deletetacount123
Sep 15, 2006, 12:12 AM
Wow talk about a trip down memory lane!!!!
(warning long rambling post about me discovering my sexually even futher)
Here I am, having a bored evening so I popped in a movie:
"But.. I'm a Cheerleader!" was tonights movie.
Comes a scene where they are talking about "roots" and things.... and I started thinking "so when did I become interested in girls??" hehe
Ya, I could pick my sudden "more than a friend" crush on my childhood best friend but then I realized something I had forgotten about. Something that had started when I was 10 till I was probably 13 or 14.
Shaking my head I ignored my thoughts and watched the movie but then it started to bother me... my thoughts were coming strong so the movie ended and I thought "mmmmm"
So it seems I lied when I said I never had sex with a woman.... cause I kinda did when I was 10 till busted at 13. :( But you know, I refuse to say I lied when I told people I never did it before cause i FORGOT..... it was meanless and was so long ago :)
You know how as kids you probably played "Doctor" or "House" (mom and dad roles) ?? Well, me and my friend... I don't remember WHO started it and HOW but we developed a play called "boyfriend/girlfriend" (neither of us liked the thought of marriage at the time other wise it could have been 'House")
Pretty much what we did was hmm be naked, on top of one other, kissing (not frenching), grinding our hips into each other and touching and she licked me! (don't know why I didn't... I think she was "in control" most of the time and I did what she told me)
I remember feeling it was REALLY good... got a excited happy feeling "down there" that I never did get when I was married to my ex :( (but then, he didn;t do anything that she did lol) You know, at the time I thought it was the perfectly normal thing to do :)
Trust me, we seemed to do it every private chance we had... it was that good.
One day when I was 13, we were at it...... we didn't hear my mom come home so she walked right in on us!!! Yikes!! I do remember her being VERY VERY CROSS... mad.... the evil wickly angry type!!!!
"Now... what you two did is plain wrong...." Mom says in a voice that makes you wish you didn't do anything in the first place. (didn't know how long we had been doing it tho)
Trust me.... shes one of those woman that you DO NOT want to make angry or you'll regret it.
After that day the 3 of us pretty much just left it alone and forgotten... never brought up again.
It was the movie that made me remember and suddenly everything seems so much clear :)
So I sit here at my computer just thinking about the whole thing......
In fact, earlier this week.... I got mom to confess she CAN'T tell me Im not gay lol SHE only knows from how one of my brothers acted.... She thinks I should see a person that deals with sexually but can a professional really tell??? I told mom Ive been feeling gay for years... (she thinks its cause of my recent divorce... and its not lol)
Does she remember what she busted me on when I was 13?? No.... yes I still am in contact with the other girl and does she remember?? Nope, she also thinks Im not gay. Oh well :)
I think I have gotten a sudden brust of courage to just go ahead and do what I want to do cause Ive done it before :) But Im not just picking anyone... I don;t believe in first night stands, so it has to be someone ive been friends with for awhile and just see what happens there :)
I think what scared me of going ahead in the past was cause somewhere inside I still remember the very angry woman that busted me when I was 13 :( But at that time I remember thinking:
"How can something that feels so right and normal be so wrong?"
Today the answer I know is "cause its not wrong if it felt right"
Oh well... I know mom just wants me to be happy and doesn;t want someone hurting me.... yes Ive had bad relationships in the past but we LEARN from that :) Our bad times and mistakes makes us who we are today.
I will end my rambling.... I just wanted to share me coming out more :)
Tasha
:wiggle2: :wiggle2: :wiggle2: :wiggle2: :wiggle2: :wiggle2: <-- Love these guys lol
(warning long rambling post about me discovering my sexually even futher)
Here I am, having a bored evening so I popped in a movie:
"But.. I'm a Cheerleader!" was tonights movie.
Comes a scene where they are talking about "roots" and things.... and I started thinking "so when did I become interested in girls??" hehe
Ya, I could pick my sudden "more than a friend" crush on my childhood best friend but then I realized something I had forgotten about. Something that had started when I was 10 till I was probably 13 or 14.
Shaking my head I ignored my thoughts and watched the movie but then it started to bother me... my thoughts were coming strong so the movie ended and I thought "mmmmm"
So it seems I lied when I said I never had sex with a woman.... cause I kinda did when I was 10 till busted at 13. :( But you know, I refuse to say I lied when I told people I never did it before cause i FORGOT..... it was meanless and was so long ago :)
You know how as kids you probably played "Doctor" or "House" (mom and dad roles) ?? Well, me and my friend... I don't remember WHO started it and HOW but we developed a play called "boyfriend/girlfriend" (neither of us liked the thought of marriage at the time other wise it could have been 'House")
Pretty much what we did was hmm be naked, on top of one other, kissing (not frenching), grinding our hips into each other and touching and she licked me! (don't know why I didn't... I think she was "in control" most of the time and I did what she told me)
I remember feeling it was REALLY good... got a excited happy feeling "down there" that I never did get when I was married to my ex :( (but then, he didn;t do anything that she did lol) You know, at the time I thought it was the perfectly normal thing to do :)
Trust me, we seemed to do it every private chance we had... it was that good.
One day when I was 13, we were at it...... we didn't hear my mom come home so she walked right in on us!!! Yikes!! I do remember her being VERY VERY CROSS... mad.... the evil wickly angry type!!!!
"Now... what you two did is plain wrong...." Mom says in a voice that makes you wish you didn't do anything in the first place. (didn't know how long we had been doing it tho)
Trust me.... shes one of those woman that you DO NOT want to make angry or you'll regret it.
After that day the 3 of us pretty much just left it alone and forgotten... never brought up again.
It was the movie that made me remember and suddenly everything seems so much clear :)
So I sit here at my computer just thinking about the whole thing......
In fact, earlier this week.... I got mom to confess she CAN'T tell me Im not gay lol SHE only knows from how one of my brothers acted.... She thinks I should see a person that deals with sexually but can a professional really tell??? I told mom Ive been feeling gay for years... (she thinks its cause of my recent divorce... and its not lol)
Does she remember what she busted me on when I was 13?? No.... yes I still am in contact with the other girl and does she remember?? Nope, she also thinks Im not gay. Oh well :)
I think I have gotten a sudden brust of courage to just go ahead and do what I want to do cause Ive done it before :) But Im not just picking anyone... I don;t believe in first night stands, so it has to be someone ive been friends with for awhile and just see what happens there :)
I think what scared me of going ahead in the past was cause somewhere inside I still remember the very angry woman that busted me when I was 13 :( But at that time I remember thinking:
"How can something that feels so right and normal be so wrong?"
Today the answer I know is "cause its not wrong if it felt right"
Oh well... I know mom just wants me to be happy and doesn;t want someone hurting me.... yes Ive had bad relationships in the past but we LEARN from that :) Our bad times and mistakes makes us who we are today.
I will end my rambling.... I just wanted to share me coming out more :)
Tasha
:wiggle2: :wiggle2: :wiggle2: :wiggle2: :wiggle2: :wiggle2: <-- Love these guys lol