Wow.... Im never talking about these things with my mom again!!!

[deletetacount123]

Well, I have decided Im no longer telling my mom WHO I chat with online..... for ever girl I mention she auto assumes this girl is gay!!! (only half are lol) its like she doesn;t want me to be friends with gay women. She thinks they are all violent.

THEN she starts telling me this:

"You're BORN gay, you don;t just become gay"
and
"There's no such thing as Bi-Sexual... you either like men or women"

She said she knew my brother was gay cause of how he acted as a child... I said "well, do you believe some people may not know they are gay till later in life?" She said its possible but you can still tell they are or not.

*sighs*

I still can't believe she said that..... voice in my head was like "don't say anything else.. just ignore her" so I did... lucky I was doing my passport form that took my attnetion away from her lol (and she stopped talking cause I appered "busy")

How do you deal with people who believe those 2 things??
She claims Im not gay..... so why do I find women attractive?? Why do I get dreams of having sex or kissing a woman that feels so strong?? Why did I have crushs on girls?? Why do I get a tingly comfortable feeling if a girl touches my arm but an "don't touch me" type feeling if a guy did??

AAAAAAAAAAH
okies... Im done my rant :-) I have now decided shes never knowing anything again what I do online.....

If I am seem by her dating a girl that makes me happy then my mom will just have to accept it.... if she doesn;t like it.... too bad. :-) Im tired of doing things just cause they want me to do it :-(

*sighs* is anyone else in the same sititation as i am??

Tasha

[LouiseBrookslover]

I have a point here, so bear with me.....

Who are you?

I've read studies which hint that most people adapt to the group they are in. Our main consistency is in our choice of social group. Most of us are too afraid to be a part of many social groups, so we choose one and build our personality to fit. The bravest of us, well.....

....play the role of the child that we are in the family

....are more liberal when we are with liberal people we admire

.....are more conservative when we are with conservative people we admire

.....are manly when we are making love to a woman (and every other combo)

.....are feminine when a man is making love to us


In short, we have a capability for being chameleons that most people don't have the guts to access (although they have the ability).

Your mom has a problem with this. Many parents, particularly those which are steeped in ignorance, like my mother also is, see their child as a fixed entity. You have to understand that quite likely she doesn't understand the changes you've undergone since childhood (understandable, as she's not you) and she certainly doesn't understand how you can be a different person in the present. How you can be her daughter, a lover of men, a lover of women, maybe all in the space of the same week. Her shallow mind is likely boggled by the very idea.

In short, she has a crisis of imagination. Pity her. I've come to realize that my mother is a member of the walking dead. Deeply unconscious of her place in the universe and with very little perspective. Try not to let it get you down. As her child, I think your opportunity to change her is minimal. She sees you as a fixed entity, unnuanced, and you certainly aren't going to be her medium to seeing the nuanced world. It aint going to happen. I know, I've had to accept these qualities in my deeply unconscious and ignorant mother who knows me not at all.

You should follow the advice you give yourself in your subject line.

[Herbwoman39]

Mothers are just wierd. When I was dating hubby online mine actually used the phrase "How do you know he's not an axe murderer?". I kid you not. Swear to God/dess! And mothers aren't the only one. My best friend told me that I was going to have to cheat on Hubby because I'm bi.

I'm of the mind that with some people until they actually experience a thing for themselves they simply do not understand it.

Remember Tash, it's YOUR life, not hers. YOU live it the way YOU want to. Don't let anyone else, your parents, your friends, etc, tell you what you want or how to live. Only YOU know can tell yourself those things because you have the power to live your life how you choose and on your own terms.

Your mother can go build a bridge and get over it :-)

[LouiseBrookslover]

Herbwoman, my first inkling that my mother was full of shit came at age 10, when she confidently told me that every man who happened to have a mustache was also homosexual. :tong:

I think I might come home this Xmas with half a mustache.

[Aleksandra]

Tasha, i really don't understand why you have such need that your mother accept you and understand about every single thing that you're involved.

I think i've noticed few times that you mention your mother, but hey, you're not little girl anymore. You are woman now.

So you just have to say that you are bisexual and that's all. No more questions, doubts, discusings, argues or whatever.
If she is not willin' to accept you inthe way that you really are, you just simply have to turn your head on the other side and that's it.

No more further questions, no more thinking about it. It's trough.

But afterall, i have impression that you desperaly want that she understand you.

[deletetacount123]

Herbwoman and Louise.....

