Why is it so difficult?

[lancer525]

Finding a playmate, that is...

It seems like there are just no men in my area who are open to other men! Or they all have some restriction that eliminates me from consideration.

I had a close friend a few years back, and we were a regular thing for one another, and then the job moved me to another state. He moved back to Mississippi during that time. I came back after 5 years, and haven't even had so much as a nibble or inquiry since then.

What are some good websites (besides that -list, of course) for finding someone that is actually interested in getting together once in a while?

[MikeC]

Hi...my situation is similar. I had a great thing going with another guy for about 8yrs, until he decided to move back to Italy. I've been searching for a compatible playmate ever since, and that was about 7yrs. ago.

[csreef]

My best advice to you would be, Just don't look for someone.

When you are not looking to find someone, you are more relaxed, and BOOM,you run into , bump into, or just meet someone that you have a connection to.

This is what hs worked for me in the past. Mileage may vary.

[thirstyfellow]

Finding a playmate, that is...

It seems like there are just no men in my area who are open to other men! Or they all have some restriction that eliminates me from consideration.

I had a close friend a few years back, and we were a regular thing for one another, and then the job moved me to another state. He moved back to Mississippi during that time. I came back after 5 years, and haven't even had so much as a nibble or inquiry since then.

What are some good websites (besides that -list, of course) for finding someone that is actually interested in getting together once in a while?


Try newbienudes dot com

Free registration, and there's a members search function that lets you do a search by state and interests. I did a quick search for Georgia, males, bisexual, interested in meet / play, and found ten guys who had checked in within the last 2 weeks.

[lancer525]

Mileage certainly does vary. You're in NY, and that's a place where there are more people, and less bible-thumping. Down here in the south, people are extremely anti-bi-men. Oh, wait, there's no such thing as a bi-man. We're all just really gay or after some other guy's wife. Dislike is high down here.

I'll have to check out that newbienudes thing, thanks.

I'm looking really for long-term friends who are trustable, and not some random hookup. That makes it much more difficult.

All replies are very much appreciated and I thank you all.

[pole_smoker]

Are you out to your wife? Does she know you are bisexual?

[lancer525]

Are you out to your wife? Does she know you are bisexual?

Aside from being totally irrelevant and more than a little offensive, why, I wonder, would you even need to know that? What possible difference would it make whether or not I was? What, exactly, makes you think you need that personal a bit of information?

That is simply not an acceptable question to ask in polite society.

And for the record, before anyone gets accusatory, yes I am. And have been for close to 20 years.

Any other personal information you think you're entitled to?

[Christopher South]

Not speaking for pole, but the question may be trying to find if a MMF threesome would be a possibility rather than finding a single guy.

Also, have you tried Silverdaddies? I just logged on and there's 2,300 guys listed in Georgia. Granted some may be outdated (the listings, not the guys) but you could try there.

[eager4cum]

wow - You talked about looking for a guy that is "trustable" (the word is trustworthy by the way) and then you put up a wall restricting what questions are acceptable or appropriate to you. Seems like it will be even more difficult if someone can't build that trust by asking what ever questions he feels he would like to know to start and build that trust with.

[lancer525]

wow - You talked about looking for a guy that is "trustable" (the word is trustworthy by the way) and then you put up a wall restricting what questions are acceptable or appropriate to you. Seems like it will be even more difficult if someone can't build that trust by asking what ever questions he feels he would like to know to start and build that trust with.

You know, I was trying not to get really angry that my original (and very specific) inquiry was being hijacked, but this is just stupid ludicrous. My inquiry, my questions, and my rules. Apparently you don't understand the concept of other people having rules, or of the basic societal rules of interaction.

Where I come from, one just doesn't take that kind of liberty with someone. Ever. And anyone who doesn't understand that automatically eliminates themselves from consideration in spending any time in my world. Where do you get off attempting to impose your mores or social values on me or anyone else? I suggest that you go spend some time in a Linguistics forum, because you've certainly failed to impress me.

You really don't have a legitimate contribution, so you want to be Alpha and impose yourself on my thread. It would be laughable if it weren't so pathetic.

[lancer525]

Not speaking for pole, but the question may be trying to find if a MMF threesome would be a possibility rather than finding a single guy.

