how to convince myself to try gay.... yes, another post about this.

[liberia]

Hi all.
I've been reading a lot of posts and they all say the same things.

"Wish I had started sooner"
"Didn't regret anything"
"It's amaaazing"

I seem to have a mental block which prohibits me from trying anything with a guy. I am of the opinion I will regret it forever and that it will change me for the worse. I feel as though it is weakness to give in and that I'm admitting to myself I'm a loser by doing anything. My devout catholic upbringing and family doesn't help.

BUT... I'm at the point that the only time I don't want to try it is immediately after I climax from rubbing one out... following which (about 15 min) I am back at square 1.

How do I push myself past the edge and dive in??

Any and all advice is appreciated. I know there are a lot of men who were once in my position... looking for wisdom here.

[sysper]

hi...i can relate to alot of what ur saying. i've been curious for years & i've come a longway of working on accepting my feelings. didn't really grow up in an environment that was supportive of much sexual freedom either. when i 1st started to get curious in my early 20's, like u after i climaxed i didn't feel like doing it anymore in fact there was so much guilt & shame each time i though it would be the last time & it would be months before i got the urge again. but it did allways come back. i also have a kinda feeling i would regret it & maybe change me for the worse too. my worry is, would i be doing it for the right reasons, or trying to avoid something i really gotta do in life? but then again, maybe i need to do this before i can move on. it's important to know sexuality is pretty complicated but having sexual attraction to either sex, or both sexes is perfectly fine & healthy. it's something i gotta remind myself from time to time. u are allowed to be curious about sex with a man, & enjoy it! it's very healthy to explore the possibilities. don't ever think u are a looser just because u wanna try doing it with a guy! accept this is normal & more guys than u suspect are thinking the same thing. big thing that's important is finding the right people who understand where ur coming from & u can trust they will support & encourage u but won't push u to do anything ur not ready or willing to do. i'm still looking for them & not just guys women too. i know they are out there.

[thirstyfellow]

I agree with sysper.

If you feel a need to persuade yourself, you might not be ready. Chill a little about the whole thing and if the opportunity arises (heh) you'll feel what you feel at the time. Let it be that way - you don't have to conform yourself to any "independent" ideal of what a person "should" do, whether it's a sexually repressed "ideal" or one that has you mounting everything that can't get away fast enough. Really - don't overthink this.

About the post-orgasm libido crash - It's a normal thing and we all (well, most of us) experience it. The orgasm involves a crescendo of chemical release - testosterone, dopamine, norepinephrine - that contributes to its out-of-control high. When that stops abruptly the post orgasmic state is nearly the opposite of the orgasmic build. I call it a "hormone flush" mostly because that's a good descriptive term; I don't know what actually happens chemically.

The interesting thing is, your abrupt shift in libido will occur only after you have ejaculated, not your partner. So its effect on your interest will have little to do with how you react to your partner's orgasm, other than perhaps through an accident of timing. The fact that you may have a moment of aversion to tasting your own semen doesn't have to affect whether you'll be interested in tasting his.

[Christopher South]

I thought the same way. Afraid to venture into this world due to 12 years of catholic schooling and homophobic friends. I used to masturbate to gay thoughts, then hate myself after I came.

When I finally convinced myself to be with another guy I was upfront about my "virginity". Explained I had never been with a guy and didn't know how far I could go. The guy was kind, patient and helped me along. I figured once I had finished I'd be sitting there hating myself again but it was totally different. I just sat there saying to myself "why did you wait so long???"

[whistle1]

I thought the same way. Afraid to venture into this world due to 12 years of catholic schooling and homophobic friends. I used to masturbate to gay thoughts, then hate myself after I came.

When I finally convinced myself to be with another guy I was upfront about my "virginity". Explained I had never been with a guy and didn't know how far I could go. The guy was kind, patient and helped me along. I figured once I had finished I'd be sitting there hating myself again but it was totally different. I just sat there saying to myself "why did you wait so long???"

You are very lucky to have found someone who was willing to be patient with you. Had he failed to respect your boundaries, you could have had a bad first experience.

