I keep questioning myself

[Devilsfan10]

So I've been trying to figure out if I'm bisexual or not the past few years. Whenever I want to masturbate, 3/4 of the time I watch some type of gay porn and while going on, I love it. However, as soon as I finish I feel all weird like that wasn't even something I liked. Everytime I tell myself I'm probably not bi and stop watching gay porn, I always come back to it and watch more. I've had one sexual experience with another guy and honestly looking back on it I kinda liked it. However, after he made me cum with a blowjob,

I don't know how to describe how I felt. It wasn't remorse but more of the thought "what the fuck did I just do". So I needed up leaving and tried texting my ex to get my mind of of it (We were already talking so it wasn't like it was a complete desperate attempt to talk to her). Idk sometimes I feel like I'm definetely bisexual and other times I wonder if I'm just lonely and it will pass. But the thoughts have been there way over two years. And idk if this helps but I have memories from my early teens where sometimes I would fantasize about kissing one of my friends at the time who was gay. They never lasted long but I remember them for sure. Thanks guys, and sorry for any grammar mistakes I'm typing from my IPhone.

[Outofthis99999]

I had those same feelings. I went out and tried it and didn't like it. It was the guy I was with and I wasn't into him as they say. The next time I met a guy and he was actually cool. We messed around and I knew then I was bi. It took me a few more years to actually feel comfortable being with a guy and kissing sucking fucking etc.

[Realist]

Devilsfan, I think what you're experiencing is fairly common. Even though I began early, with little or no remorse. (at first) Then, when I was in my teens, I went through a brief period of time when I dealt with some the same mental turmoil, too. I soon realized that I was definitely bi and moved on with my life.

I would think that, if you have these feelings and they excite you, you are at least potentially bisexual. I'm no psychiatrist, but I've known both genders, who had the same fantasies, but never acted on it.

I've heard of others, who did act on their urges and after one, or two experiences, never had another involvement. Of course, it seems that the majority of members, here, who acted upon their initial desires, acquired those tastes and continued to be with both genders for the rest of their lives.

If I was in a situation like you are, I would sit down and think of exactly what I would want to explore. Then, when I was pretty sure what I wanted to try, I'd find someone I could trust to share mutual interests with. I know, from experience, that if I didn't stick to my original plan, however, I would have never been satisfied.

Luckily, my very first time was amazing and as I understood myself better, I learned that a same-gender relationship can be as rewarding as any other sort of connection!

Good luck to you!

[Hypersexual11]

Realist gives good advise. Just be you and try to not worry about it so much. It's like being bisexual is this horrible thing you are afraid of 'catching'.
Embrace it.

[elian]

I feel that way about porn all the time, when I have an appetite for sex I am more than interested, when I'm finished I can't switch it off fast enough. The content doesn't really matter, I watch a mix of content. Seems to be the same way with body fluids too, people get very excited about that sometimes, there's something about the thought of potent fertility that makes people happy when they "reproduce" (duh?) - some even want to taste it, and then after the climax can't wait to get cleaned up afterward.. I think it's fairly normal..especially if you were taught to feel guilty about sex. Once you accept yourself for who you are and realize that it's okay to just be yourself I think it gets better.

[sysper]

though i have never done anything with a guy & never felt anything for guys untill my early 20's i still feel very much like u do especially the loneliness afterwards. it was more guilt & shame when i 1st started to become bicurious but over the years like u "what have i just done?" but at this point in my life i accept the feelings will come back. all i can really say is, leave urself room to be bi, give urself permission. that way ur free to be bi without any pressure & it's clearer to see how interested u are in guys.

[void()]

Religion for a long time molded society. This fomented a lot of excessive baggage within the psyche of people. Guilt is some of that baggage.

Guilt was at one time akin to our modern system of debt as currency. Both are ideas wielded as tools for creating bondage, servitude. Consider that debtors feel guilty as well, religion and society laden the idea of credit, honor with guilt. If you do not honor your debt, you are a bad person.

The same ideas are applied with sexuality. A good way to abolish them lies in moving the goal posts, realizing you can move the goal posts. Lots of major religions and aspects of society teach us we come from the divine. They teach us to we must obey the divine and its emissaries. The emissaries are priests, teachers, leaders those in positions of alleged authority. They supposedly exist to guide you in accord with the divine.

Stop a moment and think it through. You come from the divine and have a spark of the divine within, you think and reason. You can figure out what is good or bad from reasoning which the divine gives you. Why then risk some authority misleading you, only to bind you to their will and not the true will of the divine? See? You can define what is good and bad for yourself. You can then move the goal posts. Most all of us are capable of doing this, and doing it in a manner that is reasonable, sane, safe.

Why then still a need of leaders?

Why a need of guilt? Because some unneeded leader tells you to feel bad, that your actions are bad?

