Is being bi worse than being gay?

[djb1981]

Hi everybody!

Just wondering but....

I'm a bi guy living in Japan, and whilst I know through experience that homosexuality in Japan is far more accepted now than ten (or even five) years ago, it seems to me that being bi-sexual is still a big no-no. Has anyone else have thoughts on this?
It simply seems to me that being either 100 per cent hetero or homo is (more) acceptable, but being in-between is seen as freakish. Do you think people (and not just in Japan) are generally more accepting of people who know which side they like their butter on?

ps, don't be too surprised if I don't post back too often.....I'm shy

[OzBiBoy25]

Yeh, I know what you mean. I tend to find that people initially assume that I am straight and consequently ask about my private life in a friendly manner and chat to me comfortably. Later when they find out I like guys, some become quieter with me while most become a little less interested in my private life but are still friendly. Once they work out that I still like girls at the same time people seem to just shut up and totally avoid conversations about love and relationships, let alone sex!! :flag3:

[mike9753]

I'm not sure but like always I will speculate. Don't you think that people know more today about homosexualty than ever in the past? I mean, homosexual men, especially for years were thought of by the str8 community as being perverts who would molest their male children at the drop of a hat. Now, more people have seen well adjusted, normal behaving gay men & women who lead productive lives and contribute to society. SO the mistaken assumption of an anti-social pervert is diminishing. And we all know that people in general are afraid of what they don't know. Now that they know better, they may object to homosexuality on (what they think is) moral grounds, but they are not so afraid.

Now here comes the concept of bisexuality. What do these str8, uptight people do about this new classification? They don't understand it to begin with, so they are afraid. Secondly, if you are out as a bisexual, then people may think that their children - little boys and little girls are at risk, because a bisexual must be a sexual predator and is unpredictable.

I think that when more bisexual men and women come out and the str8 public see them leading normal lives, contributing to society, struggling with mortgages, the high cost of gas, interpersonal difficulties, career dilemas, etc. then the fear will go away and the other extreme attitudes will become less extreme. But people, being people, are not tolerant of differences. So there will always be an uphill battle that any minority group has to face - race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. The frequency and the degree of the prejudice my fade over time, but I fear it will never go away. Unless we meet an alien species which is so different from us that the prejudice is switch from one human group to this new alien group. (Uh, oh - do I sound like Tom Cruise???).

Just some idle speculation from someone who has too much time on my hands.

[CherryBlossom74]

I don't know about worse, but it seems to me that we are dealing with prejudices from straight and homosexuals as we don't conform to either group at all. The pressure seems to become worse the more I realize our inivisibility is what is causing the biases to remain. Is it worse? Gat love is beautiful to me....but what is off-putting is the stereotpyes we get slapped with for not staying with them. Oh well....

What really matters is that there ae a lot of us and if we hold to each other we will be fine...eventually. :bibounce:

[Mayalaen]

In searching the internet there is an obvious lack of bi stuff out there but a huge amount of gay/lesbian material (as well as het stuff).

It seems we are in the minority and get crap from both sides of the spectrum which puts us at a disadvantage.... not to mention the whole idea that we are just 'confused' about what we want. *Grumbles*

[Bigc69]

Who said either is bad?

[mike9753]

Good point Bigc69, but I tihnk what we are saying is that whether you are Bi or Gay you still have to deal with the crap that society gives you. We don't call it bad, society does and it's how we deal with it that counts in terms of our own happiness. It's like the weather in a way. No matter how much we complain, it does not change teh weather. So complaining does not work. We dress for it - raincoat for the rain, shorts for the hazy, hot & humid days. We can complain about society, but the best thing to do is educate society by providing information and prominent role models. Even then the block heads out there will always find ways of judging us, and that's jus tlike the weather.

[Shiraz]

I agree with Mike that bisexuals need to come out and let the people around us see that we are getting on with our lives and paying taxes like anyone else.

Thing is that unlike the gays and lesbians in brilliant colours, we are the grey peoplw who merge in..

[Bigc69]

Yes if you are bi or gay you do have to deal with the crap society gives you but consider this. As a bi or gay person you have much more openess between your potential lovers. Try to meet a man or woman these days on a hetero level. The games and the nonsense is maddening. I have several hetero unmarried friends who are just sick of it. I also know at least two women who tried bi because they got tired of the games men played with them. And I know of several men woh have gone the same route. bi's and gays , at least to me, seem to avoid the nonsense and focus on their interests and attractions. I can tell you this for sure: I am an attractive man who could get laid much easier with a man than a woman.........why?

