Unrequited

[gh05t]

There didn't seem to be a thread on this so I thought I'd start one.
You know the drill, you get to know someone that you know that, for whatever reason there's absolutely no chance, but you still manage to let yourself fall head over for them.
I've had a couple of really bad faux pas on that front, but at least one of them had the balls to remain a very close friend to this day, even after I had completely misread our friendship.
Anyone got any great stories to get off their chest?
I won't tell anyone!

:bigrin:

[the sacred night]

Every girl crush I have ever had, there was no chance... because they are all str8... except there's this one who is a lesbian so I might have a chance if we were both single... and yet we are not. It looks like I shall never have any luck with the ladies.

If I had to describe one, though, I'd go with the 8th and 9th grade. I had this classmate who was a really, really beautiful Muslim girl. I mention that she was a Muslim only because this meant she had to be completely covered down to her ankles, up to her chin, down to her wrists, and wore a scarf all the time, so this meant I got to see very little of her body, but was obsessed with her anyway just out of pure fascination for her as a person. I wasn't out at the time, even to myself, so I didn't call it a crush... but that's totally what it was. I think about her ever time I think about my coming out process, because I had to be blind not to realize I was attracted to her "that way," in fact I frequently had to tell myself I wasn't. So anyway... I was in love in 8th grade, but then in 9th grade, we had gym together, and there was the girls' locker room... truly she was hot and I was turned on, but I also remember feeling honored to have been allowed to see what the general population was not, because it was such a big thing for her to be covered any time there were boys around. That was truly an episode of falling for the person, not just wanting the body.

[innaminka]

Ah, good 'ol unrequited.....

Heaps of times - mainly crushes, which barely count.

Two serious ones: both "good friends" - one a guy, the other not.

My attraction to the guy was not reciprocated - just a wonderful fantasy during self-pleasure times.
The lady involved was str8, but defintely starting to become fascinated with me - I was "out" to her.
I think we both made a decision that real friendship was better than a few rolls in the hay which probably would have put strains on the friendship aspect as we were both happily married.
We're still v good friends ..... maybe one day, tho. She's still v hot. :female: :female:

[Cathy]

Hi, on a related note, I misread a close friendship with my female friend, and it really blew up in my face. Very difficult for me to think about even today. I carry a blame and anger against myself for harming my friendship by falling in love with her. She made it clear that I almost wrecked our friendship. We'd been friend for many years, then suddenly I felt moody, deeply attracted and drawn to everything about her. She was so angry at me for feeling this way when I finally confessed (despite hinting at touching me when we had been drinking...) , and I deeply embarassed and ashamed. she was the first woman I felt this way about. It was like a tidal wave hit me, and I had suppressed being bi for so many years. I have since accepted and forgiven myself. I am proud of who I am and can't imagine ever being angry at someone for falling in love with me...things happen that surprise us in life and need to handled with lightness, love and laughter.

[swag85]

oh god, one comes to mind! my best friend all through high school was ashlea, we never ever did anything sexual, never even kissed. i watched her get dumped, and go back to her men, and id be the one who shed cry too. and i was fine with that . i always liked her. but never crossed the "line."
except for one night when i was all coked up and drunk, and i went to her house to tell her i loved her, i did the whole knocking on her window, to wake her up. she came to the window, i said i loved her and went into a whole speach about why were were perfect for eachother, and then her ex stood up at the window! it was great, then she told me she could never do that and her ex told me to F off, which in turn made me call him out side, he never did, and ash was pissed! it was a great night!!!LOL

:bipride:

[deletetacount123]

Well, I have a lifelong crush on a childhood friend of mine that Im still in contact with today. She KNOWS Im bicurious and enouraged me to date girls. (and even made what sounded like very man hating comments)

But I don't know if shes curious.... I don't want to tell her about the crush in fear of ruining a 17 year friendship which I have no interest in ruining.