Go on and create your own definitions. Doing so gets easier the more you do. As a nice side effect, bug, erm feature, you get to lose guilt, shame. You may also find you lose a lot of bloatware in not needing the leader or authority programs. :)

[pepperjack]

Guilt is an integral part of the human psyche and just as fear, serves a useful purpose. It's a moral compass just as fear is a warning of danger. :2cents:

[darkeyes]

Guilt is a moral compass which does as u say, Pep, but the job that compass does is instilled in us by parents, society and the learning curve we obtain from life experience. It does not have to be set in stone, and for many of us we learn that that moral compass is often fundamentally in error. :)

[vetter1098]

Sexuality is an individual thing. Forget (if you can) about culture, religion, expectations. Life's way too short. Go with what makes you feel good. So long as you stay within the bounds of consenting adults, there is no wrong, no bad and hopefully, no guilt.

[a2smith09]

Thats actually fairly normal. Especially for a guy thats a kinsey 1-2. Takes a while to get comfortable with it when you dabble.

[sysper]

i agree guilt is important it can be used to keep u from doing too much bad, unfortunately alot of people know this & abuse it in other people :(

[pepperjack]

Guilt is a moral compass which does as u say, Pep, but the job that compass does is instilled in us by parents, society and the learning curve we obtain from life experience. It does not have to be set in stone, and for many of us we learn that that moral compass is often fundamentally in error. :)

I agree. I've had more than enough life experiences with others trying to manipulate me through unnecessary guilt. And like excessive, unhealthy fear which can cripple an individual, excessive guilt can also be very destructive. I do think, however, that the old expression, " Let your conscience be your guide, " is still a good maxim to live by.

[whistle1]

As you can see, what you're experiencing is fairly common. I'm in a somewhat similar situation.

I have never had an encounter with another man, but I do fantasize sometimes - usually while wanking. Afterward, like you, I usually feel bad.

I also wonder if these thoughts are there simply because I've been alone for a long time. I say that because I never had such thoughts when I did have a girlfriend.

In any case, I can understand the feelings of confusion....

[Devilsfan10]

Thanks guys for all the replies! They are all really helpful. I guess one of the best things to do from what you all have written, is to just live life and not think about what I want to "label myself". Obviously I do have bisexual feelings so I can't really ignore them, but I can try and not think about it so much

[cuttin2dachase]

I am a non-denominational Christian who believes that God wants us all to love and embrace life and live it to the fullest while always treating others as we would want to be treated. What follows are my personal beliefs and views and I am not preaching to anyone or against anyone. If you question your sexual desires or activities on religious or moral grounds, keep in mind that the few Biblical verses which admonish against same gender sex were not written by God Himself, but by a mortal man (or woman) purporting to speak for God. These people were actually expressing their own homophobia/hatred for or opposition to sexual activities to which they weren't personally inclined. They were full of horseshit ! If homosexuality (and bisexuality naturally follows) was a mortal sin, then Moses would have come down the mountain with 11 Commandments. The 11th Commandment would have clearly stated that men having sex with men and women having sex with women are contrary to God's laws. We are taught from a young age by parents, teachers, pastors, priests, rabbis etc that what they believe to be right and true is what we are supposed to believe as well. I've always respected authority figures but my life's progression and what I knew of the real world made me question authority. Is that wrong? If so, the 12th Commandment would have said "Thou shalt not question authority" LOL

[Devilsfan10]

Yeah I'm not religious at all, but thanks!babd yeah I don't really like authority that much

[sysper]

what 2 or more people choose to do behind closed doors is none of mine or anyone else's fuckin business! now where is that other person i was gonna go behind closed doors with? :D

[pepperjack]

I am a non-denominational Christian who believes that God wants us all to love and embrace life and live it to the fullest while always treating others as we would want to be treated. What follows are my personal beliefs and views and I am not preaching to anyone or against anyone. If you question your sexual desires or activities on religious or moral grounds, keep in mind that the few Biblical verses which admonish against same gender sex were not written by God Himself, but by a mortal man (or woman) purporting to speak for God. These people were actually expressing their own homophobia/hatred for or opposition to sexual activities to which they weren't personally inclined. They were full of horseshit ! If homosexuality (and bisexuality naturally follows) was a mortal sin, then Moses would have come down the mountain with 11 Commandments. The 11th Commandment would have clearly stated that men having sex with men and women having sex with women are contrary to God's laws. We are taught from a young age by parents, teachers, pastors, priests, rabbis etc that what they believe to be right and true is what we are supposed to believe as well. I've always respected authority figures but my life's progression and what I knew of the real world made me question authority. Is that wrong? If so, the 12th Commandment would have said "Thou shalt not question authority" LOL


And what are you but a mortal man trying to sell your own obfuscated version of The Commandments ? :rolleyes: You ARE preaching AGAINST a certain segment of people and are likewise " full of horseshit!"