[Bi-ten]

Hey 1981!

Don't be shy, heck we can't even see you;) Anyway I have only come out to one person, my dearest and most trusted friend, and well... she just doesn't get it. How can I really like men and women? I must surely be gay! Well, I know what I like and it really doesn't matter if she believes I'm gay, bottom line is that she is still my friend.

Some battles are worth fighting, chose them well!

:flag4: Bi-ten

[EbyKat]

I don't know myself... I've been very lucky in that all my friends and co workers whom I've shared my bisexuality with have been very accepting.

I didn't exactly come out to the elementary teachers I worked with but then I wasn't close to any of them.

I do, however, think it would be easier for my parents if I was flat out gay. I think bisexuality feels very ambiguous to them and they just want me to have a happy life. I know they worry about other people's prejuduce hurting me. It's why they don't like me being pagan either.
But we deal with it by not talking about it, I mention the women I'm seeing in passing and slowly I'll expose my parents to it more. But to me this isn't something bad. It's not helping them learn to love who I really am, it's helping them understand my lifestyle.

Gay people have to go through the same thing, and maybe it's worse for them because sometimes it's flat out harder to find dates in some areas.

[Trinity69]

Hi all,
It is my opinion that where I am from (the "bible belt"), I could have smoothed things over alot better to have just said that I was a lesbian,rather than a bisexual woman.Here it is all about judgment.everyone is your judge and jury,nevermind the fact that we are suppose to have the freedom here to live as we please.I never push my sexuality on anyone,but I have found out that the more people who know ,the less people feel comfortable with me.
For example,I was massaging a female friends shoulders the other day,she was tired,she works 2 jobs,and we began discussing,(her sister and I), the fact that I was bisexual,she said," get away from me". I thought,geez,I wasnt thinking of you in that way.But never the less it changed her.
I would tend to say yes,it is harder ,but we can always hope for acceptance one day.... :tong: Trinity

[rayosytruenos]

Hi everybody!

Just wondering but....

I'm a bi guy living in Japan, and whilst I know through experience that homosexuality in Japan is far more accepted now than ten (or even five) years ago, it seems to me that being bi-sexual is still a big no-no. Has anyone else have thoughts on this?
It simply seems to me that being either 100 per cent hetero or homo is (more) acceptable, but being in-between is seen as freakish. Do you think people (and not just in Japan) are generally more accepting of people who know which side they like their butter on?

ps, don't be too surprised if I don't post back too often.....I'm shy

First, I think that gays, bisexuals and other forms of sexual orientation are just as valid as heterosexuals, as far as you do what you do without hurting anybody and being between consensual adults.

I think acceptance is more of a fashion than a reality... I mean homosexuals or homosexual behaviour have existed for many centuries and millennia and still you can find some historical proof, so why not about the other forms of expression? Yes, there are too, but usually mixed in a heterosexual background or disguised in a homosexual background as they are easier to identify...

I read (pity I lost the link) about some samurais involved in homosexual practices. There is historical proof that during the Greek Empire and the Roman Empire, it was normal to have a gay companion, besides your heterosexual conquests. In some cases, the homosexual behaviour was better seen than the strictly heterosexual one.

In some Native American Indians there is some kind of third sex, where mainly men that feel like woman, behave womanly.

In some African cultures there are places called "manhood houses" where young men entered to suck off those a bit older to get impregnated with their manhood, and after a few years doing so, they become the ones giving their manhood to new young ones eager to become "men"...

So I think it has been everywhere and for a long time, but when the powers are interested in changing something, like a fashion, they start to say "that's bad", "that's wrong". Look at the fashion moves, one year an X piece of clothes is trendy, then the next year (in this case, for economic reasons mainly) they say that they are out, and that they are not trendy anymore...
Nevertheless, maybe 30 years later, they say that the same piece that was not trendy, it's trendy again. (Maybe their imagination only covers for a gap of 30 years to make something look like new...)

I think we are now in a zone where still gays, bisexuals, etc are not fully accepted, but winning more and more acceptance, maybe till a glorious day where we can enjoy again our sexuality without any stigma or discrimination.