Thanks guys :-)
Herb, you said "Don't let anyone else, your parents, your friends, etc, tell you what you want or how to live." That is excatly what my childhood friend told me when I first told her and she questioned why I chickened out in the pass (cause i was doing what mom wanted me to do!!!) im not doing what my mom wants anymore.
She thinks Im going through a pharse cause Im in the middle of a divorce from my ex but hmm no... ive liked girls before I even went to Highschool..... and my friend from Highschool would gladly tell you how clear I made it known I hated men lol (she also said to me that she always thought I was better off with a girl than a guy... she saw the side of me that my mom failed to see)

I'll be ok :-) Even if my mom doesn't want her daughter to be gay... she'll have to accept cause I just want to be me now.... :-)

Tasha :flag1:

[allbimyself]

Herbwoman, my first inkling that my mother was full of shit came at age 10, when she confidently told me that every man who happened to have a mustache was also homosexual. :tong:

I think I might come home this Xmas with half a mustache.
Dammit, you made me spit my tea all over the monitor!


Tasha, you have got to do whatever it takes to free yourself of your parents. Ur 27 y/o now. They are stifling you. They seem to need to have you around to "take care of" to give themselves meaning. That's selfishness.

I know money is a factor, but I seem to recall you had a cousin that would let you stay while you get your feet under you. Do it. Beg or borrow the money to get a bus ticket. Once there, catch ur breath, get a job, and get on with your life!

We're all here for you, sweetie.

[deletetacount123]

Tasha, i really don't understand why you have such need that your mother accept you and understand about every single thing that you're involved.

I think i've noticed few times that you mention your mother, but hey, you're not little girl anymore. You are woman now.

So you just have to say that you are bisexual and that's all. No more questions, doubts, discusings, argues or whatever.
If she is not willin' to accept you inthe way that you really are, you just simply have to turn your head on the other side and that's it.

No more further questions, no more thinking about it. It's trough.

But afterall, i have impression that you desperaly want that she understand you.

Aleksandra,
I just have the need to tell her everything..... shes very overprotective... if I don't tell her things, she gets stories that Im up to something bad and wrong and Im like "what? no!!"
So to tell her, it keeps her from making up stuff. But Im sick and tried of it... thats why Im not going to tell her much anymore...... If Im dating a girl, she'll just have to accept it.... Im happy, the girls happy... thats all that matters....
My dad doesn't say much but its has always been if mom gets an idea in her head, just STOP talking about it which is what I should... Thats probably why my cousin and 2 best friends know more tahn she ever will lol cause those 3 are very open and understanding :-)

Tasha

[deletetacount123]

Allbimyself, Never read posts when your drinking!! *quickly puts down and hides her Tea cup.* :)

Ya, Im gonna do something lol I am very unhappy in this town and my sister-in-law knows this greatly. So does my cousin, although shes surprised at how my mom is behaving with the gay thing.
So Im hoping things will change soon. :-(

Tasha

[Diane54]

Tasha,

Your mother's life experiences, teachings and beliefs are not your own.
Nor are yours the same as hers. She rants and raves according to what she knows. You know differently and must not let her oppinions upset you.
Let her make her observations according to her value system and remember that you have another set of facts to go on.

Don't try so hard to please someone who doesn't know you as well as you do yourself.

[LouiseBrookslover]

Hey, as long as it stayed out of the nose, all is well.

[Herbwoman39]

I spend WAY too many years trying to earn the approval of my Mother. I didn't go into acting because she said I'd never make it and I weighed too much. (Yes she actually said that). I didn't pursue a degree in psychology because "those people have the highest suicide rate and I don't want you to kill yourself".

So I because a journalist because "people will always read newspapers."

I WASTED a good chunk of my life because I was trying to make her happy. Don't make the same mistake sweetie. You still have time to make yourlife what YOU want it to be.

Do whatever you have to to make that change. We're all here for you.

[taz67156]

hey Tasha,
What your mom is doing to you isn't right and she can't control what you do now as an adult no matter what it is, you have grown to really like other women more then men and with you not liking men I'd blame that on your exhusband not treating you like you should have been treated along time ago.
It looks like your starting to take a stand against your parents now because of how they treat you and there is three ways that you can be which is Straight, BI or Gay everyone has a right to their opinion and it looks to me like your mom just wants you to be either straight or gay since she doesn't think a person can be or become bi well she is wrong.

Don't let anyone tell you that your not Bisexual cause you are and everyone here knows that you are. I might be straight but I don't put down people because of their sexual preferences cause if I did that then I shouldn't be here and have all the friends on the site that I've made since I first joined up and started talking with people.