[cuttin2dachase]

I'm not trying to sell anything... I clearly stated that what I was expressing are my personal beliefs and views. I indeed was NOT preaching to anyone. Please look up the definition of obfuscate. One does not obfuscate oneself one's own crystal clear beliefs and views...it means to muddy up or confuse or puzzle or perplex others. What is it I wrote that perplexed you or pissed you off in such a pole_smoker-ish manner that you felt the need to attack me for expressing my beliefs and views? I suppose you're not an advocate of treating others as you'd wish to be treated. My whole point was that the guilt, shame, fear or confusion that some bisexuals or homosexuals feel has been thrust upon them over the years by others and they need not heed and believe everything they've been told.

[Realist]

I re-read Cuttin's first response carefully and didn't see anything in it that should have generated anyone's ire. What did I miss?

[pepperjack]

I'm not trying to sell anything... I clearly stated that what I was expressing are my personal beliefs and views. I indeed was NOT preaching to anyone. Please look up the definition of obfuscate. One does not obfuscate oneself one's own crystal clear beliefs and views...it means to muddy up or confuse or puzzle or perplex others. What is it I wrote that perplexed you or pissed you off in such a pole_smoker-ish manner that you felt the need to attack me for expressing my beliefs and views? I suppose you're not an advocate of treating others as you'd wish to be treated. My whole point was that the guilt, shame, fear or confusion that some bisexuals or homosexuals feel has been thrust upon them over the years by others and they need not heed and believe everything they've been told.

I don't need to look it up or have you lecture me about what it means. I chose it because it's appropriate. You claim to be Christian & then attempt to ridicule what is sacrosanct to sincere Christians because you want to be accepted in a group where religion is not popular.

It's precisely that kind of hypocrisy that gives people of faith a bad rap. And that's all that's " crystal clear " in your post.

It's sort of like saying, " Either shit or get off the pot ! " :disgust:

[pepperjack]

I re-read Cuttin's first response carefully and didn't see anything in it that should have generated anyone's ire. What did I miss?

Reality. :rolleyes:

[elian]

There is a difference between guilt and shame, guilt is often healthy, shame seldom is. Go ahead and feel guilty if you drink up the last of the OJ, but you shouldn't feel ashamed to be who you are and know that you are loved.. Leaders - there are certain people at certain times that have more experience in a given situation, or know how to organize, motivate, empathize with others and it's just natural that people with less experience might look to those who have lived through a certain experience before. The -same- leader is every situation is probably a mistake because one person can't know all. If you want to talk about authority try reading the kalama sutta..
Why a need of guilt? Because some unneeded leader tells you to feel bad, that your actions are bad?

[a2smith09]

Thanks guys for all the replies! They are all really helpful. I guess one of the best things to do from what you all have written, is to just live life and not think about what I want to "label myself". Obviously I do have bisexual feelings so I can't really ignore them, but I can try and not think about it so much

You're pretty much nailed it right there. Based on what you say you feel you are not gay, but you are not completely straight either which is ok too. You do have some same sex attractions, which I'd say places you somewhere around a 1 or 2 on the kinsey scale. So don't feel guilty about it, embrace the fact you have bisexual feelings it is perfectly natural. Have fun with it.

[Ann29732]

You're pretty much nailed it right there. Based on what you say you feel you are not gay, but you are not completely straight either which is ok too. You do have some same sex attractions, which I'd say places you somewhere around a 1 or 2 on the kinsey scale. So don't feel guilty about it, embrace the fact you have bisexual feelings it is perfectly natural. Have fun with it.

I have to agree whole heartedly with this advice. As a bisexual woman...yes I can finally say 'bisexual' with confidence....you can't push these feelings aside or make them go away.
One of the worst times for negativity was when I was pleasuring myself. I'd be thoroughly absorbed in looking at or reading something erotic. Or, fantasizing about a woman I had recently seen. Just like you as I touched myself and felt the arousal build, trembling and twitching, I was caught up in the desire. Then, after I orgasmed and the excitement subsided, I was wracked with bad feelings. As many people were, I was raised that homosexuality was wrong but today's generation seems to be much more accepting. I didn't give in to my curiosities until I got to college and away from friends and family and I did feel a tad guilty after my first time but the desire never went away.
Follow your heart and desires dude and experiment; have fun with it but be safe. Get to know your sex partner first and make sure they know it's your first time.

[void()]

If you want to talk about authority try reading the kalama sutta..

I was simply pondering how in the Christian Bible G*d put off giving the Jews a king
thrice. G*d wanted the Jews ruled by himself and not any mortal king/s. Looking at how
our world in large exists presently, easy to infer G*d may have
been unto something in thinking no mortal fit to lead.