[whistle1]

I can relate. I have been curious for the last few years, but do not have the nerve to act on it.

Like you, I am okay with it until I cum. I then feel the same guilt and shame that you described.

The only way I could ever see acting on my curiosity is to get to know the other person first to the point where I felt comfortable with him. Even then, I think some alcohol would be needed to loosen my inhibitions.

Not having any experience to draw on, I would agree with some of the other commenters - in particular, don't feel any pressure to do anything. There is nothing wrong with just the fantasy...

[Curiosity Satisfied]

Before I got with my first guy a few weeks ago I too was afraid it would change me forever. I was nervous beforehand but enjoyed the experience. Afterwards I was still me, unchanged really but with a new option for an enjoyable experience. I've sucked a few cocks and received a couple blow jobs now. When I am horny it sounds good and when I am not horny it's just a memory and I'm still me..

[cornholejoe]

try it once and if you dont like it dont do it again you never know till you do it

[liberia]

lots of good feedback, still seems to be largely concurring as well. How would I 'try' to do it while not forcing myself though? I mean, I have to find a guy to try it with, and he has to be patient and not an asshole, but when it comes down to it I still need to make myself do it.... idk I'm probably making zero sense to you all who have done it and now look back on it with fascination.

[sysper]

lol doesn't sound like it makes sense. but kinda does. i think u gotta decide what u want & work to get it. alot of work but i think it will be worth it. for both of us. this is why finding the right guy is so important. one who will encourage & guide a new guy but, not push to do something that's uncomfortable. so if a guy says let's strip to our underwear & see what happens that could be a big step but it's still a step to something more. but if a guy 1st meets u & says he wants to go back to ur car & shove his big 12 inch cock up ur ass without lube u gotta put ur foot down lol. so u still gotta kinda force urself to go for it but keep in mind ur overcoming false feelings about it being wrong or bad. just know ur limits & be clear with him.

[donttellnehismy]

lol doesn't sound like it makes sense. but kinda does. i think u gotta decide what u want & work to get it. alot of work but i think it will be worth it. for both of us. this is why finding the right guy is so important. one who will encourage & guide a new guy but, not push to do something that's uncomfortable. so if a guy says let's strip to our underwear & see what happens that could be a big step but it's still a step to something more. but if a guy 1st meets u & says he wants to go back to ur car & shove his big 12 inch cock up ur ass without lube u gotta put ur foot down lol. so u still gotta kinda force urself to go for it but keep in mind ur overcoming false feelings about it being wrong or bad. just know ur limits & be clear with him.

I agree with Sysper. Think of it like swimming. Dip your toes in test the water. Then slowly ease your way in. That's what I did. Just be honest with yourself and your partner about what you're comfortable doing. It's ok to say no. Start by meeting for drinks and see if there's chemistry. Lastly you don't have to do everything all at once. Going slow and exploring is fun.

[thirstyfellow]

lots of good feedback, still seems to be largely concurring as well. How would I 'try' to do it while not forcing myself though? I mean, I have to find a guy to try it with, and he has to be patient and not an asshole, but when it comes down to it I still need to make myself do it.... idk I'm probably making zero sense to you all who have done it and now look back on it with fascination.

In my case it happened once and only once - many years ago, before marriage and all that. I had similar socially induced repressions to fight (and to some extent I still do feel them) and so for me the experience as a 19 year old was both erotic and terrifying. It was back in the '70s when in my community a kid could get the shit kicked out of him for feeling up another guy. Lots and lots of social disincentives were at work.

My experience was with my best friend who I think in retrospect was very bisexual but was just beginning to come to terms with his instincts. He and I had become jacking buddies and eventually we started jacking each other off as well. For us it was probably inevitable that we would eventually experiment further and go down on each other, and that is what happened. There was a mutual trust involved; given the times we were each making ourselves extremely vulnerable to the other. I remember the event like it happened last night, not 45 years ago. Every detail.

My friend died in a car accident shortly after that experience, and so we never got together again. I often wonder how my life might have been different had we continued our explorations; we had a close bond that went far beyond sex and it might well have developed into more. As it is, I haven't touched another man's cock from that day to this, took the straight path without any particular regrets, and find myself revisiting my bisexual side even now only because of the lack of any hetero sex is driving me to take steps to maintain my own emotional health.

