to be or not to be, WHY announce it??? [Archive]

johndotou

Sep 17, 2006, 11:04 PM

Ok this is a question that I have always been curious about. Why is it that gay,lesbian and even Bisexuals (this is not ment to exclude Tv's,Ts's I include them as well). Why do they feel compelled to announce there sexuality or sexual preference publicly or otherwise?

Heterosexuals dont do this, so why do members of the GLBT make such an issue about this ie...parades,stickers,flags so on and so forth.

If sexuality is something taken into consideration in normal everyday situation (which it isnt), why do they make and announce it to the world.

Now you say its pride, I'm a proud father and dont go around making it known so why does the GLBT do such.

This subject has perplexed me for some time.

steve10557

Sep 17, 2006, 11:14 PM

I think the answer may be, that most people dont. We just hear about those who do. I've heard heterosexuals shout about other things, but at least we still live in a society where we can (just).

_______
A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing.
(Muhammad Ali)

Lorcan

Sep 17, 2006, 11:44 PM

Heterosexuals dont do this, so why do members of the GLBT make such an issue about this ie...parades,stickers,flags so on and so forth.

All things being equal, i wouldn't feel compelled to annouce it. BUT ALL THINGS AREN'T EQUAL. Heterosexuals are accepted norm. Homosexuals and bis are the scorned people who told by society to hide themselves. Hide themselves so much that sometimes they wont even admit it to themselves. Hide themselves so much that some of them take their own lives.

If homosexuals were accepted too, then i wouldn't have to say anything. BUT WE AREN'T. And i feel that the only way to get that acceptance is to be out and load until the other people get used to us, and eventually tolerate us, and finally accept us. It happens slowly, but it is happening.

Pride in this context means the opposite of being ashamed. And we will not be shamed into silence anymore.

JrzGuy3

Sep 17, 2006, 11:48 PM

All things being equal, i wouldn't feel compelled to annouce it. BUT ALL THINGS AREN'T EQUAL.

:bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:

Reprob8

Sep 17, 2006, 11:59 PM

If sexuality is something taken into consideration in normal everyday situation (which it isnt), why do they make and announce it to the world.

I hear probably 100 gay jokes a week, I hear people use gay or queer as a derogatory insult almost as often and every time I hear it part of me wants to tell them how much I don't appriciate it. And sexuality is taken into consideration in normal everyday situations unless you're striaght or predominantly so.

Your narrow experience is not the norm.

Azrael

Sep 18, 2006, 12:07 AM

Heterosexuals dont do this, so why do members of the GLBT make such an issue about this ie...parades,stickers,flags so on and so forth.
Really?
http://www.heteropride.com/mission.htm

Reprob8

Sep 18, 2006, 12:16 AM

Really?
http://www.heteropride.com/mission.htm

lol AZ, if I thought they really meant what thier mission statemen says instead of what I believe it really is (to mock our pride movements) I would say good for all the little hetero's out there marching and proclaiming thier straightness. Free speech is free speech I guess, I mean they even let Bush talk.

Lateralus

Sep 18, 2006, 12:20 AM

Really?
http://www.heteropride.com/mission.htm

LOL...great site
:bigrin:

DiamondDog

Sep 18, 2006, 12:45 AM

I don't go around waving a flag or telling everyone I meet about myself.
I prefer to be seen as myself first, before my sexuality, and if someone asks or is told about me then I'll tell them the truth.

I do tell people I am close to because I think that it's something that they should know about me, and if they're really my friends/family then it shouldn't be that big of a deal, just another aspect of me.

I also tell people because before I realized that I am this way it was confusing and I can be a good resource for people.

I also think that straight people need to rattled out of their complacent little lives. Hets are usually more comfortable presuming everyone is het because they can't really imagine anything beyond their usually limited world view.

Being bisexual for me doesn't CHANGE anything, or make me do anything differently. I just AM, and it just IS, and that's just that.