And I am definitely not religious, no religion of any kind here.
I am an atheist as I don't believe in theologies(religions). Still one can appreciate
what is seen as sound logic, reasoning in a story. For example, I also think Aesop's
fable about the grasshopper and ant conveys a lot of wisdom, logic, reasoning. Aesop
though wrote many a great instructional fable. :)

NB: My inference is speculation only, aware that accordingly, one
cannot ever fathom G*d's thoughts.

[elian]

Yeah, the God of the Old Testament was not a nice guy, or so they wrote. Have you actually read the kalama sutta? I actually think you would like what it says. I could and did post a lot of unflattering things about organized religion but then I changed my mind and retracted the post, because it does more harm than good to rage against it. People can genuinely believe it and be good at heart, but those folks are usually quiet people who don't make the news. For me, this makes more sense though, and I guess it could apply to just about any sort of belief http://www.themindfulword.org/2013/believe-nothing-10-teachings-from-the-kalama-sutta-to-defend-against-intellectual-dependence/ To stay on topic, I guess my whole point is there are ways to incorporate faith and still feel like a whole, healthy bisexual person.

[pepperjack]

Yeah, the God of the Old Testament was not a nice guy, or so they wrote. Have you actually read the kalama sutta? I actually think you would like what it says. I could and did post a lot of unflattering things about organized religion but then I changed my mind and retracted the post, because it does more harm than good to rage against it. People can genuinely believe it and be good at heart, but those folks are usually quiet people who don't make the news. For me, this makes more sense though, and I guess it could apply to just about any sort of belief http://www.themindfulword.org/2013/believe-nothing-10-teachings-from-the-kalama-sutta-to-defend-against-intellectual-dependence/ To stay on topic, I guess my whole point is there are ways to incorporate faith and still feel like a whole, healthy bisexual person.

I like this post Elian, especially your concluding sentence. I have scanned, previewed your link & intend to study it further.

I'm likewise turned-off by organized religion. Mafiosos were notorious for following strict Catholic rituals & even having the Church in their hip pockets along with other authority figures. The Vatican has been rumored to have aided the smuggling of Nazi war criminals out of Germany. During all the initial coverage of the San Bernadino massacre this past year, the shooter was described as a " devout" Muslim. We're expected to believe that's typical, acceptable behavior for a " devout " follower? I could go on & on as you know. History is replete.

And then there's spirituality.

[elian]

..and having said what I said, I also realize that none of these ideas is perfect, reading the link I posted I still see flaws .. language is a clumsy way of conveying meaning ..

These are about as close as I can get to what I really want to say (at least we have the recordings even if we don't have the man):

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhMNr9NtSD0)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhMNr9NtSD0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0uEVTh0ios
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0uEVTh0ios)https://vimeo.com/117066720

I love these videos/quotes because for as long as I can remember I have always just wanted to love people, gender didn't seem to matter until other people made it so. My bisexuality is a part of that and a part of me - because if it is done the -right- way sex is an extension of love. If you believe that God loves you despite what people say and that all people are worthy of the same love - then you can believe in yourself - which puts you in the frame of mind to know that if you really want something bad enough you can achieve anything. Some people don't need to believe in God to be moral, but I prefer the story with the tiger in it to the one without the tiger, it just makes things more interesting. I need to believe there is some consciousness we all share that is bigger than just my own ego. (I don't mean to pick on you void)

[void()]

If you believe that God loves you despite what people say and that all people are worthy of the same love - then you can believe in yourself - which puts you in the frame of mind to know that if you really want something bad enough you can achieve anything. Some people don't need to believe in God to be moral, but I prefer the story with the tiger in it to the one without the tiger, it just makes things more interesting. I need to believe there is some consciousness we all share that is bigger than just my own ego. (I don't mean to pick on you void)

No, don't feel you are either. For a while I did believe similar to you in regards to
divinity. As I grew and learned from living I encountered reasoning from Thomas Paine.
I paraphrase him. The gist he conveyed was that it was only reasonable to use divinely
given intellect to reason, it was after all why the divine gave intellect & reason. Saw
he was not the only person to suggest this bit of thinking, dug further.

Come to understand I don't believe, at least not in divinity. I may say love is divine
though and I believe in love, have faith in hope. For me, that's enough. And yes I know
that is kind of borrowed from a Rush song. It is apt for me, ergo I can accept it at
value.

Apologies if I care to not further elucidate ideas of my own orgin. Find at times they
get mangled by words if I tempt expressing them without fermentation. Like you, I see
words being useless and cumbersome for conveying emotion/thought fully and clearly.
Sometimes that is best left to a hug, kiss, smile, gesture. Other times one pauses to
weigh to words, sees their thought better expressed by another self.

As The Big Cheese puts it too, "then there's spirituality ...". Don't need religion to
be spiritual. I digress though as other thoughts invade. Helped a fellow today do our
muffler and exhuast job on her truck. Odd how we seemed to meld in some kind of
syncronicity in doing the work, although probably not so odd. And still other thoughts
... . "And yet many miles more to go ...".