*sighs* Im just happy to have her friendship...... :-)
Although if signs apper and the time is right, and one of us confess to the other,
Then we'll see.... only Time will tell. (Yes, there have been moments it felt like she wanted to say something but changed her mind quickly.)

Tasha

[DiamondDog]

I've had crushes on tons of male/female friends. Most of these people are het. Some are married to either a man or a woman. While some may be gay/bi we're best friends and they're a lot older and things wouldn't work out between us and it would probably destroy our friendship. Most of the time I'm A LOT more into a person than they are into me. ;-\

[Aleksandra]

Intresting subject.
I've been crushed in lots of girls, and since i used to be model, i was surrounded with bunch of real beauties, and there is lots of lesbians inside model indusrty, but i didn't see anything special in them except fisical beauty.
I was always out, and i had a lot of offers for sex, but i simply couldn't be with someone who own just one quality.

That's not what i've been attracted to. Fisical beauty is just something that i might admire to.

What really turns me on is someone's inteligence, and i am open to ppl, and even to my closest friends. Simply when i feel that i like someone i simply say that, and sometimes i really have luck and having great time with them.

Being honest to those that you like is something wonderful, something really honest, and there is no room for any doubts how will that person react.

[canuckotter]

I've got a very close friend who has unerring taste in women -- any time he works up the courage to make a move and ask a woman out, they're gay. Every. Single. Time. :bigrin: You can't help but feel bad for him... but at the same time, you can't help but laugh your ass off when yet another woman he's interested in turns out to be a lesbian. Luckily he laughs about it too, so I don't feel so bad. :)

[innaminka]

I've got a very close friend who has unerring taste in women -- any time he works up the courage to make a move and ask a woman out, they're gay. Every. Single. Time. :bigrin: You can't help but feel bad for him... but at the same time, you can't help but laugh your ass off when yet another woman he's interested in turns out to be a lesbian. Luckily he laughs about it too, so I don't feel so bad. :)

Not as bad as it seems - most women take a polite "come-on" as a compliment. And unless the women are openly advertising they're lesbians, they'll feel nice about themselves, because someone else has found them attractive.

[Reprob8]

The guy I work with for 12 hours a day, just the two of us and no one around is totaly hot but flambouyantly heterosexual. Sometimes the 12 hours can't go by fast enough. Incidental contact just drives me mad.

[mistymockingbird]

Hmmm, there have certainly been people I've been into, that haven't returned those feelings at all or at the same level. But the greatest love of my life is someone who could be classified not so much as unrequited, but definitely star crossed.

He's a wonderful man. We come from completely different backgrounds. We're 14 years apart in age (he's older). We have travelled very different roads in life. And yet, we have arrived at a place where the way we perceive the world and the way our minds work is exactly the same. We've been friends for a few years and our friendship is the truest one I've ever known. He's someone I can truly say anything to, and know that not only will I not be judged for it, he will understand completely why I feel that way. No one on this planet is closer to me and there are nooooo secrets between us. No subjects that go undiscussed, no matter how deep or mundane.

We each believe in past lives, and believe that we have been together lifetime upon lifetime. We believe that we were brought together for a reason. He's the closest thing to a soul mate, or other half that I can imagine.

Sounds good so far right? Well here's the kicker. He's gay. He came out when he was 13. He's always identified that way. We had a brief, torrid affair for a few months. (yes, I do mean we had sex and I know you're all thinking, that must make him bi. Trust me, even we didn't fully understand it, we just went with what we felt.) He was the best lover I've ever had. But ours was not meant to be that sort of relationship, not this time around anyway. Those days have passed and fortunately our friendship grew closer because of the physical intimacy, even after it ended.

He just moved away from his native state of Texas to Massachusets where (in 6 months or so) he will be marrying a wonderful man. I'm thrilled for him because I know how happy he is and he deserves every happiness in the world. But a little corner of my heart is sad. Because my soul mate is no longer mine completely. But I know that he loves me, still. We've had many a talk about this subject. We have a crazy connection that is integral to both of our lives. Ours is a complicated relationship. But one I'm grateful for every single day.

