In the publics eye-gay, lesbian, bisexual = Pornography

[whichway06]

For a long time I have been surfing the web and looking at as many gay, lesbian, and bisexual sites as I can. I have talked with many gay, lesbian and bisexuals face to face or in chat rooms and forums. I have found one common thing that seems to go hand in hand with the gay, lesbian, bisexual community and that is pornography. I have found very few sites that do not have a link to gay porn. There are some sites that I think, hey a gay site without a link to porn, but after further searching the site there it is, a link to gay porn.
I have even found sites that advertise they are there to help people with gay issues in their communities that have links to gay porn. I even found a site that was for gay teens, 13 to 17 that had a link to gay porn. Why are so many gay, lesbian, bisexual web sites linked to pornography? Now I know most of you will say there are just as many straight porn web sites, but how many of these are linked to other web sites that have nothing to do with pornography? I can say I have not found any porn links while shopping on line for car prices, camera's, clothing, sporting goods and many other items. But for some reason when it comes to the gay, lesbian, bisexual community there it is a link to porn.
This is no secret the straight community knows that many many gay sites of all kinds have porn links. I have not seen the gay flag for awhile but I remember it being shown freely in public and what do you think most people thought when they seen a flag that had two guys in the process of anal sex? Why do so many gay, lesbian and bisexual web sites that seem to really tackle important issues and seem to be really working hard for the gay community have porn links on there web sites? Is this how the gay, lesbian and bisexual community want to be portrayed as being all about, pornography?
Most straight people I know and have talked with tell me that the gay, lesbian and bisexual community are sexual pervert's. When asked why they feel this way the reply is all to often, "gays have no sense of relationship or family values". When asked why that is the reply is all to often pointed at gay pornography and the have sex with anyone attitude they believe the gay community has.
This makes me wonder if this is one of the biggest reasons why gays, lesbians and bisexuals are not widely excepted as being able to have what straight people would call normal relationships and family households. Is the widely excepted links to pornography in the gay community it's down fall? When I look at a web site that says it's dedicated to the gay community and how they help fight for gay marriage, gay adoption and other gay rights and then at the bottom of the web page there is a link to gay porn. All I can think is, "what the hell". I even found a site that said it's by gays and for gays to stop pornography but they had a link to a porn site, now that's a "what the hell". Please do not tell me that straight people never look at gay web sites.
Are community leaders going to support gay, lesbian and bisexual groups who have a web site that says it's working for community efferts but then has a link to pornography that anyone can see or access? If anyone wants to view porn in your own home that's your business. But why must the gay, lesbian and bisexual community always identify themselves with pornography?
To say if you do not like it then do not look at it is living your life looking through a pin hole in a piece of paper. The big picture is still porn links on a very large number of gay, lesbian and bisexual related web sites. This is what the public sees and this is how they view the gay, lesbian and bisexual community. So the big question is, how is this affecting the gay, lesbian and bisexual community in our efferts to be excepted as what the straight world calls normal segment of society?

[Rhuth]

I suppose my question is "what makes pornography such a bad thing"? If it is such a curse to society, why do sex therapists and councilors recommend it as a helpful tool for relationships?

I am not surprised that GLBT sites attract advertisers with porn links. Our very topic is related to sexuality. When I look for bisexual topics, not only am I admitting I am a sexual being, I am specifying what I am attracted to. Clothing companies can only dream of societal labels that they can specifically advertise to like that. So when you ask why so many GLBT sites have porn links, my answer would be that it boils down to money.

I could see how profits dictating how society is run could be detrimental to society. Trying to stop it by stopping GLBT sites from accepting advertising money from porn seems to be placing a tourniquet at the little toe.

[Kuragxo]

Your questions have gotten me to think about myself a bit and why I am on this website. It has also made me think about other issues, especially why I am much more reluctant to come out to others.

First, I really find nothing wrong with pornography as long as it is not violent and doesn't involve underage participants. Some types are more to my liking than others but to each his own... But it seems to me your real question is: should it be associated with let's say a website like this one, that seems to be more concerned with the psychological, political, and social issues surrounding bisexuality, and I have to admit I am of two minds here.