I'm sharing this because it seems to me that you are anxious about the potential that a m/m experience might "change your life." It may well do that - and those kinds of changes can be life-affirming.

Don't worry about trying to engineer an experience. You may find yourself with a guy who for some reason, you are connecting with unusually strongly. Just go with it. When you feel horny, your outlook is different than at other times. Your erotic arousal is to be celebrated, not hidden. If you trust in yourself and in your own feelings and feel confident in your own skin enough to tell him that you're getting hard as hell, things will unfold by themselves without pre-engineering anything. Communicate your anxieties and your lust together and if it's meant to happen, it will.

[sysper]

so sorry ur friend died but i bet ur glad u got to do somethings with him :) & also be close too. not to try & take away the conversation from liberia, so if u want u can write me separately. but i got the feeling alot of what is driving me to consider gay sex is my lack of str8 sex. it really destroys a person when he's not getting any. but going back i love ur last paragraph. very positive & encouraging. hope u don't mind if i take that advise too lol.
t

[cuttin2dachase]

I was raised as a Southern Baptist. I can identify with men (and women) of other Christian and Hebrew denominations who had it drilled into them as youths that sex was for married people and should be practiced for the purposes of procreation, not recreation and fun. As I got into my teen years, I became more mature and I began to question many of the morally condemned sexually related things I had been taught in school and at church. I came to realize that all the books of the Bible I believed in were written by mortal men and women, not by God and Jesus themselves. Although those gospel writers were pious and well-meaning and convinced that God was speaking through them, that simply is not the case. They were simply inspired by the spirit of God to put onto parchment the things that THEY believed in order to influence or even force others to believe the same way. I'm not trying to preach here myself, but as a now non-denominational (and bisexual) Christian I really believe that if homosexuality and bisexuality were really sins, there would have been an 11th Commandment condemning them. There's no way that the omniscient, onmipotent, loving, living God whom I love and believe in could not have known that some of His children would be homosexual and bisexual when He created the universe. Absent that 11th Commandment, it's ludicrous to think He'd hate and condemn any of His children because of their sexual orientation. The only outright condemnation of homosexuality in the Bible (and Torah) states something to the effect that for a man to lie with a man is an abomination in the eyes of God. There are a few other more vague passages which some people interpret as being anti-homosexual. But again, these verses and passages were NOT written by God's hand, but by the hands of men or women who were closed-minded homophobes of their time.

[liberia]

That's a good way to look at it. Thank you all for the continued insights.

Maybe another perspective is that I'm just going to try it... If I don't like it then I probably will have eliminated my desire for it. If I do like it then I'm not sure I have a problem... Or maybe the problem becomes finding enough quality guys to fuck... In either case the religious aspect is still relevant in the sense that I will have to grapple with self-loathing unless I can make peace with it. The 'self loathing' may still be a factor even if religion were not though... As I described previously I seem to perceive 'giving in' to this kind of thing as 'below me' ... Does anyone have perspective on that issue?

[sysper]

maybe this will help, not that i necessarily believe it or it's right.......as a heterosexual ur goal is sex with someone of the opposite sex. if ur not successful what do u do? u might consider the same sex. but by doing that u admit to ursef u have failed with the opposite sex. so the same sex is ur 2nd choice & beneath u. i guess the question u gotta ask urself is, do u wanna have sex with a guy for it's own sake? i know it's such a hard question to answer...no pun intended lol! there are so many layers of falseness & hangups u gotta deal with & peel off before the answer is clear to u. just remember, if the answer is yes it's 110% totally fine & valid & not beneath u. but even if u wanna sleep with a man because u can't find a women that's also fine. it means u got an openmind & willing to consider the possibilities. sometimes u just don't know untill u try. worstu thing that could happen, is u realize this is not a substitite for sex with a women worth it for u. so the mystery is over & u never do it again. otherwise maybe u enjoy it on some level. so why deny urself the pleasure.