[EludedSunshine]

I'm fortunate (at least I think so) in that I rarely develop crushes beyond admiring certain traits in another person. About half a year ago or so, however, I met an exception. ;)

She goes to college with me, and is a year ahead. She has a pretty face with these amazingly sad, beautiful eyes. We both adore Asian culture, and are in the same Major program (her focus is China, mine is Japan). It all seems great--but this is virtually all I know about her. We've talked many times, but she's an incredibly private person. I'd give someone's right arm to get to know her better, but I'm really against pushing people beyond what they're comfortable sharing. I think she took kindly to me because I would go out of my way to talk to her when other people were busy gathering in their own little cliques. Sometimes it even seems a bit like she's flirting with me, but I don't know her nearly well enough to know if she's bi/lesbian (nor do I know her relationship history at all), or just naturally flirtatious with people who are nice to her. I would feel like I'm invading her privacy too much if I just came out and asked her. Hopefully I'll be able to get closer to her this year, even if only as a friend. I guess that's the best I can wish for anyway, as she graduates this year and we'll probably never see each other again. :( *Sigh*

Yikes, sorry that was so long. She does that to me. :tong:

[Herbwoman39]

When I was still in denial, I used to have what I guess would be considered a crush on my Reiki III teacher. She was a wonderful woman...an "out" lesbian. Unfortunately she was living with a real abusive control freak. And it didn't help that at the time I had myself convince that I was "so straight I had trouble turning corners". :-(

She's the one I had my first same-sex dream about :-)

I miss seeing her and think of her sometimes even now.

[Michael623]

OK, I need to show my ignorance. I looked up unrequited in the dictionary and could not find it. Found requite. Will someone tell me what unrequited means. Thanks and sorry for being so ignorant.

[Tynary]

In this sense it means when you love some one and they don't like you back therefore the love is not given back so it is unrequited love. Does that explain it ok. I fall in and out of love with men and women all the time and its almost always unrequited and those who do like me either don't interest me or I had know idea and made it hard for them. I've had crushes on tonnes of straight girls but the worst unrequited love was when i fell in love with my best friend (actually looking back maybe it was desperation). I had thought I was a lesbian for two years and then I fell in love with him. Obviously he didn't feel the same way because basically (and this is general opinion not just mine) because hes an idiot but at least he helped me realise I was bi. It was awful, painful, humiliating, gave me terrible depression and actually I felt sick but then I got some confidence and got on with my life but I know something like that willhappen again.

[Mrs.F]

Yep, been there and done that. I went to school from 1st grade-graduating high school with this guy. I had such the major crush on him and it just devastated me that he never liked me (the way I wanted him to). We hung out with the same croud in the same small town. When I was 15 I offered him sex....(what the hell was I thinking....obviously that I would do anything to make him like me) and it didn't work. The sex sucked :( and he still didn't like me :( . Now he liked me as a friend but he was not attracted to me the way I wanted him to be. The thing that gets me the most is he was not that good looking, he was not that nice of a guy and his personalitly was not the best. So, I still wonder why I even was obsessed with him to begin with. :rolleyes: And every once in awhile I will have a dream where he is in it. So, by golly the guy is till in my mind!! :yikes2: :banghead: Will it ever end??

Then I found Flounder..... :bigrin: Life is great!!

[deletetacount123]

Mrs F !!!!! what were you thinking? offering sex to make someone like you?!?! I did know a girl who did somewhat the same thing with a guy she liked but he hated her... she even went as far to say he got her pregnant.
Almost worked tho..... but he overheard her friend bragging to others about it.