Excuse me. Thanks.

[elian]

I saw a copy of "Common Sense" in the Library of Congress, but it was hard to read because it was locked away in a glass case on display. Which seems like a rather apt metaphor for what is going on in this country at times. I am a combination of gnostic, buddhist and humanist I think. It's the gnostic part that encourages you to ask questions and use the creativity we are endowed with that you mentioned before. This seems to be the opposite of some beliefs where you are actively discouraged from asking too many questions. I could have been fine, just minding my own business, but having to question my sexuality forced me to have an open mind and appreciate diversity. Love is strong, and hopefully it is universal - except maybe in the case of sociopaths.. and even then it's because maybe they got a few wires crossed growing up. I wish we had more love - every time I turn on the news and hear things like "new cold war" - people just need to stop..but for some reason they keep going..and around the merry-go-round we go..again. Alright, maybe I've said too much now.

[void()]

I wish we had more love - every time I turn on the news and hear things like "new cold war" - people just need to stop..but for some reason they keep going..and around the merry-go-round we go..again. Alright, maybe I've said too much now.

Speaking of the merry-go-round, note how Gaddafi like Hitler had based his state's money on the value of one hour of labor. Both also forbade banks from charging usury/interest on loans too. They let loans be had for a token one time fee. Say a guy borrowed $100, he could pay back the $100 plus $10 for transaction / handling fee. Believe they both also got rid of central banks in their respective states as well.

See how quickly both were made to demons, and slaughtered for daring to go against other empires. Hitler also had Germany laden with top notch industry, producing top notch products prior to both the first and second world wars. That was in direct competition with Britain's industry. Gaddafi had free education and medical services open to everyone in his state. Gaddafi also got his state back upon gold as money.

Do not misunderstand. There may well have been other rational for both having been executed. I may not be fully aware of all there is to know and do admit that. It seems though many are in the same position I am though, unaware of all there is/was to know. Any wonder when authority lies to suit its own ends? Yes they do, plenty of proof exist. Not debating that. You can look up back articles of Time reporting Hitler as man of the year in 1931. He was a champion of Germany, set to to lead Germany to global industrial dominance. There is also more we have seen that are lies.

Still finding it neat to see twenty years ahead by looking back forty. It's all the same dead horse mistake, revolving and repeating. This time, we have learned, at least I hope. Of course, Trump is likely the new Mussolini in issuing in fascism ... business and state working together for the individuals of the state. Sure business will profit, always does, that's why it is business after all. That seems the lesser of two evils yet ultimately is not. Businesses are owned by banks and in banks go the profits of business. As a recent documentary title espouses, All Wars Are Banker's Wars.

Remove Mammon and it all tumbles. Humanity wins as humanity is fed up in seeing people starve whilst there is more than plenty. Humanity is fed up of fake diseases trotted out to use fear and manipulation, urging further wars. Humanity no longer wants the yoke of debt enslaving it and is ready. There will be peace as it is being understood to have peace, be peaceful. The whole logic of "to have peace, prepare for war" is being realized as stupid. All we need to do is be peaceful. Living and letting live as you're aware does work out well enough if given a chance. No, we won't do it as it requires courage. We need Mammon to bind us with fear, we're all frightened little children. We are scared of the different, it never fails. Or will it now?

You say too much? Yes, in all you don't say, you do. * kisses * One of the reasons I love you so. You say a lot in a moment of silence. :) Good thing I'm learning to listen, better.

NB: It relates to questioning one's sexuality in the regard we're all human and all live within the human condition. What happens in the larger picture effects everyone's own smaller pictures. Although, I prefer to hold to words of a very wise Lady.


"When you have decided what you believe, what you feel must be done, have the courage to stand alone and be counted." — Eleanor Roosevelt

"For it isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work for it." — Eleanor Roosevelt

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." — Eleanor Roosevelt

"No one can hurt you without your consent." — Eleanor Roosevelt

"When will our consciences grow so tender that we will act to prevent human misery rather than avenge it?" — Eleanor Roosevelt

"Justice cannot be for one side alone, but must be for both." — Eleanor Roosevelt

"It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness." — Eleanor Roosevelt

"If we want a free and peaceful world, if we want to make the deserts bloom and man grow to greater dignity as a human being-we can do it." — Eleanor Roosevelt

"Understanding is a two-way street." — Eleanor Roosevelt

"The giving of love is an education in itself." — Eleanor Roosevelt

She was a fine one, at that. :)

[elian]

You should watch "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" - other than that I love you, but it's just easier not to say anything at all. A labor system that treats people as just another commodity is a travesty - and a system that believes people will willingly work for purely altruistic reasons is probably not realistic at this time.

Just to be even more off topic..

“It seems to me a very difficult thing to put into words the beliefs we hold and what they make you do in your life.

