I'm in the closet, help me get out!

[zizzy]

Okay, I have trouble coming out! I tried to come out before but my brother was getting all sad/mad about so I said I was joking. I want to tell my friends but so many people are coming out as bi these days and they would just think I'm trying to be like everyone eles even though I've been a bi since I was 10. I want to tell my parents but they would just think I'm confused. I want to tell the rest of my family but they will just pull up the bible thing and I'll be a fag even though I still love women! So please someone help me! I want to get this over with! :flag1:

[bi_grl_78]

I feel compelled to help you honey. Seriously you have a choice... the choice you have no matter what.. What is going to make you happy? I know things could be hard for awhile.. and I don't know how old you are...I take it you're at least 18 considering you're on this site.. but like I said it could be hard for awhile but you need to consider.. as I have several times.. why am I here? Am I here to make others happy ALL the time.. or am I here to make the best of the life I have and be really and TRUELY happy? I know coming out to your family.. and call me a hypocrite.. but since I came 'out' after I got married .. even though I knew how I felt before.. I lived my life for others and what they 'expected' of me.. now that I'm married it's not so easy to 'come out' to family. Hence.. I'm still .. if you want to be literal.. in the closet. I hope you'll take my advice and do what you think is most important to YOU. I wish I had someone to tell me to do what was important to me when I was in your stage. I was in TOTAL denial. At least you have a step above me.. you KNOW what you like.. what you want and where you want to go. Don't throw your own feelings out for others. They will come around and if they don't then you can just say to yourself 'Well, I'm honest about my feelings and who I am and if they are angry and don't understand it's not my fault and I'll always be who I am and supportive about their own needs too to get kinda 'used to' the idea." That's all they need. You have to understand if you do come out of the closet that they..all whom you love.. will need the time and space to understand and get 'used to' the idea of it. Eventually they are either accepting or they're not and you'll have to come to terms with that. But ultimately you can be happy even if it takes some work. So keep your chin up and total loves for you honey! You'll have friends to support you and others out there like you whether you know it yet or not. Just be YOU!

Janay

[Reprob8]

The most important person to come out to is yourself and it sounds like you have done that. Don't think you have to tell everyone, just pick one or two people you can depend on for support and take it from there.

[Avocado]

It sounds to me like you live with your family. I don't know what your circumstances are, if you're in education or not. If you are, don't worry about it for now (but if you go away for Uni or College do come out there, I'm glad that everything that happened to me at uni happened, but if there's a time and place to be out it's when you're there). If you're not and haven't got a job, get one. If you have, get your own place. Once you're on your own 2 feet you have 2 choices:

1) Don't come out to them.

2) Come out to them and don't go back in.

When I came out to my fiancee the thing that made it most difficult (apart from having not told her already) was that I tried to soften the blow for her, which made me kind of need to come out to her again a few seconds later. If you come out to them you've gotta make it clear that however they react you're serious. Maybe to this end tell them on the phone. You only have a duty to tell someone something in person if they're either your other half or your employee - they're neither.

Finally, their religion is their problem, not yours. And if your friends think being bisexual is popular, tell them they need a brain transplant.

[shameless agitator]

The most important person to come out to is yourself and it sounds like you have done that. Don't think you have to tell everyone, just pick one or two people you can depend on for support and take it from there.
Hey Bro. when did you get so smart?

[csrakate]

Be true to yourself...and yes...listen to what Reprob said!...he speaks volumes!
What he said is basically what I want to say to you....Be TRUE to yourself...the rest will fall in line!

Hugs,
Kate

[Herbwoman39]

There's a really wonderful book out that was originally written for the gay and lesbian population. It's called "Outing Yourself" by Michelangelo Signorile and it actually gives step-by-step instructions on how to come out starting with picking one friend you KNOW you can count on to be supportive. It even has excercises for helping you become more comfortable with yourself.

Coming out takes time. Don't be in too much of a hurry or you may find it to be overwhelming. As Reprob8 said just pick one or two people and start from there.

For the first 18 months, my own closet had a revolving door. But now I'm out to everyone except my parents. That part is comming in December when my mother comes down for the winter holidays.

[csrakate]

Our thoughts and vibes of strength will be with you Herbwoman as you make this major step in your life!!!