels like for the first time.
8. Getting to feel what balls feel/taste like for the first time.
9. Getting to pull down another mans pants/underwear for the first time.
10. Getting to feel what another mans pre-cum tastes like for the first time.
11. Getting to grab a mans ass and thighs for the first time.
12. Getting to feel/hear what it's like to have another man orgasm in person for the first time.
13. Getting to taste semen that isn't your own and when you are still fully aroused and not instantly in the refraction period (like when tasting your own).
14. Getting to feel a hard cock go soft in your mouth.
15. Getting to play cock-cleanup with your mouth.
16. Feeling the satisfaction that you finally did it and are now forever a "cocksucker".
17. Obviously no risk of pregnancy unlike with a woman.
18. A more "no strings attached" pure sexual experience that can last as short or as long as you would like. Without a lot of the drama that accompanies hetero relationships.
19. Receiving that is probably way better than what a female has given. I understand experienced guys know how to suck dick better than most women.

I didn't list "changing mind at the time of meeting" as a Con, as I'm virtually 100% sure if I saw the guys dick I'd suck it. The desire is so insane, just writing that sentence and thinking about sucking a cock for the fist time got me hard as a rock. I think that is a good sign it's time?

[camelblue]

It always sounds like a great idea... until, as I mentioned, there's a cock right there waiting for you to suck it. I call it "the moment of truth" because this is the moment you will find out if you can do that shit you were thinking about... and some guys find that they can't; all of a sudden, it doesn't sound like that great of an idea but not to worry - it happens and it's my belief there's no shame in not being able to do it (although some might disagree).


This is so true. This is what I think actually turns me on the most about cock. I think most of us on here would feel no "moment of truth" with a woman. We'd dive right into sex, very few would decline it for whatever reason. But somehow, the fantasies about sucking cock are so much stronger, but when you actually have the guts to make it happen and there's a penis right in front of you, you feel those nerves and fears again. I'm sure this is something most bi guys feel that aren't truly opened up to the activity. The anxiety of it turns me on.

For me, there's two "moments of truth" with dick. First, making that decision that you are going to put it in your mouth and suck it. You know that once you do that, you are committing yourself to making him cum. That is now the expectation. The second "moment of truth" is Are you actually going to eat his load? You fantasize about it so much, but are you actually going to swallow it?

Most times that I've been with guys or trans, I've had cum in my mouth and might swallow a small taste, but I wasn't a true whore that wanted every drop like in my fantasies. It wasn't until I met one guy that was pretty dominant, kinda an asshole really, that forced me to swallow a full load of sperm. He was aggressive and wouldn't let me dictate anything that happened really. He held me under my jaw by the neck while he stroked his cock off. Those last moments of anticipation were both terrifying and such a rush, just knowing any second what was about to happen and that I was gonna have to deal with it no matter what because he was forcing me to. He commanded me to open my mouth and then blew his entire load of thick sperm inside. I just kept swallowing as it came out, it really felt like I was being fed. The fear and pressure of this guy forcing me to do this, almost like feeling afraid that if I didn't he would beat the shit out of me, was such a massive turn on and gave me the courage to do what I want. Swallowing his load was fucking intense and not easy, the taste wasn't terrible but because it was the full load, it ended up being sorta unpleasant. The unpleasantness of it made it all the more hotter though, swallowing semen from a man's penis shouldn't be easy, it should be a courageous challenge.

Feeling that male energy dominate you, and then literally getting fed a mouthful of male energy and being forced to swallow is such an intimate way to experience a man.

[Darlo]

This is so true. This is what I think actually turns me on the most about cock. I think most of us on here would feel no "moment of truth" with a woman. We'd dive right into sex, very few would decline it for whatever reason. But somehow, the fantasies about sucking cock are so much stronger, but when you actually have the guts to make it happen and there's a penis right in front of you, you feel those nerves and fears again. I'm sure this is something most bi guys feel that aren't truly opened up to the activity. The anxiety of it turns me on.

For me, there's two "moments of truth" with dick. First, making that decision that you are going to put it in your mouth and suck it. You know that once you do that, you are committing yourself to making him cum. That is now the expectation. The second "moment of truth" is Are you actually going to eat his load? You fantasize about it so much, but are you actually going to swallow it?