Also, have you tried Silverdaddies? I just logged on and there's 2,300 guys listed in Georgia. Granted some may be outdated (the listings, not the guys) but you could try there.

Thanks, I'll have to give that one a look. Although I don't remember suggesting anything about MMF, threesomes, or anything else. It's a very long story, and a rather private one, so I'll just leave it at that.

[csreef]

If you know are friends with any gay people, why don't you ask them if they have a friend who is single. . .

[csreef]

Also do you have an LGBT Center anywhere near you ????

[Christopher South]

You didn't suggest threesomes. You asked how to meet guys and I suggested that meeting a guy who is part of a MF couple looking to add a third may be a way.

Also there are a couple of bi groups on Yahoo. Closed-Loop Relationships and Bisexual Buddies are ways to meet guys, however their database doesn't show a lot of Georgia guys in it (doesn't show a lot of Massachusetts guys either but I know there are more than what shows in the database).

[whistle1]

That seems to be a problem for most guys - even those in more populated, "liberal" areas. Hope some of the suggestions work out for you.

[bikurinpa]

Very same situation here in the central pa area, No one local who is serious, just a lot of serious bull shitters!


Finding a playmate, that is...

It seems like there are just no men in my area who are open to other men! Or they all have some restriction that eliminates me from consideration.

I had a close friend a few years back, and we were a regular thing for one another, and then the job moved me to another state. He moved back to Mississippi during that time. I came back after 5 years, and haven't even had so much as a nibble or inquiry since then.

What are some good websites (besides that -list, of course) for finding someone that is actually interested in getting together once in a while?

[bikurinpa]

Why dont people put that fother mucker on the ignore list!



Aside from being totally irrelevant and more than a little offensive, why, I wonder, would you even need to know that? What possible difference would it make whether or not I was? What, exactly, makes you think you need that personal a bit of information?

That is simply not an acceptable question to ask in polite society.

And for the record, before anyone gets accusatory, yes I am. And have been for close to 20 years.

Any other personal information you think you're entitled to?

[elmwood7]

A lot of us did a while ago.

[friskyous]

It is difficult.. especially being from rural north Georgia where this kinda thing is a no no. And being married as I am makes it even more difficult. I got really lucky with CL ... patience is a must as there are a lot of guys out there like me, married for ages and Bi but keep hoping to find that connection and the courage to make it happen.

[DJBiNudist]

Lancer you may want to include the name of your town in your profile instead of just Georgia. You sound like someone I would want to meet by your profile, so don't give up hope. I have also had similar difficulty finding someone that wants more than a blow and go, or fleeting encounter. Sorry, I don't get it...why would anyone only want to do it once if its good, and if you don't have any connection, like getting to know the person first, how good can it be? I am hoping to move south soon, so maybe I will have more luck in the future, or if I move to your neighborhood we could become FWB and solve both our problems.

[DJBiNudist]

Ok, I just noticed that when I posted my previous message that it only shows my location as Iowa, even though on my profile it shows Waterloo, Iowa. How do you get the city to show up, like some people have on their posts?

[DMercator]

Hi Lance... Just your postings here show you've got a lot going for you. I've spent a fair amount of time in Northern Georgia as well as central Alabama and I know how hard it can be to find someone to talk to about things, much less develop a FWB relationship. It's hard for people to appreciate just how difficult that can be if you've never lived in a rural southern town.

As someone else mentioned, you might try silverdaddies.com. I have a semi regular FWB that I met there and it's more geared to an ongoing relationship than a CL listing.

I've also had pretty good luck with swinglifestyle.com. I'm not a swinger, but I've had numerous men and couples invite home for bi play. Also, depending on how exotic your tastes are, you might want check out fetlife.com. While it's primarily a BDSM and fetish site, I was quite surprised to see how many kinky people lived close by.

[sysper]

Lancer you may want to include the name of your town in your profile instead of just Georgia. You sound like someone I would want to meet by your profile, so don't give up hope. I have also had similar difficulty finding someone that wants more than a blow and go, or fleeting encounter. Sorry, I don't get it...why would anyone only want to do it once if its good, and if you don't have any connection, like getting to know the person first, how good can it be? I am hoping to move south soon, so maybe I will have more luck in the future, or if I move to your neighborhood we could become FWB and solve both our problems.get a room lol :tongue::bigrin:

[lancer525]

Hi Lance... Just your postings here show you've got a lot going for you. I've spent a fair amount of time in Northern Georgia as well as central Alabama and I know how hard it can be to find someone to talk to about things, much less develop a FWB relationship. It's hard for people to appreciate just how difficult that can be if you've never lived in a rural southern town.