[deletetacount123]

Actually Taz, my exhusband only made me see even more how much I perfer girls than guys.... back in school when I was 14 there was a rather mean group of billies... the boys were the cruelest.....
They said all kinds of nasty stuff about me, all kinds of stupid things I don;t know why, they didn't even know me.

Then I got older, but guys were more of judging apperences and still making fun of me too while the girls were always kind (some were bullies but never as mean as the guys were... they left me alone most of the time) I was closer to the girls and some became good friends with me. I developed crushes on a couple lol Most people knew how badly I hated every guy in the school lol

I finally decided to go under moms pressuring and dated a guy at 20.... but then he was pressuring me sex?? I was like "eww no!!" He then said rather mean stuff so I ditched him. Wondering why I let my parents talk me into dating.
Second boyfriend was ok... then he went to college and became this really awful person so "bye bye." (me thinking "I hate guys!! Went back to my high school "man hating times"")
Third was my ex husband.. at first I thought I finally found a nice one but ugh... the more he mistreated me, the more I longed for a girl who shares what I like, likes to talk with me and cuddle and all that lol

Personally, I get along fine with guys AS FRIENDS.... but they always seem to turn such idiots if I date any. :-(
And to be VERY HONEST.... not to mean mean but the sight of Penis has always made me go "oh gross" and feeling sick to my stomach I just don't like them!! lol I think Women's bodies are much nicer to look at.

Some people are born gays... some people are turned gays to bad expereinces..... well.... that is where I seem to fit :-)

Im just gonna do what I want to do..... Im tried of guys, Im tried of my parents especially the one called MOM....

Just gonna do things my way, what I want.... I want to explore my sexually and thats what Im gonna do.... and I have a feeling the time will come soon :-)

Tasha

[EludedSunshine]

I think I might come home this Xmas with half a mustache.
Oh dear sweet Jesus, please make photodocumentation of this. It would make me giggle forever.

And Tasha, darlin'... I may not be the expert on this, but the best advice I can give is to NOT tell parents things related to your sex life. Be as vague as you can. :tong: It makes my stomach churn just thinking about even mentioning my private life to my parents...

[Azrael]

Oh dear sweet Jesus, please make photodocumentation of this. It would make me giggle forever.

And Tasha, darlin'... I may not be the expert on this, but the best advice I can give is to NOT tell parents things related to your sex life. Be as vague as you can. :tong: It makes my stomach churn just thinking about even mentioning my private life to my parents...
This is pretty much how I feel about the subject.

[deletetacount123]

I don't talk about my sex life to them lol.

A converstation would go like this:
M. "Who ar eyou chatting with these days?"
T (me) "Just a bunch of people in a chat room"
M "Meet anyone?"
T "ya... " (tells something interesting and fun about a girl i spoke to)
THEN she suddenly says
"does she know your not gay" ?
me "So?? can';t i have friends that are girls?? and who cares what they are."

THEN she starts talking about gays and stuff blah Im like "ok.. Im going now......." lol

It seems just cause I talk to a certain person means I want to date them in my moms eyes..... she sees nothing as friendship it seems.
Augh... after the converstation today if she askes who Im talking to online Im just gonna say "no one!" lol
If she wants to know why I never tell her who i chat with anymore I'll say "well, its hard when you always jump in assuming they want sex with me or assuming a firend thats a girl is gay".
Beside, she knows better, I only meet the ones that DO have good vibes and its always public place of course.

Saldy it seems she HAS to know EVERYTHING I do... if I don't tell her then she auto thinks Im up to something I shouldn;t be doing.
I don;t know why tho.. I would never do something stupid. :(


Tasha

[steve10557]

Its true that sadly some people are very reticent to change, but given enough exposure to these 'contrary to belief' situations it does eventually filtre through, maybe only at a very subconcious level at first, but over time you can wear them down :) Luckily my parents were very understanding people, not together.. which has bred all my insecurities, but tolerant none the less.



----------------------
I started out with nothing.. and I still have most of it! :)

[Mrs. Taz]

hey tasha, I agree, I think you just need to ask your mom why you should tell her when all she is gunna do is asume things after you tell her anything. just keep standing up for yourself. she will eventually get the hint. good luck :) any time you need to talk im here.

[chook]

Herbwoman, my first inkling that my mother was full of shit came at age 10, when she confidently told me that every man who happened to have a mustache was also homosexual. :tong:

I think I might come home this Xmas with half a mustache.


Its true, Its true I tell ya!!!!............. they all have mustaches to hide the stretch marks :eek:

Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[Long Duck Dong]

lol hugs ya tash lol

what you are going thru, sounds a lot like me and my mother lol, we have the best arguements lol... my mother is a christian and very anti bi / gay people, to the point where she feels they has have no rights what so ever

anyways,..... I am brillant at winding up my mother...lol and one time it was like this

mother : the internet is evil
me : yeah it is, it kills people and eats them for dinner, with a dash of tomato chili sauce

mother:...i'm serious, it takes peoples eyes off god and fools them into wrongful things....
me, yeah and cos you have to type, you also have to take ya hand off ya dick unless you are a brillant typist

mother, gays are immoral, sickening and a abomination in the eyes of god...
me... ah ha, and hypocritical christians with biased views are a abomination to most of the world..... guess christians win cos they fuck off more people

mother: homosexuality is wrong, its evil and wrong.....
me, *nods*, strange how you can't say that to doug when you invite him for dinner ( doug, myself and 2 others share a house, doug is gay )

mother:... homosexuality leads to the downfall of people... its sick
me * nods *.... yeah, its led to the downfall of many a priest for fucking choirboys... explains why the choirboys sing so high..... some priest is sucking too hard on their dicks

mother : have you seen all the evil immoral porn on the internet ???
me : nope, but give it a few more weeks and I will be close

mother : somebody needs to do something about gays and homosexuality...
me : yeah....give them all equal rights without bias or discrimination... and ignore the fact that gays are being measured by the bedroom habits.... christians are judged by their words, and actions.....

mother : stop bashing christianity.....
me : I am bashing some chrisitians that has a high and might attitude....besides mother dearest, I need to go and get ass fucked cos i am constipated and a good lubed dick hard up my ass may help


as you can well imagine, my mohter was not impressed lol

[EludedSunshine]

A whole bag of awesome.
lmao... What I'd do to hear that take place in real life...

[Tynary]

wow Tasha what your mother said sounds really cruel. I do not mean to cause you offense but she sounds really narrow minded and Iw ould be deeply hurt if I heard anyone say that to me.
I'm still in the 6th form of senior school so I still live with my mum so she knows alot about my life but my mum is fine with my sexuality. She believes being bi or gay or straight is all fine but she worries about me being a promiscuous person oh and she worries about me becoming involved in forums and shes always asking me about it. She would never let me go in a chat room. The only one I go in is one this website. So lie to your mother. As the years go by and you have multiple sexual relationships with both men and women she will have no choice to except bisexuality.

[morbid_dragon]

Hey Tasha.

Well my discovery on this issue from my experience over the last 15 or so years, is this. Being Bi, gay, or whatever social term used to categorize oneself is, but not bound to be, a mindset, and if that mindset is followed and nurtured then it becomes a lifesyle.

I have supressed that side of me for about 5 years, due to my ignorance of my wife, and the concerns I had with her acceptance of the mindset, and ultimately with me. People who are ignorant are intolerant, almost always, I know I became intolerant with my wife (until recently).

I do believe that it may be genetic, however if left under supression (either willingly or unwillingly) - it will die! Even though the toughts are still there. The need or want to act on these feelings and impulses dies, not the actual feelings. On the contrary, if it is left to itself and nurished, then it will thrive.

Now dont misunderstand me, no matter if it is suppressed or nurished the feelings never go away!

I would think that if you isolate your mother on this issue, that it will only backfire. Explain to her that you enjoy her opinion, but that you deserve some privacy. Be open with her, if you shut her out; she will only dig deeper, and worst think your hiding something. When in fact you are simply trying to avoid her harsh criticisms. It also sounds as if she is battling the issue of her daughter possibly being bi herself. That is why she is constantly asking for your reaffirmation to her invalidation of you, and those you talk to. No, that does not mean your bi.

BTW- she sounds like my mother. I left home, never to return.

I have to go, or Id say more.

bye babe.

[coyotedude]

Tasha, I don't know you, but I want to extend my sympathy for the difficulties you're currently having with your mother.

I absolutely agree with the others who have posted here: you have to be yourself and you have to live your own life, not the life your mother wants you to lead.

You can't put your life on hold waiting for your mother to accept the truth. Frankly, you will never win this argument; she is simply not prepared to listen to you. She is blinded by her own assumptions and her own fears. She is deaf to anything that doesn't match her expectations for her daughter.

I think she loves you, and that should give you hope that someday she will come around. But it may very well take years. This may be one of those situations where your actions over time speak louder than your words today.

In the meantime, I hope you truly realize in your heart that you are a valuable person and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you being bisexual. Don't ever let your mother or anyone else convince you otherwise!

Peace....

[deletetacount123]

Thanks everyone :-)

I made my first attempt last night to not tell my parents everything.
Went out for dinner with a female friend of mine.... got a text message on my blackberry from my dad saying "where are you?"
Not to be rude, I just typed a quick response "out for dinner with a friend. Will be home by 8pm" which got me the reponse back "ok, have a good dinner"

Well, I come home just before 8pm, let my parents know via AIM messenger Im home now.... dad says ok, doesn't say anything else other than hes still eating dinner so he can't chat. He later tells me good night.
Well, about 2 hours later I get a message from mom who thinks Im at the computer but I wasn't paying attention to the screen (even tho my away messages was on MSN and AIM). And shes alll upset cause I wouldn't say WHERE I was and WHO I was with.

Well, I never replied lol and in the morning I just said "good morning" and put up away message so i could get ready for the day.....
I HAVE to go to my parents today to pick up some papers.... and my mother will probbaly DEMAND where and who I was with last night.

I was responisble last night tho.... I TOLD dad which time I would be back home by.... and when I was home, I left a message to say just that.

*shakes head*
Talk to you all later :-)

Tasha

[Mrs.F]

Oh damn Tasha! Your 27 yrs. old, already been married and getting divorced (or maybe already divorced)....when is it that your parents, especially your mom expects you to have your own life??? Personally..you didn't even need to tell them you were out with a friend for dinner. You don't need to tell them anything as far as I am concerned. You are an adult and your mom really needs to let go. She does NOT need to now anything except that you are ok and fine. Beyond that it's only your business...not hers!!!!!!!

Sorry if that sounds harsh but I have been in your shoes with my mom also and I finally said......"You know what...It's none of your business" She's being way overprotective to the point of sufficating you. I feel bad for you Tasha...Good luck!! :(

[deletetacount123]

Mrs F.

I didn't even want to say anything lol but if I hadn't said I was out for dinner, I would have been flooded with text messages.
I'm separted, in the process of divorce (law says you have to be sperated for a year before you can do divorce papers)

I went to my parents house today to pick up papers I needed to get... mom didn't say anything so I was about to leave and she looks at me so I said "whats wrong?" she goes "you know whats wrong... i left you a message about it" I just said "bye... gotta go." and left quickly before she could say anything!!

I don't think she understands at all that Im doing what I wanna do... she knows Im not going to do anything dangerous... she knows Im not like my sister, who has done pently to make my parents worry actually.

I just left mom an AIM messaging saying it doesn;t matter where i was or who i was with... whats important was I at least told dad when I would be home and I did message to say I was home at the excat time I said I would be.

Im trying to pull away and last nights was the first step.... she doesn't care how old I am.... I did tell her once that it wasn't her business and she got VERY cross over that actually then called me a selish person. *sighs* Im not gonna say it again, but I do know Im going to do things my way, do what I wanna do... and she can say whatever she wants and theres nothing she can do about it.. :)

Tasha

[Herbwoman39]

[QUOTE=TashaSW I did tell her once that it wasn't her business and she got VERY cross over that actually then called me a selish person.[/QUOTE]

Honey, please know I mean no offense by this. Your Mom is full of it.

How is it that you are being selfish by wanting to live your life on your own terms? You bend over backwards to make these people happy! If anyone is being selfish, it's them by placing all of these ridiculous, childish demandson you. Please...stop wasting this precious time in your life by trying to make someone else happy at your own expense.

It is NOT selfish to want to be happy.

[Mrs.F]

[QUOTE=TashaSW I did tell her once that it wasn't her business and she got VERY cross over that actually then called me a selish person.

Honey, please know I mean no offense by this. Your Mom is full of it.

How is it that you are being selfish by wanting to live your life on your own terms? You bend over backwards to make these people happy! If anyone is being selfish, it's them by placing all of these ridiculous, childish demandson you. Please...stop wasting this precious time in your life by trying to make someone else happy at your own expense.

It is NOT selfish to want to be happy.[/QUOTE]


Totally agree! Your mom got mad because your living your own life at the age of 27 and she had no say in it???? Your not being selfish at all. She is! Just be you Tasha, do what makes you happy and forget your mom for awhile. She needs to move on with her own life and stop trying to run yours. :( I know it sounds like we all think your mom is a terrible person. We know she's not. But is she still going to be treating you this way when your 30, 40, 50???