Advice greatly appreciated.. verry confused

[justthesamea]

hello,
I am new to this type of thing.. so bear with me..
I am in a long term relationship (6 years-hetero)
Just started to experience what I think is an attraction to a close friend (1 year-female) - this girl has been the greatest friend I have ever had.. and I feel close to her...
I feel like I need to tell someone about it.. now.. the bf.. I don't think will take kindly to this information, and the gf would be more open to it I think.
The gf has kissed a girl before.. and has stated that she would have went all the way if she was more attracted to her.. also the gf was in a long term relationship herself when I first met her (hetero)...
SO.. here's the thing.. I don't know if I should just dismiss these feelings and carry on.. which is really difficult concidering I think about it most of the day... are these just feelings of attraction because i concider her a close friend? or are they feelings of attraction like I am attracted to a female?
I feel like I am cheating b/c of the thoughts.. and I have also been talking in my sleep apparently.. so a bit worried about that..

I feel sooooo messed up.

If someone could provide some insight it would be greatly appreciated..
thanks so much..
ps.. if you require further info.. please do not hesitate to ask.

[biplay]

Been there and survived it. I was married for many years and my wife never knew my feelings. I am recently divorced,for other reasons, and have confessed my feelings to my current gf. She has a bi-past also. While we may enjoy a bi-couple in the future, the relief I felt for her knowing was wonderful. As for your friend, if she is, she will understand your feelings to her and either enjoy your body or giggle, be flattered, and say no thanks. The truth is freeing. Hope this helps.

[RainbowBright]

hey to you. Just last year i came on here and asked the same questions. i still dont have all the answers, but i have an open mind and realy big ears to listen with. if you ever want to drop me a line.. let me know..

for now.. all i can say if that the advice i recieved, " be honest with yourself, your partner, and take it one day at a time" realy helped me.

i have spoken with my hubby and he has agreed to talk to anyone who might need to hear from "the other side of the fence"

feel free to contact us


ta for now

Bright :tong:

[littlerayofsunshine]

Sounds to me that you may have an attraction to girls. But in regards to your friend it may just be that she is someone you have a connection with and are so close that you feel safe enough to project those feelings on to her. Her having had some bi experience makes it less difficult for rejection.
But I personally would not pursue the friend. I would evaluate my current relationship. You should explore your sexuality a little more, maybe through images, reading, forums, and talking with some of the other bi people here to see if what you are feeling is absolute. Wish I could be more help.

[justthesamea]

Thank you everyone.. you are all really wonderful people!
I believe your replies have helped my mind to ease greatly.. maybe not totally.. but a great deal..
thank you again,
talk to you all soon..

[Herbwoman39]

LittleRay prettymuch nailed it on the head :-)

Some things for you to ask yourself are questions like,"Is it just my friend or have I felt like this with other women before...maybe as a teenager or young person?", "Have I ever looked at a beautiful woman and felt something I couldn't explain?" "Have I ever admired women "as artwork"?" "Have I ever been turned on by watching women on music videos?" "Have I ever watched someone walk by and thought to myself, "Hmm...she's cute." or mentally critiqued a woman's body?

These are just a few of the things I asked myself when I was starting to come out. I lived in denial up until the age of 38. I've only been out to myself and my husband 19 months (It's kinda like a toddler that way :-) and my teenagers for about 15 months.

Something else I did was that I, very honestly, answered the questions in the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid (http://www.youthnetsouthampton.org.uk/breakout/kleingrid.php)

Something I just remembered is that even when I was living in denial as woman who was "so straight she had trouble turning corners", I told my best friend when we were drunk one night that if I wasn't married, I would sleep with her.

All of that aside, the most important thing youcan do is be honest with yourself. Discover FIRST if this is who you are and then come out to people once you are secure in your identity. Only you know for certain if you're bi. Don't let the quiz or anybody else define you.

Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.

[justthesamea]

Hello everyone,
Thanks again for all the talk.. I took a little of everyone's advice and kinda put it together..