All the best,

ray

[texasman6172003]

Hi yall,I thhink society in general is oppose to bisexuals because we dont comform to one group or the other. Be it strait or gay. Frankly i could care less how they feel. We should just be ourselves. Life is hard enuff to go thru without worrying what a certain group of people think about you...Tex.

[artsonggirl]

I personally find it hard to come out as bi, not because I'm nervous about it (I'm not) but because my dating life doesn't come up that much in general. Since I have dated more men than women when I mention a past experiences it's almost always with male adjectives. I try to leave out gender adjectives all together but then I feel self-conscious about it. Why the hell am I so nervous about saying "he"? Because people will think I'm straight? Let's face it, most people assume heterosexuality unless told otherwise. We are more tuned in to non-heterosexuality because we fall into that category ourselves. But even so, have you ever assumed someone is hetero without actually asking them? You know what assuming does... it makes an "ass" of "u" and "me". Maybe there are more of us out there than we think...

[CuteGeorgiaBoy]

:flag3:
I think that hetero people generally do not understand us. People like to place things in neat categories with simple labels.
Also, straight is the majority (now), so folks know how to deal with straight people. Gay has become part of daily life for most, like most other things 'in the news', so that's not a big problem for them either. IMHO people deal with gay people, in a politically correct manor, and then secretly pat themselves on the back for being so cosmopolitan.
We, as bisexuals are not so easy to pin down and most people seem to have a difficult time getting a real grasp of the concept. As a result, they fail on many levels when dealing with bisexual people.
Perhaps things will improve when the world stops seeing bisexual people as defectors from the gay team or the straight team or as double-agents for both teams. We have our own team. Make room. :tong:

[kenny]

As a bi male with a gay brother, I find it odd that he can come out and I cant. Being gay in this day and age is ok while being bi is considered confused. Well, I can tell you that I'm much less "confused" than my brother. I think that most so called straight guys only wish that would try (or have) what we do. It's nice to be comfortable doing what I do and wouldnt trade it for anything!!

[Mrs.F]

Before finding out about my husband being bisexual, I have to admit I was probably one those "people" who didn't understand it. My husband and I have gay friends and we have straight friends. We have no "out" bisexual friends. So bisexuality was not something I thought about, knew alot about or cared about really. It never affected me. However, then I find out that my husband is bisexual. A whole new world opened up! There are just so many people who don't understand it because it has not affected them.

A conversation happened at my work the other day that I must tell you about. A nurse around my age (30ish) was talking about her son who is 3. She went into her daughters bedroom to find her son had taken off his diaper and clothes and put on his sisters tights. She said she had to immediately take the tights off him and get his diaper back on because her husband has a homofobia and is deathly afraid that his son will not be "normal". I was just going about my work and listening at the same time and was just shocked. First off... I have a 2 yr. old son and they are courious about everything. So this 3 yr. old was just exploring and noticing that maybe his sister wears different clothes. That doesn't mean anything. For her husband to be in a such a panic about this was upsetting to me. But another lady I work with looked at her and asked her "what is normal"? I was so proud of her! Whatever your sexual preference, your still a human being with feelings! I don't believe in a "normal". You are who you are! That's what makes everyone unique!! :) :2cents:

[m.in.heels&hose]

Hello all
i have said it before, i think society (as a whole) fears what it does not understand, and refuses to understand,
being a bi male with a straight wife, i can say those who doe understand or at the most accepting dont seem to have a problem with this

and i do have to say i know what you are saying kenny, i have a sister who is gay, and very much outr in the open about it and even she still refuses to beleive that someone (anyone) can be bi, she feels either you are gay or straight, no in between

i have gone through many years of councilling, and my councilour truly beleives that bisexuality does exsist and she is also a professor of psycology

:offtopic: sorry! i did not mean to get off subject (again)

thank you for my :2cents: here
m.in.heels&hose

[jordok]

I believe that communities are comfortable when they can attach labels to individuals, hence 'gay or straight' tags most people can deal with.

I also believe that most people are bisexual with a minority at each extreme being 'gay' or 'st8'

This reality is very difficult for most people/groups to accept - tolerate - understand

[nerdslut]

Bisexuality:

:) Less discrimination from straight people.
:( Less credibility for either straight or gay people.

My experience, anyway. Not helped along by drunk girls on televised beach outings platonically slurping each other's tongues (solely for male attention). Or trendy polyamory.