I think its funny tho what people do for love :-)

My sister stole the guy I had a big crush on... but when I found out WHY he went to her and was all mean towards me all of a sudden.... I decided right there in Grade 5 that guys were nothing but stupid headed jerks!! lol Yep, I said that outloud to my friends hehe
My sister is 3 years younger than me but developed well and nicely while I hadn't developed much. (her boobs were BIG... thats why he liked her better cause I supposely still looked like a kid.)
I don't think I ever had a crush on a guy again after that... I can't think of any :-(

Tasha

[Reprob8]

OK, I need to show my ignorance. I looked up unrequited in the dictionary and could not find it. Found requite. Will someone tell me what unrequited means. Thanks and sorry for being so ignorant.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unrequited_love

[Mrs.F]

[QUOTE=TashaSW]Mrs F !!!!! what were you thinking? offering sex to make someone like you?!?!


I know, I know...but I was 15 and I wanted that boy to like me. It drove me nuts that I thought about him day and night and he thought of me as nothing but one of the girls. When he did have a girlfriends...I hated them. Talk about back in the days when your so immature and jealous and really....so nieve to the world around you. Trust me..if I could do it all over again...I wouldn't even bother with him.

[Tynary]

I know how you feel. really I empathise with you (i didn't offer sex though(althogh I might of if I thought it would have worked)) I still dream aboutthe guybut Idon't like him that way anymore I mean he is less attractive than me and hes personality isn't fab either kinda likeyourguy so I really know what you mean.

[EludedSunshine]

Now he liked me as a friend but he was not attracted to me the way I wanted him to be. The thing that gets me the most is he was not that good looking, he was not that nice of a guy and his personalitly was not the best. So, I still wonder why I even was obsessed with him to begin with.
This is exactly the first guy I ever fell hard for. We hung out as friends with a group, but I think he found me to be sort of a pain because he told his friends that I was "too sad" for him to ever like me. Well that statement sure didn't make me any happier. :rolleyes: Regardless, I wasted three years of my life drooling over that turd and having him take advantage of me in return, and nobody else could even come close until I met my first boyfriend (although he's a much longer and more bitter story). I dunno what happened. Other than that, I was such a smart, reasonable girl.

Sometimes I think about whether I'd go back and change it, but I realized that I wouldn't be where I am today, and now I'm happier than I've ever been. I figure a broken heart and the entire span of middle school is a fair price to pay for self-awareness and satisfaction now... but hell if I'd ever hop in a time machine and relive those days. :tong:

[csrakate]

Oh...I didn't just make an ass of myself...I waited until my 20th year reunion to do so!!!!

I ran into "Mr. Big Crush"..looked him in the eye and asked him why he always considered me his best friend...why he didn't want ME instead of all those girls he called me up about????

He looked right back at me and said.."Have you noticed?..I married a redhead..just like you...she's not overly aggressive and very sweet...just like you....do you think that may have had something to do with how I felt about you?"

In the grand scheme of things..it wasn't meant to be...I met a man I am still married to..someone I love and cherish more than anything...but if only I had known....High school would have been so much easier!!! LOL!

[happyjoe68]

I would like to broaden this thread somewhat without detracting from its nature

I find myself in a curious situation . ..

Recently, I had my first experience with a man, and felt somewhat ambigiuous/ambivalent about what it meant.

Now I have come to terms with that, I now find myself about to embark upon another journey (the metaphorical type) with a Bi-woman.

However, this is to be platonic, and it will undoubtedly have an element of unrequited love - I am a human being after all.

Without going into too much detail, it will be platonic because she is in a relationship with another woman, but it has been made plain that were she not committed there might be more between us. So far, so good - you might think, and sometimes I do too.

But because I respect her and would not want to see her unhappy by throwing away a relationship that means so much to her by getting too involved with me, I will stand back and get to know her as a person and a friend, rather than as a lover. I would rather be unhappy myself, than have her unhappy and be the cause of her unhappiness.

But is this a bad thing? Can there not be something pure, beautiful and genuine in an unrequited or platonic love between two people who know how each other feels but cannot or would not do anything about it?

And sometimes is this not better?