new study

[mike r]

Just came across this in my newsfeed:
"Bisexuals are six times more likely to be in the closet than their gay or lesbian counterparts, according to a study (https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/06/18/bisexual-adults-are-far-less-likely-than-gay-men-and-lesbians-to-be-out-to-the-people-in-their-lives/) from Stanford University and the Pew Research Center.A mere 19% of bisexuals went on record to say that all or most of the people they consider important in their lives are aware they are bisexual. By comparison, 75% of gay and lesbian adults are similarly out.Additionally, 26% of bisexual adults are not out to any important people in their lives, compared to a mere 4% of gays and lesbians who say the same. "

Sound right to you?

[tenni]

One of the questions then is "Is being out a bisexual trait or a gay value "?

Does being bisexual mean that the bisexual believes that it is no one else business who they have sex with?

I have read a study that stated that there are more bisexuals than there are GLT in total.

[sysper]

not really, u would think bi's have it easier because they still like the opposite sex like society demands.

[KDaddy23]

By and large, a lot of people feel it's no one else's business who they're having sex with and many won't really admit that they're having sex with the partner that you'd automatically assume they're having sex with. A lot of bisexuals do say that who they have sex with is nobody's business because of privacy and, I'd say, not to out themselves so they stay in the closet which is understandable given how people tend to react to learn that you're not as straight as you're supposed to be... and the people who tend to be the most upset by this are the people who are closest to you and that, too, is understandable because those people tend to think that they know you... but they didn't know this about you.

Do bisexuals have it easier because of our opposite sex attractions? No, not really; I find it very strange that when you say "bisexual" to someone, the first thing that comes to their mind is "homosexual" and they just ignore the heterosexual part of the deal - very weird how that happens but I think I understand it because being heterosexual isn't unusual or off the beaten path - but anything homosexual still is.

And I've read some studies that suggest that there are more bisexuals than LGT folks and the predictive numbers are staggering but, it seems to me, is cause for some folks to be "worried" because there are few verified numbers, which is also why I think there's been that call for all bisexuals to come out... so they can be counted; you can't count what you can't see - that bi invisibility thing - and I also think that some of it is the numbers game but also because - and as I say at times - you could be standing right next to a bisexual and not know it. You could know someone for decades and not know that they're bisexual and, really, it's is one of those, "It's none of your business who I'm screwing" things that has always been a part of our collective mindset about sex.

I just think it's hilarious that society is now really concerned about something many people are saying doesn't exist and/or isn't real. Think about that one for a moment.

[Jazminedress]

I just hate that the few times I have come out, I get one of three reactions

1) do you mean gay ?
2) you must have a lot of sex
3) and from female people who admit to having sex with women, a look of disgust

Now with the way I dress, I get even weirder questions, but there is an assumption I am open to sex with everyone

[Buck Naked]

I'm totally in the closet (family has no clue as far as I know) and I'm only out to the men I've had sex with, which I can count on 1 hand (unfortunately :suave:).

[NakedInSeattle]

I've said it several times in here that there exists not only a double standard for bi guys and bi gals but also with regard to homosexuality and bisexuality as well. If I told my neighbors I was gay, they'd smile and say, "Good for you." If I told them I was bi, I'd be shunned and possibly have a cross burned on my lawn. That's why there are so many more bi guys in the closet than other sexual orientations.

[tenni]

The term "in the closet" might be examined more carefully. I see it as a "gay" language adopted by heterosexuals. Is there shame involved or do we have enough self esteem to say "in the closet" is not an acceptable label if you are talking about or to bisexuals?

[lizard-lix]

My personal observation are:

Bi men are the most reviled of all orientations.

Many gay guys say I am lying to myself and that I should give up the 'fish.'

Most straight women are grossed out.

Straight men are terrified, since they don't know what I *might* want and I look 'normal.'

Lesbians are generally the most accepting, you do yours, I'll do mine.. And they generally appreciate that I have a bit of a feminine side.

Most trans folks are either bi or due to their complicated situation, don't usually judge.

Bi women are great :-)

So, while I try to be out as much as I can be, it's not to very many people. I don't out myself until I know that they are OK with it.

[Realist]

I believe, like in the military, certain people have a need to know. Most others, in my view, don't have a need to know. I feel no desire to project my sexual history, interests, feelings, or argue for, or against, my bisexuality. I feel absolutely no urge to justify, why I am the way I am, to anyone I know would never understand, anyway! Leave a sleeping dog lie! I enjoy sharing with those like me, but that's my limit.

I do find it interesting, how others similar to me have dealt with their early sexual/emotional awareness, naysayers, antagonists, and what their lives are like, presently..... but, I'm not willing to dig into their lives, unless they want to share. I'm not gonna get on a soap box to convince others that my way is right for everyone, either.

