Torn between continents

[zigzig]

Hello,
:paw:

I've been on this site for few years already and wanted to hear your opinion on my current situation. My husband is South African and I'm originally from Eastern Europe, and few months back we found out we're having a first born on a way. The situation in South Africa is becoming worse in crime, jobs, currency(Rand is much less valued than dollar), even racism.:eek2: Even my family members & friends back in my country are worried about me living here. I told him I start to worry about our unborn child's future and think it would be better if we consider to emigrate to Europe or other places like Asia, Dubai etc. But some of his family members put a pressure on me and him that we both must stay in this country and raise our child. It's also difficult for him, because he feels his family might need him around when the eldest members will not be able to take care of themselves.

Did you had situations in life, where you had a great relationship, but there was a dispute about place to live together? Or maybe had relationship with a person from different nationality, religion etc. which affected the relationship?

[void()]

Hello,
...
It's also difficult for him, because he feels his family might need him around when the eldest members will not be able to take care of themselves.

Did you had situations in life, where you had a great relationship, but there was a dispute about place to live together? Or maybe had relationship with a person from different nationality, religion etc. which affected the relationship?

Going through similar here. Me and my wife have both concluded we need to divorce our respective families. There is a lot of negative tension between me and her bro-in-law.

I think at one point before me and my wife met and become involved he had thought she would simply automatically marry him. She somewhat likes him as friend but even that is strained for her. He tends being real douche bag who allegedly knows everything and is the greatest, most best at everything. Then, you see him actually do something completely asinine which proves he's full of dung, yet he blames everyone else.

There are other tensions for us with living with her family. Her sister takes far too much advantage of her. For example my wife only makes around thirteen thousand dollars a year. She contributes to living here by paying all the utilities, our satellite television, the Internet connection. This means she only sees about six thousand dollars for me and her to attempt living on.

I am working presently upon writing a story, novel length. That is one thing I do fairly well, at least so far as a hobby. Hopeful I can make a go as a novelist. I have worked outside the home in some very rough, laborious jobs. My wife is accepting and understanding that I do face adversities now as me and her both meet with middle age. She too faces adversities but can manage working outside the home a little better. That and I'm not able to locate work I can do, that does not already have around two to three hundred others in line for it.

So, I'm writing away as best I can. This might help us. I am also planning upon homesteading if you comprehend what that is, if not perhaps small scale farming may tell you better. :) I am not some lazy bones freeloading husband. I even do our laundry, some cleaning, dishes and fairly much anything asked of me. :) Me and her are going to seek a low income agriculture loan from our government here for rural development, to buy ourselves a home with some land. We feel we can manage the loan well enough and do fair to well for ourselves, living modesty.

This means we'll be leaving her family to do for themselves. Her dad has issues and her mom does too. I feel a bit like a jerk to ask my wife to not do, or do less for them as they are her family. At the same time we truly are not living our own lives either, bogged here with her family. We need our own lives, not lives in the shadows of others or as second handed people.As far as religion, I prefer no religion. My wife I believe is a bit of Dianna Wicca, Pegan. We accept there is a lot in life unexplained. We both look for explanations, facts which work for us. Her family is Christian. It has not really been much issue but sometimes it can be tense.

All you may do is have faith in the love you share and try doing what you both feel is right for yourselves and your future child. I nor no one else can define you, your choices. You and your husband alone need to do that for yourselves. I can hope you have the best of life, keep you in mind with positive thoughts. :) Beyond this, given geography and life itself, I apologize for not being able to offer hugs except here. ((((( HUGS FOR YOU BOTH ))))) Be well and safe.

[tenni]

I think that your situation is probably worse than my own. I am child from what was called a mixed marriage based on religion. One religion was strict and had more control over their people. The two religions had a political conflict that led to bloodshed. I rarely was exposed to the hatred. There was pressure on my parents to conform to one religion over the other. My father had to conform to the stricter religion but I knew that he didn't comply as he didn't believe. My parents tried to straddle both sides but I never understood that was what was going on. I sensed tension but was not directly included any discussions. As a child, I lived in two separate worlds but was in both. I did spend more time with one religious group but often lingered over wanting to be in the second more strict group. The two worlds' issue was confusing at times but now I would think that it allowed me to see strengths and weaknesses. I went places that the more strict group forbid and my parents let me see the other's rituals. I don't know if it was a good or bad thing but I rejected both groups by the time that I was 14 or 15. It was a struggle but I finally found the courage to reject the stricter religion. Later, I realized that I had a child like understanding but because I did not mingle more with other kids of that religion I never understood. I was allowed to make that decision without consequences or argument from my mother and certainly no comment from my father. I thought that she would object but she didn't.

You have a difficult decision. I would be inclined to avoid as much pressure coming on to your unborn child. Kids pick up tension but don't understand where or why it is there. Good fortune.