Tynary

Sep 18, 2006, 1:17 PM

we have to announce it because we are a minority so when you meet a person you assume them to be striaght. When anyone meets a person unless they have really obvious traits you assume them to be straight.
I don't say to girls I've met wow don't you think *girls name here* is really hot. do I? no I don't cause they very well might not be gay or bi. but I can say to them don't you think *boys name here* is hot and we can chat and thats ok.
Even if we were equal you'd still need to mention it if you were meeting someone if it was or would become relavant since there would then be qual options of sexualities. Even the straights would have to announce then but of course it would be more casual if things were equal and no parades.
But we aren't equal and will probably always be a minority unless my dreams come true and the everyone in the world is transformed into complete 50/50 bisexuals (in my dream everyone is also attractive and I'm queen of the world which just emphasises my point that it isn't going to happen)
:flag2: :flag1: :bibounce:

Herbwoman39

Sep 18, 2006, 2:41 PM

Lead by example. That's what I was taught from the time I was old enough to understand the concept of leadership. I was also taught to stand and fight if I believe in a cause.

There is SO much injustice done towards the LGBT community...so many inequalities just because we love differently than what is expected to be the norm.

You ask how can I announce my sexuality to the world? I ask you, how can you NOT?

I understand that for some, circumstances simply do not allow them to be out and open about their sexuality. I speak for those that do not have a voice. I speak out so that society as a whole learns that we're not something to be afraid. That's the reason for the jokes and worse, the violence...fear. Plain and simple. People fear that which they do not understnad. So I announce my sexuality so that people who know me learn that those in the LGBT community are JUST LIKE THEM.

I'm a proud father and dont go around making it known

BTW, you really *should* remedy that. I tell everyone in all of my profiles that I'm a proud mother of two teenage boys. Heck, practically everyone I meet knows about my sons. It's a real accomplishment in this day and age to sucessfully raise children. You really should consider making it known.

johndotou

Sep 18, 2006, 11:17 PM

I dont know, You all make valid points, really good ones,which is why I asked the question here. But I have a different opinion, I see it like something being stuffed down my throat, (and no it isnt a cock). Now dont get me wrong here I'm not dumping on anyones sexuality. I say this because I'm not trying to piss anyone off, I just want ot discuss something I dont really understand.

Now I've said how I feel about it,meaning the whole pride/GBLT voice. Now I'm Bi and I dont feel compelled to announce it to anyone, its me and thats that. If I was straight I would feel the same way.

I just dont see the point in yelling it and parading it down the street. To me I see it as some sort of validation for those who do it, like it helps them feel better about there sexuality because there really insecure about who they are and really deep dowm inside arent really comfortable about there sexuality.

I also feel by screaming it from the mountain tops it only annoys the general public, because as I mentioned earlier in this post its like force feeding them, and no one likes thing forced down there throat ( no pun intended).I'm not saying dont be proud nor are I saying to deny your sexuality, if it comes up say it, but parading it down the street, I just dont see the point, I think its hurts more than it helps.

At the risk of sounding like a hypocrit, Just be who you are if others dont like it, then to hell with them.

No one can take away any feelings you may nor can they tell how severe or strong those feeling are.

johndotou

Sep 18, 2006, 11:18 PM

Lead by example. That's what I was taught from the time I was old enough to understand the concept of leadership. I was also taught to stand and fight if I believe in a cause.

There is SO much injustice done towards the LGBT community...so many inequalities just because we love differently than what is expected to be the norm.

You ask how can I announce my sexuality to the world? I ask you, how can you NOT?

I understand that for some, circumstances simply do not allow them to be out and open about their sexuality. I speak for those that do not have a voice. I speak out so that society as a whole learns that we're not something to be afraid. That's the reason for the jokes and worse, the violence...fear. Plain and simple. People fear that which they do not understnad. So I announce my sexuality so that people who know me learn that those in the LGBT community are JUST LIKE THEM.

BTW, you really *should* remedy that. I tell everyone in all of my profiles that I'm a proud mother of two teenage boys. Heck, practically everyone I meet knows about my sons. It's a real accomplishment in this day and age to sucessfully raise children. You really should consider making it known.

I should change my profile to add that I'am a proud father as well. I ask that person (or anyone else who thinks I should) WHY?????

I'am a very proud father and it shows on my face and when I talk about my child. I dont see why I have to scream it, I'm proud very proud no one can take that away from me not even if they tried, so why announce it.

Is being proud announcing it to the world, am I any less proud because I dont, do people know what goes thru my mind or how i feel, can read my mind? the answer is NO.

