Bi or gay afterall

[morandi]

Hi,

55 and still don't know what i want. It seems that i'm still growing more and more to the gay side.
I've all ways had sexual attraction to men an women. In my 20th it was around 30% men and 70% women I think a 2 on de Kinsey scale.
In my 30th and 40th it was like it was growing from 50% / 50% to 70% / 30% say a 4 on the Kinsey scale. Now it al most 90%/10%. say a 5.

Unfortunately I see my self still as heteroromantic the romantic side did not grown with it. I ask my self often is this because i got internalized
homophobia or is there an other reason. It would be easy if it was paralell on each other. The problem now is that i would like to have real relationship
with somebody but I really don't anymore if I should go for a women or a man. A good notion should be: " well it's gonna be the one you fall in love with and one day she or he
crosses your path". But thats the problem because if I want a man. I will have to really find it online or in the gay scene. I wish there was a way to get it line with each other.
Than I should, I think, make the choice to being gay. What will I do? Is this Familiar to anyone! I should like to solve this once and for all, because it running my head to much..

Greetz

[NakedInSeattle]

@morandi. I consider myself a gay man who still loves pussy. Bi is shorter. I'm married and she knows. If something were to happen to her, I'd be in the same position you are now. I doubt I'd ever be romantically involved with a man but know there'll never be another woman in my life sexually or romantically.
Thanks for being open sharing here.

[morandi]

@nakedInSeattle Yep, tnx for you reaction. Its difficult.

[morandi]

@nakedInSeattle You say that you're consider yourself a gay man. Is that because your still with a woman that keeps you feelings for women a live? Do you think your interest for women should fade a way the moment you should be single again? When i have a relation ship with a women my interest for women is growing that moment. But after the relationship my interest for sex with women is gone. What I also got is that, even when the sex is great, i hardly remember the sex i had with them. They don't come back as fantasies. With man, good sex sessions, i will remember and come back in my mind quite often.

[sysper]

kinda feel the same way. sexually, somedays i'm in the mood for men, somedays i'm in the mood for women. might be different if i had a women in my life, kinda have the feeling it would be. but romantically i have no interest in men. i'm single now so i'd like to try guys out while i can. then if i ever date/get married i don't have to wonder what if? i accept i would still be into guys even if i was happily married & i would hope my wife would accept it too. i don't think there is 1 person who can satisfy someone sexually 100%. but if u meet the right person u accept it & also think about what's more important.

[morandi]

Yes there are more important things in a relationship...

[morandi]

Anybody who got the same feelings? And how are you dealing with it?
I find out a new term "demisexua" Maybe I'm Demisexual to woman. Sexual feeling start when i Like them, and start to get physical with them. After that when a relation start my interest voor women will also grow. After a break up I start feeling gay again untill I met an other nice women again. That takes sometimes a year or an half a year. In this period i got a lot of sex with men.

[Lobster144]

I agree with you. I have had several relationship failures and had lots of sex following these - mostly with men.

[NakedInSeattle]

Morandi and Lobster...you validate exactly what I was saying. Because I love my wife and loved her before I started the "gay slide", I know I will be with her for as long as life allows. But IF not, I could never love a woman again. And I never see myself in a relationship with a man other than being good buds. Thanks to all for being honest and forthcumming (intentional typo).

[cuttin2dachase]

I consider myself to be nearer the gay end of the bi spectrum at present. I'm twice married & divorced and am always on the lookout for a new woman who would accept and even support my sexual desires and attraction to men. However, I have no desire to ever marry a woman again. I could engage in a serious relationship to the exclusion of all other women in order to have a female companion/lover/friend with whom I could get out to see things and do things together, but I can't and won't ever give up sex and intimacy with men again. I am content to satisy my sexual desires with men until I meet such a woman. If that happens, I will gravitate more toward the middle of the bi spectrum again. But I know that I will never ever be heterosexual again.

Men are so much easier to meet and have fun, casual sex with. It's quite difficult meeting women who are free and uninhibited about sex. Having a secret bi/gayish double life excites me sexually to no end. Paradoxically, I greatly enjoy romance, intimacy and sex with men and love acting gay and feeling gay when I'm with men... but I have neither the desire nor capability to feel love for a man or to want to co-habitate or have a serious relationship with a male lover. I do however seek longterm male buds/FWBs. With FWB male lovers, I can flip my gay switch to the off position when we part after having hot sex and flip it back on again the next time we are in each others' arms or my bed.

[mjohn]

On the physical attraction side I find myself to be more on the gay end of the spectrum. On the emotional side I find myself to be on the heterosexual side. As far as sex. Not that anything is wrong with pussy but I find a cock to be more attractive. I find that kissing is about equally a turn on with both sexes but both are different. I find that women asses are much more attractive but I am not rally into tits.

[tommyswing]

I think it's fluid. Majority of my attraction is women. If I'm walking down the mall, I'm looking at women. If I see a camel toe, I lose all composure. I do love to suck a nice fat cock, and sometimes be dominated. This desire comes and goes. My passion has always been women. If I'm not involved with a women I lose my desire for cock. Do I understand all this? No way, but I do know I'm primary herto.