One of the reasons I am somewhat reluctant at this moment to fill in my profile on this site, or to come out to many acquaintances and friends locally is not embarrassment of my bisexuality, or a lack of concern over the political and social issues related to bisexuality but because, from past experience, some people see "coming out" as a "come-on" and are either offended or anxious for sex afterward. I am no prude but I'd rather not have my coming-out taken like that. It's irrational I know but a website with too many links to porn (I'm not saying that's the case here) places my coming out stories within the context of a "come-on"... ARGHHH!!! I've just confused myself. :-)

Can someone explain what I just said? :bigrin:

[cand86]

This is a very good, interesting topic! I have also noticed the rampant running-over of gay porn advertisements on sites that aren't sexual or explicit in content- I'm remembering one that got me very intrigued as they had a "no-porn" promise. And indeed, they didn't have any porn. Just a billion banners everywhere promising first times, twinks, free videos, etc.. One wrong click . . . but that's beside the point.

I agree with Rhuth that it probably comes down to money. And it's very true that this post is working with the assumption that pornography is bad, or, at the very least, shameful and something to be kept hidden away. In the end, though, I think that trying to hide away sex isn't a good thing. Would the gay/lesbian/bisexual movement find a huge resurgence if it stopped aligning itself with porn? I don't think so. And you always run the risk of losing sexuality altogether, which, let's face it, is what makes us gay/lesbian/bisexual. We are more than sex, of course, but at the core it is a definition- otherwise I think another label would be suitable, something like 'queer', etc. Somehow gay/bisexual men have managed to hold on to this idea, but there have been (some can even say still are) periods where lesbianism has seemed more like a political party than a definition of who you like to take to bed and get down and dirty with. There are beliefs and values, and that's good, but sex is the common bond. It reminds me somewhat of a similar debate sort of continuously going on, especially with the lobby for gay marriage: those whose tactics involve the idea "we're just like you" are angering people who don't feel they are. These angry people want us to understand that covering up/ignoring/denouncing the socially frowned-upon practices associated with GBLT (like polygamy, BDSM, casual sex, etc., etc.) is both limiting to the cause and untrue. It's apologetic. To take porn links away from gay sites is to, in a way, say "Don't worry; we're not perverts, please take us seriously." It's an altogether wrong reason to be taken seriously.

To sum it up, I don't really care for links every which way when I'm trying to concentrate on serious, non-sexy stuff. But I understand why they're there, on a multitude of levels. And as for the young'ns, just exploring their sexuality, being able to access the porn through benign sites, I say 1) it's out there, there's nothing you can do, so take care, and 2) perhaps it serves a purpose, too. I remember an enjoyable YA book about gay kids, one of which decided to lose his virginity after getting beaten up. His reasoning? Why should he keep on taking that s*** when he hadn't even experienced anything? There's knowledge in pornography, as well as an affirmation that what you like and enjoy, sexually, is right, perfectly normal, and shared by others. That's why I like to think they're on those sites, but that's just my opinion.

Instead of worrying about what mainstream society is going to think of us, perhaps we should focus our efforts on changing how what we do means to them?

[Reprob8]

I have always been ambiguos about porn untill I started paying attention to my bisexual feelings. If it wasn't for porn I would not have an outlet, I do not see like minded people knocking down my door. If I am watching bi porn and all the focus is on the woman then it is useless to me, and sometimes I just prefer to watch m/m porn.

I believe this site is associated with a bi porn site and I am fine with that because they draw a firm line between the two venues and you do not have to witness the porn unless you want to (aside from a banner ad or two).

[DiamondDog]

in our efferts to be excepted as what the straight world calls normal segment of society?

But who wants to be normal?
There's no such thing as "normal", and I don't see the point in trying to strive to be a made up expectation from a conformist heteronormantive society.

I also think that straight people need to rattled out of their complacent little lives.

As far as porn goes I'm fine with it and I know people who are involved with it. Also, lots of sites (even this one) just use porn banners/ads to pay the bills.

[Herbwoman39]

Since comming to terms with my bisexuality, it has been my goal to educate those who do not understand or have negative attitudes towards the LGBT community either as a whole or in part.

If, as you say, we are giving the hetero community the wrong impression, then it is our job to educate and enlighten those views. The more people who get to know us on an individual level, the fewer negative impressions there will be.

It also behooves us to consider the adage "Don't judge a book by its cover.". While I have a reputation for being a bit naive in my belief in the goodness of people, I also do not believe that the majority of the heterosexual community judges us by the links that appear on LGBT websites. If anything I think those judgements would come into play based more on the content of the site rather than such peripheral issues.

I honestly do not feel that the hetero community bases their judgements on website links. More likely those biases are based on rumor, suposition and extravagant instances of behavior by fringe members of our community.