Most times that I've been with guys or trans, I've had cum in my mouth and might swallow a small taste, but I wasn't a true whore that wanted every drop like in my fantasies. It wasn't until I met one guy that was pretty dominant, kinda an asshole really, that forced me to swallow a full load of sperm. He was aggressive and wouldn't let me dictate anything that happened really. He held me under my jaw by the neck while he stroked his cock off. Those last moments of anticipation were both terrifying and such a rush, just knowing any second what was about to happen and that I was gonna have to deal with it no matter what because he was forcing me to. He commanded me to open my mouth and then blew his entire load of thick sperm inside. I just kept swallowing as it came out, it really felt like I was being fed. The fear and pressure of this guy forcing me to do this, almost like feeling afraid that if I didn't he would beat the shit out of me, was such a massive turn on and gave me the courage to do what I want. Swallowing his load was fucking intense and not easy, the taste wasn't terrible but because it was the full load, it ended up being sorta unpleasant. The unpleasantness of it made it all the more hotter though, swallowing semen from a man's penis shouldn't be easy, it should be a courageous challenge.

Feeling that male energy dominate you, and then literally getting fed a mouthful of male energy and being forced to swallow is such an intimate way to experience a man.

That is so hot, I would like to experience that.

It's sort of like my prison fantasies, anyone have those type of fantasies? Where I'm new to prison, my cell mate says he will protect me if I pleasure him, so every night I am "forced" to suck on his big black dick and swallow his load. All the while pretending I hate it to keep up appearances.

[Ncytoday22]

ha I have that too except one it’s a whole dorm that just keeps taking turns

That is so hot, I would like to experience that.

It's sort of like my prison fantasies, anyone have those type of fantasies? Where I'm new to prison, my cell mate says he will protect me if I pleasure him, so every night I am "forced" to suck on his big black dick and swallow his load. All the while pretending I hate it to keep up appearances.

[KDaddy23]

"Maybe it's a societal/taboo thing?"

@Darlo: Oh, it's still very much high on society's taboo list. The thing is... why is it still there? It's not like the world doesn't know that men suck cock and continuing to vilify it makes little sense given that if a guy wants to do it, he's gonna do it and the fact that it is taboo is often a very major turn-on for some. Yeah, yeah, society likes slinging the disease card all over the place and targeting homosexual sex of any kind while glossing over the fact that you take the same risks having sex with women. There's PrEP, a new medication in the continuing battle to defeat HIV and getting on it - and if you're going to be a prolific cock sucker - just makes sense but it does not protect against the other STDs.

Still, if a guy deems that sucking that guy's dick is safe, it's gonna get sucked and semen will be consumed... because that is a highly intimate thing to do to, with, and for another guy... and the taboo be damned.

[KDaddy23]

"The second "moment of truth" is Are you actually going to eat his load? You fantasize about it so much, but are you actually going to swallow it?"

@camelblue: I'd say that's more a decision making moment more than a "I don't believe I'm about to do this!" moment. I know that any time I've sucked a dick, the decision to swallow or not is bouncing around in my head. He's expecting it and it is implied that he's gonna cut loose in my mouth and, let's say, 8 out of 10 times, his expectations will be met and hopefully exceeded. However, I can understand how it can be a moment of truth moment for some guys and especially first-timers. Sometimes it's not "totally" about swallowing his load but some trepidation about having it in their mouth since everyone knows it's an acquired taste and one that "a lot of people" have said doesn't taste good at all; then yet another "moment of truth" comes when deciding that taking the load and swallowing was a good or bad thing.

[Darlo]

Ok guys it's getting real. On A4A, I'm scheduling two different hookups to suck my first dick (just in case one flakes out) for this weekend. One is an athletic college guy and the other is a fit black guy with a bigger dick.

Both guys are super sexy and we've all swapped dick pics so everyone is interested. This is when the nerves usually start to kick in for me, then I get excited before the meetup, look at their cock pics, masturbate, become less interested, then send a message the day before to cancel with some lame excuse about my schedule changing. I've done this like three times before, but I never ghosted/stood anyone up, I've always messaged them in the past.

Any tips on how to prevent such a reoccurrence? Obviously "don't masturbate" is #1 on the list. I think between now and the events, I have to stop looking at their pictures and getting aroused. Or any porn for that matter of course. Let my natural horniness level rise.

As for the "deed", what's the easiest/most comfortable position for me to be in? The classic me on my knees and him feeding me his cock standing?

I'm a little concerned the black guy's dick may be a bit on the large side for a first timer. Any thoughts on that? If he's too large to fit a whole lot in my mouth, focus on the head and use my hands on the shaft? Any other tips besides the well known "watch your teeth"?

Dang I'm already getting nervous, but an excited kind, like right before a roller coaster. At age 39 now, I really need to experience this before I get too old and other guys that I find attractive no longer find me attractive.