[travelmanNW]

@nakedInSeattle boy can I relate have always been a little bi lost my wife 10 years ago and have had several girl friends nothing romantic more just good friends. I could not be romantically involved with another man but do enjoy being good friends and sometimes with benefits. I travel alone and enjoy meeting new people both female and male. Life at our age is just getting shorter so enjoy very day.

[NakedInSeattle]

@cuttin2dachase...Well said. Exactly my feelings.
@mjohn...Exactly me there, guy.
To all, ain't it good to know there are guys like ourselves out there?

[morandi]

Yes.., It is all odd. I put exactly the same txt as above on empty closets, a more gay related site. You don't want to know the reactions I got. On that site the answers i got were quite aggressive and merely about denying my romantic feelings for men. Even when i told them i would rather be totally gay. I should like it very much if my sexual attraction and my Romantic attraction should be in line with each other. No problem with being gay, but I'm not. I even thought i got H.o.c.d. It became for some time obsessive. But there is a good question. "do you like sex with men?" Yes i do. Do you like sex with women? Well.., yes, I like it very much, my sexual feelings start to grow very much again when i start to date a women I like in an emotional manner. Otherwise I don't miss sex with women. I don't need it like I need it with men. Yes it is good to hear there are guys who feel the same. I should like to know / hear if there a lot more people here with a gap between there sexual and emotional / romantic attraction. And merely: how do you deal / feel with it?

[dtindh]

I haven't quite figured out what I am. I am not really attracted to men, but I really like to suck cock and get fucked. Pussy is definitely my favorite. I like sex and I am equal opportunity. It is much easier to find a guy to play with and experiment with some kink, like rimming, waterspots, etc. If I had to give one up, it would be cock, but if y wife went away, I would probably be getting more cock than pussy.

[voltaire]

53073

[voltaire]

53073

[Grant_Norman]

Having good, pleasureful sex with another human is what matters is what is important ...not gender...who cares as long as you enjoy it...it really doesn't matter...however, if looking for LOVE, that is a different story...I would choose a woman, but the sex I really have no preference

[notmacbi]

I think it's fluid. Majority of my attraction is women. If I'm walking down the mall, I'm looking at women. If I see a camel toe, I lose all composure. I do love to suck a nice fat cock, and sometimes be dominated. This desire comes and goes. My passion has always been women. If I'm not involved with a women I lose my desire for cock. Do I understand all this? No way, but I do know I'm primary herto.

I'm with you Tommy.. I love my wife immensely... I have not participated in sex with a male, however I have a tremendous desire to suck/service a big cock. I'm not really into gay scene... i.e.kissing and anal. Just want to suck cock... Why, who knows.

[Birobertb]

It feels like wereim very slowly downloading the gay, if anyone understands that.

[SilkyHoseLover]

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3 posts from this user, all of them plugging the same website...

[cbb83]

Maybe the attraction to men is just a learned enjoyment of male to male contact.

Not all homo/bisexuality is genetic, it can be behavioral as well.

Sometimes, especially as men age and become more comfortable with themselves, they fall into physical relationships with other men as their sex lives with their wives taper off due to things like menopause. Men don't typically have that problem until they are considerably older, and to many, sex with a buddy doesn't feel like cheating - because it's purely physical and just with a bud taking care of each other since the wives' libido has decreased.

From what I've seen - this is the case a lot. I've heard admissions from many "straight" men over 40.

So IMO, that's less true bisexuality than it just is learned behavior to accommodate a nice endorphin release. Addiction is a thing, and stimulation of the pleasure center is stimulation of the pleasure center.

My $0.02 on why so many men feel they swap from bi/straight to gay as they age. It's NEVER nature v nurture, it is ALWAYS nature AND nurture. Biological imperative and learned behaviors are not mutually exclusive.

[KDaddy23]

@cbb83 - Couldn't have said it better myself!

[zbi73]

They way I look at the Kinsey scale is 1-2 is hetero-bisexual, 3 equal and 4-5 homo-bisexual. It's all bisexual but the prefixes (where applicable) indicate your dominant sexuality. A Kinsey scale a 4 is "Predominantly homosexual but more than incidentally heterosexual", this means to me the individual enters bisexuality from the homosexual side and therefore they may identify as Predominantly gay. It's still bisexual and technically you could be both if you break your sexuality into major-minor.... well, that's how I rationalise it. NakedInSeattle said he is a gay man who sleeps with women. Still bisexual in my book (:P) but he's going with his dominant sexuality. I'm currently a Kinsey four, I say bisexual with a preference for men. Kinsey says predominantly gay .... I'm OK with both. it's all the same, bisexual. It's a complicated subject and at the end of the day, it's a label and we don't really need to label ourselves do we?

Sexuality is fluid and therefore can change so it's only a snapshot at any point in time. You can slide up and down the scale.