As someone else mentioned, you might try silverdaddies.com. I have a semi regular FWB that I met there and it's more geared to an ongoing relationship than a CL listing.

I've also had pretty good luck with swinglifestyle.com. I'm not a swinger, but I've had numerous men and couples invite home for bi play. Also, depending on how exotic your tastes are, you might want check out fetlife.com. While it's primarily a BDSM and fetish site, I was quite surprised to see how many kinky people lived close by.

Thanks... Much appreciated. There's clearly a disparity between regional social values, and I think that might well have something to do with it. I do have a profile on a "swingers" site, and even though I clearly state up front that I am Bi, and only interested in those who are interested in "solo males" you'd be shocked at the number of inquiries and messages I get from men who are part of a couple's profile that says "NO SINGLE MEN" (usually in all caps) with the obligatory text in there that proclaims the hubby is the straightest arrow ever made, and the manliest manly man studly stud on the planet with no male to male contact ever!" who are all looking for some play on the side because they're really bi but can't say so... Heh. That's a can of worms I'm not really comfortable getting into the middle of. I have, on occasion, played with a local couple, but they have a rule about both at the same time, and I respect that. I did recently have a contact from a guy, but he's since chickened out of hooking up.

Re: the city on my profile, I don't think there was a place to put it, or my city wasn't listed, so I think I may put a regional identifier in the body of the profile. Not that anyone reads profiles anymore... :bigrin:

Still looking...

[bw299]

I lived in central Alabama for almost a year and it was tough finding bi guys and couples to hook up. I believe you're right, lancer525; I think regional social values had everything to do with the lack of play partners.

[Jimmy Splash]

Yes. I have a personal question. I'd like to know your inside leg measurement and if you prefer ketchup or brown sauce on your fries?

[SilkyHoseLover]

There's clearly a disparity between regional social values, and I think that might well have something to do with it. I do have a profile on a "swingers" site, and even though I clearly state up front that I am Bi, and only interested in those who are interested in "solo males" you'd be shocked at the number of inquiries and messages I get from men who are part of a couple's profile that says "NO SINGLE MEN" (usually in all caps) with the obligatory text in there that proclaims the hubby is the straightest arrow ever made, and the manliest manly man studly stud on the planet with no male to male contact ever!" who are all looking for some play on the side because they're really bi but can't say so...


We used to swing, and I've noticed the same thing on SLS, where we had an active profile. Unfortunately, there seems to be a lot of dishonesty in the kink world. I freely changed my sexual orientation to 'BI' after discovering that I had a desire to experience same-gender sexual activities, and it was surprising how many men we'd either been in contact with or had actually played with suddenly were interested in M-M contact, despite listing themselves as straight in their profiles.

And a lot of men play loose with the facts regarding their marital status, too. Surprisingly, some men even claim to be married because there's somewhat of a stigma attached to be a single man in the swinging community.

Personally, I tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. I want to be accepted or rejected for the person I am, not something that I made up...

[lancer525]

We used to swing, and I've noticed the same thing on SLS, where we had an active profile. Unfortunately, there seems to be a lot of dishonesty in the kink world. I freely changed my sexual orientation to 'BI' after discovering that I had a desire to experience same-gender sexual activities, and it was surprising how many men we'd either been in contact with or had actually played with suddenly were interested in M-M contact, despite listing themselves as straight in their profiles.

And a lot of men play loose with the facts regarding their marital status, too. Surprisingly, some men even claim to be married because there's somewhat of a stigma attached to be a single man in the swinging community.

Personally, I tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. I want to be accepted or rejected for the person I am, not something that I made up...

Spot on! I absolutely agree that one should be accepted or rejected for who they are, and for no other reason. It absolutely bugs me to no end when some guy says "hey, I'm really bi, and I'd love to hook up for something on the side" when they proclaim they're homophobic in public. I used to just say "Sorry, but you say one thing on your profile and are telling me another, and I just don't want to go there" and leave it at that. But now that I've been around a while, (or maybe because I'm older and don't give a flying flip) I tend to toy with them before I drop the guillotine. I always tell the rank, baldfaced truth at the end, so they know exactly why they've just gotten blocked (and in some cases reported for violating AUS).