GreenEyedLady

Sep 18, 2006, 11:34 PM

Straight people celebrate subsets of their population, too, with St. Patrick's Day Parades for the Irish, St. Anthony's Day Parades for the Italians and Marde Gras for anyone who wants to dress up (or down) and drink. The GLBTQAI population is not the only one that celebrates itself. We are, however, the only minority population capable of hiding ourselves. Until all manners of sexuality are accepted, the only way for our minority to be guaranteed the POSSIBILITY of equality is to put a face on who we are. Safety is only possible when one has no secrets and when we can announce who we are - with pride.

ophelia_in_red

Sep 19, 2006, 5:20 AM

Unfortunately, at the moment, being non-heterosexual can make an individual feel isolated from the population as a whole. Unlike other minority groups, which are often brought together by geography, background and/or obvious physical characteristics (i.e. ethnicity), there is nothing to clearly mark out most non-heterosexuals and make it easy for them to find one another and enjoy a sense of community. Also, whilst racism and sexism is (mostly) seen as unacceptable, unpleasantness towards non-heterosexuals is still quite common and socially accepted.

Feeling alienated is a very uncomfortable sensation for the sociable human animal. Pride marches are not about shoving one's sexuality down everyone else's throats. They are about pointing out that non-heterosexual people are a significant minority which cannot be ignored. They are about emphasising that non-heterosexuality is not something to be ashamed of, but is a valuable and beautiful part of human diversity. And they are also about creating a community of people who might otherwise feel very isolated and alienated from the rest of the world.

If you've never been to a Pride event, don't knock it until you've tried it kthx.

csrakate

Sep 19, 2006, 5:35 AM

I wish we lived in a world where people could be what they are and not be judged but alas....we don't.

As a heterosexual...but one who loves and understands a bisexual.....I do see where there is a conundrum about coming out...BUT...yes..our society makes it very difficult to be different from the norm. I pray for the day that we, as a community of MAN, can accept and understand each other....but that is just a pipe dream of mine.....no more than the rest of you.....but we can dream can't we?

sammie19

Sep 19, 2006, 6:08 AM

First off, it just isnt true that heterosexuals dont force their sexuality in our faces. They do. And all too often. Especially guys.

Just how often have we heard a gang of men crow about their conquests in a pub or club? Of what they are going to do to "her over there" later. How often do we hear them on a bus or train, street or cafe act up when a gay man passes by, and act "pansified" or even more macho and deep voiced in ridicule, or as if to prove just how straight they are?

Girls can be just as bad in their own way but seem to have it more in check. But they too can sometimes be very forceful about their sexuality in the presence of gay or bi girls. Two bi friends were recently taunted and jostled outside a local night club, as they had been all night inside by a gaggle of so called straight girls, followed and attacked on their way home. It was their good fortune that for once the police were around and they did their job, so luckily they weren't hurt too badly.

While this city is really very open and tolerant and remarkably progressive about peoples sexuality, sadly there are still many, guys and girls, who by their actions ram their "straight" sexuality down everyones throats. It isn't restricted to us or the gay community at all.

I dont "crow" about mine, but dont hide it. Its my life, my affair, and no one's business but my own. But I can understand why many in any minority community which is under threat does feel it has to shout from the rooftops who they are.

csrakate

Sep 19, 2006, 6:49 AM

Sammie
You are far braver than any het I know...you at least know who you are and who you want to be....so many of us have no fucking idea who we are...much less how to deal with our so called loved ones! We play the game because that is what we have been taught...but unlike the rest of my contemporaries..I was blessed with falling in love with a man who admitted who he was and what he was...and for me..that opened my eyes to so much more than what I was raised to believe!

And I have been so blessed as to meet and grow to love so many bisexuals on this site....My eyes, as well as my heart and soul have been opened.....I only wish the same could be said about the rest of the world!

Hugs,
Kate

sammie19

Sep 19, 2006, 7:13 AM

Not brave Kate. I wish. Only am. Once I accepted what I am it became easier to learn about the who. And even then I learn more about that every day and I hope shall until the day my number is called.

You are right of course about your wish for the world. Luckily for us and our world that people like you exist to keep our hopes and dreams for a more accepting and tolerant society alive. Thank you.

love

Sam xoxoxoxox

Herbwoman39

Sep 19, 2006, 7:30 AM

I should change my profile to add that I'am a proud father as well. I ask that person (or anyone else who thinks I should) WHY?????