Even if I suspect someone else is bi, gay, lesbian....or the many variations there of, I will not pry into their secrets, unless they demonstrate an interest in sharing. I don't believe in being invasive and will not allow others, who do not have a need to know, to know the private, inner-most, me.

Along the same vein, I don't want to reveal myself to those who'd never understand, anyway. Why stir their conceptions, when it would only generate questions I don't want to answer, or raise their ire?

That's are my program and I'm sticking to it!

[KDaddy23]

The term "in the closet" might be examined more carefully. I see it as a "gay" language adopted by heterosexuals. Is there shame involved or do we have enough self esteem to say "in the closet" is not an acceptable label if you are talking about or to bisexuals?

I find myself echoing Tenni's sentiment and can remember when "being in the closet" only referred to homosexuals who wouldn't let it be widely known that they were homosexual... even in those situations where all available evidence pretty much screamed "gay" to anyone who bothered to pay that much attention. The term got attached to bisexuals for the same reason but if ya wanted to really get nit-picky about it, anyone who has a secret they'd rather not let a lot of people know could be considered "in the closet" - they, too, have something to hide that shouldn't see the light of day or come under scrutiny. Looking at it like this, there are a gazillion people who are in the closet about something and that something might not be their sexuality.

It's even interesting how the phrase came to be; as a child, one of my favorite places to be alone was in this really big closet in the apartment we lived in; it was also my go-to place when I was pissed off about something and since that closet also had a "secret" compartment; if someone was looking for me and checked that closet, they'd find it empty and go looking elsewhere when I was there all along. Being "in the closet" is about hiding, being out of sight, etc., and in the context of sexuality, yeah, I guess it makes more sense than, perhaps, a lot of people are comfortable with.

So if nothing else, bisexuals are "guilty by association;" homosexuals had a reason to be in hiding and so did bisexuals; even way back in my early days, that was something that you just didn't let a whole lot of people know lest you be subjected to ridicule, unmercifully teased and/or bullied, and mislabeled as being a faggot, queer, or sissy.

[yeahso]

Why is it anyone's concern whom I have sex with?

How is telling everyone whom I like to have sex with being "out of the closet"?

Isn't it really just narcissism, and advertising when a gay man outs himself?

Why isn't it sexual harassment when a gay man tells other men he is gay?

If I told women I like to eat pussy, maybe joking that I identify as a lesbian, I would be arrested or fired?

[csreef]

I just hate that the few times I have come out, I get one of three reactions

1) do you mean gay ?
2) you must have a lot of sex
3) and from female people who admit to having sex with women, a look of disgust

Now with the way I dress, I get even weirder questions, but there is an assumption I am open to sex with everyone

Some people have said to me, when I told them about me being bisexual:

1) You are really Gay, and you are just deluding yourself.

2) Are you constantly involved in Threesomes?

3) Some women have given me the "Dog Eye" when I told them I was BI. Others have been cool with it.

[Jazminedress]

Some people have said to me, when I told them about me being bisexual:

1) You are really Gay, and you are just deluding yourself.

2) Are you constantly involved in Threesomes?

3) Some women have given me the "Dog Eye" when I told them I was BI. Others have been cool with it.

I think there is still confusion about BI people because we dont fit into a category, even amongst us, there are subsets. There are guys that like men who look like men, men who prefer someone who looks like me, people who like hairy, or clean, guys who identify as a sissy, all kinds of us. So I think it confuses people in the gay and straight community

I finally got the balls to set up my instagram (jazmindress ) btw, and I get questions like, oh, are you a sissy.......ummmmmmmmmmm, no I will kick your ass to China and back

The nice thing, I am meeting people like me, trans people and variants....................but there are also a ton of guys that say hi with a dic pic, who live in the ukraine and want to be my boyfrined, I guess they aint buying me dinner anytime soon, lol

[csreef]

but there are also a ton of guys that say hi with a dic pic, who live in the ukraine and want to be my boyfrined, I guess they aint buying me dinner anytime soon, lol

??? Sounds like the Ethiopian Prince who needs my Checking account information, and my Social Security #, so he can open a checking account here in the US to receive his Multi-Million dollar Inheritance.

So now he is living in Ukraine . . . Come Natasha, vee get into big black car. . .Vee go to kill Moose and Squirrel.

[Jazminedress]

??? Sounds like the Ethiopian Prince who needs my Checking account information, and my Social Security #, so he can open a checking account here in the US to receive his Multi-Million dollar Inheritance.

So now he is living in Ukraine . . . Come Natasha, vee get into big black car. . .Vee go to kill Moose and Squirrel.