[Ncytoday22]

For me the hornier I am the easier it is to take that leap. Don’t try to over think it to much let your “cock” do the thinking.probably on your knees is a good choice and you can lead up to is start fondling and maybe some licking for the big black one just take what you can start slowly remind them it’s your first time. Just have fun and if it doesn’t feel right don’t push it.
Ok guys it's getting real. On A4A, I'm scheduling two different hookups to suck my first dick (just in case one flakes out) for this weekend. One is an athletic college guy and the other is a fit black guy with a bigger dick.

Both guys are super sexy and we've all swapped dick pics so everyone is interested. This is when the nerves usually start to kick in for me, then I get excited before the meetup, look at their cock pics, masturbate, become less interested, then send a message the day before to cancel with some lame excuse about my schedule changing. I've done this like three times before, but I never ghosted/stood anyone up, I've always messaged them in the past.

Any tips on how to prevent such a reoccurrence? Obviously "don't masturbate" is #1 on the list. I think between now and the events, I have to stop looking at their pictures and getting aroused. Or any porn for that matter of course. Let my natural horniness level rise.

As for the "deed", what's the easiest/most comfortable position for me to be in? The classic me on my knees and him feeding me his cock standing?

I'm a little concerned the black guy's dick may be a bit on the large side for a first timer. Any thoughts on that? If he's too large to fit a whole lot in my mouth, focus on the head and use my hands on the shaft? Any other tips besides the well known "watch your teeth"?

Dang I'm already getting nervous, but an excited kind, like right before a roller coaster. At age 39 now, I really need to experience this before I get too old and other guys that I find attractive no longer find me attractive.

[KDaddy23]

Ok guys it's getting real. On A4A, I'm scheduling two different hookups to suck my first dick (just in case one flakes out) for this weekend. One is an athletic college guy and the other is a fit black guy with a bigger dick.

Both guys are super sexy and we've all swapped dick pics so everyone is interested. This is when the nerves usually start to kick in for me, then I get excited before the meetup, look at their cock pics, masturbate, become less interested, then send a message the day before to cancel with some lame excuse about my schedule changing. I've done this like three times before, but I never ghosted/stood anyone up, I've always messaged them in the past.

Any tips on how to prevent such a reoccurrence? Obviously "don't masturbate" is #1 on the list. I think between now and the events, I have to stop looking at their pictures and getting aroused. Or any porn for that matter of course. Let my natural horniness level rise.

As for the "deed", what's the easiest/most comfortable position for me to be in? The classic me on my knees and him feeding me his cock standing?

I'm a little concerned the black guy's dick may be a bit on the large side for a first timer. Any thoughts on that? If he's too large to fit a whole lot in my mouth, focus on the head and use my hands on the shaft? Any other tips besides the well known "watch your teeth"?

Dang I'm already getting nervous, but an excited kind, like right before a roller coaster. At age 39 now, I really need to experience this before I get too old and other guys that I find attractive no longer find me attractive.

Definitely no masturbating before the fact! There's just no telling how long the refractory period will affect you so it's "better" to be "super horny" before meeting one or both of these guys. When it comes to sucking large dicks, I always suggest to not try to do more with it than you're physically able to. Cock sucking isn't all about using your mouth - it also includes using your hands. As far as positions go, you want to be comfortable because being uncomfortable will start to put your attention on your body complaining about something hurting, getting cramps somewhere, etc.. Being on your knees is classic but at some point, your knees might want to sue you for abuse if you're on them for too long.

Most of all, do not overthink it! It's okay for you to be nervous but try not to let that nervousness "talk" you out of doing this or get you jerking off. Don't even worry about getting older and not being attractive; some guys will want you just because you're older and some guys tend to not give a fuck about attraction and are all about the more important thing: Getting dicks hard and making them soft again. And most of all, enjoy yourself.

[Darlo]

Committed to meeting the college guy tonight, wish me luck!

[Rest85]

Committed to meeting the college guy tonight, wish me luck!


I sure hope we hear whether you followed through. I understand about backing out at the last minute...or day. I did it a number of times with potential CL hook ups until I finally followed through. Now I always ask for a pre meet with a guy before deciding to go forward...and I also ask to see and feel his cock during the initial meeting. I tell him there are no expectations or obligations when we first meet, then we go our separate ways to decide if we want to follow through. That way you can decide if you like his cock.

Anyway...looking forward to hearing about your night.

[SlowNEZ]

I always ask for a pre meet with a guy before deciding to go forward...and I also ask to see and feel his cock during the initial meeting. I tell him there are no expectations or obligations when we first meet, then we go our separate ways to decide if we want to follow through.