I'am a very proud father and it shows on my face and when I talk about my child. I dont see why I have to scream it, I'm proud very proud no one can take that away from me not even if they tried, so why announce it.

Is being proud announcing it to the world, am I any less proud because I dont, do people know what goes thru my mind or how i feel, can read my mind? the answer is NO.

I'm sure your pride DOES show on your face when you talk about your child. Unfortunately in a print-based forum we don't get to see that :(

This is why I announce that I am proud of my children in my public profiles...because in forums like this we don't get to see people's faces or hear their voices. Only 7% of communication is actually done with words. The rest is tone and body language.

Please understand I mean no afront and may just be misunderstanding. My point is merely that if we don't announce our pride in our children, how will they ever know we are proud of them?

csrakate

Sep 19, 2006, 8:13 AM

When it come to the kids and letting them know..it should always depend on the situation and the relationship that already exists..not to mention age appropriate. I don't think anyone can make a blanket statement as to how to handle such a delicate situation with your kids!

sammie19

Sep 19, 2006, 10:31 AM

I just showed my auntie these threads and on this topic she pointed out something so glaringly obvious I cant imagine why I didnt think of it myself.

One other thing "straight" guys do to shout their sexuality to the rooftops is their attitudes and actions when they see two girls snogging or cuddling, or even whose appearance hints at their sexuality or merely someone they believe is lesbian or bisexual. The "what they need is a real man syndrome"! The "they need a good cock in them". "The "What you need is a good "seeing to" and Im your man, baby" type. They even cruise the gay triangle here in the hope of converting some lesbian to the light.

We all know them and have probably been bothered by them. I have and find it ghastly and demeaning. Demeaning not for me, if sometimes quite intimidating, but for themselves, for it shows just how sad so many in the heterosexual world can be.

Reprob8

Sep 19, 2006, 11:15 AM

shameless agitator

Sep 19, 2006, 5:21 PM

sammie19

Sep 19, 2006, 5:55 PM

What you say is true but there are things about Lesbian women that I find attractive that have more to do with thier character. I have friends who I don't want to convert but if they wanted to come over to the dark side for a night I wouldn't object.

I am not accusing you or anyone in particular of what is a common failing among many heterosexual men. Merely using such appalling attitudes and actions as examples.

There are quite a few girls I know who are neither lesbian or bi for whom I often have the same feelings and desires as you have for your lesbian friends. The point is not that we have such feelings and wants, but how we utilise our common sense and have respect for the feelings and sensitivities, not to say dignity of others. It is some, not all by any means, heterosexual men's arrogance and baseness I was highlighting. Their lack of respect and contempt for what they neither understand or tolerate.

Reprob8

Sep 19, 2006, 6:41 PM

I am not accusing you or anyone in particular of what is a common failing among many heterosexual men. Merely using such appalling attitudes and actions as examples.

There are quite a few girls I know who are neither lesbian or bi for whom I often have the same feelings and desires as you have for your lesbian friends. The point is not that we have such feelings and wants, but how we utilise our common sense and have respect for the feelings and sensitivities, not to say dignity of others. It is some, not all by any means, heterosexual men's arrogance and baseness I was highlighting. Their lack of respect and contempt for what they neither understand or tolerate.

Het's do not have a monopoly on that trait, but they are the majority and have little or no pressure not to make there opinions known, I have known gay men who are just as arrogant and insensitive.

sammie19

Sep 19, 2006, 7:46 PM

Het's do not have a monopoly on that trait, but they are the majority and have little or no pressure not to make there opinions known, I have known gay men who are just as arrogant and insensitive.

My last words on the subject. I agree with you, but the original thread was about heterosexuals not ramming their sexuality down our throats. It is to that I have been addressing my contributions. Some gays, some bi's even can be just as you say. Especially towards the bi community. Thats a whole new thread which maybe someone will address. Maybe someone already has.
But at this time of night it wont be me. Am off to bed. Anyway. I am just a silly wee girl. What do I know?

Reprob8

Sep 19, 2006, 8:27 PM

My last words on the subject. I agree with you, but the original thread was about heterosexuals not ramming their sexuality down our throats. It is to that I have been addressing my contributions. Some gays, some bi's even can be just as you say. Especially towards the bi community. Thats a whole new thread which maybe someone will address. Maybe someone already has.
But at this time of night it wont be me. Am off to bed. Anyway. I am just a silly wee girl. What do I know?