[cuttin2dachase]

You asked earlier how to push yourself past the edge and dive in. That implies that your bi/gay desires are quite strong. Later you said you feared that you'd hate yourself for trying it. That implies that you believe you will feel shamed and guilty if you indulge your desires and find that you enjoy or do not enjoy mm sex. There is no reason to feel shamed and guilty or that it is below yourself. I dove headfirst into bi activities at a time when there was almost universal phobia and stigma against such same sex sexual activities. I did have doubts and misgivings about it beforehand, but I had always been sexually adventurous and curious and it overcame those doubts. It felt so natural and pleasurable that I was glad I'd taken that step and I've never felt guilt or shame over following my heart and desires. Nowdays the social climate has been drastically changed over the years and homosexuality and bisexuality are much more accepted and tolerated. There are millions upon millions of bi and gay/lesbian people all over the world. There are millions of men who were once in your shoes of fear and indecision whose mm sexual desires and fantasies overcame their fears and doubts and took the plunge into bi sex (and loved it & can't get enough of it LOL). And there are millions more who desire and fantasize about the excitement and pleasure of mm sex as you do. So you don't have to feel like the Lone Ranger or like you are trying something that is wrong or perverted. No longer is it the case that engaging in same gender sex is considered something abnormal that only perverts do. I refer you to the recent Supreme Court decision legalizing gay marriage. That's about as definitive a statement as there is that same gender sex (and/or love) is mainstream in America now as it is in many other societies. So the way to overcome your fears and doubts, to me, is in fact to take the plunge with no fear or guilt. If guilt and shame come afterwards, there are counselors and psychologists and other ways (like this site) to talk about it and to assuage it.

[sysper]

cuttin very well put! :) i think saying u were allways sexually adventurous helps me realize i'm on the right path, hopefully it will help liberia. and ur right he doesn't have to feel like the lone ranger, i feel alot of what he's feeling too! we might even be a good pair at least for the nite :)

[elmwood7]

I agree with cuttin as well.

[whistle1]

lots of good feedback, still seems to be largely concurring as well. How would I 'try' to do it while not forcing myself though? I mean, I have to find a guy to try it with, and he has to be patient and not an asshole, but when it comes down to it I still need to make myself do it.... idk I'm probably making zero sense to you all who have done it and now look back on it with fascination.

I struggle with the same sorts of thoughts.

Logically, I know that I could post an ad stating specifically what I want and what I don't. I could state that I have no experience, that the other guy needs to be patient and that I would need to get to know (and feel comfortable with) the other guy first.

Assume we meet in public several times and we both seem to be on the same page. Even if we then meet in private and I'm face-to-face with a cock for the first time, I still don't know if I would be able to act on it.

I guess that's the kind of thing you don't know unless you're in that situation...

[sysper]

yeah good point u never know unless ur in that situation. hopefully the guy ur with will be understanding & supportive. u shouldn't feel ashamed of going for it. but then again u shouldn't feel ashamed if it just doesn't feel right & u pass on it.

[charman]

I don't look at it as being gay or bi, I just love having sex. Rather it be with a man, woman or both i just love cumming. But I knew when I finally got the chance to suck my first cock i wanted it. When I was in grade school a friend of mine and I played with each other, this was before we could shoot our wads. We would stroke and suck each other.

Then I realized I could suck my self and did that for a long time, the first time I swallowed cum it was my cum. But when watching porn I got turned on the most when i was watching the guy get a blow job. So when I did finally get the chance I jumped right on it. It was just a matter of finding another guy who wanted the same.

[Bear816]

The only thing you will regret is NOT trying it at least once in your life. Try it once and if you don't like it.......Never do it again. But I'm sure you will like it. I was the same way until I tried it.......And it was amazing! Opened up a whole new world for me.

[Daviecurious]

I understand your situation. In my case, I was watching a FMF threesome involving my favorite female adult star. When it came time for the money shot, he pulled out of the woman he was having sex with and the other woman finished him off orally. I had watched the scene before, but this time I thought "I'd really like to be her" ie sucking his cock.

I was stunned. Were did that thought come from ???