The other thing that really grinds my gears is that "stigma" against single men. It would seem to me that based on the hundreds of profiles I've read, that "swinging" is defined as one man lying in bed and just watching two women who are going at it. All the women are "bi-curious" and many of them don't appear to even like men.

I can't speak for anyone else, nor would I dare to do so, but by golly, I'm surely not going to let anybody fuck me when they start out with a lie. That's the reason why I absolutely require developing a friendship with someone before anything sexual starts. No CL, no gloryholes, no ONS. If you can't trust someone to tell you the truth, how are you going to trust them in bed?

And maybe that's the reason why it's so difficult...

[cuttin2dachase]

There are thousands of bi and bi-curious men near me. Most are married and wife doesn't know. I am on several mm sites and a couple of swingers' sites. I get tons of contacts from married men in the swingers' sites. Many of them are part of true swinging couples who swing with other couples and have 3somes with men. The male half of the couple secretly craves mm contact and sex with his wife or gf watching or participating in mfm or mmf 3somes, but their wife or gf would never accept their bi side. Their mm desires are so strong that they look for swinging bi males (like me) to meet one-on-one. The great majority of them list themselves as str8 in their couples profile, but almost all of them will tell me upfront upon first contact that they are in reality bi or curious and want to try mm sex or that they are already experienced at it and looking for semi-regular or regular male partners. As long as they are honest with me from the get-go, I don't care that they list themselves as str8 or if they are not really part of a swinging couple. I find that many married men have powerful fantasies to watch their wives suck and fuck other men, as well as wanting to suck and fuck men themselves. But in reality wife is ultra str8 and would never swing at all so they are left with no choice but to seek out men on their own.

[lancer525]

There are thousands of bi and bi-curious men near me. Most are married and wife doesn't know. I am on several mm sites and a couple of swingers' sites. I get tons of contacts from married men in the swingers' sites. Many of them are part of true swinging couples who swing with other couples and have 3somes with men. The male half of the couple secretly craves mm contact and sex with his wife or gf watching or participating in mfm or mmf 3somes, but their wife or gf would never accept their bi side. Their mm desires are so strong that they look for swinging bi males (like me) to meet one-on-one. The great majority of them list themselves as str8 in their couples profile, but almost all of them will tell me upfront upon first contact that they are in reality bi or curious and want to try mm sex or that they are already experienced at it and looking for semi-regular or regular male partners. As long as they are honest with me from the get-go, I don't care that they list themselves as str8 or if they are not really part of a swinging couple. I find that many married men have powerful fantasies to watch their wives suck and fuck other men, as well as wanting to suck and fuck men themselves. But in reality wife is ultra str8 and would never swing at all so they are left with no choice but to seek out men on their own.

In all of that, one part of one sentence stood out: As long as they are honest with me from the get-go

If they tell me they really are Bi, but have to do it on the side, without their wife knowing, because they can't say they're Bi, for any reason, they're not being honest with you "from the get-go"...

[marine20]

hey lancer , give those guys a break . how many women are thrilled to find out that their husband is a cocksucker . of course they have to hide it .

[sysper]

that's a tough call. i think the 1st thing u gotta do before anything else is to be honest with urself. does a good job in life to keep u away from the wrong situations to begin with not just sexually. then u gotta decide what is more important, being faithfull to ur marriage or being open to other people to explore ur sexuality. either choice is hard. do u wanna deny urself for ur spouse, or do u wanna violate a trust to get something u feel u need. i guess it's different if ur open relationship but still u might realize u have feelings u didn't know u had. doesn't matter the sex of the other person, it could still happen. there are a few women who love the idea of their man or a man who fools around with other men.....i like the openess of such women btw......but u gotta remember, most women don't. i think alot of women would question there man's masculinity if they knew he was into guys too. might feel hurt even insulted. i'd like to hear from women about this cause it's just the theory i got right now. personally i wouldn't wanna get involved with someone who was allready involved with someone else. not judging just could be alot of trouble i wouldn't wanna be involved in. maybe if it was an open relationship but like i said that could be trouble too.