am I a bad person?

[Gregology]

I'm in a getting serious relationship with a girl and I'm wanting to explore. She is pretty open minded but she just get jealous really easily. It's something that I really want to do but I'm not sure if I want to jeopardise our relationship over it.

[Mrs.F]

No Greg, you are not a bad person for any of the feelings or thoughts you have!

I am a straight wife of a bi husband. I just found out a yr. ago this month. It was news that I never thought I would hear or have to deal with. But since finding out (and I did go through a very rough period for awhile in dealing with it, but my husband stood by me and made sure I knew that he loved me and he would never leave me or do anything behind my back) I joined this site as myself (Mrs. F) and I have made and talked to some very wonderful people who helped to not be jealous, to understand the feelings and desires my husband has and to know that you can be bisexual and still be in a loving relationship. Without this site I KNOW I never would have gotten through all this.

The only thing you can do (and this is on your own terms and when your ready) is be honest with her and talk to her. You would not want to ever do anything behind her back and hurt her even more if she found that out. I had asked my husband upfront, "why didn't you ever tell me" and he didn't because he was scared. FEAR is such an awful feeling but don't let that fear run your life. If you love her and she loves you....you can come to some kind of understanding within time.

But YOU are not a bad person so don't ever think that!

**hugs to you**
good luck..... :)

[Herbwoman39]

No hon...you are doing nothing wrong by having these feelings. Nor are you responsible for the feelings of others.

The best thing you can do right now is keep the lines of communication open. Talk to her. Find out what she's afraid of and then reassure her that whatever it is, in all likelyhood will not happen.

I'm in a mixed marriage myself. I'm Bi and hubby is straight. His biggest fear is that, like Ross on "Friends", I'm going to leave him for another woman.

That's just NOT going to happen for MANY reasons. The last time we talked about it he said he's not ready to share me yet, BUT if I make friends with a woman and it starts becomming something more, then we'll talk about what our next step might be. So he's given me some wiggle room and I've agreed to ALWAYS talk to him before I do anything beyond flirting to make sure he's okay first.

Good luck and let us know how things go.

[Diane54]

No - you are NOT a bad person.
I, myself, am a bi married to aa straight. when I told him i made sure to tell him I would NEVER do anything behind his back nor even if he knew would I ever do anything to jepordise our relationship. he was nervous at first then I reminded him that I had not done anything before I told him and I was not going to do anything afterward either. That seemed to help. I want another woman soooo badly but I will not do anything to hurt him, at all.

[Tynary]

I don't think your a bad person, although it would probablt take a long list of deeds to make me think your a bad person haha. But seriously you can feel anyway you want. If you love her and shes jelous then I would not advise exploation but on the other hand you do need to discover who you truly are by searching all sides of yourself so you have a choice 1.Love her, stay withher, don't cheat 2. try to make her understand your desire to explore and get her to let you do it (this one is hard and can go wrong 3. FInd someone more open minded still. 4. You two may not last forever anyway so love her and hope for the best and if you ever break up then go and explore.
Your choice babe but god no way are you a bad person.

[canuckotter]

Listen to Mrs F! Very wise lady there. :)

If your partner says she's OK with you exploring, make sure you figure out exactly what the terms are. Does she need to be involved? Does she have to know ahead of time? Does she get to approve/veto your potential partner(s)? Does she want to not hear anything at all about it? What sort of acts are and are not allowed?

If she's not OK with it, there are still options, as long as you can deal with not having sex with both genders. Fantasy is perfectly fine. Porn helps a lot of people deal, especially if you can share it with your partner. For me, just hanging out on sites like this helps keep me balanced and sane.

Anyway. I have no idea how helpful I'm being. I'm a little dopey today, so maybe I'll just be quiet for now. Hope this helped! :)

[Mrs.F]

[QUOTE=canuckotter]Listen to Mrs F! Very wise lady there. :)

:bigrin: Wow, was not expecting such nice comments. Thank you very much. :bigrin:

[Gregology]

Thank you :) I do love her and I would never cheat on her or do anything like that. I have tried to talk to her about it but she takes it the wrong way, she thinks I'm gay and I'm going to run of with a man :rolleyes: I think I just need to articulate my thoughts better to her. Thank you all for your help :)

[Mrs.F]

When I found out about my husband I had heard of the word "bisexual" but never really knew what it meant, as I never had a reason too. But it's just a matter of educating oneself on it. If you have already explained to her that you are then she knows that you are not 100% straight. Maybe go under google and print out what a bisexual is and let her read it. Maybe bring her to this site with you and let her check it out and read and talk to some people. That is exactly what I did and it helped me immensly! But all in all, you have to do what you think she will be comfortable with.

Good Luck! :)

[Philbert]

Thank you :) I do love her and I would never cheat on her or do anything like that. I have tried to talk to her about it but she takes it the wrong way, she thinks I'm gay and I'm going to run of with a man :rolleyes: I think I just need to articulate my thoughts better to her. Thank you all for your help :)

i know EXACTLY how you feel. however you have one advantage that i didn't have, this site.

[MissFancyPants25]

When I first found out that my boyfriend was bi and wanted to have sex with other people I was extremely hurt and scared and very jealous. I was afraid that he didn't love me and that I wasn't good enough for him. It caused some real problems in our relationship because we had been together for almost a year when I found these things out and everything felt so different. I was terrified that I was going to lose him and I wanted him all to myself. A few bad things happened between us and we almost broke up, but now we're closer than ever. I don't really feel jealous anymore. Well, I wouldn't be jealous about him with a guy, but I still feel jealous when I think of him with another woman. But I think that you should just talk to her and tell her what she means to you and that doing something with another person wont change the way you feel about her. Talking is amazing, my boyfriend and I spent 5 or 6 hours talking about things like this last night and we are both so happy.

[Avocado]

No. Sometimes things happen in life. Sometimes people feel they need to explore, sometimes people even split up, dump and get dumped. It's life. Its unfortunate but you've gotta figure what's right for you. Personally I'm happy in a monoganous relationship, I mean I was happy when I was single and hardly pulling anyone! But everyone's different, as long as people don't cheat behind people's backs I have nothing against them in the love department anyway.