I don’t know whether I believe in a future life. I believe that all that you go through here must have some value, therefore there must be some reason. And there must be some “going on.” How exactly that happens I’ve never been able to decide. There is a future—that I’m sure of. But how, that I don’t know. And I came to feel that it didn’t really matter very much because whatever the future held you’d have to face it when you came to it, just as whatever life holds you have to face it exactly the same way. And the important thing was that you never let down doing the best that you were able to do—it might be poor because you might not have very much within you to give, or to help other people with, or to live your life with. But as long as you did the very best that you were able to do, then that was what you were put here to do and that was what you were accomplishing by being here.

All human beings have failings, all human beings have needs and temptations and stresses. Men and women who live together through long years get to know one another’s failings; but they also come to know what is worthy of respect and admiration in those they live with and in themselves. If at the end one can say, “This man used to the limit the powers that God granted him; he was worthy of love and respect and of the sacrifices of many people, made in order that he might achieve what he deemed to be his task,” then that life has been lived well and there are no regrets.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

[void()]

You should watch "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" - other than that I love you, but it's just easier not to say anything at all. A labor system that treats people as just another commodity is a travesty - and a system that believes people will willingly work for purely altruistic reasons is probably not realistic at this time.

Just to be even more off topic..

“It seems to me a very difficult thing to put into words the beliefs we hold and what they make you do in your life.

I don’t know whether I believe in a future life. I believe that all that you go through here must have some value, therefore there must be some reason. And there must be some “going on.” How exactly that happens I’ve never been able to decide. There is a future—that I’m sure of. But how, that I don’t know. And I came to feel that it didn’t really matter very much because whatever the future held you’d have to face it when you came to it, just as whatever life holds you have to face it exactly the same way. And the important thing was that you never let down doing the best that you were able to do—it might be poor because you might not have very much within you to give, or to help other people with, or to live your life with. But as long as you did the very best that you were able to do, then that was what you were put here to do and that was what you were accomplishing by being here.

All human beings have failings, all human beings have needs and temptations and stresses. Men and women who live together through long years get to know one another’s failings; but they also come to know what is worthy of respect and admiration in those they live with and in themselves. If at the end one can say, “This man used to the limit the powers that God granted him; he was worthy of love and respect and of the sacrifices of many people, made in order that he might achieve what he deemed to be his task,” then that life has been lived well and there are no regrets.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Read the last portion of that quote and thought of her marriage. Told C,
"she must have loved him to pieces." :) She agreed.

Someone gave me Skittles today. Ha! They didn't read the warning label.
"Do not feed the B, Skittles, bad things happen and yes we mean really
bad things!"

Think I'll implement "C. H." Douglas' Social Credit economic reforms and
kick out all the money changers again. Systems are created for men, not
men for systems but of course, this you know.

Add Social Credit to Ubuntu Contributionism and I would gamble our
world might do the scene from The Matrix, where Neo inhales, everything
wiggles, he exhales and it wiggles again ... the two agents look at him,
turn and run. "I aim to misbehave!" Been running around here all duddied
up in black and tan togs, boots.

I would point a finger but three point back, unless it's finger flipping
a bird. Not got enough of those though, so I'm learning to not give a
ferk. :) Wandering round singing, "la la la la". ahem Just another
running day.

Now I'll have to find that to see what I'll saw. * notes title *

[pepperjack]

FYI ! I enjoyed Lustbader's The Ninja immensely during the mid 80's. I wasn't into analyzing writing styles at that point, just loved reading & enjoying. ;)

[darkeyes]

FYI ! I enjoyed Lustbader's The Ninja immensely during the mid 80's. I wasn't into analyzing writing styles at that point, just loved reading & enjoying. ;)
...and there is nowt wrong wiv that, Pep...better than not reading at all... far 2 many peeps dont.. worse, for far 2 many kids don't... and that breaks me heart!:eek2:

[void()]

FYI ! I enjoyed Lustbader's The Ninja immensely during the mid 80's. I wasn't into analyzing writing styles at that point, just loved reading & enjoying. ;)

The whole series of those are really good stories. In one the editor may have been asleep.
Lustbader seems to compare the girth of a lady to a fine commercial passenger jet. From
what I understand of him as a person, he's in no way cruel enough to have made such a
comparison maliciously. It's the tale where Nicholas has to see the head man of the gokudō.

Lustbader has now taken over Ludlum's works.

[void()]

...and there is nowt wrong wiv that, Pep...better than not reading at all... far 2 many peeps dont.. worse, for far 2 many kids don't... and that breaks me heart!:eek2:

Well it's alright honey. See, Darwin is correct. We will unburden
ourselves of the stupid. The stupid cannot, or will not read warning
labels. Ergo, someone opens a hatch in mid flight and gets drawn right
out. Maybe they do not read the label advising that eating rat poison
can cause death, oops, there goes another stupid one.