As long as I get a burger and fries with it....lol

[dickneeder]

I'm out to my wife. She's cool with it and encourages me to be myself. Otherwise I've heard too much judgement from straight and gay alike.

[Coastocoast]

Being bi male is being the redheaded stepchild. Gays insist you just have not admitted you do not like women and straight women assume you can never be faithful to anyone of either sex. Straight men state that in their opinion the act of having sex with a man is a homosexual act under any circumstances, you are just gay and in denial. Society dictates bi MEN shut up about it. Women are able to be much more up front about it.

[csreef]

Being bi male is being the redheaded stepchild. Gays insist you just have not admitted you do not like women and straight women assume you can never be faithful to anyone of either sex. Straight men state that in their opinion the act of having sex with a man is a homosexual act under any circumstances, you are just gay and in denial. Society dictates bi MEN shut up about it. Women are able to be much more up front about it.

It is truly amazing how much of a Double standard that exists in this world. If a Male actor comes out as Gay, the whole world is shocked... If a female comes out as being Bisexual, everyone is like, Eh, so what?

[Realist]

CSREEF wrote: "
So now he is living in Ukraine . . . Come Natasha, vee get into big black car. . .Vee go to kill Moose and Squirrel."


Aw, I loved the cartoon, Rocky and Bullwinkle!

[jem_is_bi]

CSREEF wrote: "
So now he is living in Ukraine . . . Come Natasha, vee get into big black car. . .Vee go to kill Moose and Squirrel."



Aw, I loved the cartoon, Rocky and Bullwinkle!


Me Too!! It was made for adults as much as it was for children.
I was in High School when the Rocky and Bullwinkel show was on.
I liked the fractured fairy tales and Peabody and Sherman and their Wayback machine episodes as well

[SilkyHoseLover]

Me Too!! It was made for adults as much as it was for children.
I was in High School when the Rocky and Bullwinkel show was on.
I liked the fractured fairy tales and Peabody and Sherman and their Wayback machine episodes as well

Yep -- great memories! What a wonderful ensemble of voice actors (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieOGZtGUjRQ), including June Foray, Bill Scott, William Conrad, Hans Conried, Daws Butler, Paul Frees, Edward Everett Horton, et al. Sadly, they're all gone now, with June Foray passing away just about a year ago at 99. But they live in on in my ears... :bigrin:

[querty]

Exactly...... hence why I have curtailed who I tell, even (or maybe especially) in the swinger community.


I just hate that the few times I have come out, I get one of three reactions

1) do you mean gay ?
2) you must have a lot of sex
3) and from female people who admit to having sex with women, a look of disgust

Now with the way I dress, I get even weirder questions, but there is an assumption I am open to sex with everyone

[playful808]

Exactly...... hence why I have curtailed who I tell, even (or maybe especially) in the swinger community.

The swinger community is honestly very liberal about things like race, age, weight, religion, body-shape, kinkiness, disability, etc.
And female bisexuality is almost mandatory at the parties we attend. But they are surprisingly conservative about male bisexuality.
Many profiles of older swingers simply say ’no bi men’. Ok. Ours basically says ‘no straight men’.

[DD788Snipe]

I'm totally in the closet (family has no clue as far as I know) and I'm only out to the men I've had sex with, which I can count on 1 hand (unfortunately :suave:).

That describes me too. I could never come out of the closet.

[DD788Snipe]

CSREEF wrote: "
So now he is living in Ukraine . . . Come Natasha, vee get into big black car. . .Vee go to kill Moose and Squirrel."



Aw, I loved the cartoon, Rocky and Bullwinkle!



Same here. Lol

[csreef]

The swinger community is honestly very liberal about things like race, age, weight, religion, body-shape, kinkiness, disability, etc.
And female bisexuality is almost mandatory at the parties we attend. But they are surprisingly conservative about male bisexuality.
Many profiles of older swingers simply say ’no bi men’. Ok. Ours basically says ‘no straight men’.

Years ago I was invited to join a Swingers group that allowed single men in. I had to be interview first before I could join. .

Yes women could "Play together", but it was an absolute No for male/male "Play".

[sysper]

Years ago I was invited to join a Swingers group that allowed single men in. I had to be interview first before I could join. .

Yes women could "Play together", but it was an absolute No for male/male "Play".
i hear it's changing men are more allowed to swing both ways...i hope so!

[Jazminedress]

Years ago I was invited to join a Swingers group that allowed single men in. I had to be interview first before I could join. .