That led to some years of questioning and searching, which led me to this site, and its sense of community. Taking the information gained, I began to reach out. I ended up contacting another member here. After a period of e-contact, we had developed a relationship, sharing interests and thoughts. We were able to make arrangements to meet. We visited, talked, and at the end of day went to bed. After a bit of caressing and fondling, (the first time I had my hand on a cock other than my own) I thought 'In for a penny, in for a pound' and moved down and took his cock in my mouth. It was all I had hoped it would be. We had a great 2 days. The key, for me, was the spark was there, and we were building on a relationship. And, from the beginning, we each knew what was expected.

My advice would be to take your time. If the feelings persist, (and they have been already been present for some time) reach out and make contact with someone and start a dialog. Don't be shy about being candid about your concerns, and being new to MM sexual contact. The members list here can be a good source. Establish a relationship, meet in a safe place and see if there is a spark or connection. Then, if all is going well, and the desire is still there, move on to the next step. A good partner will be gentle and move at your pace, and will not be judgemental if you have doubts along the way.

If it turns out that MM sex is not something you are comfortable with, you will know, and your question will have been answered. I had the same questions, and the next day, the sun still came up, the birds still chirped, and I was the same person I was before, only more complete and with more knowledge about myself.

Best of luck in your quest ! Don't be afraid to let us know how it goes. There are kind and supportive people here who understand.

[borntosuckcock]

Dive in and go for it. You can always stop at any point, most guys will understand. I've had several over the years who couldn't go any further and wanted to stop. Always told them it wasn't a problem. Once the guy emailed me again and wanted to try again, I said sure. Turned out he was good at sucking cock.

[T1m34fun]

For me, it began when I was 18. I had a friend that was gay, we would hang out, go to the movies, party. Same as anyone else. We didn't do anything to move it to a sexual experience, but it made me curious. When I would masturbate I would think about it and wonder what it was like. I "broke the ice" as it were by tasting my own pre-cum. I liked the taste and I liked the feeling that I got by doing it. It wasn't long before I decided to try my own cum. I did the legs over the head maneuver when I was about to cum and pointed toward my mouth. When it hit my tongue, I swallowed. I liked it. A while later, my friend and I did get together and I sucked his cock and swallowed his cum. I've done it with a few guys over the years, and still enjoy it.

Have you tried to eat your own cum? Maybe doing that will help you decide as it did for me. Whatever you choose, whichever path, don't think of yourself as a "loser" for wanting to try it. More importantly, do it or don't do it because it's your choice. Not because of any outside "influences". Good luck.

[sysper]

For me, it began when I was 18. I had a friend that was gay, we would hang out, go to the movies, party. Same as anyone else. We didn't do anything to move it to a sexual experience, but it made me curious. When I would masturbate I would think about it and wonder what it was like. I "broke the ice" as it were by tasting my own pre-cum. I liked the taste and I liked the feeling that I got by doing it. It wasn't long before I decided to try my own cum. I did the legs over the head maneuver when I was about to cum and pointed toward my mouth. When it hit my tongue, I swallowed. I liked it. A while later, my friend and I did get together and I sucked his cock and swallowed his cum. I've done it with a few guys over the years, and still enjoy it.

Have you tried to eat your own cum? Maybe doing that will help you decide as it did for me. Whatever you choose, whichever path, don't think of yourself as a "loser" for wanting to try it. More importantly, do it or don't do it because it's your choice. Not because of any outside "influences". Good luck.
did it affect ur friendship afterwards?

[T1m34fun]

No, we kept hanging out as before, just every once in a while we'd suck each other off. Lasted about a year and a half until we moved away to different parts of the country.

[csreef]

The first man that I was sexually involved with, it took me about six months of me just being comfortable just being near him. I didn't have sex with him in that time span...

One day I said to myself , you've got to do this....I went to his house, and when he answered the door, he said "oh I see you want to watch some TV I suppose." I sat down and after

15 minutes, I said, lets go to bed. He couldn't believe his ears... He said what changed you??? I said I'm ready now...He proceeded to give me a Blow Job, which for most of the time I

was like :eek2: .

It wasn't for a few months more that I became comfortable with my newfound sexuality, then I started to enjoy the sex and I started to moan and thrash around the bed like a

Porn Star...

