mpine58
Jul 31, 2018, 2:42 PM
I’m posting this because I’m in very desperate need of some advice on my situation, and I’m hoping that any of the older married guys here who have some experience with this sort of thing can offer some advice. I’m going to try to be as brief as possible, but bear with me because there’s a bit to talk about.
I’m a married 38 y/o with two beautiful children. My wife and I are madly in love, we are each other’s best friends, and we have a great sex life. I am very happy and blessed in all aspects of my life. However, for as long as I can remember, I’ve always had this thing for penis. I have always been hyper focused on girls (and have had more opportunities in my life to explore this, but didn’t for some reason), and it’s very hard to explain really, but I’ve never been attracted to guys per se and for me it’s almost like I have this fetish for penis or something. I totally get that I am bisexual in some way, but I’m kind of lost as to where I fall with only a purely sexual attraction to dudes and a complete focus on the dick. I’m not into anal or kissing or anything like that, just the idea of basically worshipping a cock.
For me, I think there are a couple keys things here that I believe have a huge part in why I like penis so much. One was an experience I had as a small boy with another friend playing one day where we used to suck each other’s penises. The other thing is that, when I was around 13 years old or so I discovered how to suck on my own penis. And I did it a lot for many years up until I was maybe in my younger twenties. Then when I was around 21 y/o I actually had a very nice experience with an older guy where we sucked each other. And I had a girlfriend of many years who was into this and helped me to explore it a lot, although we never actually did anything.
Right around the age of 26 or so I became religious and met my now wife and had some very good things happening in my life, and for whatever reason I just wasn’t really thinking about the penis thing for about ten years or so. I definitely had some random instances where I’d watch blow job porn, but for the most part I’ve been policing myself for quite a while. Flash forward to about a year ago or so. Due to kids and life and crazy schedules, sex between my wife and I had become a little predictable and few and far between. I eventually talked to her about how I wanted to have more sex, and we ended up having a phenomenal heart to heart and shared many fantasies. One of the things I admitted to her was that I was extremely turned on by thinking about her with other guys. She was actually very open to the idea of exploring the fantasy, and the next thing you know we were on adult friend finder looking for guys.
About a couple of months into this, I admitted to her that I was very turned on by looking at all the dick pics. Unfortunately this didn’t go very well, and she kind of freaked out about it, and after talking very little about it we agreed to just not talk about it. After about two weeks of awkwardly ignoring the elephant in the room, she actually came to me about it one day. My amazing wife told me that she’d been thinking about the whole thing and reading a lot about it, and decided that, not only was she ok with it and wanted me to explore it, but it also really turned her on to think about it. We did end up exploring it a lot. With her amazing encouragement she let me find and save as many dick pics as I wanted, and we often looked at pics or videos of dicks or guy’s giving each other blow jobs while we had sex.
We eventually decided we wanted to make this happen for me, so our search for guys for her shifted to us finding a guy for me. We explored all this stuff for about a year, and then one day we both talked about it and decided not to do it anymore. I think we were both mostly feeling bad because of our religious beliefs, so we literally just dropped the whole thing like a hot potato.
Recently, and really ever since I stopped talking about it with my wife, I’ve been thinking about penis a lot. It’s gotten to the point that I’m almost afraid I’m going to be tempted to do something at some point of my life. And I keep on going back and forth between wanting to just accept this as part of me, and wanting to try to forget about it. Now, very recently we started talking about the hot wife fantasy again and my wife is ok with that because she said she feels we can healthily explore that fantasy without having to do anything really crazy. And I’m so torn between wanting to talk to her about my penis thing and just not ever bringing it up again. I know that she loves me so much and isn’t going anywhere, and would accept this either way if I told her that I really needed it in my life. But, the problem is that I’m so conflicted with whether or not I do actually want it in my life. Sometimes I really do and my cravings for penis get really intense, and other times I can just kind of keep it in the background. I feel completely stuck as to how I should move forward with this.
I’m a married 38 y/o with two beautiful children. My wife and I are madly in love, we are each other’s best friends, and we have a great sex life. I am very happy and blessed in all aspects of my life. However, for as long as I can remember, I’ve always had this thing for penis. I have always been hyper focused on girls (and have had more opportunities in my life to explore this, but didn’t for some reason), and it’s very hard to explain really, but I’ve never been attracted to guys per se and for me it’s almost like I have this fetish for penis or something. I totally get that I am bisexual in some way, but I’m kind of lost as to where I fall with only a purely sexual attraction to dudes and a complete focus on the dick. I’m not into anal or kissing or anything like that, just the idea of basically worshipping a cock.
For me, I think there are a couple keys things here that I believe have a huge part in why I like penis so much. One was an experience I had as a small boy with another friend playing one day where we used to suck each other’s penises. The other thing is that, when I was around 13 years old or so I discovered how to suck on my own penis. And I did it a lot for many years up until I was maybe in my younger twenties. Then when I was around 21 y/o I actually had a very nice experience with an older guy where we sucked each other. And I had a girlfriend of many years who was into this and helped me to explore it a lot, although we never actually did anything.
Right around the age of 26 or so I became religious and met my now wife and had some very good things happening in my life, and for whatever reason I just wasn’t really thinking about the penis thing for about ten years or so. I definitely had some random instances where I’d watch blow job porn, but for the most part I’ve been policing myself for quite a while. Flash forward to about a year ago or so. Due to kids and life and crazy schedules, sex between my wife and I had become a little predictable and few and far between. I eventually talked to her about how I wanted to have more sex, and we ended up having a phenomenal heart to heart and shared many fantasies. One of the things I admitted to her was that I was extremely turned on by thinking about her with other guys. She was actually very open to the idea of exploring the fantasy, and the next thing you know we were on adult friend finder looking for guys.
About a couple of months into this, I admitted to her that I was very turned on by looking at all the dick pics. Unfortunately this didn’t go very well, and she kind of freaked out about it, and after talking very little about it we agreed to just not talk about it. After about two weeks of awkwardly ignoring the elephant in the room, she actually came to me about it one day. My amazing wife told me that she’d been thinking about the whole thing and reading a lot about it, and decided that, not only was she ok with it and wanted me to explore it, but it also really turned her on to think about it. We did end up exploring it a lot. With her amazing encouragement she let me find and save as many dick pics as I wanted, and we often looked at pics or videos of dicks or guy’s giving each other blow jobs while we had sex.
We eventually decided we wanted to make this happen for me, so our search for guys for her shifted to us finding a guy for me. We explored all this stuff for about a year, and then one day we both talked about it and decided not to do it anymore. I think we were both mostly feeling bad because of our religious beliefs, so we literally just dropped the whole thing like a hot potato.
Recently, and really ever since I stopped talking about it with my wife, I’ve been thinking about penis a lot. It’s gotten to the point that I’m almost afraid I’m going to be tempted to do something at some point of my life. And I keep on going back and forth between wanting to just accept this as part of me, and wanting to try to forget about it. Now, very recently we started talking about the hot wife fantasy again and my wife is ok with that because she said she feels we can healthily explore that fantasy without having to do anything really crazy. And I’m so torn between wanting to talk to her about my penis thing and just not ever bringing it up again. I know that she loves me so much and isn’t going anywhere, and would accept this either way if I told her that I really needed it in my life. But, the problem is that I’m so conflicted with whether or not I do actually want it in my life. Sometimes I really do and my cravings for penis get really intense, and other times I can just kind of keep it in the background. I feel completely stuck as to how I should move forward with this.