Silly wee girl? no such thing.

johndotou

Sep 19, 2006, 9:56 PM

I'm sure your pride DOES show on your face when you talk about your child. Unfortunately in a print-based forum we don't get to see that :(

This is why I announce that I am proud of my children in my public profiles...because in forums like this we don't get to see people's faces or hear their voices. Only 7% of communication is actually done with words. The rest is tone and body language.

Please understand I mean no afront and may just be misunderstanding. My point is merely that if we don't announce our pride in our children, how will they ever know we are proud of them?

Well seeing where this is the interent and yes your right we cant see each others faces and when it comes down to it we really DONT know who we are talking to on the other end. I like to leave the kids out of it, you know to be on the safe side.

This is a sick world and you cant leave anything to chance, so I opt to not take chances at the risk someone not understanding how I really feel. Small price for playing it safe.

But I wasnt barking back you for your statement, as a matter of fact I elaborated in my reply how I feel about my child, please dont be offended.

Lorcan

Sep 19, 2006, 11:03 PM

To me I see it as some sort of validation for those who do it, like it helps them feel better about there sexuality because there really insecure about who they are and really deep dowm inside arent really comfortable about there sexuality.

I am VERY comfortable with my sexuality.
I am lucky because I always have been.

And i will scream it from every parade i can get in.

Because what i am NOT comforable with is these @#$!&% closed minded anti-bi and gay people. I want them to know that i am here and i will NOT go away. Yes, i do want to stick down their throats! Do you know of any other way to change things? Or do you like it the way it is?

Herbwoman39

Sep 19, 2006, 11:13 PM

Well seeing where this is the interent and yes your right we cant see each others faces and when it comes down to it we really DONT know who we are talking to on the other end. I like to leave the kids out of it, you know to be on the safe side.

This is a sick world and you cant leave anything to chance, so I opt to not take chances at the risk someone not understanding how I really feel. Small price for playing it safe.

But I wasnt barking back you for your statement, as a matter of fact I elaborated in my reply how I feel about my child, please dont be offended.

Oh I'm not the least bit offended sweetie. I think I was just having trouble making my point clear. As long as no one's feelings are hurt, we're cool.

Friends? :)

sammie19

Sep 20, 2006, 3:42 AM

Silly wee girl? no such thing.

Definite last word. xoxoxox :rotate: :tongue: :bigrin:

gh05t

Sep 20, 2006, 9:53 AM

I hear probably 100 gay jokes a week, I hear people use gay or queer as a derogatory insult almost as often and every time I hear it part of me wants to tell them how much I don't appriciate it. And sexuality is taken into consideration in normal everyday situations unless you're striaght or predominantly so.

Your narrow experience is not the norm.

Like most of us here I have to put up with that crap at work too, it's just easier to not say anything even though inside you're screaming.
Whats the right thing to do?
Say something & become a target, or shut the hell up & self combust?

To be or not to be, WHY announce it???
I have no idea, really..

jedinudist

Sep 20, 2006, 10:54 AM

Lisa (va)

Sep 20, 2006, 12:17 PM

Each person is different and come out (or not) in varying degrees.
Some of us keep our personal lives all to ourselves and others band together in hopes that one day all folks will be equal and not subject to discrimination on any level.

Myself, I don't go around waving banners but I don't deny who and what I am inside: most people I know (family and friends) are aware of my sexuality but due the fact I have dated both men and women openly.

You have to admire and applaud those that fight the struggle for rights equal across the board. This country, based on freedom, has a history of fighting for rights, whether it be women's rights, racial equality, etc.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

biecnal

Sep 20, 2006, 9:07 PM

IMHO "Pride" events are more for the participants then for the general public who seem to be facinated by these events. The pride events allow all of us diverse type to come and share friendship and fun, very much the same way a church, ect. may hold a BBQ or rally.

Think about it, on the 4th of July, there are thousands of parades and events to celebrate our independence and show patriotism, yet for some, these events may seem silly or even offensive. (This is just used as an illustrative example.)

Personally I rather enjoy pride events, and see them as a great way of making new friends.

Just my 3.5 cents worth :)

Lance
:flag4: