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View Full Version : Fringe Benefits?????



letsgetready
Aug 26, 2006, 8:12 PM
Hi Everyone,
Well this is going to be pretty long but I need some advise. My "friend" and I have been having sex for the last 5 years. Let me try to make this short. He was splitting up with his girlfriend when we first met. We were ok doing our thing. Then he went back to her. And we continued doing our thing. He would come and spend the night here, We always did things together (shopping, dinner, just good old hanging out together) Then they split up again, I let him move into my home and use my sons room (well that lasted 2 weeks and he went back with her again. Now they are broken up and again I let him into my home (it was suppose to be for a few months till he got on his feet. Well it is now going on almost a year.)Again remember in everybodies eyes (and his) we are just friends, but behind closed doors we do our thing. We really have or I should say had great sex together we have both experienced new things together and have enjoyed them (thats how we got here) We both wanted to try the bi side but we have put a hold on that for now cause this is were our problems have come in. He is my bestest friend. The problem started about 4 or 5 months ago he went to New Orleans to work for a couple months, and when he came back he is a totally different person. We are constantly fighting all the time. He now has met a woman (supposedly a Friend) he swears to me that they dont have sex or anything like that....But do I believe him? NO.... Well now he is planning on moving out of my place and going to live with her and another friend of hers. We now live in South Florida, he says he will be moving somewhere around Central Florida...He does not understand why I am so hurt by this, Its like he is just taking the five years that we did have and just pushing it to the side. I was a really good friend to him we had such good times together. We said that we were just friends but (atleast on my part) have not dated anyone or have had sex with anyone else. He says he hasnt either...But do I believe him???Im not sure. My question to you all is How do I let him go???He is my best friend (put the sex part aside) he has been my buddy for 5 years, I have always included him in whatever I did. It is really breaking my heart but he just doesnt understand.....Oh he is 34, I am 45 he has 3 kids 15,8,6 but they live with their mothers. I have 1 son 10 who lives with me. Please help me understand what has happened between us? I know I have let myself get to emotionaly involved and I had promised not to. But I didnt realize just how much I was until this thing with the other woman (shes 60). Believe me I know age does not matter...He says we never had a relationship but in my eyes we have had a wonderful relationship together (as friends not romantically) and have enjoyed the whole 5 years and was hoping for alot more. I told him we do not have to have a romantic relationship as long as we were both happy with what we had then it was nobody elses business. So on the outside everyone was told we were just friends. Of course most of them did not see it that way but thats the way he wanted it so I agreed and was happy. Now it is killing me and I dont want to loose him but I think its a sure thing...Sorry this is so long but I can really use some advise. Please comment to both of us....We both use this together so hopefully he will be able to understand my feelings alittle bit better if he reads this and maybe some comments...Thanks for listening...Hope to hear from you all....thanks

littlerayofsunshine
Aug 27, 2006, 10:08 AM
Within your own mind. You changed the "benefit" contract and involved your feelings. Even though I am not saying at all that this is wrong, however, he can not be held responsible if he has never allowed it to be more than it was supposed to be in his own mind. He has done what you both have agreed to do and is getting into a relationship with someone else. Sounds like he has chosen to settle down with her and he has the right to do that. you "being the friend" should be supportive. . I would just let him go with best wishes and also try to remain friends. Its not about the sex you say, but it seems to be the glue holding you both together.

He needs to be understanding of your feelings and that you are hurt. He can help you with them. Allowing you to express them.

letsgetready
Aug 27, 2006, 10:05 PM
Thanks Littleray. That is all I want is for him to understand my feelings and how much it hurts to know Im loosing my bestfriend. Its just really hard for me to let him go. Not because of our intimacy but for the past 5 years we have been there for each other. He has been with me through a divorce, two or three surgeries, and breast cancer, chemo, radiation so he really means alot to me and to just let him go is really really hard. I have been there for him with all his personal problems and have been very supportive to him. Well I guess I will just have to hang in there. Anyway thanks for reading and giving your point of view.