I think that is very good advice. A little face to face time, before face to crotch time.
Compatibility before and after the orgasms will make the experience more exciting and enjoyable.

[notmacbi]

This is so good I thought I wrote it! Only difference between you and me is I'm happily married.

[Darlo]

I went through with it! It was "different".

I will post some more about the experience once I've let it set in.

[Rest85]

I went through with it! It was "different".

I will post some more about the experience once I've let it set in.


Yep. It has to sink in, but I have to admit I am so curious about your experience...wantint to know if you were aroused...if your cock was hard...did he suck you...did you swallow...etc etc etc? We await word!

[Darlo]

I was considering writing a step-by-step of the encounter, but on second thought I figured kiss-and-tell would be kinda lame.

Basically, the experience was horizon expanding. We were both pretty comfortable, but the experience didn't "touch or move" me like making love with an attractive woman does.

I don't regret at all experiencing it. It was good to gauge my interests. Before I thought I maybe was a 2 or 3 on the Kinsey scale, but I think I'm more like a 1. I will continue to seek relationships with women along with the incidental masturbation to male porn.

That's a pretty comfortable fit for me.

[Tag200]

I was considering writing a step-by-step of the encounter, but on second thought I figured kiss-and-tell would be kinda lame.

Basically, the experience was horizon expanding. We were both pretty comfortable, but the experience didn't "touch or move" me like making love with an attractive woman does.

I don't regret at all experiencing it. It was good to gauge my interests. Before I thought I maybe was a 2 or 3 on the Kinsey scale, but I think I'm more like a 1. I will continue to seek relationships with women along with the incidental masturbation to male porn.

That's a pretty comfortable fit for me.

interesting result , love to hear what you did , not step by step but what!? Also wondering if you will feel the same in a week or two? Asking because when I did some limited stuff with guys I always said not for me never again but then within a few weeks I had interest again. My first time a guy touched my Dick I exploded and swore it was not for me but then I was like maybe it is

[KDaddy23]

I was considering writing a step-by-step of the encounter, but on second thought I figured kiss-and-tell would be kinda lame.

Basically, the experience was horizon expanding. We were both pretty comfortable, but the experience didn't "touch or move" me like making love with an attractive woman does.

I don't regret at all experiencing it. It was good to gauge my interests. Before I thought I maybe was a 2 or 3 on the Kinsey scale, but I think I'm more like a 1. I will continue to seek relationships with women along with the incidental masturbation to male porn.

That's a pretty comfortable fit for me.

Yours is a rather normal reaction; it doesn't always produce the "thunder and lightning" that's often expected... the first couple of times. Try not to go all Kinsey on yourself at this point; it'll just get you overthinking things. Making love with a guy isn't "the same" as making love to a woman; the emotions are different outside of the physical differences and, again, it's kinda normal for a guy to think that it'll be the same. It's also normal for guys to not be all that moved by the experience and decide that not doing it any time soon is the thing to do but as Tag200 said, a whole lot of guys have said similar things as you have... and wound up being very okay with having sex with men. Some guys take to it instantly and some guys, well, it takes a time or two so do yourself a favor and give it another try and, if you can, don't expect anything other than what's gonna happen and let things happen as they may.

[Rest85]

Well, now you know. Or, at least you have an idea what reality is like rather than fantasizing. I enjoyed sucking cock from the first time but I had lingering guilt afterwards. Even during the time the guilt weighed on me, I knew I very much enjoyed the whole experience and, like some here are saying, in a few weeks I had an even stronger urge for a repeat. You may not have that. I don't want to assume you will or won't and i won't encourage you to do it again unless that's really what you want. I hope the experienced answered your questions about it and clarified what you want going forward. I'm glad you were comfortable with it.

[camelblue]

It kinda reminds me of smoking weed the first few times. It's hard to tell you're high when you have no frame of reference. Some people will try a couple of times and think it's not for them. But maybe the third or fourth time, you might have that breakthrough where you really have a moment where you're high, laughing uncontrollably or euphoric/relaxed etc. whatever.

I think this is probably the same way. Most guys feel some guilt or feel like it's out of their system after an encounter. The feelings may linger back again over time. That's how it's gone for me. I think when you make the right connection with the right guy though, that can really unlock an openness and stronger desire towards it. Personally, I'd only want a relationship with a woman too but would like having a fwb cock to go to when I'm in the mood. Stay open to more experiences, sometimes you literally have to experiment a handful of times to figure out what you truly want.