I told the bf about me thinking I was bi.... he was totally okay with it.. but he had to be there if anything happened....
I told him I couldn't have a threesome even if he just watched... just wouldn't feel right about it..

He then told me it is just a phase and I would be different next week.. but if it wasnt a phase we would work through things.. hmmm not at all what I expected.

Anyway, will keep you posted if there is more...
Talk to you all soon..

[justthesamea]

Some things for you to ask yourself are questions like,"Is it just my friend or have I felt like this with other women before...maybe as a teenager or young person?", "Have I ever looked at a beautiful woman and felt something I couldn't explain?" "Have I ever admired women "as artwork"?" "Have I ever been turned on by watching women on music videos?" "Have I ever watched someone walk by and thought to myself, "Hmm...she's cute." or mentally critiqued a woman's body?

TOTALLY.. I do all of those things.. and yes.. I couldn't explain the feeling.... it was like you were reading my mind when you said these things... I have felt this way about women before.. and i think I did as a younger person feel the same way about a friend.. but.. I have just dismissed the thoughts when I was that age...and if I think way back.. I did kiss a girl once.. but way too young to remember how it made me feel.... I definately always check out beautiful women and can't explain the feeling...."art work" would be the word... turned on.. would be another one.. I actually say it out loud all the time.. if I am critiquing a woman's body... hmmm certainly things to think about.. GOOD QUESTIONS.


Something else I did was that I, very honestly, answered the questions in the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid (http://www.youthnetsouthampton.org.uk/breakout/kleingrid.php)..

Ok.. for this one.. I think I have to read a little more up on it .. thank you for the web site... I will try this one out.

Something I just remembered is that even when I was living in denial as woman who was "so straight she had trouble turning corners", I told my best friend when we were drunk one night that if I wasn't married, I would sleep with her.

All of that aside, the most important thing youcan do is be honest with yourself. Discover FIRST if this is who you are and then come out to people once you are secure in your identity. Only you know for certain if you're bi. Don't let the quiz or anybody else define you.

I guess I have a lot of exploring to do to find out my identify.. just after I thought i knew who I was.. WOW.. I think.. is it ever confusing.. however, I do feel like I am not alone.. this website is the best...

do you think an experience with someone would help in deciding if I was bi? .. I know you mentioned that .. only I would know if I was bi.. but does this just come with time.. or do you just one day realize it.. kinda like I am doing right now...
Thanks again.. and hope to hear from you soon!

[Herbwoman39]

do you think an experience with someone would help in deciding if I was bi? .. I know you mentioned that .. only I would know if I was bi.. but does this just come with time.. or do you just one day realize it.. kinda like I am doing right now... Thanks again.. and hope to hear from you soon! [/COLOR]

I would counsel against jumping into an experience with a woman until you know for certain in your own heart that you are Bi. It may bring up feelings that you might not be ready to deal with yet. At the very least you should be comfortable with someone before sleeping with them.

In my own personal experience, I was either not aware or in VERY deep denial of my same-sex attraction until 5 days before my 38th birthday (I'm turning 40 in January). We were at a live theater performance when I realized that I was getting excited by the beautiful, powerful blonde on stage. I found myself wondering what it would be like to touch her breast and feel the texture of her skin under my fingers. I literally wanted to be with her.

Ever have one of those mental double-take moments? That's what it was like for me. I was stunned but for once instead of shoving the feelings away, I brought them out into the light and analyzed them. It was at that point I realized I might be Bi.

So I did a whole lot of research and soul searching and even talked to the therapist I was seeing at the time. I didn't let anyone else tell me I am Bi. I came to the conclusion on my own.

And it was big and scary, but the first person I came out to is my husband (Lord Gme on this site). He's been my biggest supporter so far. I've also come out to my 16 & 18 year old sons. They couldn't care less :-) Their girlfriends also know and don't care either :-) I've also told my friends and they're supportive, though my best friend sort of geared for a few months. I think that's because we both used to say we're so straight we have problems turning corners.

I think that she may be afraid that if I'm Bi, maybe she is, too but she won't talk about it.

So, in short, I think that it comes out over time after the initial realization :-)