Yes women could "Play together", but it was an absolute No for male/male "Play".
I have heard those groups have some serious rules, and I think I can understnad it

[csreef]

I have heard those groups have some serious rules, and I think I can understnad it

A husband and wife owned the Swingers group that I belonged to . At the first party I was pulled aside by the husband. He said, "Linda (his wife) really likes you, and I do too. If you get out of hand, I'll take you out into the hallway and I'll brake you over my knee." :yikes2:The husband was 6' 8" tall and had hands like catchers mitts....

No one got out of control at his parties.

[Jazminedress]

A husband and wife owned the Swingers group that I belonged to . At the first party I was pulled aside by the husband. He said, "Linda (his wife) really likes you, and I do too. If you get out of hand, I'll take you out into the hallway and I'll brake you over my knee." :yikes2:The husband was 6' 8" tall and had hands like catchers mitts....

No one got out of control at his parties.

damn..............but, I can see the strictness

[hung4you]

I've said it several times in here that there exists not only a double standard for bi guys and bi gals but also with regard to homosexuality and bisexuality as well. If I told my neighbors I was gay, they'd smile and say, "Good for you." If I told them I was bi, I'd be shunned and possibly have a cross burned on my lawn. That's why there are so many more bi guys in the closet than other sexual orientations.

Hit the nail on the head there , so true.

[Realist]

CSREEF wrote: "
A husband and wife owned the Swingers group that I belonged to . At the first party I was pulled aside by the husband. He said, "Linda (his wife) really likes you, and I do too. If you get out of hand, I'll take you out into the hallway and I'll brake you over my knee." :yikes2:
The husband was 6' 8" tall and had hands like catchers mitts....No one got out of control at his parties. "

.................................................. ............



When I was 22, I got into a scrape at a movie theater and ended up in Jail, in Louisville, Ky, for the weekend. I was put into a cell with an 18 year old weight-lifter, who was about the size of your Swinger-buddy.

I was 6'1", weighed about 200, and was fresh out of the Army...... but looked like a midget, next to him!

I called him, "SIR" and would have saluted him, if he'd wanted me to!

[ChiefH]

I am totally in the closet with my bi sexuality with my family!! My wife is so straight laced she would throw the divorce papers at me and walkout!! She would also make sure I never got to see my grandchildren again as long as I lived!!! So the only people who know are the ones on sites and a couple of men I have been with who are close friends and don't know my wife!

[zbi73]

I think I've read articles regarding the sexuality spectrum which indicate many, if not most, lie between the two ends, perhaps by the slimmest of margins but refuse to accept it therefore we are a constant reminder of their own sexual fluidity. The difference for us is that we've chosen to accept and in some cases acknowledge it, not bury it. In saying this, I'm in the closet too and will probably remain that way.

[Annika L]

Well geez, bi people have at least two things to be in the closet about. Closetedness is definitely a homo/hetero/non-bi construct. Wtf does it even mean for a bi person?

I have a female partner. To the world generally, we present as monogamous.

(1) We are both totally up front about having a female partner. Are we closeted because we don’t announce to people that we are also significantly attracted to men? Most people tell me no (and I have no doubts the analysis would be the same if we were a couple of men). BUT

(2) If a hetero married couple doesn’t share their same-sex proclivities with the world at large, they are most certainly branded as closeted.

This is the double standard that upsets me. It’s like society defines closeted as “hiding something we think you should be ashamed of”. Oh, you’re out about that sick relationship you have? Well good for you, at least you aren’t in the closet. What? You’re also into men? Why honey, that’s nothing to be ashamed of! You’re not in the closet at all...and maybe some day you’ll find the right man and settle down, and then you won’t have to worry about that old closet status!

Society can take its judgements and its permissions and just go fuck itself.

To me, “closeted” has entirely to do with ones state of mind. If you are actively trying to avoid people finding out about some aspect of your life/style, then you are closeted. If it hasn’t come out simply because nobody has asked the right questions or you don’t yet know them well enough to share information that personal, then no, that is not closeted.

[travelingman5000]

I find this conversation interesting.

I am bi and in the closet, yes I used that term. I will always be in the closet. It means the same thing it means in the gay community and if your gay and upset that I use this term, get over it.

[tenni]

Good points Annika. I started a new thread on bisexuality and sexual politics. I most defintely see "closet" as a monnosexual (heterosexual or gay )construct that bisexuals who develop our own constructs and language.

Travellingman5000 yes you used the mono sexual wording "in the closet" Could it be because bisexuals have not come up with our own phrases to suit us? "Discreet" or ?

[travelingman5000]

Travellingman5000 yes you used the mono sexual wording "in the closet" Could it be because bisexuals have not come up with our own phrases to suit us? "Discreet" or ?


I personally don't feel the need or see the point in inventing new terms when a perfectly good term already exist. If the LG"B"T community really wants to be a community it seem counter productive to take the stance that term x is a gay term and bi people should not use it.