Apologies if my humor seems less than humane. I've merely worn out
tolerance for the stupid. Yes, I'm aware some may call me stupid. I
choose ignorant. I can be ignorant but learn. The stupid are ignorant
and choose to not learn. In that I'm not stupid at all.

Prone to dumb mistakes sometimes? Sure. Think most of us are if we're
humble and honest. I can overlook that a few times. Begin to take
advantage, in my view you become stupid. If you were not, you would have
learned from a few mistakes. You may have learned from history, even.

Stupid kills not only itself but others along side it. Stupid
indoctrinates with fear, hate. I am beginning through gratefulness,
thanksgiving, gratitude to only realize love, courage. Sure I can be
accepting of stupid. The point is though, stupid cannot oblige my choice
and ultimately it is that, my choice. So, let them not read.

[pepperjack]

...and there is nowt wrong wiv that, Pep...better than not reading at all... far 2 many peeps dont.. worse, for far 2 many kids don't... and that breaks me heart!:eek2:

I was the quintessential " bookworm " as a boy and teen, Dark.

Yes, it's dismaying, the bane of technology that today's young depend on their gizmos to do their thinking for them. :(

They're not only physically lazy but mentally so.

" Shitty ole world ; " makes me glad I'm getting old at times, preparing to move on. :paw: ;)

[darkeyes]

Alas, we have no option but to live with the stupid.. after all, we create them.. our species does little to better them.. it hss contempt for them...I like many people considered stupid by friends, family and colleagues alike.. Stupid like beauty is in its own way in the eye of the beholder.. to some maybe even most, I am stupid.. a subjective judgement born of upbringing...:) Being considered stupid by someone in some way all of us have to live with..:eek2:

[void()]

Alas, we have no option but to live with the stupid.. after all, we create them.. our species does little to better them.. it hss contempt for them...I like many people considered stupid by friends, family and colleagues alike.. Stupid like beauty is in its own way in the eye of the beholder.. to some maybe even most, I am stupid.. a subjective judgement born of upbringing...:) Being considered stupid by someone in some way all of us have to live with..:eek2:



our species does little to better them


We offer education. They choose to not learn. What more is to be done to
better them? If they choose remaining as they are, nothing anyone else
does has effect. It is their choice to not learn. No one else can make a
choice for another.

It is not contempt stating the obvious facts. Suggesting that is
disingenuous.



to some maybe even most, I am stupid


My commentary was not directed toward anyone. It may seem the commentary
was malicious. If you are unable, or unwilling to learn to read warning
labels you could ask for help. If not and you persist eating the posion,
I can only deduce you have met fair justice.

Again, it boils down to matter of choice. Also, taking offense over
commentary not directed at anyone is a choice as well. Yes, I did class
some people. Yes, I used a negative term for that class of people. Yes,
my humor was inflicted with a negative tone of sarcasm. No, neither my
classing of people, nor the negative humor was not directed at anyone
specific. If you choose taking offense, I cannot apologize for your
choice and will not.


Being considered stupid by someone in some way all of us have to live with.


I agree. I also understand we each can strive to learn by our own
choice. Not many people would consider someone with a desire to learn,
to adapt as stupid. Although humans as subjective animals seems to
insist being dubbed stupid, the same as poop happening, will happen. No
great contention in worrying over it. All that lives dies, ourselves
inclusive. If being called stupid is the only worry you have to living,
good for you. Why not teach us all how to be so fortunate?

[elian]

A favorite reverend of mine once said that no one is "dumb" or "smart" - people do "dumb" things and they may be "smart" occasionally. The amount of discontent in the world on the other hand is quite palatable...it is everywhere .. almost makes me want to reach down and hit the power button..that's the beautiful thing about media - if you don't want to see, you just switch it off.

[tenni]

So I've been trying to figure out if I'm bisexual or not the past few years. Whenever I want to masturbate, 3/4 of the time I watch some type of gay porn and while going on, I love it. However, as soon as I finish I feel all weird like that wasn't even something I liked. Everytime I tell myself I'm probably not bi and stop watching gay porn, I always come back to it and watch more. I've had one sexual experience with another guy and honestly looking back on it I kinda liked it. However, after he made me cum with a blowjob,

I don't know how to describe how I felt. It wasn't remorse but more of the thought "what the fuck did I just do". So I needed up leaving and tried texting my ex to get my mind of of it (We were already talking so it wasn't like it was a complete desperate attempt to talk to her). Idk sometimes I feel like I'm definetely bisexual and other times I wonder if I'm just lonely and it will pass. But the thoughts have been there way over two years. And idk if this helps but I have memories from my early teens where sometimes I would fantasize about kissing one of my friends at the time who was gay. They never lasted long but I remember them for sure. Thanks guys, and sorry for any grammar mistakes I'm typing from my IPhone.