[KDaddy23]

@zbi73 - It's only complicated because we make it complicated; we all have a "default" behavior in this in that most bisexuals are predominantly heterosexual but, sure - sex and sexuality is a lot more fluid than even the Kinsey scale indicates; everything between 1 and 6 are a lot more fluid than can be imagined, not because of preferences so much but because people are always in a state of flux about having sex. Right now, I'm a 2; ten minutes from now, I'm feeling more like a 5; ten minutes later, 3 is "working" for me. I can be dick-deep in my woman... and feeling more five-ish than the one-ish I'm currently behaving like.

The problem comes into play when we futilely try to nail this down, to quantify and qualify it... because it's in our nature to do this even when we know that there are only two real absolutes: We're born... and we're gonna die. Everything in between is, indeed, fluid - it's just that some of us are more fluid than others and that fluidity isn't always about what we do - it's what we're thinking and feeling at any given moment... and there's no way that I'm aware of that will allow this to be quantified or qualified... and for many, that just makes shit even more complicated. We shouldn't worry about it but we do - human nature again. Like, most of the time, I'm either a 2 or a 3 but I know how I think and how I feel and I know that if I'm dick-deep in my woman, I'm being a 1 but I'm being a 6 if I'm sucking a guy's cock. I think this fluidity is what fucks with a lot of people's head because being bisexual takes everything people thought they knew about sex and sexuality and throws it all out the closest window. We're not straight... but we aren't gay, either. We are both... and neither and even situationally so.

It's the thing that has made me say that this ain't an either/or thing; it's not men or women - it's men and women and the only difference is being able to find men and women to have sex with because, um, people are still funny about who they have sex with and how they do it. Do I prefer men or women? Yes. I'm bisexual - duh. What I do and how I feel aren't the same things and the two things aren't mutually inclusive - because I know me since, hmm, I can be very seriously craving a hard dick even while having sex with my woman or craving her when I'm sucking the shit out of some guy's cock. Makes all this a lot simpler for me to deal with - less headaches and not even trying to swim against the current. I know it's just me but this is how I've learned to understand it. Fuck the scale; fuck the numbers game because it's complicated and I have enough complications to deal with than to make having sex just as complicated when I should be doing everything I can to make it less complicated. Men and women and as opportunities present themselves... because I'm bisexual and that's how I roll.

[biwmtrucker44]

According to the Kinsey scale I am in the middle 50 50. when it comes to porn I look for dick but when I think of dating someone it is a women. I have had spur of the moment sex with men and enjoyed it. It is like wam bam thank you sir but for women it is a little foreplay, long slow sex then all cuddle and talk after.

[eager4cum]

@morandi. I consider myself a gay man who still loves pussy. Bi is shorter. I'm married and she knows. If something were to happen to her, I'd be in the same position you are now. I doubt I'd ever be romantically involved with a man but know there'll never be another woman in my life sexually or romantically.
Thanks for being open sharing here.

Hey guys, I consider myself BI and have test results for the Kinsey scale of 3, 50% Heterosexual / 50% Gay. With all that said, the statement "If something were to happen to her, I'd be in the same position you are now. I doubt I'd ever be romantically involved with a man but know there'll never be another woman in my life sexually or romantically." fits me so well. I truly would love to be fluid bonded to a guy, having a FWB with that same guy, but not interested in any romance with him or any woman.

[bibliss]

This great discussion reminds of my statistics professor back in college... She stressed the following mantra -- simple yet profound -- into our heads forever -- which I can still recall:

"All models are flawed. Some are useful."


We can never accurately reflect the real world into any model -- Kinsey Scale included. As KDaddy says, it's futile to try and nail things down by quantifying and qualifying everything.... and yet, models can be helpful sometimes. They might serve as handy reference points.

Personally, I think of bisexuality as referring less to something like an "orientation" or "preference" and more as a way of describing EXPERIENCE -- experience that changes and is dynamic and fluid over the span of our sexual lifetimes... there's no one kind of bisexual, because bisexual refers not to a person but to the experience that person may have at any given time.

[zbi73]

This great discussion reminds of my statistics professor back in college... She stressed the following mantra -- simple yet profound -- into our heads forever -- which I can still recall:

"All models are flawed. Some are useful."


We can never accurately reflect the real world into any model -- Kinsey Scale included. As KDaddy says, it's futile to try and nail things down by quantifying and qualifying everything.... and yet, models can be helpful sometimes. They might serve as handy reference points.

Personally, I think of bisexuality as referring less to something like an "orientation" or "preference" and more as a way of describing EXPERIENCE -- experience that changes and is dynamic and fluid over the span of our sexual lifetimes... there's no one kind of bisexual, because bisexual refers not to a person but to the experience that person may have at any given time.

Unfortunately basing it solely on experience doesn't take in to account all those who are firmly in the closet but desire both same and opposite sex activities so I feel it should also involve desire/intent. For example, I identify myself as bisexual but have not partaken in the pleasures of men (fancy words) but I do desire it and fully accept my attraction to both men and women. It's not a curiosity or a phase, it's been a life long desire that was suppressed etc.