It is just going to take time for you to accept who you are, nothing else. You and you alone need to be comfortable in this...

I would just say relax, and when you are ready, the right person will find you .

I wish you good luck, & keep me posted . . .

All the Best !

A.

[sysper]

so any progress liberia? have u found a guy, or got any new thoughts about it?

[Liberia444]

Hey, it's OP, I made a new account because I don't have access to that old email. I'm back in a position where I might be able to act on these (still alive and growing) desires. GF and I are headed for a temporary break and it's a good opportunity for me to see if this is something I want or if my imagination (of how good m/m could be) is running away. The plus side is that she may even be more receptive to an open relationship as she herself has admitted f/f attraction... (Might have found wife material if we work things out.)

Regardless of that, I've been searching for support on this endeavor and came back to this forum. I searched and even tripped across this old thread of mine. Reading all of your responses has been refreshing, insightful and rewarding for the SECOND time. Thank you all for your help once again. I truly hope to have something positive to bring very soon!

We are relocating to a major city with separate dwellings (the aforementioned break) and I intend to use this time to explore. I've been mentally preparing, and the biggest obstacle remains fear of guilt... Goal #1 is to get tested. Goal #2 is to find the right, patient guy with whom there is mutual attraction. Goal #3 is to take it slow and see what happens. Goal #4 is to remember above all else that I'm still me no matter what.

[Jaxxx]

Welcome back :)

It is good to see you are getting more comfortable with your desires. I hope you do find someone to explore with. Take your time and find the right person. This would likely be someone similar in age that has either crossed the same bridge you are going to, or someone that tried in youth, then lead the straight life, until the urges came back in maturity. They are more likely to be patient and understanding.

Organized religion's view on bisexuality is a bunch of hooey. Jesus never condemned it. There are many instances of it in the bible. The men who created the church made it a sin. The reason is simple. If a man cums anywhere other than a woman's pussy, no little followers are created. It's the same reason anal, even with a woman is supposed to be a sin.

Speaking of anal, do not let anyone pressure you into doing it, if you do not want to. It's not for everyone. I read recently that about 1/3 of gay male couples to not practice anal sex, because they don't enjoy it. It's porn that makes it seem "necessary". I understand it was far less prevalent before the mass porn industry started in the 50s.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Liberia444]

Welcome back :)

It is good to see you are getting more comfortable with your desires. I hope you do find someone to explore with. Take your time and find the right person. This would likely be someone similar in age that has either crossed the same bridge you are going to, or someone that tried in youth, then lead the straight life, until the urges came back in maturity. They are more likely to be patient and understanding.

Organized religion's view on bisexuality is a bunch of hooey. Jesus never condemned it. There are many instances of it in the bible. The men who created the church made it a sin. The reason is simple. If a man cums anywhere other than a woman's pussy, no little followers are created. It's the same reason anal, even with a woman is supposed to be a sin.

Speaking of anal, do not let anyone pressure you into doing it, if you do not want to. It's not for everyone. I read recently that about 1/3 of gay male couples to not practice anal sex, because they don't enjoy it. It's porn that makes it seem "necessary". I understand it was far less prevalent before the mass porn industry started in the 50s.

Good luck and keep us posted.

I'm DEFINITELY not one of those 1/3rd... To me, with the right set of circumstances and chemistry, anal would be the absolute highlight... Not sure how others feel. I think my bisexual nature manifested with anal masturbation before anything else, and I have realized I'm very into the idea of trying it with male parts ;) hence my initial post and ongoing exploration & growth. I just need to get some exercise before trying anything with a man if you catch my drift.

You're one hundred percent right about the bible and the church too. I see the same thing and it makes me sad to have been taught something which damages my ability to live life. At it's core, why would a Just and loving creator (Jesus when in human form) give people desires which are not hurtful and then make them a sin? Makes no sense. I like to believe that Jesus wouldn't care at all about that if we are good people.

I'm in my early 30s and I wish I had been able to figure this stuff out ten years ago. Feel like I've wasted so much time already and I don't want to lose any more!!