What was the OP asking?....oh ya...;) :)

[itsnormy]

During my early years...all he neighborhood guys experimented, and as put the play into perspective with age, realized EVERYBODY is BI....it is religion, or peer pressure, or guilt , ultimately picks whether we go down the left side of the road, or the right, or right down the center lane...We all are born with a sensitivity to straight or gay, but over ones life, we find straight people who enjoy some gay play in their life, and some gay who enjoy some straight play, hence we all have the very reality of bi, if and when we let go and become true to ourselves. Nothing to feel guilty and morose about...enjoy it...

[charles-smythe]

So I've been trying to figure out if I'm bisexual or not the past few years. Whenever I want to masturbate, 3/4 of the time I watch some type of gay porn and while going on, I love it. However, as soon as I finish I feel all weird like that wasn't even something I liked. Everytime I tell myself I'm probably not bi and stop watching gay porn, I always come back to it and watch more. I've had one sexual experience with another guy and honestly looking back on it I kinda liked it. However, after he made me cum with a blowjob,

I don't know how to describe how I felt. It wasn't remorse but more of the thought "what the fuck did I just do". So I needed up leaving and tried texting my ex to get my mind of of it (We were already talking so it wasn't like it was a complete desperate attempt to talk to her). Idk sometimes I feel like I'm definetely bisexual and other times I wonder if I'm just lonely and it will pass. But the thoughts have been there way over two years. And idk if this helps but I have memories from my early teens where sometimes I would fantasize about kissing one of my friends at the time who was gay. They never lasted long but I remember them for sure. Thanks guys, and sorry for any grammar mistakes I'm typing from my IPhone. …if you still like to have sex with women…but like to jack off to gay porn…you’re most likely a bisexual that hasn’t come to terms with it and sucked his first dick…

[tenni]

That is an interesting theory it stormy.


I’m not as convinced that everyone is bi. Childhood body exploration before puberty is not driven by sexual desire as far as I can figure out. It is body exploration and touch is power full if applied to certain body parts from birth but not sexuality. We are not born with tendency for straight or gay. You are forgetting that bisexuals are not part of that monosexuality. We are bisexual and attracted to both genders. We differ from both monosexualities. I agree with your suggestion that social pressure is placed on non heterosexuals to conform to heterosexuality. I agree that we should not feel guilty about our sexuality what ever it is.

[tenni]

…if you still like to have sex with women…but like to jack off to gay porn…you’re most likely a bisexual that hasn’t come to terms with it and sucked his first dick…


Probably true Charles. However, if you do not like to suck dick, have other sex acts with both men and women...are you are also a bisexual? The specific sex act doesn't define bisexuality or any sexuality. It is your attraction...physically and/or emotionally being attracted to both genders.

[charles-smythe]

Probably true Charles. However, if you do not like to suck dick, have other sex acts with both men and women...are you are also a bisexual? The specific sex act doesn't define bisexuality or any sexuality. It is your attraction...physically and/or emotionally being attracted to both genders. …I know of no one who likes anal with men that do not also like to suck cocks…

[pole_smoker]

During my early years...all he neighborhood guys experimented, and as put the play into perspective with age, realized EVERYBODY is BI....it is religion, or peer pressure, or guilt , ultimately picks whether we go down the left side of the road, or the right, or right down the center lane...We all are born with a sensitivity to straight or gay, but over ones life, we find straight people who enjoy some gay play in their life, and some gay who enjoy some straight play, hence we all have the very reality of bi, if and when we let go and become true to ourselves. Nothing to feel guilty and morose about...enjoy it... This is not true. But you're just projecting this since you were raped/molested/sexually abused by adults and male peers as you have frequently posted about this before. The majority of people are heterosexual, and yes people can be gay/homosexual/lesbian. I know gay men and lesbian women who told me how they've had sex with the opposite sex/gender or even married them and this does not make them bisexual since they were not sexually attracted to the opposite gender/sex. If everyone were bisexual there would be no need to fight for LGB rights at all.

[pole_smoker]

And what are you but a mortal man trying to sell your own obfuscated version of The Commandments ? :rolleyes: You ARE preaching AGAINST a certain segment of people and are likewise " full of horseshit!" Cuttin is a troll and a total bottom feeder. :rolleyes: ;) :smilies15

[pepperjack]

Cuttin is a troll and a total bottom feeder. :rolleyes: ;) :smilies15

I can see you didn't look in the mirror today. :rolleyes: ;) :smilies15

[elian]

Okay - ONE sex act doesn't define sexuality - because I've known many a straight man or woman who has TRIED "sex" with the same gender and didn't like it. A repeated pattern of behavior though - pretty good indicator. I was trying to convince the OP that "questioning" is okay, before the thread sort of disintegrated (sorry about that). I think especially these days whatever consenting adults want to do privately - well - at least it's more open now than it's ever been..even though I know there are still plenty of circumstances where people are in the closet.